[Gintama] Love's Redemption
Title: Love's Redemption
Rating: R
Genre: drama/romance/angst/humor
Pairing: HijiOki
Warning: violence
Chapter: 7/?
Summary: In order to gain forgiveness and erase his own guilt Hijikata made an agreement with Okita who was still blaming him for Mitsuba's death. He expected pain, humiliation, even death. But Hijikata never expected love.
chapter 1 ~ chapter 2 ~ chapter 3 ~ chapter 4 ~ chapter 5 ~ chapter 6
A/N: Here's the latest chapter! Sorry for the long wait but it took me a while to figure out how I want to end this fic. The end isn't near yet, tho, so be prepared for more drama! I hope you enjoy this!
Standard disclaimer apply.
Love's Redemption
It hurt. It hurt more than he thought it would. The soreness all over his body reminded him of the time he first learnt to wield a sword. But it was a time long gone and it was a cause to be proud of. This, however, was humiliating, degrading even. Okita wasn’t Kondou-san whose dignity was occasionally overruled by idealism or misdirected passion. His pride disallowed him from showing his weaker side, showing that he had submitted to a man -especially when that man is Hijikata Toshiro. Okita had thought he hated Hijikata, but what he used to feel then was nothing compared to now.
It took an effort to not fidget on his seat as he attended the communal breakfast. It was difficult to maintain a calm charade when all he wanted to do was search for Hijikata and killed the man, Shinsengumi rules be damned. It was only right to reclaim his dignity in that way. The only thing that stopped him was the bitter admittance that he had wanted the pleasure as well. As hard as it was to admit it, he couldn’t will himself to stop Hijikata.
Okita had been with many women and enjoyed their company as well as the softness of the curves of their bodies. But he never considered being with another man. Theoretically, he knew why women flocked the kinds of men like Hijikata, why they saw them as attractive. He’d even begrudgingly admit wanting the masculine look; the strong jaw, high cheekbones, thin lips, broad shoulders, and powerful physique -he didn’t always enjoy being the pretty boy despite its occasional advantages. But being with a man, let alone Hijikata Toushiro, was another thing entirely. He had thought he would’ve despised it. He had never thought that it could’ve been that thrilling. It was different from being with a woman. Something about touching and being touched by a man sent his heart racing faster than usual, made pleasure more intense than ever. He was horrified when he realized how he wanted it again when Hijikata left him.
Okita was used to pain and giving pain, but he wasn’t accustomed to being tortured by pleasure. His body sought it even when his mind rebelled. He didn’t want to do it with Hijikata, didn’t want to submit himself to that man in that way, but the temptation of bliss was too strong. It wasn’t just about the arousing touches or the heated kisses. It wasn’t just about the bliss he found in Hijikata’s hands and mouth. Hijikata’s inexperience had thrilled him, the man’s loss of control had satisfied him. Hijikata’s absence now proved that Okita, too, had affected him. Was he as embarrassed as Okita was? Or was he secretly gloating last night’s event?
“Okita-san?” Someone asked when Okita stood up, leaving his meal unfinished.
“I’m not hungry anymore.” Okita said. He quickly answered several inquiries before returning to his room. He needed to gather his wit. He couldn’t let Hijikata know how badly he was affected. He should find a way to make Hijikata pay tenfold. How stupid of him to end their game so early, thinking that it was enough to avenge his sister's wasted years of suffering. Was this Hijikata’s way to regain his false honor?
Usually, Okita enjoyed seeing other's humiliation and suffering, but this game had gone too far for too long. It was time to end it and this time, he would end it the right way.
*
Hijikata spent days avoiding Okita. He kept himself busy with patrols, only returning to the headquarter very late at night when he was sure everyone, including Okita, was already asleep. Hijikata was an experienced swordsman, but he couldn't handle so much tension for such a long period of time. His entire body was exhausted from sensing any sign of Okita's presence all the time. He couldn't get a good rest, always worrying about the possibility of Okita finding him. What would the boy do to him? Hijikata doubted it would be something as easy as murder. What he had done was unforgivable. He knew that very well.
