Thor Fic: "Kill all the pretty lies" 9/10, conclusion
LINK TO BEGINNING OF CHAPTER
The night had grown even later, and cold. Thor’s breath clouded the air where he stood but he stayed where he was, positioned outside the tent, gazing absently upwards at the night sky.
He did not recognize any of the stars here. Not yet, anyway. Jane had been telling him of some of Earth’s constellations before but they’d yet to stick in his mind.
Though he was not really bothered by the chill Thor rubbed his hands together absently. He was as much guarding the tent and his friends inside it as he was trying to clear his head.
Erik had managed with some difficulty to at last contact SHIELD. It seemed Coulson was still angry for them “blowing him off” earlier, but when he heard there were injured people he’d agreed to send help.
A flying machine Jane had called a helicopter had come and gone, taking Amanda and Dr. Rubens to get the medical attention they needed. There’d been no room inside the machine for the rest of them to ride along. Erik said they would leave at first light, as soon as it was safe to drive.
There was a rustle from the tent, and Thor turned to see Jane coming out, arms wrapped around herself.
“You’re cold?” he asked as she reached him, gentle.
She shrugged. The wind blew strands of hair into her face and she reached to fix it. “Aren’t you?”
“My body is much more resilient to such things than yours,” Thor explained with an absent smile. He unfastened his cape and draped it over her shoulders. “Here.”
“Oh. Thank you.” Jane wrapped herself up, looking at the ground for a moment before curiously meeting his eyes. “You gonna stay out here all night?”
“I must. I dare not rest, knowing that Selene may return and seek to do us further harm.” Thor looked across at the forest again as he spoke, as if Selene might be standing right there, waiting to strike.
Jane rested a hand on his arm and he looked at her.
“Is everything okay?” she asked him. Thor sighed.
“I came here looking to defend those who could use my protection, and find answers.” Not knowing where else to turn he gazed at the sky again. “Instead almost all of those people are dead. It seems I mostly have further questions, instead of answers.” His voice dropped. “And my brother is still lost to me.”
“Thor…” Jane’s voice was tight. “I know how this is probably going to sound to you, but from where I’m standing, the Loki thing isn’t much of a loss.”
“He didn’t use to be this way,” Thor insisted. “He could be unkind but it was always fleeting.” He shut his eyes, pained. “Or if it wasn’t, I never noticed.”
Jane opened her mouth but shut it again, shaking her head. She merely stroked the side of Thor’s face, trying to comfort him best she could.
“Poor Darcy,” Jane said, after a moment. “This has been a really bad day for her.”
“Aye. I wish there was something I could do to ease her pain.”
Another time Thor would’ve sworn vengeance against Selene, thinking that was all it would take. But he had changed, grown wiser. He understood now that nothing, not even the death of the murderer, would fully repair the loss of her friend.
The crowing of a raven caused both of them to look up with a jerk.
“What in the…?” Jane clung tighter to Thor, alarmed. The raven was far larger than normal, rivaling an eagle in size. It flew down from the trees and circled over their heads.
And then it was joined by another. The two formed a circuit, keeping an exact distance apart. Thor’s heart jumped.
“Can it be?” he exclaimed, amazed.
“Thor, what’s going on?”
“I think these are my father’s ravens. I haven’t seen them in an age. They can fly between realms without need of the Bifrost, but the All-Father hasn’t had to use them in a while.”
“Use them?” Jane asked warily, never taking her eyes off the ravens’ flight. “What for? What do they do-?”
Even as she asked the question her answer came in a shimmering rainbow flash that filled the air, a weaker version of the Bifrost’s light.
When it cleared an image of Odin hung in the space marked by Huginn and Munnin’s wingtips, transparent and slightly distorted. He gazed down at them, his expression calm.
Thor carefully released Jane and came forward, taking to one knee.
“Father,” he greeted, unable to fight the burst of homesickness that thickened his voice. He’d made his choice to leave Asgard and he wouldn’t change it, but it was still strange to think of his family and friends as so far from his reach.
“Rise, my son,” Odin commanded him evenly.
Drawn by the brightness of the light Erik had come to the flap of the tent and pulled it aside, revealing both him and Darcy. Darcy sat where she was and gazed up at Odin numbly, not seeming to care or fully take in what was happening.
