(no subject)
Title: Sleep Together
Pairing: Yasuda/Subaru
Rating: NC-17
Notes: This fic is 24,238 words, which LJ hates so I'm going to have to split it. And it's a sequel to [3 Ossans] Best Friends. There's smut and angst and fluff and everything.
It was happening again, Subaru mused as he watched his two best friends. This time he was sure he wasn't the one that was drifting off. He continued to watch as Yoko and Hina got up and left for dinner together, without so much as a guilty glance in his direction. Subaru waited til they were out the door before sighing sadly. The guitarist beside him stirred.
"What's wrong, Subaru?"
“Nothing.” Subaru answered dismissively, rising with the intention of getting his bag so he could leave.
“You’ve just seemed a bit down of late, and I’ve been worried.”
“No, it’s nothing. Nothing important, anyway.” He mumbled, searching his pockets to make sure he had everything.
“Well then do you want to go get dinner? And maybe do a bit of shopping?”
“Shopping?”
“Yeah. There’s a new shop that’s opened up that looks interesting, so I was hoping you’d come check it out with me.”
“You can’t go alone?”
Shota frowned.
“Clothes shopping is no fun alone. Please, Subaru?”
Subaru considered his available options. He could either go out shopping with Shota and probably have fun like they usually did, or go home and sit in the dark, sulking. Well, he did need a new pair of jeans.
“Yeah, okay.”
“Yay!”
Five minutes later Subaru found himself at the wheel of his car, listening to Shota babble about the sorts of clothes he was looking for and this really cute pair of jeans with dolphins on them that he’d seen but hadn’t been able to buy at the time.
“So, what do you want for dinner?” Subaru asked as soon as the younger male paused for breath.
“Oh, um...how about pasta?” Yasuda stumbled out. “There’s a place near the shop that I’ve been to a couple of times that’s quite good...”
Subaru gleaned the important information from the guitarists babble before tuning out a little, listening to the sound of his voice as opposed to the actual words.
“...and I like the colours, but the glitter rubs off too quickly...”
It was quite comforting, really.
“...found that shirt that I really liked that Tsuyoshi-sempai wore in the magazine shoot for...”
Shota seemed to have enough enthusiasm for the both of them.
“...but the legs are never the right length. Here it is, Subaru!”
Subaru startled out of his reverie and quickly pulled over, right outside the pasta shop. Shota practically bounced out of his seat as he got out of the car, and for a moment Subaru found himself watching the guitarist’s bottom wiggling cutely as he walked towards the shop. Subaru blinked and shook his head before getting out to join him.
They got a seat inside near the window in a corner, where they could watch everything that happened outside while still remaining somewhat secluded. Subaru let Shota order for him, seeing as he’d been there before and knew what was best. The waitress furnished them with a serve of garlic bread and two glasses of water, bowed politely and withdrew.
“So, are you actually going to tell me what’s wrong?” Shota asked innocently as soon as Subaru had lifted a slice of bread to his lips.
“I told you it was nothing to worry about.”
Subaru took a bite and chewed slowly, hoping to delay his need to answer.
“Is it something to do with Yokoyama and Murakami?” Shota asked softly after a pause.
Subaru cocked and eyebrow and took another bite of bread.
“You just seem to be spending a lot less time together lately, and I wondered if anything was wrong.”
Subaru swallowed his mouthful.
“I guess we’ve all been busy.”
Shota didn’t look convinced.
“Not that busy...”
“Well, I don’t know. They seem busy.” Subaru snapped, grabbing another slice of garlic bread and biting down harshly. Shota nodded disconcertingly.
“Well, Subaru, if they’re ever too busy for yo...” Subaru glared and Yasu hastily changed the direction of his sentence. “If you’re ever not doing anything, you can always call me.”
Subaru nodded, his mouth full of bread.
Over the next few weeks Subaru found that Yoko and Hina were incredibly busy, and that he consequently had a lot of free time to spend with the group’s guitarist. Most of the time they went out shopping or to eat, but occasionally they’d go to one of their houses and spend a pleasant evening in getting quietly drunk while watching silly old movies or, if Yasuda was given the choice at the DVD rental place, drama series with Domoto Tsuyoshi in them.
Subaru found also that he could tell Shota almost anything, and Shota would do the same. One day Subaru finally had the confidence to tell Yasuda exactly what had happened with Tackey, and details of his relationship with the two other Ossans. Shota had nodded understandingly and hugged Subaru in all the right places.
In return, Shota had told him about his girlfriend. Subaru had been dimly aware that Shota was attached but to hear him talking about her in detail was strangely unsettling.
“What?” He asked suddenly, cutting the younger male off mid-sentence.
“Umm...” Shota tried to remember what he’d been saying. “I’m going out with her this weekend, so I won’t be able to go shopping with you.”
“Oh.” Subaru tuned out of the conversation again to brood. He was feeling incredibly jealous and he couldn’t even understand why. He tried reasoning to himself that he spent plenty of time with Shota, surely he needed some time to himself as well. And if Shota had a girlfriend, then she’d want to spend Yasu’s time off with him, and Subaru was greedy for taking it all, and he saw Shota at work so he should be content with seeing him there. He saw Shota practically every day anyway, he shouldn’t need to see him absolutely every day.
Then it hit him.
“I like you!” He exclaimed before his brain had time to stop him.
Shota’s voice trailed off and he turned to look at the other incredulously.
“You...”
“Like you.” Subaru muttered softly, averting his eyes from the other.
“But Subaru, you know I...”
“I know!” Subaru curled himself up into a tight little ball and wished he wasn’t in his own his house so he could leave.
“Subaru...”
Subaru tried to stare a hole in the floor.
“Subaru, I like you too, just not in that way...you did mean that way didn’t you?”
“Would it be easier if it wasn’t that way?”
“Yes and no.”
Subaru finally raised his head and gave Yasuda a questioning look, silently encouraging him to continue.
“I wouldn’t want you to lie to yourself, but I’m really sorry because I just can’t feel that way about you. You’re my best friend and I want you to still be my best friend but...I have a girlfriend and I really love her.”
Subaru stayed quietly curled up for a moment, contemplating how best to respond. He wanted to yell at Yasuda, but that wasn’t fair on the guitarist; it wasn’t his fault Subaru liked him. Well yes it was, actually, because he was such a sweet and caring person and his butt did that cute little wiggle when he was excited. Subaru blinked to clear his mind of the image and silently scolded himself for being so easily distracted.
He raised his head and smiled at the younger male.
“Of course you’re my best friend.” He grinned broadly and threw himself at the guitarist, tackling him with a hug.
“So you weren’t serious then?”
“Nope. I guess I’ve just been a bit lonely lately is all.”
Yasuda looked doubtful.
“And you’re cute when you’re flustered.”
Finally Shota smiled. He pulled Subaru’s head into his lap as he’d done several times before - whenever Subaru needed comforting - and hit the play button on the DVD remote. Shota began gently stroking his hair and he relaxed, right up until the DVD started and Subaru saw what it was.
Ningen Shikkaku.
The infamous drama where the two Domoto-sempais kissed. And possible the worst choice of viewing material at that point in time. Shota didn’t seem to notice though, as he continued to stroke Subaru’s hair affectionately. Subaru chewed his bottom lip and closed his eyes, trying to rid himself of the rapidly forming mental picture of himself kissing a supine and unprotesting Shota.
“I have to pee.” He announced, standing up and hurrying out of the room.
Subaru practically slammed the bathroom door behind himself, before slumping against it and sighing heavily. He stayed there for a moment, eyes closed and breathing hard, then strode purposefully over to the sink and washed his face with cold water.
He looked up at the reflection of his dripping face and forced a smile. He could deal with being friends. Well it was better that than risk really falling in love and getting hurt all over again. Subaru patted his face dry on the hand towel, double checked his smile was still firmly affixed to his face, and made his way back out to the lounge room.
He threw himself across the guitarist’s lap, earning a giggle and a half-arsed protest.
“Make me tea!” He demanded, getting himself comfortable in such a position that would make it impossible for the guitarist to get up.
“Subaru, I can’t...”
“Yes you can. You just put the tea leaves in the kettle, and fill it up with water from the urn.”
“Subaru, I can’t get up with you sitting on me.”
“Oh.” Subaru acted surprised.
“Also, don’t you think you should be the one making the tea, because I’m your guest.”
“But I don’t know how...”
“You just gave me instructions!”
“Yeah, but you make it so much better than I do...”
“Fine. I’ll make it if you let me show you how it’s done so you can make it next time.”
“Can’t you just make it next time?”
“But I just want your tea. I don’t drink it unless you make it.”
