Back again...
So Im sitting here at work...uh yeah....and I thought *maybe I should start writing in my journal again* So here I am back again. Ill start by saying that being out of school has just left me this empty feeling, like there is something im supposed to be doing but Im not doing it. Well I guess there is something I supposed to be doing...looking for a job in the field I got a damn degree..er um yeah. I'm working for a Luxery resort and spa with a golf course...Im doing night security. Its not a bad job, the pay is good for what I have to do. Sometimes that is a whole lot of nothing, and sometimes im running around doing a bunch, so it balances out. I still havnt recieved divorce papers from Sandy, Im starting to wonder what is taking so long, but I dont bring it up to her...I dont really want to know I guess. Its been a year since she left and the whole thing still gets to me a little. Sure we are better off a part, but when your with someone that long, not being together just seems wrong somehow. I have had a huge lack in creative ideas as of late, nothing on the drawing board, nothing on the computer, just work and sleep, but then again I get like that sometimes. I think maybe its not having school to go to every day just kind of left we with that 'now what?' feeling. I need to redo most of my portfolio and demo reel cause I just wasnt happy with it...I realized there really wasnt much to it...even though it seemed like it at graduation time. I'm thinking i might make two, one for general 3D animation and one for more my own style work for games and stuff...that way I have something for both realms of the industry...but we will see. I never seem to have time for anything anymore, and yet I never seem to be doing anything either. Sometimes I think I am stuck on fast forward. Im not sure if its depression or what, maybe my sugar is to high or something, but I have been just so tired the past few days. I didnt sleep at all yesterday or the day before, but today I had like 12 hours sleep and Im still about to fall on my face here at work. I guess you never really get back the sleep time you lose..maybe Im making up for all those years of not sleeping for days at a time...ugh IM SO BORED! at least on the weekends I have someone working with me, but now that Im all trained and shit, I get to work the week days(and sunday) by myself....lalalalalala! I try not to think about the bills I have to pay, they all got out of wack over the last year...everything cost money(duh) but it seems like the closer I get to catching up, something else needs my attention(money) My truck is falling apart..but then again I guess I cant complain to much since it is 16 years old and I drive the shit out of it. My Step-Dad (it still seems strange calling him that since my Mom passed) wants me to buy his wifes car...Im not really a car kind of guy, but then I never really obsess over vehicles anyway...its always just been a way to get from point A to point B. Im thinking of going to the mountains tomorrow after I get off...maybe spend the night...I need to get outside instead of looking at four walls for a change. I guess this entry, though not very interesting, killed some time...Im off to patrol and empty parking lot and see what the cook left for dinner...maybe Ill write more later