Erik’s jaw was hanging open. “Oh my lord.”
“Father,” Thor gestured, “these are my friends. The ones of whom I already spoke.”
“Uh.” Jane raised her hand, fingertips waving. “Hey.”
Erik had dropped his head to one side, hand massaging his forehead as he muttered something to himself.
“I know who they are,” Odin stated. “And what’s more, I know what has been happening. Heimdall has told me everything.”
“Loki is still alive,” Thor felt the need to say if only to express how the news still overwhelmed him.
“Would I were it wasn’t so, Loki is the least of your concerns at present. Which is why I am here, why I had to reach you by such methods. To warn you of what you are facing.”
Odin’s good eye narrowed and Thor was stunned at the sudden venom he heard in his father’s voice. “If only time had done its work in destroying what I could not myself…Selene Kinslayer.”
He pronounced the name with such anger but notes of pain as well - Thor watched how he drew himself up, the way he bristled.
“Who is she?” Thor asked. “If she’s an enemy of Asgard why have I never heard of her before?”
“She is an enemy to every living thing with a soul. To myself in particular.” Odin drew a breath, sharp. “It was thousands of years ago, after I was king but long before the war with the Frost Giants, before anything in our history you would’ve cared to remember. I visited Earth, with a company of soldiers and two of my friends…my dearest friends.”
“What happened?” Though Thor felt he could venture a guess.
“One of my friends was naïve enough to fall in love with Selene. Using that to her advantage she murdered both him and my other companion.”
Even after all the years Odin’s voice was raw as he recalled it, and it made Thor tremble to hear.
“I was as close to them as you are to your chosen battle-mates, Thor. We were like brothers. And Selene destroyed them. She devoured Vili. And Ve she tied to the back of a horse and dragged to his death. It was no way for a warrior to die.”
“I am so sorry, Father.” Thor didn’t know what else to say.
“Save your sympathy for the departed. Selene’s victims - the ones she left alive, worst of all. Do you remember Brynhilde?”
“The leader of the Valkyries? Vaguely.” Since she’d been brought to Asgard and allowed to have the golden apples she’d far outlived her mortal lifespan, but she’d still died when Thor was only a child.
All he remembered was a fierce warrior with fair hair who never smiled. “What does that have to do with this?”
“The Valkyries were the women of the village we’d visited - or rather, they became the Valkyries, after Selene slaughtered their families,” Odin explained heavily. “I brought them to Asgard; it was all I could do for them. Some of them were eventually able to be happy again…but poor Brynhilde.”
He sighed wearily, lifetimes away in his memories.
“Selene killed her sister, and the man that Brynhilde had loved - Sigurd, another friend of mine. And I watched everything capable of love in Brynhilde die, the day she looked into Sigurd’s funeral pyre. Were it ever in my power I would’ve destroyed Selene for everything she had done.” Odin shook his head. “Were it not for my duties as king I would’ve combed every inch of this world, searching, until I hounded her out.”
“But now that she’s reappeared, the Bifrost is gone, and you cannot go to her,” Thor remarked.
“No,” Odin agreed, tense. “I am powerless.”
As if he sensed what Thor was about to say he stretched out a hand: “Do not swear to destroy her in my stead, son. Selene was powerful when I knew her on Earth, and she’s had centuries to grow stronger still. I would love to see her struck down but not at the cost of adding you to her victims.”
“Then what should I do?” Thor questioned.
He realized that Odin’s image was already fading - the line of mystical communication could not stay open much longer.
But all Odin did was meet his gaze. “Be on your guard. Her worst weapon is not her inhuman lust for power but the way she manipulates others.”
Through ripples of time and space Odin gave his son a sad smile.
“And, Thor. When you see your brother again, tell him that your mother sends her love to you both.”
*
Once he walked far enough away to be certain he was out of Thor’s line of sight, Loki broke into a run.
He sped through the forest fast as his legs would carry him, barely heeding the leaves that crackled beneath his feet, the braches that brushed against his cloak, the trees he narrowly avoided running into. His fingers twined in the fabric of his hood, clutching at it. His breath came steadily in ever-increasing puffs and pants.
It was madness, really. Thor was not following him. The sorceress could be nowhere close, having no doubt retreated to some safe hideaway to heal and fume.