“...”
Finally they both conceded and Subaru got up so Shota could make the tea. Subaru hovered around the younger male, paying close attention to everything he did and repeating every instruction after Yasuda to make sure he’d understood them.
“...and then you pour it into the cup.” Shota finished, pouring the tea.
“Into the cup.” Subaru echoed softly, accepting a cup graciously.
“Got all that?”
“Yep.” Subaru nodded.
“Alright then, how?”
“Step one: ask Yasu to make tea. Step two: drink the tea.”
Yasuda groaned good-naturedly.
“Were you actually paying attention?”
“Of course I was. There was that whole thing with the water and the pot.”
“Yes, that bit was fairly important, wasn’t it?” Shota’s tone was similar to that of a kindergarten teacher.
“Yep.” Subaru replied cheerily. “I have ichigo daifuku. Do you want some?”
“Yes please, they sound nice.”
“They are.”
Subaru found the packet of sweet rice cakes and brought them out into the lounge room. The DVD, long forgotten, had gone innocuously to its blank screen saver. They got themselves comfortable on the lounge and ate, drank and chatted. Shota politely avoided the topic of his girlfriend, and Subaru evaded all questions about the other two Ossans.
The daifuku ran out quickly. Next the tea, and finally the conversation. Shota yawned, stretched, and politely excused himself. Subaru gave him a quick hug good bye, suppressing his urge to hold onto the guitarist and not let go.
And then the house was empty.
Subaru quietly crawled into bed and snuggled up to his pillow, dreaming it wasn’t just a contained pile of feathers.
~~~
Over the next month Yasuda was forced to cancel his plans with Subaru nearly a dozen times because of his girlfriend. Subaru hadn’t really minded the first time. Or the second. But by the end of the month though, having four consecutive outings cancelled on him, Subaru was upset. He could no longer stand trying to make arrangements if all that happened was that Shota would be unable to make it, so he stopped trying. He went back to his habit of leaving work without telling him, and no one seemed to miss him.
There was an anger in him that made him feel glad no one cared, but the emptiness of his apartment that greeted him when he arrived home was crushing. More often than not he found he lacked the desire to cook anything substantial, and the one day he had decided to eat out, he’d run into Shota out on a date with his girlfriend.
One rather uneventful evening, after just having eaten a piece of plain toast, there was a knock on Subaru’s door. Brushing the crumbs off him, he rose, curious as to who would be visiting him seeing as all his friends appeared to be way too busy for him.
He opened the door and was almost immediately knocked flat by something warm, damp and roughly his size. After the initial daze had passed, he realised it was Shota, and that Shota was crying.
He managed to steer his sobbing friend into the lounge room, pulling them both onto the couch and cradling the younger boy’s head in his lap.
“Yasu, what’s wrong?” Subaru asked concernedly, stroking pale cheeks as tears continued to fall freely down them.
Shota continued to sob.
“Shota, please, tell me what’s wrong?”
“She...she broke up with me.”
Shota looked up then, straight into Subaru’s eyes. It was almost as though the comprehension he saw there made what he’d just said real for him, and he broke into a fresh round of howling. Subaru held him tightly, trying to still the sobs that were wracking the guitarist’s tiny frame. He had no words to say. Anything sympathetic would only feel fake, and an I told you so was entirely tactless.
“Have you got any alcohol?” Shota asked suddenly, sitting upright and wiping his tears away.
“I think there’s some beer in the fridge...” Subaru replied, trying to think of what he actually did have. He hadn’t done much shopping in weeks, and his fridge was suffering for it.
“Anything harder?” Shota seemed determined now, that competitive glint shining in his wet eyes.
“I think I might have some whisky...why, Shota?”
“I just want to get drunk.”
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
“I just want to forget it all for a night. Please, Subaru?”
“Alright,” Subaru consented, “but you’re going to have to stay here tonight if you do.”
“Yes, now please!”
Subaru rose and found his bottle of whisky and two glasses and brought them back to the couch. He poured out a single nip and looked at the guitarist questioningly.
“More.” Shota whispered, face set in grim determination.
Subaru poured in another nip and filled his own glass to the same level. Shota downed his in one gulp. Subaru made a face, then followed suit. Shota set his glass down on the table and kept a firm hold, as though minimising the time it would take him to get the next mouthful down his throat.
The bottle was empty by the end of the next half hour. Shota’s cheeks were warm and flushed, and he’d snuggled as close to Subaru as was physically possible, his body turned and his far leg resting between Subaru’s. The older male had one arm wrapped around him, idly stroking his shoulder. After a lengthy pause, Shota spoke.
“Subaru...”
“Mmm?”
“Did you really like me?”
“Yes.”
Shota turned his head towards the singer, face so close that Subaru could taste his breath. His heart sped up a little.
“Do you still like me?”
“Of course.”
“Good.”
That was all the warning he got before Shota’s lips crashed into his own.
Subaru desperately wished that he could resist, or at least that he could have the desire to resist, but the only thing he’d wanted for the past few weeks was flooding his already liquor-clouded senses and there was nothing he knew he could do against it. He moaned and kissed the guitarist back with months of pent-up longing. The hand that had been resting on the younger male’s shoulder rolled Shota a little further over so he was directly on top of Subaru.
Yasuda gave a groan of his own and began grinding against Subaru’s leg, suddenly desperate for some friction. Occasionally his leg brushed against Subaru’s own groin and the sensation was something Subaru needed repeated. His hands slid down the guitarist’s back to his hips, roughly yanking him in closer. Shota whimpered in delight and began to rock harder, creating delicious friction for the both of them.
“Like it rough, do you?” Subaru mumbled against the other’s lips. Shota nodded weakly and tried to reclaim the warmth of the singer’s mouth.
Subaru forced his hands down the back of Shota’s jeans and began kneading the guitarist’s buttocks harshly. Shota’s head fell back and he whimpered loudly. For a moment Subaru was worried he was hurting his friend, but then a single, reassuring word fell from his lips.
“Harder.”
Subaru couldn’t remember wanting anything more in his life. He twisted his body around, pushing Shota onto his back with Subaru on top of him, attacking his mouth and any exposed skin on the guitarist’s neck. Yasu began to tug on the hem of the older boy’s shirt, and he quickly sat up and discarded the garment.
Yasuda looked surprised for a moment, as though he’d forgotten it was a man he was with now, but then Subaru kissed him again and he didn’t care. He trailed his fingers up and down the other’s naked torso, revelling in the feel of Subaru’s toned body. His fingers found Subaru’s navel piercing and he toyed with it briefly. He was rewarded with a low growl and a harsh nip on his jaw.
Shota was wearing a buttoned shirt, so Subaru decided to exact his revenge by having a little fun with it. Starting at the top, he began slowly undoing the buttons, placing a kiss on the skin bared with each button gone. He gave Shota’s navel piercing a good tug when he reached that, and the younger male gasped and arched up towards his mouth.
“Not yet.” Subaru mumbled, punctuating his words with butterfly kisses to Yasu’s belly. “Need to get into bed first.”
Somehow they managed to stumble into the bedroom together. Shota tripped on the bed, giggling as his small frame folded over the edge of it and wiggling his bottom at the older boy. Subaru’s response was to reach around him, undo his fly, and yank the guitarist’s pants off and throw them away. Confronted with his friend’s bare bottom, pale and squirming in the moonlight, he found there was nothing he could do but kiss it.
Yasuda gave a soft squeal as Subaru’s lips landed on his right buttock, softly sucking and nibbling the delicate skin. His mouth traced a high arch across Shota’s tail bone so he could give the same treatment to the guitarist’s unblemished left cheek, his right now covered in faint pink marks. Shota giggled as Subaru’s tongue began to trace idle patterns, and gasped when it flicked over his sensitive hole.
Yasuda writhed as Subaru’s tongue repeated the action, and the singer was forced to hold the guitarist’s hips down so his nose didn’t get broken. Shota began to grow vocal, making a hoard of random sounds as though grasping for the right ones to make the word he wanted to say.
“Uh...re...an...” he panted, eyes squeezed shut, “...more!”
Subaru finally decided that Shota’s entrance was sufficiently wet and ceased his oral attack to slide a single digit in. Yasuda groaned and shuddered, trying to force himself to relax at the unprecedented intrusion. Subaru, sympathetic to his friend’s discomfort, placed a reassuring kiss at the base of his spine before beginning to thrust his finger steadily in and out of the younger male.
Subaru waited until Yasuda’s breathing had evened out before adding another finger. Shota yelped and tensed up immediately.
“You alright?” Subaru asked, genuine concern in his voice.
