I can't believe it.

[demonicforce]

I cried again. Twice today. I was so happy that my volleyball team finally won a game. Our coach even looked really happy, and she never does. And HE was there. And that made me happy too. And we drove HIM home. And HE looked out the window the whole time. I poked HIS arm about twenty times, but HE just kept staring out the window. I moved over to the other side of the car. I looked out the window too. Then we reached HIS house. We let HIM out. HE said "See you tomorrow". I felt like crying.

I'm trying really hard to change how I view things, but HE was being an asshole after school today. I got sad again. I'm choking back tears. I don't feel like smiling, or frowning, or living, or dying. I just want to feel important. I just want to be normal. I just want someone I love to love me as much as I love them. I'm sick of insensitivity.

I think there's something wrong with my brain. I cry too much. I get depressed too easily. I think I need someone to diagnose me with something so I take medicine and be even more fucked up, but I'd at least feel like something's helping me. Maybe if I had some disorder I'd feel better about my fucked up emotions. I'd know it wasn't entirely my fault. Maybe I should just tell myself that.

It's not my fault. But I know it is.