It's been a long time
I haven't really been writing all that much but, I had just a sad day at work yesterday.
It's days like this which makes me realize how people "burn out" on healthcare.
Long story short there's a patient who has a physical obstruction in his upper airway. There's nothing I can do on his ventilator to get the air into his lungs because well, there's an obstruction. It makes me a little anxious and a little sad because even though cognitively I know there's nothing I can do, it bothers me that I can't 'fix' him. The part I really enjoy about my job is making people feel better. Even if it's just getting them to smile, it really makes me feel like I'm doing something worthwhile.
But when you work 16hours and you know there's nothing you can actually do to make a difference, yeah it makes me kind of sad - sad enough where I cried on the way home from work. In the nearly 3 years I've been working, I have never once cried coming home from work.
I mean it wasn't all bad... my attending was nice to me, and he's known for being... difficult I guess you could say with the team. My NP thanked me for working to get alternatives for my aforementioned difficult patient, and the fellow thanked me for working so hard. So it was nice getting acknowledgement from my doctors that I work my ass off.
Even with taking a lot of pride in my work, just being sad and kind of ground down still lingers through today.
Tomorrow, I go back and work another 16... and hopefully I'll be in a different ICU because I'm not sure I can take being where I was yesterday.
It's days like this which makes me realize how people "burn out" on healthcare.
Long story short there's a patient who has a physical obstruction in his upper airway. There's nothing I can do on his ventilator to get the air into his lungs because well, there's an obstruction. It makes me a little anxious and a little sad because even though cognitively I know there's nothing I can do, it bothers me that I can't 'fix' him. The part I really enjoy about my job is making people feel better. Even if it's just getting them to smile, it really makes me feel like I'm doing something worthwhile.
But when you work 16hours and you know there's nothing you can actually do to make a difference, yeah it makes me kind of sad - sad enough where I cried on the way home from work. In the nearly 3 years I've been working, I have never once cried coming home from work.
I mean it wasn't all bad... my attending was nice to me, and he's known for being... difficult I guess you could say with the team. My NP thanked me for working to get alternatives for my aforementioned difficult patient, and the fellow thanked me for working so hard. So it was nice getting acknowledgement from my doctors that I work my ass off.
Even with taking a lot of pride in my work, just being sad and kind of ground down still lingers through today.
Tomorrow, I go back and work another 16... and hopefully I'll be in a different ICU because I'm not sure I can take being where I was yesterday.