[Gintama] Love's Redemption
Title: Love's Redemption
Rating: NC-17
Genre: drama/romance/angst/humor
Pairing: HijiOki
Warning: yaoi, possible dub-con
Chapter: 6/?
Summary: In order to gain forgiveness and erase his own guilt Hijikata made an agreement with Okita who was still blaming him for Mitsuba's death. He expected pain, humiliation, even death. But Hijikata never expected love.
chapter 1 ~ chapter 2 ~ chapter 3 ~ chapter 4 ~ chapter 5
A/N: Sorry for the long wait. Real life is keeping me stressed and occupied so I couldn’t update. I hope this long and smutty chapter could make up for it. I hope you enjoy this :)
Disclaimer: Gintama doesn’t belong to me.
Love’s Redemption
Okita was bored of their little game. He was bored of Hijikata submitting to whatever he demanded. He was bored of Hijikata not fighting back. He was bored of Hijikata doing exactly as he planned he would do. It’s too easy, not challenging enough. Okita didn’t want to waste more time with Hijikata. It was time to move on.
It was easier said than done, obviously. Mitsuba was the only family he had had. She was irreplaceable. Hijikata might be able to find someone else, there would be another girl he’d fall for, but Okita wouldn’t be able to get another sister, another family, another caretaker to replace Mitsuba. Forgetting wasn’t an option, either. He would never forget Mitsuba, she was far too important for him. The thought anger Okita as he realized that Hijikata could easily move on with his life while Okita would forever be condemned to a lonely life.
“Sougo, why are you still sleeping? It’s time to work.”
Okita took a deep, calming breath and lift his sleeping mask a little to peek at Kondou who was standing at the entrance to the room he was in. “There isn’t much to do.” He answered as he sat up and take off his sleeping mask.
“You could go patrol the city. Just because Joui has been quiet lately, it doesn’t mean that everything is perfectly safe.” Kondou said, crossing his arms on his chest and looking serious for once.
Okita actually rather hoped that there would attacks from the amanto or joui soon. He needed to relieve his distress. His body was aching for action he couldn’t get from practicing with other Shinsengumi members. He wanted that adrenaline rush, something to make him forget about his troubles even if just for a while. He wanted to live for the moment, the time where all that mattered was preserving his life at any cost. He couldn’t get it with peaceful days like this.
“Sougo,” Kondou began, letting his serious façade drop to be replaced by a friendly expression that Okita thought fit him better. “are you having a fight with Toshi?”
Okita tried not to flinch when he heard the name of the person he was currently trying to avoid. He shrugged instead, trying to look as nonchalant as possible. How many days had it been since they talked? A week had already gone and Okita had gotten tired of expecting an apology. He realized that Hijikata didn’t even try to strike up a conversation with him or even look at him anymore. Obviously he was pleased that their deal was over. He was happy that he could now move on with his life. Okita loathed him for it and this time he didn’t think he could ever forgive the older man. “I don’t know. Why don’t you ask him?”
Kondou sat down heavily next to him, staring the patch of blue sky that could be seen from the top of the tall fence. “I have. He said he doesn’t know.”
Of course he didn’t know. He was too busy moving on from Mitsuba. He was probably too preoccupied with looking for a girlfriend to try to understand why Okita suddenly decided to end their arrangement. He bet the man didn’t find much difficulty there; girls had always flocked to him and now that he didn’t have Mitsuba to save himself for, he only had to pick one of his eager fans to warm his bed at night as Karin had done. “Well, I don’t know either.”
Kondou sighed heavily. “Just when I thought you two have become friends, you fight again.”
Friends? Okita tried not to laugh out loud at the irony. “I don’t think we’ll ever be friends.” Okita replied.
“Why? I think you have a lot in common.”
The only thing they had in common was their loves for Mitsuba, but Okita bit his tongue before he said it. “Really?”
Kondou laughed loudly then stood up and pat Okita on the head like an older brother, or perhaps a father, would. It reminded Okita of his childhood, when he was still a student at the dojo and Mitsuba still took care of him and Hijikata never existed in his life. Those were good days, those were happy days, those days didn’t bring him as much pain as it did nowadays. “Of course you do. You’re just too busy fighting with him to notice.”
Okita thought of this. No matter how he looked at Hijikata he found no similarity between them at all. They had different personalities and interests. The only things that they had in similar were Shinsengumi, love of sword fighting, and Mitsuba. In other words, the only things they had in common were the very things that brought them apart. Friendship had no place in their lives. The only times they could tolerate each other were in the battle field, when Okita knew he could count on Hijikata to help him gain victory. And Okita wasn’t even sure of that now. He didn’t think he wanted to be anywhere near Hijikata where he would continually be reminded to his sister’s unfulfilled wishes and her grief.
