You! Stop wasting my oxygen!
Wow! Paris Hilton hit the Daily Double today. Not only is she Today's Asshat, but she guaranteed her seat on the sun shot. Apparently, if various news services are to be believed, Paris Hilton is requesting a pardon for the charge, driving with a suspended license, for which she will serve a 45 day jail sentence. Her grounds: She provides hope for young people all over the U.S. and the world. She provides beauty and excitement to (most of) our otherwise mundane lives.
This is so wrong on so many levels that I don't know where to begin, but I'll try. Paris, you're a vapid waste of space whose wealth doesn't hide the fact that you lead a life totally devoid of merit or value. The fact that some people follow your insipid adventures doesn't not mean you "provide hope." It means that some people's lives are so pathetic that watching your slow-motion public train wreck makes them feel better for a few miserable moments. And for the 45 days you spend paying your debt to the public, a debt you incurred over and over by acting as if laws and rules don't apply to heiresses specializing in self-degradation, America's empty millions will find some other waste of life to which they will attach their ghoulish fascination.
So, go to jail, you asshat. Go directly to jail. Do not pass Go. Do not create a public spectacle. And when you get out in seven weeks, I've got a spot all saved for you on the sun shot. Yeah, you won't actally be able to walk on the sun. But hey, your last journey will provide one more opportunity to entertain the masses. And humanity might learn something.
This is so wrong on so many levels that I don't know where to begin, but I'll try. Paris, you're a vapid waste of space whose wealth doesn't hide the fact that you lead a life totally devoid of merit or value. The fact that some people follow your insipid adventures doesn't not mean you "provide hope." It means that some people's lives are so pathetic that watching your slow-motion public train wreck makes them feel better for a few miserable moments. And for the 45 days you spend paying your debt to the public, a debt you incurred over and over by acting as if laws and rules don't apply to heiresses specializing in self-degradation, America's empty millions will find some other waste of life to which they will attach their ghoulish fascination.
So, go to jail, you asshat. Go directly to jail. Do not pass Go. Do not create a public spectacle. And when you get out in seven weeks, I've got a spot all saved for you on the sun shot. Yeah, you won't actally be able to walk on the sun. But hey, your last journey will provide one more opportunity to entertain the masses. And humanity might learn something.