“Yes.” Shota breathed, and Subaru felt him relax a little.
The singer continued to fingerfuck to younger boy a little more until he guessed he was relaxed enough for a third. He desperately wanted nothing more than to bury himself in his friend, but it was Yasu’s first time with a man and he still had just enough sobriety to remain considerate of this fact.
Shota screamed as his hole was stretched around a third digit.
Fuck it, thought Subaru. He pulled his fingers out of the guitarist and flipped him over, pushing him backwards until he lay spreadeagled and supine across the bed. Subaru spat on two of his own fingers, rubbing the saliva over his own hole as he climbed onto the bed, before sitting down on the guitarist.
There was a look of shock on Shota’s face as he found himself filling Subaru.
“Am I tight?” Subaru asked huskily, gently rocking to get himself reaccustomed to the sensation.
Shota managed a barely lucid nod.
“Do you want to fuck me?”
Another nod. Subaru contracted his muscles in a way that used to drive Kimi to babble even more idiotically than usual and the younger boy convulsed, forcing the breath out of his body in a euphoric moan.
“Then fuck me.”
Yasuda’s hips rose to meet Subaru’s so forcefully that it was the older male’s turn to throw his head back and scream, though in pleasure, not in pain.
“Oh fuck.” Subaru mumbled as his eyes rolled back. “You’re good.”
Then Shota thrust into him and he lost the breath to talk again.
Subaru ran his hands up and down Yasu’s torso, searching for traction and maybe some way of regaining control. Kimi was easy - his nipples, Hina - his ears, and Tackey, well, Subaru never had a proper chance to find out. Subaru’s thumb grazed over Yasu’s navel piercing then, and the younger male twitched.
Curious, Subaru flicked it again and earned another brief convulsion. He flicked it a third time and gained complete control once more. Subaru found Shota could do nothing but lie back and whimper as Subaru teased the small metallic bar, rocking in synch with Subaru’s movements but not ever leading them.
Yasuda’s arms flailed uselessly above him head, occasionally motioning towards Subaru, but always failing half way. Subaru captured one and led it gently to his own erection, using Shota’s hand to stroke himself. Yasuda latched onto the singer’s shaft and squeezed it. Subaru bit his lip to stop himself crying out.
“Sho, baby...” he whispered, extending his free hand to the other’s face.
“Yeah?” The brief reprieve of the attack on his navel seeming to have restored his ability to speak.
“Touch me like you touch yourself.”
Shota trailed his fingertips lightly up the sensitive underside of the singer’s length.
“Like that?”
“Oh god, yes.”
Yasuda swirled a finger around the head.
“And that?”
Subaru’s eyes fluttered shut and it was all he could do not to relinquish his control again.
“Fuck.” He groaned.
“What about this?”
Some part of Subaru know it was a genuine question. But as Shota lightly massaged Subaru’s frenulum with the heel of his thumb, he couldn’t stop himself from yelling
“Stop teasing and just fuck me!”
Shota looked hurt for an instant, but complied gladly, bucking his hips sharply upwards and squeezing the head of Subaru’s cock gently. Subaru growled loudly, either in sheer animalistic pleasure or in anger at himself for letting Yasuda gain the advantage again. He reached one hand in front of himself to toy with Shota’s piercing again, the other behind him to tease the guitarist’s balls.
Shota, overwhelmed with sensations, slowed momentarily to regain his direction. He found it quickly - it was upwards, hard and fast into Subaru until the singer was incoherent and shaking. Subaru lost it only a second before the guitarist, screaming as loudly as he could just because he could. Shota screamed too, but no one could really hold a note like Subaru could.
The older male let himself collapse then, turning as he fell so that he landed supine beside the guitarist. Neither one spoke for a few minutes, for neither of them really had the breath to. Or the coherency.
Subaru only wanted to break the silence to ask what was rubbing against his leg, but when he turned and saw the devilish glint in the other’s eyes, he didn’t need to.
“Again?”
Subaru noticed, also, the Shota’s eyes were still a little out of focus and guessed his climax hadn’t sobered him up as much as Subaru felt his own had. Subaru wanted momentarily to protest, but then Shota’s gaze locked directly on to Subaru’s and the singer could do nothing but kiss him. There seemed to be a little voice of reason in the back of his head yelling at him, but no matter how hard he tried, the only sounds he could listen to were the wet sounds of his lips pressed to the guitarist’s, the soft grunts as they changed positions, and Shota’s needy breathing.
“This time,” Shota whispered against his lips, punctuating each word with an infuriatingly light kiss that made Subaru whimper, “It’s my turn.”
He’d barely finished the last word before Subaru wrapped his arms around the guitarist’s neck and pulled Shota on top of himself, holding him close and devouring his mouth, letting that be his consent.
One of Shota’s hands crept downwards between them, teasing an erection out of the older boy. Subaru groaned and began thrusting up into the guitarist’s small hand, head tilted back.
“Good?” Shota asked, resting his forehead against the singer’s and chuckling quietly.
“Un.” Subaru responded, arching up as Shota’s fingers did that particularly nice swirly thing.
“Can I?”
“What?”
“Put it in you?”
Yasuda’s fingers dipped lower to trace Subaru’s opening. Subaru grunted as a finger slid inside him, then reached over to the bedside cabinet, rummaging in the drawers and extracting a bottle of lubricant.
“Use this.”
Shota looked surprised.
“Am I hurting you?”
“Just use it. It’ll be better.”
Still looking a little uncertain, Shota poured the clear gel on his fingers and began thrusting them in and out of the older male.
“No!” Subaru snapped, sitting suddenly upright. Shota’s eyes went wide and he withdrew.
“I’m hurting, you aren’t I?”
“No.” Subaru muttered through gritted teeth. “But you will be if you don’t hurry up and fuck me properly already.”
Another look of confusion passed across the guitarist’s face before being replaced with one of confidence. He rubbed the last of the lube on his fingers off onto his cock and wrapped his hands around the backs of Subaru’s knees, pushing them up and apart, exposing his hole to Shota’s already leaking cock.
“This what you want?” Yasu asked, voice low and seductive as he pushed just the head inside the older male.
“Harder.”
Shota dimly recalled that he’d been the one saying that earlier in the night and giggled, before burying his entire length in the other. Subaru gave a low moan of pleasure as he was filled once more by the guitarist’s cock. Shota refused to move for a few agonisingly long seconds, and with the way he was holding the singer’s legs it was impossible for Subaru to get the leverage to move against his friend.
Then slowly, almost painstakingly so, Yasuda began to thrust into him, constantly changing his angle until he hit the spot inside Subaru that made him yelp in an ungainly fashion and convulse. Shota bucked into him again, more purposefully this time, hitting the same spot again.
“Fuck. Yes. Sho. More.” Subaru repeated like a mantra, not really aware of the words that were falling from his lips, yet well aware of the fact that they were serving their purpose of encouraging the guitarist to continue ramming him in exactly that way.
Subaru reached a hand down to his own cock and began stroking it, letting his fingers brush over Shota’s navel ring as he teased himself to a faster climax. Yasuda whimpered at the light touch and began bucking even harder into the singer, finishing them both off in a matter of minutes.
The singer had lost the breath to scream properly, so he did so silently as his seed spilt for a second time on the guitarist’s torso. His last recollection before he passed out was the sticky, wet sensation of his friend pulling out of him and falling on top of him, already half-asleep.
~~~
Subaru’s first thought when he woke up was that his head hurt.
His second was that his arm was numb.
Groggily he tried to move it, and when that failed, he rolled over to see what was stopping it. The mass that was resting on his arm stirred, rolled over, and looked him in the eyes. The figure smiled and Subaru smiled back, realising it was his best friend. They continued to smile at each other until memories of the previous night began to creep back. Shota’s smile dissolved and Subaru mirrored the expression.
“We...” Shota began slowly, without the real desire of finishing the sentence in case he was mistaken.
“...Yeah.”
“I...”
“...Yeah.”
“You...”
“...Yeah. Um, my arm?”
“Oh, sorry.” Shota sat up and rubbed his eyes. Subaru felt his breath hitch as he watched the sheets slide down his friend’s bare torso, pooling in his lap. Small splashes of dried semen still coated his belly, and Subaru had to look away before the memory of him making them began to turn him on again.
“Do you want a shower?”
“Um, yeah, that’d be nice, thanks.”
Subaru was relieved to see that Shota wasn’t any more self-conscious than usual as he crawled out of bed and padded towards the bathroom.
“Wait!”
Shota turned around and looked at the singer quizzically. Shyly, Subaru handed him a folded towel.
“Thanks.”