From what he had heard, Okita seemed to be behaving normally. Hijikata doubted it, though. There was no way Okita would be his usual self after what he had done to him. His paranoid mind supplied him with various ways Okita had done to try to kill him in the past. Kondou wouldn't approve two Shinsengumi members killing each other, but Hijikata didn't think Okita would listen. Or would he? The boy certainly wouldn't run out of idea on how to torment Hijikata without actually killing him. The paranoid thoughts were endless, filling his mind the longer this problem was left unsolved. Hijikata must end this game of cat and mouse. But how?
Hijikata arrived at Shinsengumi headquarter after midnight. The Shinsengumi member he patrolled the city with had gone to his sleeping quarter after bidding him a tired good night. Hijikata lingered near the cars, pretending to finish his cigarette when he was in fact searching to any sign of wakefulness. When he heard nothing but silence and saw nothing but darkness, he quietly made his way to his room. He was tired, but he knew he wouldn't have a restful sleep tonight either.
He almost missed the glint of metal in the darkness when he opened the door to his room, but his instinct as a swordsman warned him of the dangerous presence and he dodged just in time. The sword sliced thin air but the fight had only begun. Hijikata’s hand immediately found the handle of his sword, but he couldn’t draw it out of its sheath when he recognized his attacker.
Hijikata’s hesitance proved to be a fatal mistake. Okita didn’t share his wish to preserve a teammate’s wellbeing and renewed his effort to cut the vice commander. Although dim light didn’t show the boy’s expression, Hijikata could sense that he was serious. This wasn’t one of his pranks or a friendly spar. Okita really wanted him dead.
The realization sent a sinking feeling to Hijikata’s stomach. Yet as much as he wished to avoid this potentially deadly confrontation, he knew he wouldn’t be heard. He drew out his sword with a heavy feeling he had never felt since the day he left to Edo. The sound of clashing metal was loud in the night, drowning out Hijikata’s futile plea for a stop. He dodged and blocked Okita’s deadly sword, but never once tried to attack him. If Okita noticed this, then he didn’t care. If anything, it might have incensed him more as he grew more and more violent, coming close to causing real harm to Hijikata many times.
“Sougo, stop it!” Hijikata begged when the sword cut his uniform. Okita’s silence told him that he wasn’t heard and that the near successful attack would only motivate him to try harder. Hijikata leapt back when Okita swung his blade to disembowel him, cutting into his skin and drawing a little blood. If this went on, he would have to do more than just defending himself. “Stop it, please!”
Hijikata never thought he’d face this dilemma. He had killed many people before. He never once questioned it -it came with the path he chose. But he never thought he’d have to kill or seriously injure someone so close to him. He knew his relationship with Okita had always been rocky to say the least, but he never wished to cause him harm. No matter how angry he was, he would never hurt Okita.
And yet there he was, having to choose between killing and being killed. Hijikata knew it was his fault. He had brought this upon himself. He knew he deserved this anger, this punishment. He blamed it on his survival instinct for preventing him from surrendering his life easily. He couldn’t help but wish there was another solution, a way to gain Okita’s forgiveness. He wasn’t very good with words, though, and Okita was unwilling to listen. Besides, was what he had done forgivable at all?
The internal conflict distracted HIjikata briefly, but it was enough for Okita to find a hole in his defense. Hijikata knew the moment the sword approached him that it was the killing blow. Even if it didn’t kill him immediately, he would be left with a fatal wound he would not survive. He gritted his teeth and held his sword in front of him, hoping against all hope that he could block it in time. Was this how his life going to end? In the hands of a friend he had hurt and humiliated?
“What’s going on here?”
Okita’s sword stopped just short of cutting Hijikata open. He glanced to the side where the commander along with several Shinsengumi members was looking at them in confusion. Hijikata didn’t dare to breathe a sigh of relief yet. Okita’s expression was unreadable, the mask of a cold-blooded murderer.
“Isn’t this a little too late for training?” Kondou asked sleepily. It took him a while to notice that they were using real swords and there were cuts on Hijikata’s clothes. “Wait. Sougo, why are you….”
