Battlestar Fic: "Date Night" (Gaeta/Baltar, PG)
Title: Date Night
Pairing: Felix Gaeta/Gaius Baltar
Rating: PG. Silly and schmoopy.
Spoilers: vague for first half of S4, maybe
Length: 1,105 words
Notes: A very belated birthday gift for millari. My original idea was more layered and complicated, but in the end it was easier for me to give her our boys at their light-hearted fluffy best.
Summary: A little AU scenario where the Colonials found Earth in not a post-apocalytpic wasteland, and Gaius and Felix decide to stay in for a night.
“You know,” Gaius says, “I can’t help but feel that I really ought to be ashamed for this.”
Felix licks some fudge off the back of his spoon. “Well, I’m having a good time,” he remarks, blandly.
Gaius blinks once and then gives one of those reluctantly slow warm smiles where he doesn’t quite make eye contact; the ones he can never fake.
“Yes. So am I.”
His bare feet are propped up on the coffee table in front of them. The sweatshirt and pajama pants he borrowed from Felix, which is why both hang a little loosely on him.
Felix is wearing an undershirt, the boxers with the “ironic” flying toasters printed on them (the people of Earth have indecipherable tastes in their graphics) and slippers…well, one slipper.
Both he and Gaius help themselves to a spoonful from their individual pints while the television makes more exploding noises at them.
“It would seem there is something to be said for staying in and still having a good time after all,” Gaius comments through a mouthful of ice cream.
Felix makes an agreeable noise as he stirs around the cardboard container, looking for another chunk of brownie. He has no idea who “Ben and Jerry” are but they certainly do make good product.
Neither of them can even figure out how to pronounce the name on Gaius’ pint. It starts with an H and there are funny symbols over the vowels. It doesn’t matter anyway: the only word Gaius needed to read was “strawberry”.
“This is the best date I’ve been on in awhile,” Felix says, his quest for brownie chunks finally satisfied. His tone lowers slightly but still maintains matter-of-factness: “I’d even say it’s probably the best date I’ve been on, ever.” He pops the spoonful into his mouth.
Gaius frowns, pained. “Felix…” he begins disapprovingly. “Now, I know that’s not true.” Felix just shrugs.
“My life love was never very exciting.” He digs in his ice cream absently. “It’s no big deal.”
Gaius sighs, looks heavenward slightly, but doesn’t say anything else. From the TV set the spaceship captain tells his crew to brace themselves, as sparks fly everywhere and the camera shakes.
“I do wish you wouldn’t always be so…self-depreciative,” Gaius finally mutters, as the ship prepares for warp speed.
“Would you like me to start making a list of the things I wish you wouldn’t do?” Felix asks him.
Gaius does not respond as he is too preoccupied with intently studying the ingredients label of his ice cream.
Felix turns away and licks his spoon again. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”
“My God; at four servings, then that means-” There’s true horror on Gaius’ face as he spots something. “Do you realize I’m in the midst of consuming a thousand calories in one sitting?”
“So?” Felix only scoffs at the glower he receives. “You’re not gonna balloon out from that. Besides, if anything, you could use a little weight. You never eat.”
Gaius balks, indignant. “Oh, what are you, my mother?”
“Shut up and eat your ice cream,” Felix replies flatly.
They both have another spoonful in silence. The spaceship launches torpedoes then fires phasers off the port bow.
If they have phasers, why do they even need torpedoes?
“Did you know that honeybees are disappearing from all over the world, and that nobody knows why?” Gaius says, reading from his pint with half-interest.
“Oh really?” Felix leans in on the pretense of looking closer. But Gaius sees his spoon coming and pulls the ice cream out of reach, clutching it possessively.
“You have your own,” he protests with a dismayed frown.
“So? I just want to try it.”
“Well, you should have thought of that when you picked yours out, then.” Gaius haughtily takes a mouthful. Felix kisses him on the lips.
Unsurprisingly he tastes like strawberry. As does the spoonful Felix successfully steals as he pulls away again, while Gaius is too distracted to guard his stash.
He makes a show of popping it into his mouth with great self-satisfaction as Gaius just looks at him, wounded.
