Too sexy

[denise_bauer]

Hey Brad, there I was perusing the latest issue of People at the checkout counter, you know, their big "Sexiest Man Alive" issue, and guess who they chose as the "Sexiest Lawyer of 2005"?

Comments

[brad_chase]

Dear Lord. Denny Crane. And we just skated by his sexual harassment suit. His publicist is killing us.

[denise_bauer]

Nope, it wasn't Denny and believe me, it would be no secret. No siree, he would be walking down the halls exclaiming to anyone who would listen, "Denny Crane, Sexiest Lawyer Alive. Denny Crane."

*Grinning* Take another shot.

[brad_chase]

So help me, if it's Shore I'm buying every copy. What do you say? A ritualistic bonfire or just paper his office with them.

[denise_bauer]

Oh, I certainly do not underestimate the immense satisfaction you would derive from either acts, but alas, I'm afraid it's not Alan.

*Batting her eyes* Come on, take one more guess.

[brad_chase]

I dunno, Denise. I'm not equipped to judge if a man is... that. Garrett has decent hair. It's not Paul. Is it Espenson?

[denise_bauer]

*A bit incredulous. shaking her head* Ok, that's Strike 3, 4 AND 5.

*Placing her hand on his shoulder, sad demeanor* I'm sorry to break this to you Brad.

Please accept my heartfelt condolences. *Smiles broadly*

[brad_chase]

*quietly*

God. No.

[denise_bauer]

Oh God yes! If I were you, I would try to avoid Denny today. He will be none too pleased.

[brad_chase]

This makes no -

I mean, the receptionist put through a call from a reporter from the Massachusetts Law Review, but that was about my article on The Disappearing Civil Jury Trial.

*pauses* It was odd that she asked me if I was sensitive...

[denise_bauer]

And she didn't ask you "boxers or briefs"?

[brad_chase]

You're not funny, Denise.

Do I have a case? I can claim damages. *considers* What are my damages, Denise?

[denise_bauer]

Damages? All I see are the rewards this firm will reap by the increased volume of business brought in by women who will want to retain your "ahem" services.

[brad_chase]

So you're saying take one for the firm. You're saying it's good business to put glossy pr over solid representation skills. *lecture picking up speed* We should be an example to the legal community. We're above pulling stunts to beef up our coffers, Denise. How would you like it if your ex-husband sent a photograph of you to Playboy, huh? You think you'd be behind that? I don't think so. You'd be hollering Garrett's name so loud they could hear you over in the Hancock Tower.

*under his breath* What did it say? Um. About me.

[denise_bauer]

Oh relax Brad. First of all, the piece is rather tame and innocuous, very flattering in fact. Second, there are no nude photos of you, much to the chagrin of many women out there... and third, if there was a nude photograph of me in Playboy, no way would I be hollering Garrett's name. In fact, he would be the one buying up all the copies and plastering his cubicle with it.

[brad_chase]

*pauses to consider Garrett's hypothetical wallpaper* Innocuous, huh? Did they even mention my take on how civil cases aren't making it to juries?

And the women out there, Denise - they're too focused on the Denny Juan twins over there. Seems morality has lost its appeal.

[denise_bauer]

Denny Juan Twins. They have to market whatever it is those two have. They would be billionaires.