how did i forget THIS guy?
"Dmitri the Lover" [not his real name]
not a real video, just phone messages...
ran across the not-video on... some? blog where yet another discussion of WHY rape is so prevalent, WHY rapists are so rarely punished, WHY so many victims won't report...
i know why.
i can't remember who showed that to me originally. it was SOMEONE on LJ, i'm pretty sure. before i started having major issues getting to school, but AFTER i moved in with Pete, and there was this guy...
this 19-year-oldBOY who spent the ENTIRELY of the fall quarter trying to get me to go out with him. the first time he asked, i naturally only said "i'm sorry, i *HAVE* a boyfriend." to which he "charmingly" replied "i don't care." i blinked a few times, then said "well, i do. sorry." and walked off.
short version of story:
Kid asks me out after EVERY. SINGLE. FUCKING. CLASS. it takes me WEEKS to get the professor to even pay attention, and professor first thinks that i'm "being silly" because "all women LOVE attention like that!" but eventually agrees to walk me to my car after class. Kid makes an astonishing leap of deductive reasoning and decides that the professor is my boyfriend, leading the professor to believe that I said the professor was my boyfriend. after an argument, i finally convince professor that i did NOT say we had ANY sort of relationship, and that Kid was c-r-a-z-y and wouldn't leave me ALONE, and professor agrees to be my "witness" for Campus Police [who had the same stance the professor started with, and refused to do anything unless SOMEONE "in authority" backed up my story.] CP sent Kid a "sternly worded letter" telling him to fucking knock off the creepy, stalkery sexual harrassment.
Kid takes this letter as "advice" to stalk me in DIFFERENT ways - he follows me home. i have to threaten to call the police to get him to leave. the last week before finals, he brings his dad to school, and has his dad waylay me as i'm leaving, IDEK - his dad tried to talk up Kid, telling me how awesome Kid was and WHY was i so STUPID that i couldn't see HOW AWESOME his son was? apparantly, dad shared Kid's belief that i didn't have a boyfriend.
and the ONLY thing that saved me from further stalker-fun-times was, not that i HAD a boyfriend [who was driving my car that day and picked me up] but that i had a BLACK boyfriend.
i had bitched about the Kid off and on, here on LJ. and told the whole story that same day that Kid and his dad cornered me. and SOMEONE then me the link to this set of voicemails from "Dmitri" [which was actually awesome, it cracked me up and made me feel better - but it ALSO creeped me out, and freaked me out. so i deleted all the posts - i think - because i decided even BITCHING about the Kid, if he saw it, would be a sign of "interest" in him and the whole fucking thing would start up again.]
but, honestly, the thing that was MOST creepy/freaky, the thing that led me to deleting posts and etc, wasn't the Kid at all - it was the professor, the Campus Police, and the Admin people [at one point, Kid tried to get my schedule from Admin, posing as a "cousin". when i freaked out that he wanted my schedule, the woman from Admin who called me to ask permission gave me a ton of shit - "it's sweet that he wants to see you" "it's that sort of attitude that will keep you from getting married" "there's nothing wrong with a man taking a healthy interest in a woman he finds attractive" and etc].
at every point, i was met with, not disbelief that it was happening, but disbelief that i didn't WANT it to happen. at one point, the professor said to me "don't you think you should stop leading him on?" Campus Police asked me what i'd "done to cause him to behave this way". i told them that i said "no" when he asked me out, and i couldn't fucking believe it, but the officer i spoke to said "well, there's your problem. why not just go out with him?" after i spent a VALIANT 15 seconds not killing him i said "because i already HAVE a boyfriend." officer said "well, have you TOLD Kid that?" and i gritted out "yes, that's the first thing i told him, he said he didn't care. and now he has my email address and is sending me a dozen or more emails A DAY."
officer said "well, he sounds a bit overzealous then. you just make sure you aren't sending him any "mixed signals", and we'll send him a warning." a completely off-the-books, totally non-discpiplinary "warning".
i tried to file a restraining order, but was told that since he hadn't actually "threatened" me in any way that i could "prove", there was nothing that the Columbus Police could do. and this was AFTER he followed me home! the Dean's office wasn't interested at all, either - i was a "grown woman" and should KNOW how to handle "puppy love".