Hijikata waited with baited breath for the moment Okita revealed his sin. If he was lucky enough to not be executed by either Okita or the Shinsengumi, he would be sent to prison at worst, or cast away from Shinsengumi at best. He resigned himself to fate. There was nothing he could do or say to defend himself.
“He deserves to die.”
Okita’s cold voice silenced Hijikata’s hope to live. He knew the captain’s enough to know that it was near impossible to change Okita’s mind. His comrades realized this, too, and shifted nervously. They wanted to stop Okita, but they didn’t want to be in the receiving end of the brunet’s rage. Hijikata couldn’t blame them. It was his fault, anyway.
“What did Toushi do?” Kondou asked, sounding surprisingly calm despite the fact that he was facing a very unpredictable and dangerous Okita.
Okita was still for a moment. Hijikata wished he could clearly see is face to judge his thought and feeling but the cloud had covered the moon, depriving them of the only source of light.
“That’s between me and him.” Okita answered. His voice was quiet but steady as he spoke.
Kondou frowned and looked at questioningly but the vice commander wasn’t able to give an answer. “Well, I don’t know what he has done, but can’t you talk about it first?”
“There is nothing to talk about.”
“I’m sure there must be a way for Toushi to properly apologize to you. Give him a chance, Sougo.” Kondou pleaded on the behalf of his friend. There was a hint of desperation in his voice. He was aware of how Okita could disregard him and end Hijikata’s life now.
Much to Hijikata’s surprise and relief, Okita lowered his sword. “Fine.” He said curtly before sheathing the weapon and going to one of the meeting room. He didn’t have to say anything; Hijikata knew he must follow him.
Kondou looked at Hijikata curiously when he passed by him. “What happened?”
Hijikata stopped briefly. He could confess now and have his fate decided by his friend. They might be friends but Kondou wouldn’t be able to ignore his crime. Justice would be carried out in the way they had spent years practicing.
But Okita had refused to explain the situation. Hijikata wasn’t entirely sure of what the captain was thinking, but he was quite certain that Okita didn’t want the crime revealed yet. The least Hijikata could do in this situation was respect that. He was sure that Okita would think up a punishment worse than that written in the law, but after what he had done, maybe he really deserved that.
“It’s between me and him.” Hijikata replied. He walked away from his confused comrades and into the room where his fate awaited.
*
Hijikata was surprised he wasn’t immediately beheaded the moment he entered the room. Okita sat down near the corner the farthest from the doors and Hijikata approached him cautiously. He sat down a few feet away from the boy and waited until he spoke first. When Okita resolutely avoided looking and talking to him, he knew he must start it.
“I’m sorry.” Hijikata whispered, bowing slightly. He was unaccustomed to apologizing; he never wanted to bow in front of anybody. His pride rebelled when begged for Okita’s forgiveness.
Okita’s silence frightened him. He resisted the urge to straighten his back and see what his teammate was up to. He heard no sound of sword being drawn from its sheath, but it didn’t calm him much.
“I didn’t know you’re gay.” Okita finally spoke, menace lacing his voice.
Hijikata slowly sat up, waiting for reprimand. “I’m not.” He denied quietly.
Okita scoffed, an evil smirk forming on his lips. “I find that hard to believe.”
Hijikata didn’t know how to reply. He was sure he wasn’t gay. His feeling for Mitsuba was real, he knew it for sure. He wouldn’t have grieved for so long or seen her in Karin’s face otherwise. His longing for the late Okita was too painfully intense to be anything but true. But…
“Then how do you explain what you did to me?”
Hijikata didn’t know. He honestly didn’t know. He was never sure of where and how Okita would fit into the picture. He wasn’t lying when he said he cared. They had known each other for so long. Despite how badly Okita treated him occasionally, he was still a friend, a teammate, a confidant to Hijikata. But, Hijikata never thought that he was attracted to him. Okita was indeed good-looking, but he was a friend and Mitsuba’s brother. He was the last person Hijikata should feel any attraction to.
“I can’t explain that.” Hijikata admitted. “I don’t understand it myself.”
“Is it because I look like my sister?”
Hijikata looked at Okita in surprise. For the first time since they started the conversation, Okita looked back at him. The blank mask on the youth’s face made Hijikata’s stomach dropped. “No!” If anything, the fact that Okita looked so much like Mitsuba made him feel worse than he already did about what he had done.
