BUGS: Yasu/Baru
Title: BUGS (aka Yasu and Subs' first fight)
Pairing: Yasuda/Subaru
Rating: PGish. There's some violence.
Notes: I was chatting to ichigohime the other day, and somehow the conversation turned into an arguement between Yasu and Baru. She's responsible for a lot of the plot and pretty much everything Yasu says.
Shota had had a long day at work, and wasn’t in the best of the moods when he returned home to the apartment he shared with his boyfriend. He called out a perfunctory
“tadaima” dropped his bag and headed straight for the shower without waiting for Subaru to reply. The hot water felt good against his skin, easily making him forget how tired and cranky he was. Indeed he was feeling rather pleasant as he emerged a few minutes later, a towel wrapped around his waist and a smile on his face. He immediately headed to the bedroom to see what his boyfriend actually was up to.
He was rather surprised when he found the singer crawling around the bedroom floor, looking like he’s lost something.
“Subaru, what are you...”
“There you are! Die, bitch!” Subaru screamed suddenly, whipping an aerosol can out of somewhere and emptying the contents in the direction of whatever it was he’d just found.
“Subaru, what are you actually...” Shota walked around the bed to get a better view, his voice rising about three octaves when he caught sight of the ill-fated cockroach. “SUBARU! What are you doing? You’re killing it!”
“I’m killing it dead.” Subaru responded, a cold, maniacal edge to his voice. “And I’ve got a bug bomb for all his little friends.”
”How can you do this?” Shota burst into tears as Subaru continued to empty the can of bug spray on the cockroach.
“It’s easy. You just kill it.”
“Subaru, you’re horrible. I hate you and I want a divorce!”
“Shota, we’re not married.”
Yasuda howled and continued to sob hysterically as he watched the critter die, supine and with limbs twitching. Finally Subaru decided that half a can of bug spray was enough and relented. The cockroach gave one last kick and stopped moving.
“You killed it! You’re a murderer!”
“Now for its friends.” Subaru rose and picked up a bag that Shota hadn’t noticed until then. Through the thin plastic he saw the frightening words ‘Bug Bomb’.
“Bug bomb? You’re going to be a mass murderer now!”
“Yasuda, please, don't exaggerate this any further. Yes, I did buy a bug bomb, and for very good reason. Do you think I enjoyed it when that cockroach that crawled over my leg last time we make love?”
“It's not the cockroaches fault!! So he was in the wrong place at the wrong time - does that mean he deserves to be poisoned to death!”
“Yasuda, those things are riddled with disease! How do you think I'd feel if it got into the kitchen and you died from food poisoning because it crawled across your dinner?”
“You don't know it is riddled with disease!! Did you test this particular one? You are making stereotypical assumptions!!!”
“How was I was I supposed to test it, Yasu?”
“So you just think you should randomly kill it? You probably are one of those to kill the weak kitten, aren't you? How about me? Are you going to try to "exterminate" me, if I sneeze on you?”
“I'm not going to die if you sneeze on me! And kittens don't have Streptococci! Shota, I am not going to have anything in the house that may kill you!”
“And you don't know that that poor cockroach had streppi...streppital...strepp...that bad disease!”
“Shota, I can't risk losing you!”
“Subaru! You are being totally unreasonable!!! How many people do you know that have died from a cockroach?? None, huh!!! But how many cockroaches have died at your irrational hands?? You know it is not that one cockroach you are killing, think of his family and children that he will unwittingly bring poison back too!!”
“If that thing had a family in our house, I'm going to find and kill them all.”
Subaru strode purposely out of the bedroom while Shota screamed after him.
“I can't live with you...you monster!”
Yasuda began a desperate flight for the front door.
“Shota, you can not run out of the house in that state of undress!”
Yasuda stopped for a second to throw open Subaru’s wardrobe, grab the first big thing he saw and don it. For some reason, Subaru had his chicken suit in there, and this was what Shota was now wearing.
“Shota, you can't leave me over something this stupid?”
“Sorry Subaru, I don't consider Mass MURDER...stupid!”
Yasuda reached the door and put a hand on the knob.