seriously - every person with authority that i went to for help treated it the same - it was a "harmless" flirtation on his part, i was overreacting, and what had *I* done to cause it, anyway? the lady from Admin told me to "stop dressing like a slut if you don't want male attention" - a woman who had never talked to me before, never seen me OR what i wore, jumped to the conclusion that i "dressed like a slut" and therefor it was *MY* fault i was being stalked by a creepy teenager. when i replied that baggy jeans and baggier TShirts aren't slutty, but it doesn't MATTER what i wear, she went off - first, why was i "dressing like a MAN"? didn't i have ANY pride in myself? and second, of COURSE what i wear matters! what i wear tells people the kind of person i am! and dressing as i claimed to dress - which she wasn't sure she believed - would just tell men that i "don't value myself" and make me a TARGET. so i said "ok, which is it - dress like a slut or DON'T dress like a slut*? am i a "target" or an i an over-reacting attention-seeking slut? you've just given me conflicting advice - advice i neither asked for nor desire. DO NOT GIVE THAT KID ANY OF MY INFO - if he gets ANY of it, i'll fucking sue you. PERSONALLY. not the college. YOU."
then, thankfully, that woman hung up on me.
and so i erased all the posts, because if Kid *did* see them, and decide they meant i "had interest", i didn't want the posts there for ANYONE to point to as "the reason" he was stalking me. because saying how uncomfortable, and frankly terrified, the whole thing made me, IN THE POSTS, could STILL be taken as a "sign of interest" and would probably turn out to be, according to some shrink i've never spoken to, me "continuing" to practice some bizarre form of reverse psychology because i secretely want to be stalked and raped and killed. or something.
THIS is why junior high and high school kids are stalked, raped, and/or beaten - and no one at the school "had any knowledge that there was a problem". they refuse to SEE the problem until physical harm has been done! [or until a parent threatens to sue]. THIS is why so many rapes that are reported to police get NOWHERE as criminal cases - either the victim was "asking for it", or the victim "should be grateful" for ANY sexual attention"! and in NEITHER case is it "rape", because JUST LOOK AT HIR - zie is either OBVIOUSLY a slut who is INCAPABLE of not-consenting to something, or zie is OBVIOUSLY so undatable/unfuckable that no one WOULD rape hir!
it's such fucking BULLSHIT. sexual harrassment, stalking, sexual assult, rape - THESE ARE NOT COMPLIMENTS. i DO NOT feel complimented when a random assholes screams "show me your tits" as he drives past! i DO NOT feel complimented when a complete stranger cops a feel! [and also - it physically hurts - but that's just me, i don't know what percentage of people who are randomly sexually assulted like that have chronic pain...]. i DID NOT feel complimented that this Kid refused to take no for an answer - let alone when he accused me of lying, when he attempted to acquire private info about me, or when he followed me home. or when he tried having his father ask me out. whatever the fuck THAT was about.
and i'm really fucking sick of being told that i DON'T feel the way i feel, that i MUST feel "flattered" by attention like this. and when i'm saying "I" in this instance, i REALLY mean "i'm sick of EVERYONE being told that they DON'T feel what they feel, but must instead ACTUALLY feel "flattered" by attention they don't want and that they find threatening or harmful!"
Gods, Reality, MUST you suck so bad? i swear, AITOTW**, this shit's gonna STOP.
speaking of - i'm holding a recruiting drive for the Lizbian Army. all one needs to qualify is to have, or be willing to add, the name "Elizabeth", or any of it's co-names, and a burning desire to see *ME* enthroned as Empress Of The Entire Fucking Universe.
Gods know, i can't be WORSE than the people already in charge!
*NO, i do NOT think that wearing something "feminine" is "dressing slutty". i actually don't BELIEVE that on CAN dress "slutty", to be honest. it isn't what we wear, and i wish people would GET that - if wearing "skimpy" clothing was the CAUSE of rape, we'd NEVER hear of women who dress "modestly" being raped. and yet, even in countries where women are required by law to wear BURKAS, they get raped. clothing has nothing to do with it - except, POSSIBLE, some serial rapists target women that THEY think are wearing "sluttly clothing" because they KNOW if they get caught, they'll quite likely get off scot-free, because "she was asking for it." it's not the CLOTHING, it's the CULTURE. you KNOW there's something wrong with your culture when the police officer who you're trying to convince let you file a restraining order says "well, look at you - you're overweight, and your ID says you're over 30 - can you afford to reject this guy?" GAH!!!!!!!!