“So, you’re gay.”
“What? No, I’m not!” Hijikata exclaimed, indignant. The look on Okita’s face clearly showed that he didn’t believe him. Hijikata was about to launch a tirade on how he was perfectly straight, when he remembered why he was in this room in the first place. He took a deep breath to calm himself, wishing that he had a cigarette to help him relax. “I don’t know what has gotten into me, but… I’m really sorry for what I’ve done. I shouldn’t have…”
“Had sex with me?”
Hijikata stopped, shocked by Okita’s bluntness. “Yes.” He said hesitantly. He felt like he started to lose control of the situation.
“Even though you have obviously enjoyed it?”
“Sougo!”
“You definitely seemed like you enjoyed me a lot. Was I good? I must’ve been, since you…”
“Sougo, stop it!” Hijikata exclaimed, face burning as he glanced at the door nervously. He didn’t sense other presences that might have overheard their conversation, but he could never be sure. He shuddered to think of the punishment that would wait for him if someone found out about this.
Surprisingly, Okita stopped. Hijikata would like to think that he didn’t want anyone to hear them, either, but this was Okita. He could never be a hundred percent certain with him. His concern was proven correct when the captain spoke again.
“It’s only fair that you make it up to me by letting me have my way with you.”
“What?” Blood drained from Hijikata’s face when he heard Okita’s proposition. “This isn’t funny, Sougo!”
“What you did to me wasn’t funny, either.” Okita pointed out the obvious coldly. He looked at Hijikata’s nervous form up and down, making him uneasy. “I’ll try to make it not hurt.”
Hijikata opened his mouth to protest, but he knew that Okita was right. This was the only fair punishment short of killing him. He swallowed nervously, regretting his loss of control that night. “Fine.” He said eventually. Dread made his heart grew heavy, but he wouldn’t escape this. He did deserve to be punished for the pain and humiliation he had caused, and if this was the punishment Okita chose for him, then he’d do it.
TBC
A/N: oh yes, there will be more smut XDD R&R?
Rating: R
Genre: drama/romance/angst/humor
Pairing: HijiOki
Warning: violence
Chapter: 7/?
Summary: In order to gain forgiveness and erase his own guilt Hijikata made an agreement with Okita who was still blaming him for Mitsuba's death. He expected pain, humiliation, even death. But Hijikata never expected love.
chapter 1 ~ chapter 2 ~ chapter 3 ~ chapter 4 ~ chapter 5 ~ chapter 6
A/N: Here's the latest chapter! Sorry for the long wait but it took me a while to figure out how I want to end this fic. The end isn't near yet, tho, so be prepared for more drama! I hope you enjoy this!
Standard disclaimer apply.
Love's Redemption
It hurt. It hurt more than he thought it would. The soreness all over his body reminded him of the time he first learnt to wield a sword. But it was a time long gone and it was a cause to be proud of. This, however, was humiliating, degrading even. Okita wasn’t Kondou-san whose dignity was occasionally overruled by idealism or misdirected passion. His pride disallowed him from showing his weaker side, showing that he had submitted to a man -especially when that man is Hijikata Toshiro. Okita had thought he hated Hijikata, but what he used to feel then was nothing compared to now.
It took an effort to not fidget on his seat as he attended the communal breakfast. It was difficult to maintain a calm charade when all he wanted to do was search for Hijikata and killed the man, Shinsengumi rules be damned. It was only right to reclaim his dignity in that way. The only thing that stopped him was the bitter admittance that he had wanted the pleasure as well. As hard as it was to admit it, he couldn’t will himself to stop Hijikata.
Okita had been with many women and enjoyed their company as well as the softness of the curves of their bodies. But he never considered being with another man. Theoretically, he knew why women flocked the kinds of men like Hijikata, why they saw them as attractive. He’d even begrudgingly admit wanting the masculine look; the strong jaw, high cheekbones, thin lips, broad shoulders, and powerful physique -he didn’t always enjoy being the pretty boy despite its occasional advantages. But being with a man, let alone Hijikata Toushiro, was another thing entirely. He had thought he would’ve despised it. He had never thought that it could’ve been that thrilling. It was different from being with a woman. Something about touching and being touched by a man sent his heart racing faster than usual, made pleasure more intense than ever. He was horrified when he realized how he wanted it again when Hijikata left him.