Subaru watched Shota leave the room, trying to keep his gaze above the guitarist’s waist, even if his bottom was doing that cute little wiggling thing again. Subaru did, however, notice a couple of small faint bruises roughly the size of his fingertips on Shota’s bottom and tried to remember how he’d made them. His memory of the evening was limited to a blur of wanting Yasuda so badly, and having Yasuda, and needing him so much it almost hurt.
Subaru bit his lip, picked up a towel for himself and sat on the edge of the bed to wait for his friend to finish. He was so wrapped up in his own thoughts that he didn’t notice the guitarist’s return until a gentle hand on his shoulder startled him. Subaru looked up and smiled weakly.
“Don’t leave.” He pleaded, standing up.
Shota shook his head.
“I won’t.” Yasuda promised him, giving him a quick reassuring squeeze on the shoulder before dropping his hand and letting Subaru go to the bathroom.
Subaru began to shower as quickly as possible, irrationally afraid that Yasuda would leave him forever if he wasn’t quick enough. He found a few faint bruises on his thigh above his knee and laughed. Of course he was hurt. It was a rule that he had to get hurt. Every memory of Shota’s touch suddenly became too much for him and he scrubbed furiously at his skin, trying to rid himself of them. His tattoo was laughing at him again. Of course he couldn’t be happy.
Subaru collapsed to the ground in tears. He sat there, just sobbing, as the water rushed over him and refused to cleanse him.
Finally there was a knock at the door.
“Subaru? Are you alright? You’ve been in there for a while.”
Subaru didn’t respond. Shota didn’t love him; couldn’t love him.
“Subaru, I’m coming in.”
The singer burst out into absurd laughter again as Yasuda turned off the taps and gently hauled him to his feet. His mirth echoed off the cold, tiled walls and the sound of it immediately silenced him in fear. He was only dimly aware as Shota dried him off and led him to the lounge room, wrapping him up in a quilt and pressing a mug of tea into his hands once he was seated. The fragrant steam revived him, and after a few minutes he was able to speak again.
“So, are we going to forget this ever happened?”
“No, of course not.”
“Pretend it didn’t then?”
“Subaru, how can you pretend something like this never happened?”
The older male glanced at his friend and realised for the first time that he was still clad only in the towel Subaru had given him earlier.
“But...it shouldn’t have happened. I should have stopped you.”
“And ideally I shouldn’t have started it. I’m sorry I did, but I don’t regret it.”
“How can you be sorry but not regret it?”
“I...” Shota paused, grasping for the right way to express himself. “I used you last night, and I’m sorry that it had to happen that way, but I never regret any time that I spend with you.”
“So what if I’d managed to stop you? What if we’d just spent the night watching movies instead? You wouldn’t have to feel sorry for me then.”
“Subaru!” Shota sounded exasperated. “I don’t feel sorry for you. I’m just really sorry that I’ve hurt you this much because you’re my best friend.” Tears began to cloud the younger male’s eyes. “And maybe it would have been better if we hadn’t slept together, but we did and that can’t be changed.”
“If you could change it?”
“I can’t.”
“If.”
“Subaru, we can’t change the past, okay?”
Tears began to flow freely now, and Shota buried his face in his hands. Subaru felt a twinge of guilt as he watched his friend’s body wrack with sobs, but he found himself powerless to console the guitarist. He remained transfixed as he watched Shota get up, retrieve his clothes and get dressed. It was only when Shota’s hand touched the door handle that he found his voice again.
“Shota, I’m sorry.”
Yasuda stopped and looked at him, eyes red-rimmed and shining with tears.
“Shota, please don’t leave me. I need you.”
His voice sounded so unnatural to himself that he wasn’t even sure he was the one speaking.
“I need you.” He repeated softly. “Shota, don’t leave me. It’s too quiet when everyone goes away.”
Subaru curled up into a ball and began rocking, hugging his legs tightly. He felt tears sting the corner of his eyes and blinked them back.
“Everyone always goes away.”
“Subaru...” Shota quickly ran back over to his friend and cradled him in his arms. Subaru let himself cry then, pulling the guitarist closer to himself and sobbing hysterically into his chest. Yasuda’s tears began to fall again then, and the two friends clung to each other, desperate for each other’s presence. Subaru got a taste of the other’s tears and craned his neck upwards, frantic to gobble his tears up, but Shota was pushing him gently away.
“Subaru, please no.” He implored, trying gingerly to disentangle the singer. “I’m still not sure about liking you that way.”
Subaru looked down, fearful that he’d spoilt it again.
“Subaru, I’m not going to leave you, but I still need a bit of time before I can love you like you need to be loved.”
“I’m sorry.” Subaru whispered, gaze still cast downwards.
“Please don’t be.”
“But you’re sorry.”
“Subaru, what I did was a lot worse, okay?”
Subaru didn’t reply.
“Okay, Subaru?”
“Okay.”
Subaru spent the rest of the afternoon curled up with his head in the guitarist’s lap watching movies, while Shota stroked his hair, occasionally rising to make him tea or change the DVD. Subaru knew he should have been content like that, and for the most part he was, but there was still some small part of him that was all too aware that Yasuda would never be anything more than his best friend.
~~~
Subaru avoided Shota for the next few days at work. He couldn’t stand the sad look the guitarist gave him every time their eyes met. If Yasuda was going to keep looking at him, it should have been with longing, or lust even, but definitely not the look of pity he got whenever he glanced up at the younger boy.
So Subaru turned his affections to the group’s bassist, because Maru could always be depended on to be affectionate without the awkwardness of him being interested in the group, or anyone being interested in him.
Yasuda looked a little hurt every time Subaru threw himself across the bassist, but said nothing. Subaru felt a little bad for neglecting his friend at first, but as his friendship with Maru grew, he found himself thinking of the guitarist less and less. Like this, he missed as the younger male’s expression changed from pity to sadness, and then changed again to longing. It wasn’t until a few weeks later that he finally looked up at Yasuda from his position on Maru’s lap and caught Shota’s look of fierce jealousy.
A little surprised, Subaru decided to test the extent of Yasu’s jealousy. Subaru smiled and rolled over onto his back, looking straight up at the bassist and whispering sweet nothings to him, all the while watching Shota out of the corner of his eye. Sure enough, the guitarist seemed to get more and more agitated, ignoring Yoko who sat babbling happily beside him, until he could watch no longer and quickly turned away.
“Are you alright, Subaru?” Maru asked suddenly, distracting Subaru from his fun little game.
“Why do you ask?”
“You’ve just been a bit clingy lately - did you have a fight with Yasu or something? Because I’ve noticed you haven’t spent that much with him lately and I thought he was your best friend.”
“I don’t know.” Subaru answered childishly, giving a slight shrug.
“Because you know I like spending time with you, but not if you’re only clinging on to me to make Yasu jealous.”
“No, I do like spending time with you.” Subaru responded slowly, beginning to fidget with his glove.
“Are you trying to make Yasu jealous?” Maru asked firmly, looking Subaru straight in the eye.
“I’m not trying.” Subaru replied reluctantly. “But he seems to be getting jealous anyway.”
“Is something going on between the two of you?” Maru asked in a whisper. “Or maybe not going on?”
Subaru sighed and decided to be honest.
“I like Yasu. Something happened between us a few weeks ago and, well, it’s been a bit awkward since.”
“What about...?” Maru glanced over at Yoko and Hina, who were busily chatting away since Yasuda had excused himself from his conversation with the eldest to go and practice guitar.
“We’re not really as close as we used to be any more.”
“Oh. And didn’t Yasu...?”
“He broke up with her.”
“Ah.”
“So I guess there’s that too - it's too soon, maybe.”
“He...?”
“I can’t tell. But you saw how jealous he got, so maybe I have a chance.”
“I see. He knows how you feel?”
“Yes.”
“So you’re just waiting for...”
“...him to tell me how he feels.” Subaru finished, glancing over at Shota, completely rapt in his practice.
Maru sighed and ran his fingers gently through the singer’s hair.
“I guess we’ll all just have to wait. But I think you should at least try and spend a bit more time with him.”
“You’re right.”
Maru smiled and Subaru found himself forced to reciprocate it.
“Thanks, Maru.”
There was a brief pause in which neither boy said or did anything.
“Subaru?”
“Can I just stay here for a bit longer?” The older male asked, getting himself more comfortable in the bassist’s lap.
“...Alright. But you have to promise me you’ll leave with Yasu today. You can’t keep leaving early with me. I have to go all the way to Kyoto, and you don’t, so you’ve got no excuse.”
“I promise.”
Subaru didn’t, however, get to stay there very long before one of the staff came and told them their break was over.