But though he wasn’t pursued Loki ran anyway. He ran because he had no choice. He needed to run - he needed to flee.
Even though he knew it was futile. There was no escaping what he felt hounded by: the thoughts that crowded his head.
All that he’d suffered, all that he had ever felt - the pain, the rejection, the shame, the anger, the despair. Once the rune had broken everything that he’d forgotten, everything that’d been taken from him had been thrust on him all at once, poured into an empty vessel as he was forced to relive it fresh.
Agonizing. Unbearable. Made all the worse by his still being able to remember his experiences during his amnesia - how helpless he had been, how weak.
But the sting of humiliation twisted inward where it bubbled into rage.
Selene. How dare she! How dare she do this to him, make him suffer, bring him so low. She’d gone too far, done too much; it was past the point of living with. Loki would make her pay. His wounded pride demanded no less.
Worst of all, however, had not been how she’d weakened him, but what had been revealed about himself in the process.
Loki’s will was strong. Too strong to have been so easily contained by her rune magic. Even without memories something in him should’ve fought back almost immediately, breaking the spell and freeing himself…unless, deep down, he hadn’t wanted to.
No memories, no past; no pain. Whatever part had still known himself, it’d chosen surrender over recollection.
Somewhere in his heart he would have rather been no one at all, than to have been Loki.
He supposed he couldn’t blame himself. But it still made him feel sick and hateful to admit.
His anger at Selene burned, scorching, and he couldn’t be sure which part enraged him more. The pain forced in having to relive his memories all over, or the peace he had experienced without them. The trespass dared by stealing his power, his very self, away; or the bitter truth he had to live with, knowing part of him preferred it that way.
No matter which, it was all the same - he would destroy Selene either way.
If her bloody demise wouldn’t heal the way she’d wrenched his scars open, it would at least bring him grim satisfaction.
Loki finally slowed to a walk, his weakened body protesting against running any further. The sound of his blood was heavy in his ears as he hung his head, numbly watching the progression of his feet on the ground.
Unbidden the image of Darcy’s face, wounded and confused, came to his mind.
No. Loki shut his eyes tight and willed it away. This couldn’t be. He wasn’t meant to have friends. He never had been. All his life he supposed he’d known that and now that he’d accepted the truth he would never make the same mistake.
He remembered Darcy’s hand around his shoulders, her tugging at his hair, taking his hand. He remembered her hugging him, the good and simple warmth he’d felt.
Back there at the camp even after regaining his memories his skin had itched with longing - he’d had to curl his hands into fists, fighting the temptation to reach out. It would’ve been so easy.
When exactly had he become so physically withdrawn, stopped letting people touch him save when it was necessary? It’d seemed an easy enough thing to do in childhood but somewhere along the way he’d just…stopped. Had others shunned him first, rejecting his touch, or was it he that’d stopped reaching, stopped trying, and built up walls around himself? He couldn’t remember. Maybe it was a little of both.
For a few days though, he’d been someone else. Someone who could be embraced. Someone who laughed more easily. Someone who was trusted and cared for. Someone who could be a friend.
The next time Loki exhaled it came out sounding perilously close to a sob. He stopped and held his breath in his throat, until he felt in control enough to continue.
Darcy was only a mortal. She was nothing, a silly girl who gave herself far too easily. He couldn’t care less about her. Even if he wanted to - she was one of Thor’s companions. No doubt who she would choose to favor.
So Loki would not waste his time with such folly. He’d push whatever ghosts of feelings still lingered away.
He looked up at last and found he’d come full circle, back to the same clearing with the runestone where he’d attempted his spell, where Selene had ambushed him. It was almost laughable.
The magic he had begun that day still hung in the air, half-formed. He could feel its traces.
It was somewhat ridiculous after everything that’d happened. But it seemed a waste not to finish the spell now, after what he’d been through. Besides, he needed information about Selene, now more than ever.
He needed to know who she was if he was going to kill her.
Loki rested a hand against the stone, leaning on it for support. He took a deep breath and let his body shift.
He ignored the voice in his mind that whispered ‘Lethia’, and threw himself into the work of casting his spell.
*
“We shouldn’t be here.”
“I agree - you shouldn’t. The last thing I want is for you to get hurt. But Jane, I can’t just leave. Not knowing that my father’s enemy is still out there.”