**After I Take Over The World, of course!
Click to viewnot a real video, just phone messages...
ran across the not-video on... some? blog where yet another discussion of WHY rape is so prevalent, WHY rapists are so rarely punished, WHY so many victims won't report...
i know why.
i can't remember who showed that to me originally. it was SOMEONE on LJ, i'm pretty sure. before i started having major issues getting to school, but AFTER i moved in with Pete, and there was this guy...
this 19-year-oldBOY who spent the ENTIRELY of the fall quarter trying to get me to go out with him. the first time he asked, i naturally only said "i'm sorry, i *HAVE* a boyfriend." to which he "charmingly" replied "i don't care." i blinked a few times, then said "well, i do. sorry." and walked off.
short version of story:
Kid asks me out after EVERY. SINGLE. FUCKING. CLASS. it takes me WEEKS to get the professor to even pay attention, and professor first thinks that i'm "being silly" because "all women LOVE attention like that!" but eventually agrees to walk me to my car after class. Kid makes an astonishing leap of deductive reasoning and decides that the professor is my boyfriend, leading the professor to believe that I said the professor was my boyfriend. after an argument, i finally convince professor that i did NOT say we had ANY sort of relationship, and that Kid was c-r-a-z-y and wouldn't leave me ALONE, and professor agrees to be my "witness" for Campus Police [who had the same stance the professor started with, and refused to do anything unless SOMEONE "in authority" backed up my story.] CP sent Kid a "sternly worded letter" telling him to fucking knock off the creepy, stalkery sexual harrassment.
Kid takes this letter as "advice" to stalk me in DIFFERENT ways - he follows me home. i have to threaten to call the police to get him to leave. the last week before finals, he brings his dad to school, and has his dad waylay me as i'm leaving, IDEK - his dad tried to talk up Kid, telling me how awesome Kid was and WHY was i so STUPID that i couldn't see HOW AWESOME his son was? apparantly, dad shared Kid's belief that i didn't have a boyfriend.
and the ONLY thing that saved me from further stalker-fun-times was, not that i HAD a boyfriend [who was driving my car that day and picked me up] but that i had a BLACK boyfriend.
i had bitched about the Kid off and on, here on LJ. and told the whole story that same day that Kid and his dad cornered me. and SOMEONE then me the link to this set of voicemails from "Dmitri" [which was actually awesome, it cracked me up and made me feel better - but it ALSO creeped me out, and freaked me out. so i deleted all the posts - i think - because i decided even BITCHING about the Kid, if he saw it, would be a sign of "interest" in him and the whole fucking thing would start up again.]
but, honestly, the thing that was MOST creepy/freaky, the thing that led me to deleting posts and etc, wasn't the Kid at all - it was the professor, the Campus Police, and the Admin people [at one point, Kid tried to get my schedule from Admin, posing as a "cousin". when i freaked out that he wanted my schedule, the woman from Admin who called me to ask permission gave me a ton of shit - "it's sweet that he wants to see you" "it's that sort of attitude that will keep you from getting married" "there's nothing wrong with a man taking a healthy interest in a woman he finds attractive" and etc].
at every point, i was met with, not disbelief that it was happening, but disbelief that i didn't WANT it to happen. at one point, the professor said to me "don't you think you should stop leading him on?" Campus Police asked me what i'd "done to cause him to behave this way". i told them that i said "no" when he asked me out, and i couldn't fucking believe it, but the officer i spoke to said "well, there's your problem. why not just go out with him?" after i spent a VALIANT 15 seconds not killing him i said "because i already HAVE a boyfriend." officer said "well, have you TOLD Kid that?" and i gritted out "yes, that's the first thing i told him, he said he didn't care. and now he has my email address and is sending me a dozen or more emails A DAY."
officer said "well, he sounds a bit overzealous then. you just make sure you aren't sending him any "mixed signals", and we'll send him a warning." a completely off-the-books, totally non-discpiplinary "warning".
i tried to file a restraining order, but was told that since he hadn't actually "threatened" me in any way that i could "prove", there was nothing that the Columbus Police could do. and this was AFTER he followed me home! the Dean's office wasn't interested at all, either - i was a "grown woman" and should KNOW how to handle "puppy love".