“Now that was unfair,” he complains dourly, “and completely uncalled for.” Felix sticks out his tongue and Gaius turns away from him, a put-out scowl upon his face. Felix shakes his head with a smile.
A group of strange characters appears on the bridge of the spaceship out of thin air.
“Teleporters,” Gaius sneers in incredulity. “Who do they honestly think they’re kidding? Do they even realize the…the sheer processing capacity that would be necessary for a computer to successfully manage the deconstruction and reassembling of a being at molecular level?” He gestures with scoffing laughter. “And they expect us to believe that such a device could actually fit on the bridge of a single spacecraft!”
“Well, don’t forget, they also expect us to believe that not only is it likely that the thousands of necessary elements were able to come together on a completely separate world to create life,” Felix says dryly, “but that this life would also, naturally, be sentient, capable of long-range space travel and, in spite of completely different selective pressures acting on alien genetics, evolve into a species that perfectly resemble humans save for a few minor abnormalities.”
“Coincidentally, whatever level of abnormalities it is that can best be simulated by pasting humans with a few layers of bad prosthetics,” Gaius quips.
“And don’t even get me started on the physics of their warp drive engines.” Felix swirls a bit of fudge around with his spoon: “Because there are none.”
“Yes, well, clearly ‘physics’ are not something with which the proprietors of this venture are even vaguely familiar.” Gaius waves a hand at the screen. “Evidently their only experience with the concept comes by in the manner of crude description.”
He looks at Felix’s pint out of the corner of his eye. “Could I have a bite of that?”
“You said you didn’t want to share.”
“I changed my mind.”
“I offered you some earlier, and you said you weren’t even interested,” Felix reminds him.
“Well, you went and stole some of mine,” Gaius retorts. “I think it’s only fair!”
Felix rolls his eyes but holds out his spoon for Gaius to eat off of.
“Thank you.” Gaius swallows, satisfied.
On the television, the music strikes up an ominous note. The camera moves in on the captain as he gets to his feet and stands dramatically.
“Prepare yourselves. We have no other choice. We’re going into that black hole!”
For a moment there is complete silence from both Felix and Gaius.
...Followed by them laughing until they choke.
Pairing: Felix Gaeta/Gaius Baltar
Rating: PG. Silly and schmoopy.
Spoilers: vague for first half of S4, maybe
Length: 1,105 words
Notes: A very belated birthday gift for millari. My original idea was more layered and complicated, but in the end it was easier for me to give her our boys at their light-hearted fluffy best.
Summary: A little AU scenario where the Colonials found Earth in not a post-apocalytpic wasteland, and Gaius and Felix decide to stay in for a night.
“You know,” Gaius says, “I can’t help but feel that I really ought to be ashamed for this.”
Felix licks some fudge off the back of his spoon. “Well, I’m having a good time,” he remarks, blandly.
Gaius blinks once and then gives one of those reluctantly slow warm smiles where he doesn’t quite make eye contact; the ones he can never fake.
“Yes. So am I.”
His bare feet are propped up on the coffee table in front of them. The sweatshirt and pajama pants he borrowed from Felix, which is why both hang a little loosely on him.
Felix is wearing an undershirt, the boxers with the “ironic” flying toasters printed on them (the people of Earth have indecipherable tastes in their graphics) and slippers…well, one slipper.
Both he and Gaius help themselves to a spoonful from their individual pints while the television makes more exploding noises at them.
“It would seem there is something to be said for staying in and still having a good time after all,” Gaius comments through a mouthful of ice cream.
Felix makes an agreeable noise as he stirs around the cardboard container, looking for another chunk of brownie. He has no idea who “Ben and Jerry” are but they certainly do make good product.
Neither of them can even figure out how to pronounce the name on Gaius’ pint. It starts with an H and there are funny symbols over the vowels. It doesn’t matter anyway: the only word Gaius needed to read was “strawberry”.
“This is the best date I’ve been on in awhile,” Felix says, his quest for brownie chunks finally satisfied. His tone lowers slightly but still maintains matter-of-factness: “I’d even say it’s probably the best date I’ve been on, ever.” He pops the spoonful into his mouth.