“Thor! Isn’t this exactly what your father tried to warn you against? Trying to continue his wars?”
“That was different. Selene is dangerous. And she has already hurt many innocent people. Do you really intend for me to let their deaths go un-avenged?”
“We’ll go back to New Mexico; we’ll talk to Agent Coulson and his people…SHIELD can probably send a team out here or something to help-”
“You have much faith in the resources of these warriors. But I highly doubt they have anything that could stand against one such as this sorceress. She may be of this world, but she is not human.”
“You could at least…”
Jane and Thor continued their conversation, debate, argument - whatever they wanted to call it. But Darcy had stopped listening.
The inside of the tent was dark and empty. Erik was back at the car. Jane and Thor had gone outside to talk, trying not to disturb her.
They hadn’t realized Darcy was already awake. That she hadn’t actually slept a wink all night.
She curled up in the tent’s corner, hugging her knees to her chest. She was still wearing the same clothes from yesterday. Her hair was uncombed. She felt gross. Her stomach hurt.
There was a lump in the middle of her throat, like a balled-up wad of paper, that just wouldn’t go away.
Inside the tent tables were still set up, and here and there were signs of the research that’d once taken place there. A few battery-operated lights, switched off. Notebooks and papers held down by rocks.
And if she looked closely at the dirt, she could see dark stains of red from Amanda’s blood.
It didn’t feel real. It was like something that had to be happening to another person. She’d spent three days working with these people…and now, most of them were dead. Three of them were in the hospital.
Ruth was dead.
The only other people Darcy had known that had ever died were grandparents, and she’d still been a kid then. Now her friend, one of her closest friends, maybe even her best friend, was dead. And not just dead, murdered. Somebody had killed her right in front of Darcy’s eyes. And not just somebody, but some kind of supernatural monster.
And Lethia…well, Lethia was a fake.
Darcy had always thought she was secretly a great judge of character. Well, obviously, that wasn’t true at all. She’d befriended someone who didn’t even exist. Not to mention secretly had the personality of a sociopath.
As soon as Loki remembered who he was he couldn’t blow her off fast enough. He didn’t just not like her: he didn’t even think of her as existing on the same level as him. He’d looked at her like she was, literally, an insect - something smaller and weaker and kind of icky, that could be easily crushed, if he even bothered to care.
After all she’d done for him. He couldn’t even pretend to be grateful. That jackass.
Well, fuck him, then. Darcy wasn’t going to let herself be hurt by his rejection. He wasn’t worth her being upset over. Not when she had so many other things on her mind.
Not when she felt so messed up she couldn’t make up her mind whether she wanted to vomit, or scream, or just fall into a coma and never wake up.
Belatedly she realized it’d gotten quiet again outside. Thor and Jane must’ve headed off elsewhere. To the van, or off into the woods, maybe.
Thor could’ve flown Jane up into the sky for a mile-high quickie sans the airplane, for all she cared.
Darcy felt suddenly aware of how stiff her joints were, how stuffy it was inside the tent. Slowly she got to her feet. Pulling aside the tent’s plastic flap she looked outside.
It was a grey, overcast day. How fitting.
She started walking out into the campsite, taking slow steps, looking down at the ground. She didn’t really plan on going anywhere. She just wanted some fresh air.
At first she thought about taking another look at the excavation pits, but that was a mistake. Too many memories. How weird to think that just a couple days ago her and the site’s team had all been out here together, talking and working. Everything just fine.
Darcy felt a sudden chill and she rubbed her arms. She glanced back towards the tent but there was nothing, just the opening moving slightly in the wind.
She turned back and found herself face to face with Selene.
“Hello, Darcy,” the woman drawled, her voice low and husky. Close up she was even more terrifying, fangs and dark eyes and ghoulish pale skin.
Darcy screamed. Selene lashed out, fisting one hand in her hair, grabbing hold of her by it.
“No! Let go of me, you…!” Darcy struggled but Selene dragged her closer, and she squealed at the way Selene was hanging onto her tightly by her scalp. It hurt.
“Don’t even think about it.”
Selene’s eyes bore into her, face twisted somewhere between a sneer and a snarl. And Darcy couldn’t get away, she was just too strong.
She pulled Darcy even closer, wrenching her abruptly. Her face was so near it was like she was trying to smell her.
