What have i been up to?
Ok well last update id just more or less found out i was expecting and decided to go my separate ways with uber_cyborg (boyfriend and baby's daddy. Well some things have changed some things ain't. Im still no wiser as to what I'm supposed to do with my life although it seems that i, in my mad rush for answers may have got a few things wrong about what exactly it is that he wants. Ok brief run-down...
I thought he didn't want to be with me or be a parent yet.............
What he actually wants is to keep the relationship going with me and see the child once a week like he does me kinda Saturday daytime and Sunday till he goes home.
I thought he didn't ever want to move in and be a family......
What he don't want is to move in together yet! Yet is a strange word because he cant say that he eventually will want to move in together if at all. All he repeats is that he wont move in together yet. In fact in a phone conversation tonight he told me this no less than 20 times.
I thought he didn't want to be a daddy to his child.......
What he wants is to come and see the child at weekends. Im not sure this will work as he will be missing out on a hell of a lot. His reasoning is that people who are in the army, working on oil rigs etc... only see their family's at weekends sometimes not at all but i say that that situation isn't ideal and any family right in their head would prefer to live together wouldn't they?
I thought he didn't want to be with me.....
Yes he does want to be with me. He don't want our relationship to change at all. Even though a baby is coming along its to stay the same.
so there you have it, that's where you are up too. The current problems and dilemmas i have are these. Im hoping to move in the near future to be nearer friend etc......
Do i move to London in the next 6 months?
Upside is id be nearer to lotto so he could see his child a little more often and we would get to spend more time together.
downside is id be away from my family and some of my friends. Id probably not get a very nice house seeing as id be living as a single parent with 3 children hence terribly low budget for rent/mortgage etc.. and if it was council can you imagine what it would be like? Also id find it so hard to get on the property ladder with 3 children to support. Even a small house is in the region of 200 grand, where the hell would i find the money to finance that with one wage coming in? Id have to settle for a low standard area and hence worse schools. The school Xavier is at is a fantastic catholic school and is at the top of the league table and malakai has a guaranteed place there too so do ii sacrifice my nice little house and children's education to move nearer to Otto when he cant even say if he wants to settle down long term?
Option 2...... Move to Manchester.... Upsides are that i would be nearer my cousin and some of my friends but again i doubt id find a better school than the ones the boys are in. Yes id be nearer hazel and id have more support and yes i have more chance of finding a property that's in a reasonable price range but again its just the schooling that worries me. Otto has said that if i lived in Manchester it would be easier for hi as when he travels up from London he has to get a cab or a lift from Manchester to nelson and that's a ball ache. Thing is even if i moved to Oldham it would still be near on £20 for a cab there or back to the train station so only about £5 difference
really.
Downsides.... again schooling and houses. Not bragging but where i live is sheer luxury. the house is so nice and the area is quiet and the schools are excellent. I could easily get on the property ladder (talking maybe 45 thousand for a 3 bed with garden) and im settled.
I honestly don't know what is the right thing to do. Do i move down London in hope that one day Otto will want to be a family and live together or do i move to Manchester to be nearer cousin or stay here where im settled and my babier are happy? Also am i wrong for wanting Otto to decide if we have a future together? All i get is "i don't want to move in together now but i cant say about the future" is that a good enough answer to move 250 miles? I dunno. I kinda presumed that cause we had been together for so long and now, unexpextadly were expecting a baby that we could speed up our relationship a little and make some plans for the future. Is it wrong of me to think like that?. Im so fucking confused at the moment i tell you. Any advice or light that can been thrown on this would be great as im going mad. I don't think being pregnant is helping as i have a bout 5 months to move if im going to at all and find new schools, college and work etc., its not easy with 2 kids and one on the way, i just want to do the right thing but im screwed if i know what it is. I do love Otto and would love to be able to sort things out but we don't seem to be able to come to a solution that's suits all of us. He has a good job down their and a mortgage so moving nearer me, even though it would be a fantastic compromise, isn't going to happen. Help please!!