seriously - every person with authority that i went to for help treated it the same - it was a "harmless" flirtation on his part, i was overreacting, and what had *I* done to cause it, anyway? the lady from Admin told me to "stop dressing like a slut if you don't want male attention" - a woman who had never talked to me before, never seen me OR what i wore, jumped to the conclusion that i "dressed like a slut" and therefor it was *MY* fault i was being stalked by a creepy teenager. when i replied that baggy jeans and baggier TShirts aren't slutty, but it doesn't MATTER what i wear, she went off - first, why was i "dressing like a MAN"? didn't i have ANY pride in myself? and second, of COURSE what i wear matters! what i wear tells people the kind of person i am! and dressing as i claimed to dress - which she wasn't sure she believed - would just tell men that i "don't value myself" and make me a TARGET. so i said "ok, which is it - dress like a slut or DON'T dress like a slut*? am i a "target" or an i an over-reacting attention-seeking slut? you've just given me conflicting advice - advice i neither asked for nor desire. DO NOT GIVE THAT KID ANY OF MY INFO - if he gets ANY of it, i'll fucking sue you. PERSONALLY. not the college. YOU."
then, thankfully, that woman hung up on me.
and so i erased all the posts, because if Kid *did* see them, and decide they meant i "had interest", i didn't want the posts there for ANYONE to point to as "the reason" he was stalking me. because saying how uncomfortable, and frankly terrified, the whole thing made me, IN THE POSTS, could STILL be taken as a "sign of interest" and would probably turn out to be, according to some shrink i've never spoken to, me "continuing" to practice some bizarre form of reverse psychology because i secretely want to be stalked and raped and killed. or something.
THIS is why junior high and high school kids are stalked, raped, and/or beaten - and no one at the school "had any knowledge that there was a problem". they refuse to SEE the problem until physical harm has been done! [or until a parent threatens to sue]. THIS is why so many rapes that are reported to police get NOWHERE as criminal cases - either the victim was "asking for it", or the victim "should be grateful" for ANY sexual attention"! and in NEITHER case is it "rape", because JUST LOOK AT HIR - zie is either OBVIOUSLY a slut who is INCAPABLE of not-consenting to something, or zie is OBVIOUSLY so undatable/unfuckable that no one WOULD rape hir!
it's such fucking BULLSHIT. sexual harrassment, stalking, sexual assult, rape - THESE ARE NOT COMPLIMENTS. i DO NOT feel complimented when a random assholes screams "show me your tits" as he drives past! i DO NOT feel complimented when a complete stranger cops a feel! [and also - it physically hurts - but that's just me, i don't know what percentage of people who are randomly sexually assulted like that have chronic pain...]. i DID NOT feel complimented that this Kid refused to take no for an answer - let alone when he accused me of lying, when he attempted to acquire private info about me, or when he followed me home. or when he tried having his father ask me out. whatever the fuck THAT was about.
and i'm really fucking sick of being told that i DON'T feel the way i feel, that i MUST feel "flattered" by attention like this. and when i'm saying "I" in this instance, i REALLY mean "i'm sick of EVERYONE being told that they DON'T feel what they feel, but must instead ACTUALLY feel "flattered" by attention they don't want and that they find threatening or harmful!"
Gods, Reality, MUST you suck so bad? i swear, AITOTW**, this shit's gonna STOP.
speaking of - i'm holding a recruiting drive for the Lizbian Army. all one needs to qualify is to have, or be willing to add, the name "Elizabeth", or any of it's co-names, and a burning desire to see *ME* enthroned as Empress Of The Entire Fucking Universe.
Gods know, i can't be WORSE than the people already in charge!
*NO, i do NOT think that wearing something "feminine" is "dressing slutty". i actually don't BELIEVE that on CAN dress "slutty", to be honest. it isn't what we wear, and i wish people would GET that - if wearing "skimpy" clothing was the CAUSE of rape, we'd NEVER hear of women who dress "modestly" being raped. and yet, even in countries where women are required by law to wear BURKAS, they get raped. clothing has nothing to do with it - except, POSSIBLE, some serial rapists target women that THEY think are wearing "sluttly clothing" because they KNOW if they get caught, they'll quite likely get off scot-free, because "she was asking for it." it's not the CLOTHING, it's the CULTURE. you KNOW there's something wrong with your culture when the police officer who you're trying to convince let you file a restraining order says "well, look at you - you're overweight, and your ID says you're over 30 - can you afford to reject this guy?" GAH!!!!!!!!
**After I Take Over The World, of course!