“You,” Selene said, “are coming with me.”
CONTINUE TO PART TEN
The night had grown even later, and cold. Thor’s breath clouded the air where he stood but he stayed where he was, positioned outside the tent, gazing absently upwards at the night sky.
He did not recognize any of the stars here. Not yet, anyway. Jane had been telling him of some of Earth’s constellations before but they’d yet to stick in his mind.
Though he was not really bothered by the chill Thor rubbed his hands together absently. He was as much guarding the tent and his friends inside it as he was trying to clear his head.
Erik had managed with some difficulty to at last contact SHIELD. It seemed Coulson was still angry for them “blowing him off” earlier, but when he heard there were injured people he’d agreed to send help.
A flying machine Jane had called a helicopter had come and gone, taking Amanda and Dr. Rubens to get the medical attention they needed. There’d been no room inside the machine for the rest of them to ride along. Erik said they would leave at first light, as soon as it was safe to drive.
There was a rustle from the tent, and Thor turned to see Jane coming out, arms wrapped around herself.
“You’re cold?” he asked as she reached him, gentle.
She shrugged. The wind blew strands of hair into her face and she reached to fix it. “Aren’t you?”
“My body is much more resilient to such things than yours,” Thor explained with an absent smile. He unfastened his cape and draped it over her shoulders. “Here.”
“Oh. Thank you.” Jane wrapped herself up, looking at the ground for a moment before curiously meeting his eyes. “You gonna stay out here all night?”
“I must. I dare not rest, knowing that Selene may return and seek to do us further harm.” Thor looked across at the forest again as he spoke, as if Selene might be standing right there, waiting to strike.
Jane rested a hand on his arm and he looked at her.
“Is everything okay?” she asked him. Thor sighed.
“I came here looking to defend those who could use my protection, and find answers.” Not knowing where else to turn he gazed at the sky again. “Instead almost all of those people are dead. It seems I mostly have further questions, instead of answers.” His voice dropped. “And my brother is still lost to me.”
“Thor…” Jane’s voice was tight. “I know how this is probably going to sound to you, but from where I’m standing, the Loki thing isn’t much of a loss.”
“He didn’t use to be this way,” Thor insisted. “He could be unkind but it was always fleeting.” He shut his eyes, pained. “Or if it wasn’t, I never noticed.”
Jane opened her mouth but shut it again, shaking her head. She merely stroked the side of Thor’s face, trying to comfort him best she could.
“Poor Darcy,” Jane said, after a moment. “This has been a really bad day for her.”
“Aye. I wish there was something I could do to ease her pain.”
Another time Thor would’ve sworn vengeance against Selene, thinking that was all it would take. But he had changed, grown wiser. He understood now that nothing, not even the death of the murderer, would fully repair the loss of her friend.
The crowing of a raven caused both of them to look up with a jerk.
“What in the…?” Jane clung tighter to Thor, alarmed. The raven was far larger than normal, rivaling an eagle in size. It flew down from the trees and circled over their heads.
And then it was joined by another. The two formed a circuit, keeping an exact distance apart. Thor’s heart jumped.
“Can it be?” he exclaimed, amazed.
“Thor, what’s going on?”
“I think these are my father’s ravens. I haven’t seen them in an age. They can fly between realms without need of the Bifrost, but the All-Father hasn’t had to use them in a while.”
“Use them?” Jane asked warily, never taking her eyes off the ravens’ flight. “What for? What do they do-?”
Even as she asked the question her answer came in a shimmering rainbow flash that filled the air, a weaker version of the Bifrost’s light.
When it cleared an image of Odin hung in the space marked by Huginn and Munnin’s wingtips, transparent and slightly distorted. He gazed down at them, his expression calm.
Thor carefully released Jane and came forward, taking to one knee.
“Father,” he greeted, unable to fight the burst of homesickness that thickened his voice. He’d made his choice to leave Asgard and he wouldn’t change it, but it was still strange to think of his family and friends as so far from his reach.
“Rise, my son,” Odin commanded him evenly.
Drawn by the brightness of the light Erik had come to the flap of the tent and pulled it aside, revealing both him and Darcy. Darcy sat where she was and gazed up at Odin numbly, not seeming to care or fully take in what was happening.
Erik’s jaw was hanging open. “Oh my lord.”