Ok back to heartburn, insomnia and morning sickness that strikes at any time. Wish me luck xxxx
I thought he didn't want to be with me or be a parent yet.............
What he actually wants is to keep the relationship going with me and see the child once a week like he does me kinda Saturday daytime and Sunday till he goes home.
I thought he didn't ever want to move in and be a family......
What he don't want is to move in together yet! Yet is a strange word because he cant say that he eventually will want to move in together if at all. All he repeats is that he wont move in together yet. In fact in a phone conversation tonight he told me this no less than 20 times.
I thought he didn't want to be a daddy to his child.......
What he wants is to come and see the child at weekends. Im not sure this will work as he will be missing out on a hell of a lot. His reasoning is that people who are in the army, working on oil rigs etc... only see their family's at weekends sometimes not at all but i say that that situation isn't ideal and any family right in their head would prefer to live together wouldn't they?
I thought he didn't want to be with me.....
Yes he does want to be with me. He don't want our relationship to change at all. Even though a baby is coming along its to stay the same.
so there you have it, that's where you are up too. The current problems and dilemmas i have are these. Im hoping to move in the near future to be nearer friend etc......
Do i move to London in the next 6 months?
Upside is id be nearer to lotto so he could see his child a little more often and we would get to spend more time together.
downside is id be away from my family and some of my friends. Id probably not get a very nice house seeing as id be living as a single parent with 3 children hence terribly low budget for rent/mortgage etc.. and if it was council can you imagine what it would be like? Also id find it so hard to get on the property ladder with 3 children to support. Even a small house is in the region of 200 grand, where the hell would i find the money to finance that with one wage coming in? Id have to settle for a low standard area and hence worse schools. The school Xavier is at is a fantastic catholic school and is at the top of the league table and malakai has a guaranteed place there too so do ii sacrifice my nice little house and children's education to move nearer to Otto when he cant even say if he wants to settle down long term?
Option 2...... Move to Manchester.... Upsides are that i would be nearer my cousin and some of my friends but again i doubt id find a better school than the ones the boys are in. Yes id be nearer hazel and id have more support and yes i have more chance of finding a property that's in a reasonable price range but again its just the schooling that worries me. Otto has said that if i lived in Manchester it would be easier for hi as when he travels up from London he has to get a cab or a lift from Manchester to nelson and that's a ball ache. Thing is even if i moved to Oldham it would still be near on £20 for a cab there or back to the train station so only about £5 difference
really.
Downsides.... again schooling and houses. Not bragging but where i live is sheer luxury. the house is so nice and the area is quiet and the schools are excellent. I could easily get on the property ladder (talking maybe 45 thousand for a 3 bed with garden) and im settled.
I honestly don't know what is the right thing to do. Do i move down London in hope that one day Otto will want to be a family and live together or do i move to Manchester to be nearer cousin or stay here where im settled and my babier are happy? Also am i wrong for wanting Otto to decide if we have a future together? All i get is "i don't want to move in together now but i cant say about the future" is that a good enough answer to move 250 miles? I dunno. I kinda presumed that cause we had been together for so long and now, unexpextadly were expecting a baby that we could speed up our relationship a little and make some plans for the future. Is it wrong of me to think like that?. Im so fucking confused at the moment i tell you. Any advice or light that can been thrown on this would be great as im going mad. I don't think being pregnant is helping as i have a bout 5 months to move if im going to at all and find new schools, college and work etc., its not easy with 2 kids and one on the way, i just want to do the right thing but im screwed if i know what it is. I do love Otto and would love to be able to sort things out but we don't seem to be able to come to a solution that's suits all of us. He has a good job down their and a mortgage so moving nearer me, even though it would be a fantastic compromise, isn't going to happen. Help please!!
Ok back to heartburn, insomnia and morning sickness that strikes at any time. Wish me luck xxxx