Excuses On Why You Have Self-Mutilation Scars (joke reasons)
--I had unprotected sex with a porcupine.
--I took my lizards for a walk and they held on for dear life.
--The neighborhood cat and I had a disagreement about the pawprints on my truck.
--The police didn't comply with the terrorists' demands fast enough, so they took it out on us hostages.
--This first one is kind of lame, but it's what I use most often: "Um, uh...I, uh....you see....I...uh...Well,...." At which they usually try to help me out by replying, "Did you fall?" And I say, "Yes, thanks."
--Well, let me just tell you this: You should NEVER EVER, under ANY circumstances, go out with a guy/girl that you met on the internet.
--I hurt myself.
--I keep falling off of cliffs trying to catch that damned roadrunner.
--"I was oyster hunting." They give me a blank stare. Then I say, with a wink, "You've obviously never been oyster hunting before."
--"It's a long story." They usually leave me alone, but this one guy said, "I've got time." Then I said, "I fell. [long pause] Ok, so it's obviously not THAT long."
--I was at this party with Marilyn Manson and everyone was giving out hugs.
--I lost a fight with a can of tuna fish.
--I slipped while making a salad.
--I fell asleep, and the clown got me.
--I'll just put it this way: when they tell you not to feed the bears, it's for a damned good reason.
--I thought those security tags on pants just sprayed ink, but apparently they spray shards of broken glass, too.
--Those aren't cuts, they're mehendi.
--Don't worry about it. Because of me, they now have a warning label!
--What are you talking about?? (as I quickly pull my sleeves down.)
--Damn Cat.
--Well, when I was younger, I had this dream that a dog was following me...he ran, and I ran, but the faster I ran, the more he sped up. I wanted to get to safety, to my house...I was almost there...but right when I got to the front porch, he bit me. Everywhere. Lots of times. Making marks that don't look like bites at all. And when I woke up... ::wide eyes:: and I had THESE.
--"What scars?" They usually reply "those ones," to which I reply, "I don't see anything."
--The voices told me to do it.
--I wrestle Tigers...
--I got them climbing a fence to escape this hell-hole. (said at school)
--(said to a guy who thinks I worship the devil) I did this as a sacramental offering to my dark lord, you prick. ::Smile::
--(about scars on my stomach) "Oh, those are from having my baby." "You don't have a baby!" "No, but I could."
--None of your business, you stupid (insert appropriate curse word here)
--I did it. (Hey, honesty works sometimes)
Thanks to Wire Tap Mag for providing fun stuff and serious stuff like this.
--I took my lizards for a walk and they held on for dear life.
--The neighborhood cat and I had a disagreement about the pawprints on my truck.
--The police didn't comply with the terrorists' demands fast enough, so they took it out on us hostages.
--This first one is kind of lame, but it's what I use most often: "Um, uh...I, uh....you see....I...uh...Well,...." At which they usually try to help me out by replying, "Did you fall?" And I say, "Yes, thanks."
--Well, let me just tell you this: You should NEVER EVER, under ANY circumstances, go out with a guy/girl that you met on the internet.
--I hurt myself.
--I keep falling off of cliffs trying to catch that damned roadrunner.
--"I was oyster hunting." They give me a blank stare. Then I say, with a wink, "You've obviously never been oyster hunting before."
--"It's a long story." They usually leave me alone, but this one guy said, "I've got time." Then I said, "I fell. [long pause] Ok, so it's obviously not THAT long."
--I was at this party with Marilyn Manson and everyone was giving out hugs.
--I lost a fight with a can of tuna fish.
--I slipped while making a salad.
--I fell asleep, and the clown got me.
--I'll just put it this way: when they tell you not to feed the bears, it's for a damned good reason.
--I thought those security tags on pants just sprayed ink, but apparently they spray shards of broken glass, too.
--Those aren't cuts, they're mehendi.
--Don't worry about it. Because of me, they now have a warning label!
--What are you talking about?? (as I quickly pull my sleeves down.)
--Damn Cat.
--Well, when I was younger, I had this dream that a dog was following me...he ran, and I ran, but the faster I ran, the more he sped up. I wanted to get to safety, to my house...I was almost there...but right when I got to the front porch, he bit me. Everywhere. Lots of times. Making marks that don't look like bites at all. And when I woke up... ::wide eyes:: and I had THESE.
--"What scars?" They usually reply "those ones," to which I reply, "I don't see anything."
--The voices told me to do it.
--I wrestle Tigers...
--I got them climbing a fence to escape this hell-hole. (said at school)
--(said to a guy who thinks I worship the devil) I did this as a sacramental offering to my dark lord, you prick. ::Smile::
--(about scars on my stomach) "Oh, those are from having my baby." "You don't have a baby!" "No, but I could."
--None of your business, you stupid (insert appropriate curse word here)
--I did it. (Hey, honesty works sometimes)
Thanks to Wire Tap Mag for providing fun stuff and serious stuff like this.