This is the sound of settling
I feel so separate from the rest of the world.
Like someone has just taken my mind away from my body and I'm just going through the motions. . I can see myself typing this. I'm looking down on my body and wondering why I feel the need to pour out my thoughts and feelings to an electronic device that no body ever reads and takes to heart. Nothing I ever do matters, nothing I think, nothing I breathe, nowhere I walk, nothing I read, nothing I write, nothing I love, nothing I hear, nothing I say, no one I talk to, nothing. It all doesn't matter in the long run. .
What is the long run, exactly? Couldn't this be called the long run? Or is it just the standard growing up-learning-getting a job-finally finding happiness? Why should I wait till I'm old to find happiness? Shouldn't I be able to find it now? Or does that not fit in with the 'long run?'
I'm tired of this stupid life. I want another one. This one sucks, and I can't seem to make it right. I have no motivation to do my school work, I have no motivation to do anything else that would further my life, like getting a job.
I'm getting that feeling in the pit of my stomach. I understand why my stomach was feeling weird all weekend, it was setting me up for this, this. . thing. This feeling that you need to throw up yet you know you aren't physically sick. The feeling I get whenever something goes wrong in my life. Whenever I'm about to do something I shouldn't. Whenever I feel like I'm going to get in trouble for something. Whenever I think something awful is going to happen to me.
I feel like I'm not all here. .
I was driving, going to pick up my brother from his drama thing, and I felt like I wasn't driving. Like I was sitting in the passenger seat and I could not pay attention to the road. It was so weird. .
I should be doing my research paper. I guess I'm not going to sleep tonight so I can finish it. Oh well. . I've done it before, I can do it again.
Like someone has just taken my mind away from my body and I'm just going through the motions. . I can see myself typing this. I'm looking down on my body and wondering why I feel the need to pour out my thoughts and feelings to an electronic device that no body ever reads and takes to heart. Nothing I ever do matters, nothing I think, nothing I breathe, nowhere I walk, nothing I read, nothing I write, nothing I love, nothing I hear, nothing I say, no one I talk to, nothing. It all doesn't matter in the long run. .
What is the long run, exactly? Couldn't this be called the long run? Or is it just the standard growing up-learning-getting a job-finally finding happiness? Why should I wait till I'm old to find happiness? Shouldn't I be able to find it now? Or does that not fit in with the 'long run?'
I'm tired of this stupid life. I want another one. This one sucks, and I can't seem to make it right. I have no motivation to do my school work, I have no motivation to do anything else that would further my life, like getting a job.
I'm getting that feeling in the pit of my stomach. I understand why my stomach was feeling weird all weekend, it was setting me up for this, this. . thing. This feeling that you need to throw up yet you know you aren't physically sick. The feeling I get whenever something goes wrong in my life. Whenever I'm about to do something I shouldn't. Whenever I feel like I'm going to get in trouble for something. Whenever I think something awful is going to happen to me.
I feel like I'm not all here. .
I was driving, going to pick up my brother from his drama thing, and I felt like I wasn't driving. Like I was sitting in the passenger seat and I could not pay attention to the road. It was so weird. .
I should be doing my research paper. I guess I'm not going to sleep tonight so I can finish it. Oh well. . I've done it before, I can do it again.