“Father,” Thor gestured, “these are my friends. The ones of whom I already spoke.”
“Uh.” Jane raised her hand, fingertips waving. “Hey.”
Erik had dropped his head to one side, hand massaging his forehead as he muttered something to himself.
“I know who they are,” Odin stated. “And what’s more, I know what has been happening. Heimdall has told me everything.”
“Loki is still alive,” Thor felt the need to say if only to express how the news still overwhelmed him.
“Would I were it wasn’t so, Loki is the least of your concerns at present. Which is why I am here, why I had to reach you by such methods. To warn you of what you are facing.”
Odin’s good eye narrowed and Thor was stunned at the sudden venom he heard in his father’s voice. “If only time had done its work in destroying what I could not myself…Selene Kinslayer.”
He pronounced the name with such anger but notes of pain as well - Thor watched how he drew himself up, the way he bristled.
“Who is she?” Thor asked. “If she’s an enemy of Asgard why have I never heard of her before?”
“She is an enemy to every living thing with a soul. To myself in particular.” Odin drew a breath, sharp. “It was thousands of years ago, after I was king but long before the war with the Frost Giants, before anything in our history you would’ve cared to remember. I visited Earth, with a company of soldiers and two of my friends…my dearest friends.”
“What happened?” Though Thor felt he could venture a guess.
“One of my friends was naïve enough to fall in love with Selene. Using that to her advantage she murdered both him and my other companion.”
Even after all the years Odin’s voice was raw as he recalled it, and it made Thor tremble to hear.
“I was as close to them as you are to your chosen battle-mates, Thor. We were like brothers. And Selene destroyed them. She devoured Vili. And Ve she tied to the back of a horse and dragged to his death. It was no way for a warrior to die.”
“I am so sorry, Father.” Thor didn’t know what else to say.
“Save your sympathy for the departed. Selene’s victims - the ones she left alive, worst of all. Do you remember Brynhilde?”
“The leader of the Valkyries? Vaguely.” Since she’d been brought to Asgard and allowed to have the golden apples she’d far outlived her mortal lifespan, but she’d still died when Thor was only a child.
All he remembered was a fierce warrior with fair hair who never smiled. “What does that have to do with this?”
“The Valkyries were the women of the village we’d visited - or rather, they became the Valkyries, after Selene slaughtered their families,” Odin explained heavily. “I brought them to Asgard; it was all I could do for them. Some of them were eventually able to be happy again…but poor Brynhilde.”
He sighed wearily, lifetimes away in his memories.
“Selene killed her sister, and the man that Brynhilde had loved - Sigurd, another friend of mine. And I watched everything capable of love in Brynhilde die, the day she looked into Sigurd’s funeral pyre. Were it ever in my power I would’ve destroyed Selene for everything she had done.” Odin shook his head. “Were it not for my duties as king I would’ve combed every inch of this world, searching, until I hounded her out.”
“But now that she’s reappeared, the Bifrost is gone, and you cannot go to her,” Thor remarked.
“No,” Odin agreed, tense. “I am powerless.”
As if he sensed what Thor was about to say he stretched out a hand: “Do not swear to destroy her in my stead, son. Selene was powerful when I knew her on Earth, and she’s had centuries to grow stronger still. I would love to see her struck down but not at the cost of adding you to her victims.”
“Then what should I do?” Thor questioned.
He realized that Odin’s image was already fading - the line of mystical communication could not stay open much longer.
But all Odin did was meet his gaze. “Be on your guard. Her worst weapon is not her inhuman lust for power but the way she manipulates others.”
Through ripples of time and space Odin gave his son a sad smile.
“And, Thor. When you see your brother again, tell him that your mother sends her love to you both.”
*
Once he walked far enough away to be certain he was out of Thor’s line of sight, Loki broke into a run.
He sped through the forest fast as his legs would carry him, barely heeding the leaves that crackled beneath his feet, the braches that brushed against his cloak, the trees he narrowly avoided running into. His fingers twined in the fabric of his hood, clutching at it. His breath came steadily in ever-increasing puffs and pants.
It was madness, really. Thor was not following him. The sorceress could be nowhere close, having no doubt retreated to some safe hideaway to heal and fume.
But though he wasn’t pursued Loki ran anyway. He ran because he had no choice. He needed to run - he needed to flee.
