Oct 15, 2006 21:41
where to start? Should I begin at the shitty part or the other shitty part?
* if you dont feel like reading this shit, its depressing and im just gonna talk about how my life is going off the deep end because I have to get it off my chest dont read this*
Ive been unemployed for about a month now. no calls for work, ive been applying EVERYWHERE. so, tommorow im going to this temp agency which basically sets me up with a job anywhere, any shift, for any amt. of pay an hour, and I start the next day. most of the jobs are temporary which makes it eVEN worse. We had to put my cat down about 2 weekends ago because he had a developing brain tumour and we didnt even know it. my family has been edgy, mean, and my mom is always crying so I never want to be at home. We got him when i was just 3, I was extremely upset when it happened too, but it seems like im the only one trying to get up and move on..I know hes in a better place!
My period is way late, I know im not pregnant but I wish i would JUST START so I know for positive I'm not. Jonathan and I are on the rocks and have been for a while now. We are always fighting and I always end up crying and I hate that more than anything. I'm not a weak person but when it comes to him, the tears just seem to slip from my eyes. I feel guilty because hes been paying my bills and I cant stand to feel helpless. Ive worked since I was 15 and I have always paid for my bills and my gas and fun time..but when I have to depend on someone else to keep me afloat, it makes me feel so shitty. He tells me all the time that he doesnt care, but I know he does because his money could be going towards his debt, or something else hes got going on in his life. My dad is going through that stage in his life where hes pissed at the world constantly, and hes also developing arthritis in his hands and knees. he does really hard work and no one in the family can do anything about it, but he feels the need to be an asshole to everybody. I hate being at home!!! And it doesnt help that Jon lives an hour away. Hes going to talk to him about moving in soon, but im scared hes going to say no or something, even though both of my parents said it would be ok at different times. Ive been dealing with this distance bullshit for 5 years now, we both deserve to see each other everyday thats for damn fucking sure.
SMOKING!!!! I so broke a promise to myself about 5 million times saying I will quit once I stop working, or once I get a new job or bla bla bla. I didnt realize just how hard it was. A while ago quit for 2 weeks and I was doing really well, but then I gave in when I got in an awful fight with my mom and im still smoking to this day. Some days its only 4 cigs...and once in a while if I'm hanging out with friends or driving in my car especially, I can smoke a pack a day. THATS AWFUL. I'm even smoking ultra lights, but they still give me the same buzz...and even my doctor told me that every cigarette is the same, wether you get lights or regulars or menthols. someone just punch me. not to mention all that bullshit, Im going to court next month because a certain someone stole my identity. Its all a load of shit, but I cant wait to go, honestly. I'm going to grill this bitch for everything she's got and I'm gonna be so happy when its all over.