“Where are you going to go? Maru's all the way in Kyoto and there's no way in hell you're going to make it there in that attire. To Ohkura? He stomps on bugs! And you know Ryo hates kittens.”
“Stop that! Ohkura would never stomp on a bug! and Ryo is allergic to kittens; he doesn't hate them!”
“STOMP! STOMP! STOMP! Look at me, I'm Ohkura! STOMP! STOMP! STOMP!”
“You horrible WEE LITTLE MAN!!! I am going to Kimi's! He told me I could stay with him anytime!”
“Did you see him the last time a spider crawled into the gakuya? Did you?”
Yasu chose not to listen, and to storm out the door instead. The coat got stuck on the door, sending feathers flying and the hysterical guitarist careening back into the genkan. Subaru decided to continue his verbal assault.
“And what about you, Yasu? How many chickens died to make that costume? How many unborn babies lives were wasted in those eggs we had for dinner? That you suggested we eat?”
“Subaru! Think!” Shota pleaded, cheeks streaked with tears. “They don't have to kill the chicken to make these costumes...right?”
“They kill them. And they pull every feather out. One. By. One.” Subaru answered, voice cruel. “Imagine if they did it while the chook was alive?”
The thought was too much for the younger male and he fainted. Subaru looked at him for a few seconds before pulling his phone out of his pocket and making a call.
“Hello?”
“Hina, can I bring Shota over there while I bug bomb the house? Or better yet, can you come over? He's kinda heavy.”
There was a poignant silence that expressed more question marks than words could have.
“He's upset because I want to kill bugs.”
“Subaru! You didn't actually TELL him about the bug bomb...did you?”
“Of course. He needs to know that I will kill every single insect that dare enters the house.”
“Subaru...that is something he does not need to know, for all of our sakes - that is something that should remain a deep dark secret.”
“The bugs must die, and he knows it. So hurry over before he wakes up.”
“He's asleep?”
“He passed out. When I was telling him how they get the feathers off the chickens for our costumes.”
“...I'll be right there.”
“Actually, I think these feathers might be synthetic. See you soon.”
MK~
Pairing: Yasuda/Subaru
Rating: PGish. There's some violence.
Notes: I was chatting to ichigohime the other day, and somehow the conversation turned into an arguement between Yasu and Baru. She's responsible for a lot of the plot and pretty much everything Yasu says.
Shota had had a long day at work, and wasn’t in the best of the moods when he returned home to the apartment he shared with his boyfriend. He called out a perfunctory
“tadaima” dropped his bag and headed straight for the shower without waiting for Subaru to reply. The hot water felt good against his skin, easily making him forget how tired and cranky he was. Indeed he was feeling rather pleasant as he emerged a few minutes later, a towel wrapped around his waist and a smile on his face. He immediately headed to the bedroom to see what his boyfriend actually was up to.
He was rather surprised when he found the singer crawling around the bedroom floor, looking like he’s lost something.
“Subaru, what are you...”
“There you are! Die, bitch!” Subaru screamed suddenly, whipping an aerosol can out of somewhere and emptying the contents in the direction of whatever it was he’d just found.
“Subaru, what are you actually...” Shota walked around the bed to get a better view, his voice rising about three octaves when he caught sight of the ill-fated cockroach. “SUBARU! What are you doing? You’re killing it!”
“I’m killing it dead.” Subaru responded, a cold, maniacal edge to his voice. “And I’ve got a bug bomb for all his little friends.”
”How can you do this?” Shota burst into tears as Subaru continued to empty the can of bug spray on the cockroach.
“It’s easy. You just kill it.”
“Subaru, you’re horrible. I hate you and I want a divorce!”
“Shota, we’re not married.”
Yasuda howled and continued to sob hysterically as he watched the critter die, supine and with limbs twitching. Finally Subaru decided that half a can of bug spray was enough and relented. The cockroach gave one last kick and stopped moving.
“You killed it! You’re a murderer!”
“Now for its friends.” Subaru rose and picked up a bag that Shota hadn’t noticed until then. Through the thin plastic he saw the frightening words ‘Bug Bomb’.