Even though he knew it was futile. There was no escaping what he felt hounded by: the thoughts that crowded his head.
All that he’d suffered, all that he had ever felt - the pain, the rejection, the shame, the anger, the despair. Once the rune had broken everything that he’d forgotten, everything that’d been taken from him had been thrust on him all at once, poured into an empty vessel as he was forced to relive it fresh.
Agonizing. Unbearable. Made all the worse by his still being able to remember his experiences during his amnesia - how helpless he had been, how weak.
But the sting of humiliation twisted inward where it bubbled into rage.
Selene. How dare she! How dare she do this to him, make him suffer, bring him so low. She’d gone too far, done too much; it was past the point of living with. Loki would make her pay. His wounded pride demanded no less.
Worst of all, however, had not been how she’d weakened him, but what had been revealed about himself in the process.
Loki’s will was strong. Too strong to have been so easily contained by her rune magic. Even without memories something in him should’ve fought back almost immediately, breaking the spell and freeing himself…unless, deep down, he hadn’t wanted to.
No memories, no past; no pain. Whatever part had still known himself, it’d chosen surrender over recollection.
Somewhere in his heart he would have rather been no one at all, than to have been Loki.
He supposed he couldn’t blame himself. But it still made him feel sick and hateful to admit.
His anger at Selene burned, scorching, and he couldn’t be sure which part enraged him more. The pain forced in having to relive his memories all over, or the peace he had experienced without them. The trespass dared by stealing his power, his very self, away; or the bitter truth he had to live with, knowing part of him preferred it that way.
No matter which, it was all the same - he would destroy Selene either way.
If her bloody demise wouldn’t heal the way she’d wrenched his scars open, it would at least bring him grim satisfaction.
Loki finally slowed to a walk, his weakened body protesting against running any further. The sound of his blood was heavy in his ears as he hung his head, numbly watching the progression of his feet on the ground.
Unbidden the image of Darcy’s face, wounded and confused, came to his mind.
No. Loki shut his eyes tight and willed it away. This couldn’t be. He wasn’t meant to have friends. He never had been. All his life he supposed he’d known that and now that he’d accepted the truth he would never make the same mistake.
He remembered Darcy’s hand around his shoulders, her tugging at his hair, taking his hand. He remembered her hugging him, the good and simple warmth he’d felt.
Back there at the camp even after regaining his memories his skin had itched with longing - he’d had to curl his hands into fists, fighting the temptation to reach out. It would’ve been so easy.
When exactly had he become so physically withdrawn, stopped letting people touch him save when it was necessary? It’d seemed an easy enough thing to do in childhood but somewhere along the way he’d just…stopped. Had others shunned him first, rejecting his touch, or was it he that’d stopped reaching, stopped trying, and built up walls around himself? He couldn’t remember. Maybe it was a little of both.
For a few days though, he’d been someone else. Someone who could be embraced. Someone who laughed more easily. Someone who was trusted and cared for. Someone who could be a friend.
The next time Loki exhaled it came out sounding perilously close to a sob. He stopped and held his breath in his throat, until he felt in control enough to continue.
Darcy was only a mortal. She was nothing, a silly girl who gave herself far too easily. He couldn’t care less about her. Even if he wanted to - she was one of Thor’s companions. No doubt who she would choose to favor.
So Loki would not waste his time with such folly. He’d push whatever ghosts of feelings still lingered away.
He looked up at last and found he’d come full circle, back to the same clearing with the runestone where he’d attempted his spell, where Selene had ambushed him. It was almost laughable.
The magic he had begun that day still hung in the air, half-formed. He could feel its traces.
It was somewhat ridiculous after everything that’d happened. But it seemed a waste not to finish the spell now, after what he’d been through. Besides, he needed information about Selene, now more than ever.
He needed to know who she was if he was going to kill her.
Loki rested a hand against the stone, leaning on it for support. He took a deep breath and let his body shift.
He ignored the voice in his mind that whispered ‘Lethia’, and threw himself into the work of casting his spell.
*
“We shouldn’t be here.”
“I agree - you shouldn’t. The last thing I want is for you to get hurt. But Jane, I can’t just leave. Not knowing that my father’s enemy is still out there.”
“Thor! Isn’t this exactly what your father tried to warn you against? Trying to continue his wars?”