Gaius frowns, pained. “Felix…” he begins disapprovingly. “Now, I know that’s not true.” Felix just shrugs.
“My life love was never very exciting.” He digs in his ice cream absently. “It’s no big deal.”
Gaius sighs, looks heavenward slightly, but doesn’t say anything else. From the TV set the spaceship captain tells his crew to brace themselves, as sparks fly everywhere and the camera shakes.
“I do wish you wouldn’t always be so…self-depreciative,” Gaius finally mutters, as the ship prepares for warp speed.
“Would you like me to start making a list of the things I wish you wouldn’t do?” Felix asks him.
Gaius does not respond as he is too preoccupied with intently studying the ingredients label of his ice cream.
Felix turns away and licks his spoon again. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”
“My God; at four servings, then that means-” There’s true horror on Gaius’ face as he spots something. “Do you realize I’m in the midst of consuming a thousand calories in one sitting?”
“So?” Felix only scoffs at the glower he receives. “You’re not gonna balloon out from that. Besides, if anything, you could use a little weight. You never eat.”
Gaius balks, indignant. “Oh, what are you, my mother?”
“Shut up and eat your ice cream,” Felix replies flatly.
They both have another spoonful in silence. The spaceship launches torpedoes then fires phasers off the port bow.
If they have phasers, why do they even need torpedoes?
“Did you know that honeybees are disappearing from all over the world, and that nobody knows why?” Gaius says, reading from his pint with half-interest.
“Oh really?” Felix leans in on the pretense of looking closer. But Gaius sees his spoon coming and pulls the ice cream out of reach, clutching it possessively.
“You have your own,” he protests with a dismayed frown.
“So? I just want to try it.”
“Well, you should have thought of that when you picked yours out, then.” Gaius haughtily takes a mouthful. Felix kisses him on the lips.
Unsurprisingly he tastes like strawberry. As does the spoonful Felix successfully steals as he pulls away again, while Gaius is too distracted to guard his stash.
He makes a show of popping it into his mouth with great self-satisfaction as Gaius just looks at him, wounded.
“Now that was unfair,” he complains dourly, “and completely uncalled for.” Felix sticks out his tongue and Gaius turns away from him, a put-out scowl upon his face. Felix shakes his head with a smile.
A group of strange characters appears on the bridge of the spaceship out of thin air.
“Teleporters,” Gaius sneers in incredulity. “Who do they honestly think they’re kidding? Do they even realize the…the sheer processing capacity that would be necessary for a computer to successfully manage the deconstruction and reassembling of a being at molecular level?” He gestures with scoffing laughter. “And they expect us to believe that such a device could actually fit on the bridge of a single spacecraft!”
“Well, don’t forget, they also expect us to believe that not only is it likely that the thousands of necessary elements were able to come together on a completely separate world to create life,” Felix says dryly, “but that this life would also, naturally, be sentient, capable of long-range space travel and, in spite of completely different selective pressures acting on alien genetics, evolve into a species that perfectly resemble humans save for a few minor abnormalities.”
“Coincidentally, whatever level of abnormalities it is that can best be simulated by pasting humans with a few layers of bad prosthetics,” Gaius quips.
“And don’t even get me started on the physics of their warp drive engines.” Felix swirls a bit of fudge around with his spoon: “Because there are none.”
“Yes, well, clearly ‘physics’ are not something with which the proprietors of this venture are even vaguely familiar.” Gaius waves a hand at the screen. “Evidently their only experience with the concept comes by in the manner of crude description.”
He looks at Felix’s pint out of the corner of his eye. “Could I have a bite of that?”
“You said you didn’t want to share.”
“I changed my mind.”
“I offered you some earlier, and you said you weren’t even interested,” Felix reminds him.
“Well, you went and stole some of mine,” Gaius retorts. “I think it’s only fair!”
Felix rolls his eyes but holds out his spoon for Gaius to eat off of.
“Thank you.” Gaius swallows, satisfied.
On the television, the music strikes up an ominous note. The camera moves in on the captain as he gets to his feet and stands dramatically.
“Prepare yourselves. We have no other choice. We’re going into that black hole!”
For a moment there is complete silence from both Felix and Gaius.
...Followed by them laughing until they choke.