MK~
Pairing: Yasuda/Subaru
Rating: NC-17
Notes: This fic is 24,238 words, which LJ hates so I'm going to have to split it. And it's a sequel to [3 Ossans] Best Friends. There's smut and angst and fluff and everything.
It was happening again, Subaru mused as he watched his two best friends. This time he was sure he wasn't the one that was drifting off. He continued to watch as Yoko and Hina got up and left for dinner together, without so much as a guilty glance in his direction. Subaru waited til they were out the door before sighing sadly. The guitarist beside him stirred.
"What's wrong, Subaru?"
“Nothing.” Subaru answered dismissively, rising with the intention of getting his bag so he could leave.
“You’ve just seemed a bit down of late, and I’ve been worried.”
“No, it’s nothing. Nothing important, anyway.” He mumbled, searching his pockets to make sure he had everything.
“Well then do you want to go get dinner? And maybe do a bit of shopping?”
“Shopping?”
“Yeah. There’s a new shop that’s opened up that looks interesting, so I was hoping you’d come check it out with me.”
“You can’t go alone?”
Shota frowned.
“Clothes shopping is no fun alone. Please, Subaru?”
Subaru considered his available options. He could either go out shopping with Shota and probably have fun like they usually did, or go home and sit in the dark, sulking. Well, he did need a new pair of jeans.
“Yeah, okay.”
“Yay!”
Five minutes later Subaru found himself at the wheel of his car, listening to Shota babble about the sorts of clothes he was looking for and this really cute pair of jeans with dolphins on them that he’d seen but hadn’t been able to buy at the time.
“So, what do you want for dinner?” Subaru asked as soon as the younger male paused for breath.
“Oh, um...how about pasta?” Yasuda stumbled out. “There’s a place near the shop that I’ve been to a couple of times that’s quite good...”
Subaru gleaned the important information from the guitarists babble before tuning out a little, listening to the sound of his voice as opposed to the actual words.
“...and I like the colours, but the glitter rubs off too quickly...”
It was quite comforting, really.
“...found that shirt that I really liked that Tsuyoshi-sempai wore in the magazine shoot for...”
Shota seemed to have enough enthusiasm for the both of them.
“...but the legs are never the right length. Here it is, Subaru!”
Subaru startled out of his reverie and quickly pulled over, right outside the pasta shop. Shota practically bounced out of his seat as he got out of the car, and for a moment Subaru found himself watching the guitarist’s bottom wiggling cutely as he walked towards the shop. Subaru blinked and shook his head before getting out to join him.
They got a seat inside near the window in a corner, where they could watch everything that happened outside while still remaining somewhat secluded. Subaru let Shota order for him, seeing as he’d been there before and knew what was best. The waitress furnished them with a serve of garlic bread and two glasses of water, bowed politely and withdrew.
“So, are you actually going to tell me what’s wrong?” Shota asked innocently as soon as Subaru had lifted a slice of bread to his lips.
“I told you it was nothing to worry about.”
Subaru took a bite and chewed slowly, hoping to delay his need to answer.
“Is it something to do with Yokoyama and Murakami?” Shota asked softly after a pause.
Subaru cocked and eyebrow and took another bite of bread.
“You just seem to be spending a lot less time together lately, and I wondered if anything was wrong.”
Subaru swallowed his mouthful.
“I guess we’ve all been busy.”
Shota didn’t look convinced.
“Not that busy...”
“Well, I don’t know. They seem busy.” Subaru snapped, grabbing another slice of garlic bread and biting down harshly. Shota nodded disconcertingly.
“Well, Subaru, if they’re ever too busy for yo...” Subaru glared and Yasu hastily changed the direction of his sentence. “If you’re ever not doing anything, you can always call me.”
Subaru nodded, his mouth full of bread.
Over the next few weeks Subaru found that Yoko and Hina were incredibly busy, and that he consequently had a lot of free time to spend with the group’s guitarist. Most of the time they went out shopping or to eat, but occasionally they’d go to one of their houses and spend a pleasant evening in getting quietly drunk while watching silly old movies or, if Yasuda was given the choice at the DVD rental place, drama series with Domoto Tsuyoshi in them.
Subaru found also that he could tell Shota almost anything, and Shota would do the same. One day Subaru finally had the confidence to tell Yasuda exactly what had happened with Tackey, and details of his relationship with the two other Ossans. Shota had nodded understandingly and hugged Subaru in all the right places.
In return, Shota had told him about his girlfriend. Subaru had been dimly aware that Shota was attached but to hear him talking about her in detail was strangely unsettling.
“What?” He asked suddenly, cutting the younger male off mid-sentence.
“Umm...” Shota tried to remember what he’d been saying. “I’m going out with her this weekend, so I won’t be able to go shopping with you.”
“Oh.” Subaru tuned out of the conversation again to brood. He was feeling incredibly jealous and he couldn’t even understand why. He tried reasoning to himself that he spent plenty of time with Shota, surely he needed some time to himself as well. And if Shota had a girlfriend, then she’d want to spend Yasu’s time off with him, and Subaru was greedy for taking it all, and he saw Shota at work so he should be content with seeing him there. He saw Shota practically every day anyway, he shouldn’t need to see him absolutely every day.
Then it hit him.
“I like you!” He exclaimed before his brain had time to stop him.
Shota’s voice trailed off and he turned to look at the other incredulously.
“You...”
“Like you.” Subaru muttered softly, averting his eyes from the other.
“But Subaru, you know I...”
“I know!” Subaru curled himself up into a tight little ball and wished he wasn’t in his own his house so he could leave.
“Subaru...”
Subaru tried to stare a hole in the floor.
“Subaru, I like you too, just not in that way...you did mean that way didn’t you?”
“Would it be easier if it wasn’t that way?”
“Yes and no.”
Subaru finally raised his head and gave Yasuda a questioning look, silently encouraging him to continue.
“I wouldn’t want you to lie to yourself, but I’m really sorry because I just can’t feel that way about you. You’re my best friend and I want you to still be my best friend but...I have a girlfriend and I really love her.”
Subaru stayed quietly curled up for a moment, contemplating how best to respond. He wanted to yell at Yasuda, but that wasn’t fair on the guitarist; it wasn’t his fault Subaru liked him. Well yes it was, actually, because he was such a sweet and caring person and his butt did that cute little wiggle when he was excited. Subaru blinked to clear his mind of the image and silently scolded himself for being so easily distracted.
He raised his head and smiled at the younger male.
“Of course you’re my best friend.” He grinned broadly and threw himself at the guitarist, tackling him with a hug.
“So you weren’t serious then?”
“Nope. I guess I’ve just been a bit lonely lately is all.”
Yasuda looked doubtful.
“And you’re cute when you’re flustered.”
Finally Shota smiled. He pulled Subaru’s head into his lap as he’d done several times before - whenever Subaru needed comforting - and hit the play button on the DVD remote. Shota began gently stroking his hair and he relaxed, right up until the DVD started and Subaru saw what it was.
Ningen Shikkaku.
The infamous drama where the two Domoto-sempais kissed. And possible the worst choice of viewing material at that point in time. Shota didn’t seem to notice though, as he continued to stroke Subaru’s hair affectionately. Subaru chewed his bottom lip and closed his eyes, trying to rid himself of the rapidly forming mental picture of himself kissing a supine and unprotesting Shota.
“I have to pee.” He announced, standing up and hurrying out of the room.
Subaru practically slammed the bathroom door behind himself, before slumping against it and sighing heavily. He stayed there for a moment, eyes closed and breathing hard, then strode purposefully over to the sink and washed his face with cold water.
He looked up at the reflection of his dripping face and forced a smile. He could deal with being friends. Well it was better that than risk really falling in love and getting hurt all over again. Subaru patted his face dry on the hand towel, double checked his smile was still firmly affixed to his face, and made his way back out to the lounge room.
He threw himself across the guitarist’s lap, earning a giggle and a half-arsed protest.
“Make me tea!” He demanded, getting himself comfortable in such a position that would make it impossible for the guitarist to get up.
“Subaru, I can’t...”
“Yes you can. You just put the tea leaves in the kettle, and fill it up with water from the urn.”
“Subaru, I can’t get up with you sitting on me.”
“Oh.” Subaru acted surprised.
“Also, don’t you think you should be the one making the tea, because I’m your guest.”
“But I don’t know how...”
“You just gave me instructions!”
“Yeah, but you make it so much better than I do...”
“Fine. I’ll make it if you let me show you how it’s done so you can make it next time.”
“Can’t you just make it next time?”
“But I just want your tea. I don’t drink it unless you make it.”