Okita was used to pain and giving pain, but he wasn’t accustomed to being tortured by pleasure. His body sought it even when his mind rebelled. He didn’t want to do it with Hijikata, didn’t want to submit himself to that man in that way, but the temptation of bliss was too strong. It wasn’t just about the arousing touches or the heated kisses. It wasn’t just about the bliss he found in Hijikata’s hands and mouth. Hijikata’s inexperience had thrilled him, the man’s loss of control had satisfied him. Hijikata’s absence now proved that Okita, too, had affected him. Was he as embarrassed as Okita was? Or was he secretly gloating last night’s event?
“Okita-san?” Someone asked when Okita stood up, leaving his meal unfinished.
“I’m not hungry anymore.” Okita said. He quickly answered several inquiries before returning to his room. He needed to gather his wit. He couldn’t let Hijikata know how badly he was affected. He should find a way to make Hijikata pay tenfold. How stupid of him to end their game so early, thinking that it was enough to avenge his sister's wasted years of suffering. Was this Hijikata’s way to regain his false honor?
Usually, Okita enjoyed seeing other's humiliation and suffering, but this game had gone too far for too long. It was time to end it and this time, he would end it the right way.
*
Hijikata spent days avoiding Okita. He kept himself busy with patrols, only returning to the headquarter very late at night when he was sure everyone, including Okita, was already asleep. Hijikata was an experienced swordsman, but he couldn't handle so much tension for such a long period of time. His entire body was exhausted from sensing any sign of Okita's presence all the time. He couldn't get a good rest, always worrying about the possibility of Okita finding him. What would the boy do to him? Hijikata doubted it would be something as easy as murder. What he had done was unforgivable. He knew that very well.
From what he had heard, Okita seemed to be behaving normally. Hijikata doubted it, though. There was no way Okita would be his usual self after what he had done to him. His paranoid mind supplied him with various ways Okita had done to try to kill him in the past. Kondou wouldn't approve two Shinsengumi members killing each other, but Hijikata didn't think Okita would listen. Or would he? The boy certainly wouldn't run out of idea on how to torment Hijikata without actually killing him. The paranoid thoughts were endless, filling his mind the longer this problem was left unsolved. Hijikata must end this game of cat and mouse. But how?
Hijikata arrived at Shinsengumi headquarter after midnight. The Shinsengumi member he patrolled the city with had gone to his sleeping quarter after bidding him a tired good night. Hijikata lingered near the cars, pretending to finish his cigarette when he was in fact searching to any sign of wakefulness. When he heard nothing but silence and saw nothing but darkness, he quietly made his way to his room. He was tired, but he knew he wouldn't have a restful sleep tonight either.
He almost missed the glint of metal in the darkness when he opened the door to his room, but his instinct as a swordsman warned him of the dangerous presence and he dodged just in time. The sword sliced thin air but the fight had only begun. Hijikata’s hand immediately found the handle of his sword, but he couldn’t draw it out of its sheath when he recognized his attacker.
Hijikata’s hesitance proved to be a fatal mistake. Okita didn’t share his wish to preserve a teammate’s wellbeing and renewed his effort to cut the vice commander. Although dim light didn’t show the boy’s expression, Hijikata could sense that he was serious. This wasn’t one of his pranks or a friendly spar. Okita really wanted him dead.
The realization sent a sinking feeling to Hijikata’s stomach. Yet as much as he wished to avoid this potentially deadly confrontation, he knew he wouldn’t be heard. He drew out his sword with a heavy feeling he had never felt since the day he left to Edo. The sound of clashing metal was loud in the night, drowning out Hijikata’s futile plea for a stop. He dodged and blocked Okita’s deadly sword, but never once tried to attack him. If Okita noticed this, then he didn’t care. If anything, it might have incensed him more as he grew more and more violent, coming close to causing real harm to Hijikata many times.
