(no subject)
This has been…
Commodified torn despised invaded hated bought bruised battered sold falsified cut mutilated sliced into shoved into snuffed out sad depressed hurt angry pleading
…but sometimes, hopeful
This can be, and sometimes actually is…
Loved honoured licked nuzzled caressed cherished respected tickled sucked snuggled seen as beautiful appreciated stroked rubbed hugged kissed vibrated wetted fondled petted spoken to pleasured pleased
Bleeding in joy pouncable engorged erect all-sensation hot slippy throbbingly purple wildly blue carmine tickled pink passionately red happy proud embracing joyous singing engulfing loving rubbing hugging nuzzling hungry eager pouncing
Also, I did something to myself yesterday that I didn't want to do, but for some stupid goddamn reason I did.
I used that phallic vibrator I have inside myself, and it hurt, then hurt less, then I stopped because I couldn't come and felt so outside of myself, then it hurt more again afterward. Ye-owies. It did feel pleasurable as well, but that had more to do with my lower labia being rubbed by it than the weird, painful feeling of the dildo/vibrator in me. It felt like things were being moved around that shouldn't have been. The way I described it when I was able to articulate it was, "I feel like I raped myself." And I guess I did, in a way. When I say I felt outside myself, I felt like I wasn't me, that I wasn't acting in my own interests. When doing it I was "Why am I doing this to myself" then thinking "Well, as it goes on, it hurts less."