“Bug bomb? You’re going to be a mass murderer now!”
“Yasuda, please, don't exaggerate this any further. Yes, I did buy a bug bomb, and for very good reason. Do you think I enjoyed it when that cockroach that crawled over my leg last time we make love?”
“It's not the cockroaches fault!! So he was in the wrong place at the wrong time - does that mean he deserves to be poisoned to death!”
“Yasuda, those things are riddled with disease! How do you think I'd feel if it got into the kitchen and you died from food poisoning because it crawled across your dinner?”
“You don't know it is riddled with disease!! Did you test this particular one? You are making stereotypical assumptions!!!”
“How was I was I supposed to test it, Yasu?”
“So you just think you should randomly kill it? You probably are one of those to kill the weak kitten, aren't you? How about me? Are you going to try to "exterminate" me, if I sneeze on you?”
“I'm not going to die if you sneeze on me! And kittens don't have Streptococci! Shota, I am not going to have anything in the house that may kill you!”
“And you don't know that that poor cockroach had streppi...streppital...strepp...that bad disease!”
“Shota, I can't risk losing you!”
“Subaru! You are being totally unreasonable!!! How many people do you know that have died from a cockroach?? None, huh!!! But how many cockroaches have died at your irrational hands?? You know it is not that one cockroach you are killing, think of his family and children that he will unwittingly bring poison back too!!”
“If that thing had a family in our house, I'm going to find and kill them all.”
Subaru strode purposely out of the bedroom while Shota screamed after him.
“I can't live with you...you monster!”
Yasuda began a desperate flight for the front door.
“Shota, you can not run out of the house in that state of undress!”
Yasuda stopped for a second to throw open Subaru’s wardrobe, grab the first big thing he saw and don it. For some reason, Subaru had his chicken suit in there, and this was what Shota was now wearing.
“Shota, you can't leave me over something this stupid?”
“Sorry Subaru, I don't consider Mass MURDER...stupid!”
Yasuda reached the door and put a hand on the knob.
“Where are you going to go? Maru's all the way in Kyoto and there's no way in hell you're going to make it there in that attire. To Ohkura? He stomps on bugs! And you know Ryo hates kittens.”
“Stop that! Ohkura would never stomp on a bug! and Ryo is allergic to kittens; he doesn't hate them!”
“STOMP! STOMP! STOMP! Look at me, I'm Ohkura! STOMP! STOMP! STOMP!”
“You horrible WEE LITTLE MAN!!! I am going to Kimi's! He told me I could stay with him anytime!”
“Did you see him the last time a spider crawled into the gakuya? Did you?”
Yasu chose not to listen, and to storm out the door instead. The coat got stuck on the door, sending feathers flying and the hysterical guitarist careening back into the genkan. Subaru decided to continue his verbal assault.
“And what about you, Yasu? How many chickens died to make that costume? How many unborn babies lives were wasted in those eggs we had for dinner? That you suggested we eat?”
“Subaru! Think!” Shota pleaded, cheeks streaked with tears. “They don't have to kill the chicken to make these costumes...right?”
“They kill them. And they pull every feather out. One. By. One.” Subaru answered, voice cruel. “Imagine if they did it while the chook was alive?”
The thought was too much for the younger male and he fainted. Subaru looked at him for a few seconds before pulling his phone out of his pocket and making a call.
“Hello?”
“Hina, can I bring Shota over there while I bug bomb the house? Or better yet, can you come over? He's kinda heavy.”
There was a poignant silence that expressed more question marks than words could have.
“He's upset because I want to kill bugs.”
“Subaru! You didn't actually TELL him about the bug bomb...did you?”
“Of course. He needs to know that I will kill every single insect that dare enters the house.”
“Subaru...that is something he does not need to know, for all of our sakes - that is something that should remain a deep dark secret.”
“The bugs must die, and he knows it. So hurry over before he wakes up.”
“He's asleep?”
“He passed out. When I was telling him how they get the feathers off the chickens for our costumes.”
“...I'll be right there.”
“Actually, I think these feathers might be synthetic. See you soon.”
MK~