“Sougo, stop it!” Hijikata begged when the sword cut his uniform. Okita’s silence told him that he wasn’t heard and that the near successful attack would only motivate him to try harder. Hijikata leapt back when Okita swung his blade to disembowel him, cutting into his skin and drawing a little blood. If this went on, he would have to do more than just defending himself. “Stop it, please!”
Hijikata never thought he’d face this dilemma. He had killed many people before. He never once questioned it -it came with the path he chose. But he never thought he’d have to kill or seriously injure someone so close to him. He knew his relationship with Okita had always been rocky to say the least, but he never wished to cause him harm. No matter how angry he was, he would never hurt Okita.
And yet there he was, having to choose between killing and being killed. Hijikata knew it was his fault. He had brought this upon himself. He knew he deserved this anger, this punishment. He blamed it on his survival instinct for preventing him from surrendering his life easily. He couldn’t help but wish there was another solution, a way to gain Okita’s forgiveness. He wasn’t very good with words, though, and Okita was unwilling to listen. Besides, was what he had done forgivable at all?
The internal conflict distracted HIjikata briefly, but it was enough for Okita to find a hole in his defense. Hijikata knew the moment the sword approached him that it was the killing blow. Even if it didn’t kill him immediately, he would be left with a fatal wound he would not survive. He gritted his teeth and held his sword in front of him, hoping against all hope that he could block it in time. Was this how his life going to end? In the hands of a friend he had hurt and humiliated?
“What’s going on here?”
Okita’s sword stopped just short of cutting Hijikata open. He glanced to the side where the commander along with several Shinsengumi members was looking at them in confusion. Hijikata didn’t dare to breathe a sigh of relief yet. Okita’s expression was unreadable, the mask of a cold-blooded murderer.
“Isn’t this a little too late for training?” Kondou asked sleepily. It took him a while to notice that they were using real swords and there were cuts on Hijikata’s clothes. “Wait. Sougo, why are you….”
Hijikata waited with baited breath for the moment Okita revealed his sin. If he was lucky enough to not be executed by either Okita or the Shinsengumi, he would be sent to prison at worst, or cast away from Shinsengumi at best. He resigned himself to fate. There was nothing he could do or say to defend himself.
“He deserves to die.”
Okita’s cold voice silenced Hijikata’s hope to live. He knew the captain’s enough to know that it was near impossible to change Okita’s mind. His comrades realized this, too, and shifted nervously. They wanted to stop Okita, but they didn’t want to be in the receiving end of the brunet’s rage. Hijikata couldn’t blame them. It was his fault, anyway.
“What did Toushi do?” Kondou asked, sounding surprisingly calm despite the fact that he was facing a very unpredictable and dangerous Okita.
Okita was still for a moment. Hijikata wished he could clearly see is face to judge his thought and feeling but the cloud had covered the moon, depriving them of the only source of light.
“That’s between me and him.” Okita answered. His voice was quiet but steady as he spoke.
Kondou frowned and looked at questioningly but the vice commander wasn’t able to give an answer. “Well, I don’t know what he has done, but can’t you talk about it first?”
“There is nothing to talk about.”
“I’m sure there must be a way for Toushi to properly apologize to you. Give him a chance, Sougo.” Kondou pleaded on the behalf of his friend. There was a hint of desperation in his voice. He was aware of how Okita could disregard him and end Hijikata’s life now.
Much to Hijikata’s surprise and relief, Okita lowered his sword. “Fine.” He said curtly before sheathing the weapon and going to one of the meeting room. He didn’t have to say anything; Hijikata knew he must follow him.
Kondou looked at Hijikata curiously when he passed by him. “What happened?”
Hijikata stopped briefly. He could confess now and have his fate decided by his friend. They might be friends but Kondou wouldn’t be able to ignore his crime. Justice would be carried out in the way they had spent years practicing.
But Okita had refused to explain the situation. Hijikata wasn’t entirely sure of what the captain was thinking, but he was quite certain that Okita didn’t want the crime revealed yet. The least Hijikata could do in this situation was respect that. He was sure that Okita would think up a punishment worse than that written in the law, but after what he had done, maybe he really deserved that.