“...”
Finally they both conceded and Subaru got up so Shota could make the tea. Subaru hovered around the younger male, paying close attention to everything he did and repeating every instruction after Yasuda to make sure he’d understood them.
“...and then you pour it into the cup.” Shota finished, pouring the tea.
“Into the cup.” Subaru echoed softly, accepting a cup graciously.
“Got all that?”
“Yep.” Subaru nodded.
“Alright then, how?”
“Step one: ask Yasu to make tea. Step two: drink the tea.”
Yasuda groaned good-naturedly.
“Were you actually paying attention?”
“Of course I was. There was that whole thing with the water and the pot.”
“Yes, that bit was fairly important, wasn’t it?” Shota’s tone was similar to that of a kindergarten teacher.
“Yep.” Subaru replied cheerily. “I have ichigo daifuku. Do you want some?”
“Yes please, they sound nice.”
“They are.”
Subaru found the packet of sweet rice cakes and brought them out into the lounge room. The DVD, long forgotten, had gone innocuously to its blank screen saver. They got themselves comfortable on the lounge and ate, drank and chatted. Shota politely avoided the topic of his girlfriend, and Subaru evaded all questions about the other two Ossans.
The daifuku ran out quickly. Next the tea, and finally the conversation. Shota yawned, stretched, and politely excused himself. Subaru gave him a quick hug good bye, suppressing his urge to hold onto the guitarist and not let go.
And then the house was empty.
Subaru quietly crawled into bed and snuggled up to his pillow, dreaming it wasn’t just a contained pile of feathers.
~~~
Over the next month Yasuda was forced to cancel his plans with Subaru nearly a dozen times because of his girlfriend. Subaru hadn’t really minded the first time. Or the second. But by the end of the month though, having four consecutive outings cancelled on him, Subaru was upset. He could no longer stand trying to make arrangements if all that happened was that Shota would be unable to make it, so he stopped trying. He went back to his habit of leaving work without telling him, and no one seemed to miss him.
There was an anger in him that made him feel glad no one cared, but the emptiness of his apartment that greeted him when he arrived home was crushing. More often than not he found he lacked the desire to cook anything substantial, and the one day he had decided to eat out, he’d run into Shota out on a date with his girlfriend.
One rather uneventful evening, after just having eaten a piece of plain toast, there was a knock on Subaru’s door. Brushing the crumbs off him, he rose, curious as to who would be visiting him seeing as all his friends appeared to be way too busy for him.
He opened the door and was almost immediately knocked flat by something warm, damp and roughly his size. After the initial daze had passed, he realised it was Shota, and that Shota was crying.
He managed to steer his sobbing friend into the lounge room, pulling them both onto the couch and cradling the younger boy’s head in his lap.
“Yasu, what’s wrong?” Subaru asked concernedly, stroking pale cheeks as tears continued to fall freely down them.
Shota continued to sob.
“Shota, please, tell me what’s wrong?”
“She...she broke up with me.”
Shota looked up then, straight into Subaru’s eyes. It was almost as though the comprehension he saw there made what he’d just said real for him, and he broke into a fresh round of howling. Subaru held him tightly, trying to still the sobs that were wracking the guitarist’s tiny frame. He had no words to say. Anything sympathetic would only feel fake, and an I told you so was entirely tactless.
“Have you got any alcohol?” Shota asked suddenly, sitting upright and wiping his tears away.
“I think there’s some beer in the fridge...” Subaru replied, trying to think of what he actually did have. He hadn’t done much shopping in weeks, and his fridge was suffering for it.
“Anything harder?” Shota seemed determined now, that competitive glint shining in his wet eyes.
“I think I might have some whisky...why, Shota?”
“I just want to get drunk.”
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
“I just want to forget it all for a night. Please, Subaru?”
“Alright,” Subaru consented, “but you’re going to have to stay here tonight if you do.”
“Yes, now please!”
Subaru rose and found his bottle of whisky and two glasses and brought them back to the couch. He poured out a single nip and looked at the guitarist questioningly.
“More.” Shota whispered, face set in grim determination.
Subaru poured in another nip and filled his own glass to the same level. Shota downed his in one gulp. Subaru made a face, then followed suit. Shota set his glass down on the table and kept a firm hold, as though minimising the time it would take him to get the next mouthful down his throat.
The bottle was empty by the end of the next half hour. Shota’s cheeks were warm and flushed, and he’d snuggled as close to Subaru as was physically possible, his body turned and his far leg resting between Subaru’s. The older male had one arm wrapped around him, idly stroking his shoulder. After a lengthy pause, Shota spoke.
“Subaru...”
“Mmm?”
“Did you really like me?”
“Yes.”
Shota turned his head towards the singer, face so close that Subaru could taste his breath. His heart sped up a little.
“Do you still like me?”
“Of course.”
“Good.”
That was all the warning he got before Shota’s lips crashed into his own.
Subaru desperately wished that he could resist, or at least that he could have the desire to resist, but the only thing he’d wanted for the past few weeks was flooding his already liquor-clouded senses and there was nothing he knew he could do against it. He moaned and kissed the guitarist back with months of pent-up longing. The hand that had been resting on the younger male’s shoulder rolled Shota a little further over so he was directly on top of Subaru.
Yasuda gave a groan of his own and began grinding against Subaru’s leg, suddenly desperate for some friction. Occasionally his leg brushed against Subaru’s own groin and the sensation was something Subaru needed repeated. His hands slid down the guitarist’s back to his hips, roughly yanking him in closer. Shota whimpered in delight and began to rock harder, creating delicious friction for the both of them.
“Like it rough, do you?” Subaru mumbled against the other’s lips. Shota nodded weakly and tried to reclaim the warmth of the singer’s mouth.
Subaru forced his hands down the back of Shota’s jeans and began kneading the guitarist’s buttocks harshly. Shota’s head fell back and he whimpered loudly. For a moment Subaru was worried he was hurting his friend, but then a single, reassuring word fell from his lips.
“Harder.”
Subaru couldn’t remember wanting anything more in his life. He twisted his body around, pushing Shota onto his back with Subaru on top of him, attacking his mouth and any exposed skin on the guitarist’s neck. Yasu began to tug on the hem of the older boy’s shirt, and he quickly sat up and discarded the garment.
Yasuda looked surprised for a moment, as though he’d forgotten it was a man he was with now, but then Subaru kissed him again and he didn’t care. He trailed his fingers up and down the other’s naked torso, revelling in the feel of Subaru’s toned body. His fingers found Subaru’s navel piercing and he toyed with it briefly. He was rewarded with a low growl and a harsh nip on his jaw.
Shota was wearing a buttoned shirt, so Subaru decided to exact his revenge by having a little fun with it. Starting at the top, he began slowly undoing the buttons, placing a kiss on the skin bared with each button gone. He gave Shota’s navel piercing a good tug when he reached that, and the younger male gasped and arched up towards his mouth.
“Not yet.” Subaru mumbled, punctuating his words with butterfly kisses to Yasu’s belly. “Need to get into bed first.”
Somehow they managed to stumble into the bedroom together. Shota tripped on the bed, giggling as his small frame folded over the edge of it and wiggling his bottom at the older boy. Subaru’s response was to reach around him, undo his fly, and yank the guitarist’s pants off and throw them away. Confronted with his friend’s bare bottom, pale and squirming in the moonlight, he found there was nothing he could do but kiss it.
Yasuda gave a soft squeal as Subaru’s lips landed on his right buttock, softly sucking and nibbling the delicate skin. His mouth traced a high arch across Shota’s tail bone so he could give the same treatment to the guitarist’s unblemished left cheek, his right now covered in faint pink marks. Shota giggled as Subaru’s tongue began to trace idle patterns, and gasped when it flicked over his sensitive hole.
Yasuda writhed as Subaru’s tongue repeated the action, and the singer was forced to hold the guitarist’s hips down so his nose didn’t get broken. Shota began to grow vocal, making a hoard of random sounds as though grasping for the right ones to make the word he wanted to say.
“Uh...re...an...” he panted, eyes squeezed shut, “...more!”
Subaru finally decided that Shota’s entrance was sufficiently wet and ceased his oral attack to slide a single digit in. Yasuda groaned and shuddered, trying to force himself to relax at the unprecedented intrusion. Subaru, sympathetic to his friend’s discomfort, placed a reassuring kiss at the base of his spine before beginning to thrust his finger steadily in and out of the younger male.
Subaru waited until Yasuda’s breathing had evened out before adding another finger. Shota yelped and tensed up immediately.
“You alright?” Subaru asked, genuine concern in his voice.
