(no subject)
I... I don't know what to think any more. Things have been changing so much so fast...
I haven't seen Sai since the day I modeled for him. I don't think that anyone had been inside his house since then; it's as if he just disapeared into thin air. And I do need to speak to him. It's been nearly eight months and nothing.
I actually went into his house a few months ago; just to see if maybe I could find some clue, or maybe I was hoping that he was just avoiding me. I had been feeling better by that time, so I saw no reason not to - and it wasn't as if I was truely alone. Munin and Hugin were with me; my beautiful boys, they haven't left my side since I summoned them back at Rin's.
It was like walking into a tomb, silence and dust and nothing. NOTHING. He was just gone. Along with his roommate. There wasn't even a mouse to be found. Please forgive me but I just couldn't help myself; I took some of his drawings - the ones I modeled for as well as a few that just pulled at me because they were just so Sai, and a shirt of his that was just lying around. Silly isn't it. We weren't really even dating, didn't really know each other, and yet...
Kami-sama...
I... I need him. I want him. For one of the few times in my life, I actually felt pretty; like a woman.
But in the end I remain alone. I'm used to it, really. I have always been alone, and I'm ok with it, I guess. Besides, it's not as if I'm literally alone. I have Hugin and Mugin, and Rin's just a day or so's travel away, and so very soon I'll have my little one in my arms. By the gods, I must've knitted an entire stores worth of clothes, blankets, and toys. I've got all the time in the world and the knitting fills up my time as well as anything else. Idle hands and all that.
I just wish that I'd been able to tell him.
For what it's worth, I'm sorry.