“That was different. Selene is dangerous. And she has already hurt many innocent people. Do you really intend for me to let their deaths go un-avenged?”
“We’ll go back to New Mexico; we’ll talk to Agent Coulson and his people…SHIELD can probably send a team out here or something to help-”
“You have much faith in the resources of these warriors. But I highly doubt they have anything that could stand against one such as this sorceress. She may be of this world, but she is not human.”
“You could at least…”
Jane and Thor continued their conversation, debate, argument - whatever they wanted to call it. But Darcy had stopped listening.
The inside of the tent was dark and empty. Erik was back at the car. Jane and Thor had gone outside to talk, trying not to disturb her.
They hadn’t realized Darcy was already awake. That she hadn’t actually slept a wink all night.
She curled up in the tent’s corner, hugging her knees to her chest. She was still wearing the same clothes from yesterday. Her hair was uncombed. She felt gross. Her stomach hurt.
There was a lump in the middle of her throat, like a balled-up wad of paper, that just wouldn’t go away.
Inside the tent tables were still set up, and here and there were signs of the research that’d once taken place there. A few battery-operated lights, switched off. Notebooks and papers held down by rocks.
And if she looked closely at the dirt, she could see dark stains of red from Amanda’s blood.
It didn’t feel real. It was like something that had to be happening to another person. She’d spent three days working with these people…and now, most of them were dead. Three of them were in the hospital.
Ruth was dead.
The only other people Darcy had known that had ever died were grandparents, and she’d still been a kid then. Now her friend, one of her closest friends, maybe even her best friend, was dead. And not just dead, murdered. Somebody had killed her right in front of Darcy’s eyes. And not just somebody, but some kind of supernatural monster.
And Lethia…well, Lethia was a fake.
Darcy had always thought she was secretly a great judge of character. Well, obviously, that wasn’t true at all. She’d befriended someone who didn’t even exist. Not to mention secretly had the personality of a sociopath.
As soon as Loki remembered who he was he couldn’t blow her off fast enough. He didn’t just not like her: he didn’t even think of her as existing on the same level as him. He’d looked at her like she was, literally, an insect - something smaller and weaker and kind of icky, that could be easily crushed, if he even bothered to care.
After all she’d done for him. He couldn’t even pretend to be grateful. That jackass.
Well, fuck him, then. Darcy wasn’t going to let herself be hurt by his rejection. He wasn’t worth her being upset over. Not when she had so many other things on her mind.
Not when she felt so messed up she couldn’t make up her mind whether she wanted to vomit, or scream, or just fall into a coma and never wake up.
Belatedly she realized it’d gotten quiet again outside. Thor and Jane must’ve headed off elsewhere. To the van, or off into the woods, maybe.
Thor could’ve flown Jane up into the sky for a mile-high quickie sans the airplane, for all she cared.
Darcy felt suddenly aware of how stiff her joints were, how stuffy it was inside the tent. Slowly she got to her feet. Pulling aside the tent’s plastic flap she looked outside.
It was a grey, overcast day. How fitting.
She started walking out into the campsite, taking slow steps, looking down at the ground. She didn’t really plan on going anywhere. She just wanted some fresh air.
At first she thought about taking another look at the excavation pits, but that was a mistake. Too many memories. How weird to think that just a couple days ago her and the site’s team had all been out here together, talking and working. Everything just fine.
Darcy felt a sudden chill and she rubbed her arms. She glanced back towards the tent but there was nothing, just the opening moving slightly in the wind.
She turned back and found herself face to face with Selene.
“Hello, Darcy,” the woman drawled, her voice low and husky. Close up she was even more terrifying, fangs and dark eyes and ghoulish pale skin.
Darcy screamed. Selene lashed out, fisting one hand in her hair, grabbing hold of her by it.
“No! Let go of me, you…!” Darcy struggled but Selene dragged her closer, and she squealed at the way Selene was hanging onto her tightly by her scalp. It hurt.
“Don’t even think about it.”
Selene’s eyes bore into her, face twisted somewhere between a sneer and a snarl. And Darcy couldn’t get away, she was just too strong.
She pulled Darcy even closer, wrenching her abruptly. Her face was so near it was like she was trying to smell her.
“You,” Selene said, “are coming with me.”
CONTINUE TO PART TEN