“It’s between me and him.” Hijikata replied. He walked away from his confused comrades and into the room where his fate awaited.
*
Hijikata was surprised he wasn’t immediately beheaded the moment he entered the room. Okita sat down near the corner the farthest from the doors and Hijikata approached him cautiously. He sat down a few feet away from the boy and waited until he spoke first. When Okita resolutely avoided looking and talking to him, he knew he must start it.
“I’m sorry.” Hijikata whispered, bowing slightly. He was unaccustomed to apologizing; he never wanted to bow in front of anybody. His pride rebelled when begged for Okita’s forgiveness.
Okita’s silence frightened him. He resisted the urge to straighten his back and see what his teammate was up to. He heard no sound of sword being drawn from its sheath, but it didn’t calm him much.
“I didn’t know you’re gay.” Okita finally spoke, menace lacing his voice.
Hijikata slowly sat up, waiting for reprimand. “I’m not.” He denied quietly.
Okita scoffed, an evil smirk forming on his lips. “I find that hard to believe.”
Hijikata didn’t know how to reply. He was sure he wasn’t gay. His feeling for Mitsuba was real, he knew it for sure. He wouldn’t have grieved for so long or seen her in Karin’s face otherwise. His longing for the late Okita was too painfully intense to be anything but true. But…
“Then how do you explain what you did to me?”
Hijikata didn’t know. He honestly didn’t know. He was never sure of where and how Okita would fit into the picture. He wasn’t lying when he said he cared. They had known each other for so long. Despite how badly Okita treated him occasionally, he was still a friend, a teammate, a confidant to Hijikata. But, Hijikata never thought that he was attracted to him. Okita was indeed good-looking, but he was a friend and Mitsuba’s brother. He was the last person Hijikata should feel any attraction to.
“I can’t explain that.” Hijikata admitted. “I don’t understand it myself.”
“Is it because I look like my sister?”
Hijikata looked at Okita in surprise. For the first time since they started the conversation, Okita looked back at him. The blank mask on the youth’s face made Hijikata’s stomach dropped. “No!” If anything, the fact that Okita looked so much like Mitsuba made him feel worse than he already did about what he had done.
“So, you’re gay.”
“What? No, I’m not!” Hijikata exclaimed, indignant. The look on Okita’s face clearly showed that he didn’t believe him. Hijikata was about to launch a tirade on how he was perfectly straight, when he remembered why he was in this room in the first place. He took a deep breath to calm himself, wishing that he had a cigarette to help him relax. “I don’t know what has gotten into me, but… I’m really sorry for what I’ve done. I shouldn’t have…”
“Had sex with me?”
Hijikata stopped, shocked by Okita’s bluntness. “Yes.” He said hesitantly. He felt like he started to lose control of the situation.
“Even though you have obviously enjoyed it?”
“Sougo!”
“You definitely seemed like you enjoyed me a lot. Was I good? I must’ve been, since you…”
“Sougo, stop it!” Hijikata exclaimed, face burning as he glanced at the door nervously. He didn’t sense other presences that might have overheard their conversation, but he could never be sure. He shuddered to think of the punishment that would wait for him if someone found out about this.
Surprisingly, Okita stopped. Hijikata would like to think that he didn’t want anyone to hear them, either, but this was Okita. He could never be a hundred percent certain with him. His concern was proven correct when the captain spoke again.
“It’s only fair that you make it up to me by letting me have my way with you.”
“What?” Blood drained from Hijikata’s face when he heard Okita’s proposition. “This isn’t funny, Sougo!”
“What you did to me wasn’t funny, either.” Okita pointed out the obvious coldly. He looked at Hijikata’s nervous form up and down, making him uneasy. “I’ll try to make it not hurt.”
Hijikata opened his mouth to protest, but he knew that Okita was right. This was the only fair punishment short of killing him. He swallowed nervously, regretting his loss of control that night. “Fine.” He said eventually. Dread made his heart grew heavy, but he wouldn’t escape this. He did deserve to be punished for the pain and humiliation he had caused, and if this was the punishment Okita chose for him, then he’d do it.
TBC
A/N: oh yes, there will be more smut XDD R&R?