“Yes.” Shota breathed, and Subaru felt him relax a little.
The singer continued to fingerfuck to younger boy a little more until he guessed he was relaxed enough for a third. He desperately wanted nothing more than to bury himself in his friend, but it was Yasu’s first time with a man and he still had just enough sobriety to remain considerate of this fact.
Shota screamed as his hole was stretched around a third digit.
Fuck it, thought Subaru. He pulled his fingers out of the guitarist and flipped him over, pushing him backwards until he lay spreadeagled and supine across the bed. Subaru spat on two of his own fingers, rubbing the saliva over his own hole as he climbed onto the bed, before sitting down on the guitarist.
There was a look of shock on Shota’s face as he found himself filling Subaru.
“Am I tight?” Subaru asked huskily, gently rocking to get himself reaccustomed to the sensation.
Shota managed a barely lucid nod.
“Do you want to fuck me?”
Another nod. Subaru contracted his muscles in a way that used to drive Kimi to babble even more idiotically than usual and the younger boy convulsed, forcing the breath out of his body in a euphoric moan.
“Then fuck me.”
Yasuda’s hips rose to meet Subaru’s so forcefully that it was the older male’s turn to throw his head back and scream, though in pleasure, not in pain.
“Oh fuck.” Subaru mumbled as his eyes rolled back. “You’re good.”
Then Shota thrust into him and he lost the breath to talk again.
Subaru ran his hands up and down Yasu’s torso, searching for traction and maybe some way of regaining control. Kimi was easy - his nipples, Hina - his ears, and Tackey, well, Subaru never had a proper chance to find out. Subaru’s thumb grazed over Yasu’s navel piercing then, and the younger male twitched.
Curious, Subaru flicked it again and earned another brief convulsion. He flicked it a third time and gained complete control once more. Subaru found Shota could do nothing but lie back and whimper as Subaru teased the small metallic bar, rocking in synch with Subaru’s movements but not ever leading them.
Yasuda’s arms flailed uselessly above him head, occasionally motioning towards Subaru, but always failing half way. Subaru captured one and led it gently to his own erection, using Shota’s hand to stroke himself. Yasuda latched onto the singer’s shaft and squeezed it. Subaru bit his lip to stop himself crying out.
“Sho, baby...” he whispered, extending his free hand to the other’s face.
“Yeah?” The brief reprieve of the attack on his navel seeming to have restored his ability to speak.
“Touch me like you touch yourself.”
Shota trailed his fingertips lightly up the sensitive underside of the singer’s length.
“Like that?”
“Oh god, yes.”
Yasuda swirled a finger around the head.
“And that?”
Subaru’s eyes fluttered shut and it was all he could do not to relinquish his control again.
“Fuck.” He groaned.
“What about this?”
Some part of Subaru know it was a genuine question. But as Shota lightly massaged Subaru’s frenulum with the heel of his thumb, he couldn’t stop himself from yelling
“Stop teasing and just fuck me!”
Shota looked hurt for an instant, but complied gladly, bucking his hips sharply upwards and squeezing the head of Subaru’s cock gently. Subaru growled loudly, either in sheer animalistic pleasure or in anger at himself for letting Yasuda gain the advantage again. He reached one hand in front of himself to toy with Shota’s piercing again, the other behind him to tease the guitarist’s balls.
Shota, overwhelmed with sensations, slowed momentarily to regain his direction. He found it quickly - it was upwards, hard and fast into Subaru until the singer was incoherent and shaking. Subaru lost it only a second before the guitarist, screaming as loudly as he could just because he could. Shota screamed too, but no one could really hold a note like Subaru could.
The older male let himself collapse then, turning as he fell so that he landed supine beside the guitarist. Neither one spoke for a few minutes, for neither of them really had the breath to. Or the coherency.
Subaru only wanted to break the silence to ask what was rubbing against his leg, but when he turned and saw the devilish glint in the other’s eyes, he didn’t need to.
“Again?”
Subaru noticed, also, the Shota’s eyes were still a little out of focus and guessed his climax hadn’t sobered him up as much as Subaru felt his own had. Subaru wanted momentarily to protest, but then Shota’s gaze locked directly on to Subaru’s and the singer could do nothing but kiss him. There seemed to be a little voice of reason in the back of his head yelling at him, but no matter how hard he tried, the only sounds he could listen to were the wet sounds of his lips pressed to the guitarist’s, the soft grunts as they changed positions, and Shota’s needy breathing.
“This time,” Shota whispered against his lips, punctuating each word with an infuriatingly light kiss that made Subaru whimper, “It’s my turn.”
He’d barely finished the last word before Subaru wrapped his arms around the guitarist’s neck and pulled Shota on top of himself, holding him close and devouring his mouth, letting that be his consent.
One of Shota’s hands crept downwards between them, teasing an erection out of the older boy. Subaru groaned and began thrusting up into the guitarist’s small hand, head tilted back.
“Good?” Shota asked, resting his forehead against the singer’s and chuckling quietly.
“Un.” Subaru responded, arching up as Shota’s fingers did that particularly nice swirly thing.
“Can I?”
“What?”
“Put it in you?”
Yasuda’s fingers dipped lower to trace Subaru’s opening. Subaru grunted as a finger slid inside him, then reached over to the bedside cabinet, rummaging in the drawers and extracting a bottle of lubricant.
“Use this.”
Shota looked surprised.
“Am I hurting you?”
“Just use it. It’ll be better.”
Still looking a little uncertain, Shota poured the clear gel on his fingers and began thrusting them in and out of the older male.
“No!” Subaru snapped, sitting suddenly upright. Shota’s eyes went wide and he withdrew.
“I’m hurting, you aren’t I?”
“No.” Subaru muttered through gritted teeth. “But you will be if you don’t hurry up and fuck me properly already.”
Another look of confusion passed across the guitarist’s face before being replaced with one of confidence. He rubbed the last of the lube on his fingers off onto his cock and wrapped his hands around the backs of Subaru’s knees, pushing them up and apart, exposing his hole to Shota’s already leaking cock.
“This what you want?” Yasu asked, voice low and seductive as he pushed just the head inside the older male.
“Harder.”
Shota dimly recalled that he’d been the one saying that earlier in the night and giggled, before burying his entire length in the other. Subaru gave a low moan of pleasure as he was filled once more by the guitarist’s cock. Shota refused to move for a few agonisingly long seconds, and with the way he was holding the singer’s legs it was impossible for Subaru to get the leverage to move against his friend.
Then slowly, almost painstakingly so, Yasuda began to thrust into him, constantly changing his angle until he hit the spot inside Subaru that made him yelp in an ungainly fashion and convulse. Shota bucked into him again, more purposefully this time, hitting the same spot again.
“Fuck. Yes. Sho. More.” Subaru repeated like a mantra, not really aware of the words that were falling from his lips, yet well aware of the fact that they were serving their purpose of encouraging the guitarist to continue ramming him in exactly that way.
Subaru reached a hand down to his own cock and began stroking it, letting his fingers brush over Shota’s navel ring as he teased himself to a faster climax. Yasuda whimpered at the light touch and began bucking even harder into the singer, finishing them both off in a matter of minutes.
The singer had lost the breath to scream properly, so he did so silently as his seed spilt for a second time on the guitarist’s torso. His last recollection before he passed out was the sticky, wet sensation of his friend pulling out of him and falling on top of him, already half-asleep.
~~~
Subaru’s first thought when he woke up was that his head hurt.
His second was that his arm was numb.
Groggily he tried to move it, and when that failed, he rolled over to see what was stopping it. The mass that was resting on his arm stirred, rolled over, and looked him in the eyes. The figure smiled and Subaru smiled back, realising it was his best friend. They continued to smile at each other until memories of the previous night began to creep back. Shota’s smile dissolved and Subaru mirrored the expression.
“We...” Shota began slowly, without the real desire of finishing the sentence in case he was mistaken.
“...Yeah.”
“I...”
“...Yeah.”
“You...”
“...Yeah. Um, my arm?”
“Oh, sorry.” Shota sat up and rubbed his eyes. Subaru felt his breath hitch as he watched the sheets slide down his friend’s bare torso, pooling in his lap. Small splashes of dried semen still coated his belly, and Subaru had to look away before the memory of him making them began to turn him on again.
“Do you want a shower?”
“Um, yeah, that’d be nice, thanks.”
Subaru was relieved to see that Shota wasn’t any more self-conscious than usual as he crawled out of bed and padded towards the bathroom.
“Wait!”
Shota turned around and looked at the singer quizzically. Shyly, Subaru handed him a folded towel.
“Thanks.”
