Ya know what...
I'm really fucking sick of everyone saying, "Oh, you just need better sleep habits, and then you'll be fine!"
Bullshit, go die.
I have better sleep habits than most people I know, and I still feel like I'm aware of every minute of every hour that passes while I lay in my bed tossing and turning, having the few nightmares I sleep deeply enough to have, and feeling like ass when I wake up. I know my body, and I know what's supposed to happen. This isn't it. I'm not supposed to have as many nightmares as I do, and I'm not supposed to notice the hours crawling by. I'm supposed to sleep, dream, wake up, stretch, and feel rested and happy. Instead, I wake up feeling like death. Beautiful.
I was so awake last night I probably could've gone running a second time that day. Instead, I knew I needed to sleep, so after a glass of wine, I tried.
But I don't want to start drinking to sleep, that's disgusting, and much worse than taking ambien. It's dehydrating, it's empty calories, and it's not what it's made for. My doctors are assholes, none of them will prescribe me ambien because "You just need better sleep habits."
Okay, so instead I drink wine and take narcotics to get some shuteye? You can't give me something that's made for the problem I have? Instead you push me to do all this stupid shit and feel even worse, just because you're afraid I'm going to wind up with an addiction or abuse it? That's not your decision to make! Fucking chickenshit cocksuckers...
I HATE doctors!!
And - seriously, why is it that people can get ambien CR, but they can't get actual ambien? If you cut a CR in half, it's basically the same thing. HELLO stupidity! Aren't doctors supposed to be smart? Didn't they go through medical school and learn a fuckton about the human condition, how to fix people, how to help people, etc? Aren't they supposed to know this shit?
I'm SO FUCKING FRUSTRATED.
My cycle hasn't exactly been normal lately. I've been kept up late writing or talking or arguing, or something, almost every night over the past week. I'm exhausted already, and the semester starts today. I'm so not looking forward to this.
2009 is actually shaping up to be pretty awful at the moment.
I really, really hope this isn't indicative of things to come...
Bullshit, go die.
I have better sleep habits than most people I know, and I still feel like I'm aware of every minute of every hour that passes while I lay in my bed tossing and turning, having the few nightmares I sleep deeply enough to have, and feeling like ass when I wake up. I know my body, and I know what's supposed to happen. This isn't it. I'm not supposed to have as many nightmares as I do, and I'm not supposed to notice the hours crawling by. I'm supposed to sleep, dream, wake up, stretch, and feel rested and happy. Instead, I wake up feeling like death. Beautiful.
I was so awake last night I probably could've gone running a second time that day. Instead, I knew I needed to sleep, so after a glass of wine, I tried.
But I don't want to start drinking to sleep, that's disgusting, and much worse than taking ambien. It's dehydrating, it's empty calories, and it's not what it's made for. My doctors are assholes, none of them will prescribe me ambien because "You just need better sleep habits."
Okay, so instead I drink wine and take narcotics to get some shuteye? You can't give me something that's made for the problem I have? Instead you push me to do all this stupid shit and feel even worse, just because you're afraid I'm going to wind up with an addiction or abuse it? That's not your decision to make! Fucking chickenshit cocksuckers...
I HATE doctors!!
And - seriously, why is it that people can get ambien CR, but they can't get actual ambien? If you cut a CR in half, it's basically the same thing. HELLO stupidity! Aren't doctors supposed to be smart? Didn't they go through medical school and learn a fuckton about the human condition, how to fix people, how to help people, etc? Aren't they supposed to know this shit?
I'm SO FUCKING FRUSTRATED.
My cycle hasn't exactly been normal lately. I've been kept up late writing or talking or arguing, or something, almost every night over the past week. I'm exhausted already, and the semester starts today. I'm so not looking forward to this.
2009 is actually shaping up to be pretty awful at the moment.
I really, really hope this isn't indicative of things to come...