Subaru watched Shota leave the room, trying to keep his gaze above the guitarist’s waist, even if his bottom was doing that cute little wiggling thing again. Subaru did, however, notice a couple of small faint bruises roughly the size of his fingertips on Shota’s bottom and tried to remember how he’d made them. His memory of the evening was limited to a blur of wanting Yasuda so badly, and having Yasuda, and needing him so much it almost hurt.
Subaru bit his lip, picked up a towel for himself and sat on the edge of the bed to wait for his friend to finish. He was so wrapped up in his own thoughts that he didn’t notice the guitarist’s return until a gentle hand on his shoulder startled him. Subaru looked up and smiled weakly.
“Don’t leave.” He pleaded, standing up.
Shota shook his head.
“I won’t.” Yasuda promised him, giving him a quick reassuring squeeze on the shoulder before dropping his hand and letting Subaru go to the bathroom.
Subaru began to shower as quickly as possible, irrationally afraid that Yasuda would leave him forever if he wasn’t quick enough. He found a few faint bruises on his thigh above his knee and laughed. Of course he was hurt. It was a rule that he had to get hurt. Every memory of Shota’s touch suddenly became too much for him and he scrubbed furiously at his skin, trying to rid himself of them. His tattoo was laughing at him again. Of course he couldn’t be happy.
Subaru collapsed to the ground in tears. He sat there, just sobbing, as the water rushed over him and refused to cleanse him.
Finally there was a knock at the door.
“Subaru? Are you alright? You’ve been in there for a while.”
Subaru didn’t respond. Shota didn’t love him; couldn’t love him.
“Subaru, I’m coming in.”
The singer burst out into absurd laughter again as Yasuda turned off the taps and gently hauled him to his feet. His mirth echoed off the cold, tiled walls and the sound of it immediately silenced him in fear. He was only dimly aware as Shota dried him off and led him to the lounge room, wrapping him up in a quilt and pressing a mug of tea into his hands once he was seated. The fragrant steam revived him, and after a few minutes he was able to speak again.
“So, are we going to forget this ever happened?”
“No, of course not.”
“Pretend it didn’t then?”
“Subaru, how can you pretend something like this never happened?”
The older male glanced at his friend and realised for the first time that he was still clad only in the towel Subaru had given him earlier.
“But...it shouldn’t have happened. I should have stopped you.”
“And ideally I shouldn’t have started it. I’m sorry I did, but I don’t regret it.”
“How can you be sorry but not regret it?”
“I...” Shota paused, grasping for the right way to express himself. “I used you last night, and I’m sorry that it had to happen that way, but I never regret any time that I spend with you.”
“So what if I’d managed to stop you? What if we’d just spent the night watching movies instead? You wouldn’t have to feel sorry for me then.”
“Subaru!” Shota sounded exasperated. “I don’t feel sorry for you. I’m just really sorry that I’ve hurt you this much because you’re my best friend.” Tears began to cloud the younger male’s eyes. “And maybe it would have been better if we hadn’t slept together, but we did and that can’t be changed.”
“If you could change it?”
“I can’t.”
“If.”
“Subaru, we can’t change the past, okay?”
Tears began to flow freely now, and Shota buried his face in his hands. Subaru felt a twinge of guilt as he watched his friend’s body wrack with sobs, but he found himself powerless to console the guitarist. He remained transfixed as he watched Shota get up, retrieve his clothes and get dressed. It was only when Shota’s hand touched the door handle that he found his voice again.
“Shota, I’m sorry.”
Yasuda stopped and looked at him, eyes red-rimmed and shining with tears.
“Shota, please don’t leave me. I need you.”
His voice sounded so unnatural to himself that he wasn’t even sure he was the one speaking.
“I need you.” He repeated softly. “Shota, don’t leave me. It’s too quiet when everyone goes away.”
Subaru curled up into a ball and began rocking, hugging his legs tightly. He felt tears sting the corner of his eyes and blinked them back.
“Everyone always goes away.”
“Subaru...” Shota quickly ran back over to his friend and cradled him in his arms. Subaru let himself cry then, pulling the guitarist closer to himself and sobbing hysterically into his chest. Yasuda’s tears began to fall again then, and the two friends clung to each other, desperate for each other’s presence. Subaru got a taste of the other’s tears and craned his neck upwards, frantic to gobble his tears up, but Shota was pushing him gently away.
“Subaru, please no.” He implored, trying gingerly to disentangle the singer. “I’m still not sure about liking you that way.”
Subaru looked down, fearful that he’d spoilt it again.
“Subaru, I’m not going to leave you, but I still need a bit of time before I can love you like you need to be loved.”
“I’m sorry.” Subaru whispered, gaze still cast downwards.
“Please don’t be.”
“But you’re sorry.”
“Subaru, what I did was a lot worse, okay?”
Subaru didn’t reply.
“Okay, Subaru?”
“Okay.”
Subaru spent the rest of the afternoon curled up with his head in the guitarist’s lap watching movies, while Shota stroked his hair, occasionally rising to make him tea or change the DVD. Subaru knew he should have been content like that, and for the most part he was, but there was still some small part of him that was all too aware that Yasuda would never be anything more than his best friend.
~~~
Subaru avoided Shota for the next few days at work. He couldn’t stand the sad look the guitarist gave him every time their eyes met. If Yasuda was going to keep looking at him, it should have been with longing, or lust even, but definitely not the look of pity he got whenever he glanced up at the younger boy.
So Subaru turned his affections to the group’s bassist, because Maru could always be depended on to be affectionate without the awkwardness of him being interested in the group, or anyone being interested in him.
Yasuda looked a little hurt every time Subaru threw himself across the bassist, but said nothing. Subaru felt a little bad for neglecting his friend at first, but as his friendship with Maru grew, he found himself thinking of the guitarist less and less. Like this, he missed as the younger male’s expression changed from pity to sadness, and then changed again to longing. It wasn’t until a few weeks later that he finally looked up at Yasuda from his position on Maru’s lap and caught Shota’s look of fierce jealousy.
A little surprised, Subaru decided to test the extent of Yasu’s jealousy. Subaru smiled and rolled over onto his back, looking straight up at the bassist and whispering sweet nothings to him, all the while watching Shota out of the corner of his eye. Sure enough, the guitarist seemed to get more and more agitated, ignoring Yoko who sat babbling happily beside him, until he could watch no longer and quickly turned away.
“Are you alright, Subaru?” Maru asked suddenly, distracting Subaru from his fun little game.
“Why do you ask?”
“You’ve just been a bit clingy lately - did you have a fight with Yasu or something? Because I’ve noticed you haven’t spent that much with him lately and I thought he was your best friend.”
“I don’t know.” Subaru answered childishly, giving a slight shrug.
“Because you know I like spending time with you, but not if you’re only clinging on to me to make Yasu jealous.”
“No, I do like spending time with you.” Subaru responded slowly, beginning to fidget with his glove.
“Are you trying to make Yasu jealous?” Maru asked firmly, looking Subaru straight in the eye.
“I’m not trying.” Subaru replied reluctantly. “But he seems to be getting jealous anyway.”
“Is something going on between the two of you?” Maru asked in a whisper. “Or maybe not going on?”
Subaru sighed and decided to be honest.
“I like Yasu. Something happened between us a few weeks ago and, well, it’s been a bit awkward since.”
“What about...?” Maru glanced over at Yoko and Hina, who were busily chatting away since Yasuda had excused himself from his conversation with the eldest to go and practice guitar.
“We’re not really as close as we used to be any more.”
“Oh. And didn’t Yasu...?”
“He broke up with her.”
“Ah.”
“So I guess there’s that too - it's too soon, maybe.”
“He...?”
“I can’t tell. But you saw how jealous he got, so maybe I have a chance.”
“I see. He knows how you feel?”
“Yes.”
“So you’re just waiting for...”
“...him to tell me how he feels.” Subaru finished, glancing over at Shota, completely rapt in his practice.
Maru sighed and ran his fingers gently through the singer’s hair.
“I guess we’ll all just have to wait. But I think you should at least try and spend a bit more time with him.”
“You’re right.”
Maru smiled and Subaru found himself forced to reciprocate it.
“Thanks, Maru.”
There was a brief pause in which neither boy said or did anything.
“Subaru?”
“Can I just stay here for a bit longer?” The older male asked, getting himself more comfortable in the bassist’s lap.
“...Alright. But you have to promise me you’ll leave with Yasu today. You can’t keep leaving early with me. I have to go all the way to Kyoto, and you don’t, so you’ve got no excuse.”
“I promise.”
Subaru didn’t, however, get to stay there very long before one of the staff came and told them their break was over.
MK~