Okita stood up and put his sleeping mask in his pocket. “You might be right, Kondou-san. But I really don’t think we could be friends.”
Kondou sighed in exasperation and shook his head. “The two of you are too stubborn. Do you know that…”
Kondou’s speech was interrupted by Yamazaki’s yell. He was running toward them, face red from exertion and panic. “Commander! Captain Okita!”
“What is it, Yamazaki?” Kondou asked, looking a little worried.
“A group of people has seized an amanto embassy! They’re heavily armed and have threatened to kill everyone in the building if we go near!”
“Is it that Katsura again?”
Yamazaki shook his head. “We don’t think so.”
“All right. What are we waiting for? Let’s go!” Kondou shouted and began to lead the way.
Okita followed him quietly, touching his sword in longing. His heart had begun to pound in excitement. The thought of Hijikata and Mitsuba were distant now as he turned his focus on the task at hand. He would finally find his relief.
*
The car made a sudden stop dangerously close to several Shinsengumi members. Hijikata quickly got out off the car, making a quick assessment to the situation. They had done a good job at keeping the crowd as far away from the scene as possible. From what he had heard from the radio, the terrorists were carrying various types of weapons with them, endangering people’s lives. The big western-style building was quiet though Hijikata guessed the situation inside was chaotic to say the least.
“Are they still inside?” Hijikata asked a nearby officer.
“Yes, Sir. They held the ambassador hostage until they are given a vehicle to leave the premises.”
“They’ll still probably kill him if we give them what they want anyway.” Hijikata growled.
“Commander also said so. He’s over there with Captain Okita.” The officer said, pointing to a direction where both Kondou and Okita could be seen standing in front of a car, giving orders and watching for any movement from inside the embassy.
Hijikata froze for a moment, eyes quickly searching for the sandy-haired youth. For a moment he didn’t know what to do; whether to approach him or pretend that he didn’t realize his presence. He still didn’t know how to act around Okita after the night at the festival. He only knew he had somehow made the boy upset but he didn’t know how. The end of their deal was relieving in a way, but Okita’s silence and ignorance made him feel guilty.
“There you are, Toshi!”
Red eyes turned to him briefly before turning back to the mansion. Hijikata inhaled the comforting smoke of his cigarette and approached his comrades. Unlike before, Kondou was now too focused on the job to ask them about the strain in their messed up relationship. Hijikata was secretly grateful for that but at the same time he was disappointed because he knew Okita wouldn’t talk to him without Kondo’s initiation.
“I heard they refused to let the hostages leave until they’re given escape vehicle.”
Kondou nodded. “The old man would kill me if I ever so much as asked for a vehicle for them.” He said, referring to Matsudaira.
“Or he’ll come to deliver a battle fleet and destroy the entire city himself.” Okita commented.
Hijikata glanced at Okita, wondering if the comment was even slightly directed to him, but Okita seemed aloof. He sighed, feeling annoyed by the ignorance. Why wouldn’t Okita just let him know what he had done wrong so they could get over this quickly? Didn’t this tension bother the boy, too?
“I guess that only left one option. We should try to infiltrate the embassy and free the hostages.” Hijikata said, hiding his aggravation behind a scowl. “Where’s Yamazaki?”
“He’s already…”
Loud sounds of gunshot suddenly filled the air. From the embassy they could hear sounds of glass breaking followed by more gunshots. Everyone ducked for cover but none of the shots seemed to be directed to them. This could only mean one thing: Yamazaki had been discovered.
Hijikata could tell that Kondou was surprised. It was extremely rare for Yamazaki to fail his undercover mission. Hijikata didn’t know whether Yamazaki had people backing him up or not but he was now worried about the safety of his comrade and the hostages. Beside him, Kondou stood ready to give order when suddenly Okita ran into the mansion, using Yamazaki’s failure as a distraction.
“Sougo!” Hijikata cried out but Okita wasn’t listening. Not having much choice, Kondou yelled a battle cry and ran after the youth, followed by his loyal friends. Hijikata quickly ran after them, trying to keep up with Okita’s pace to no avail. The boy was the first to arrive at the door and cut it down with his sword. He didn’t even wait for his comrades before entering the dangerous place.
Hijikata cursed loudly. Did he have a death wish or something? Didn’t he hear the gunshots? They didn’t even know what else they got inside or how many of them are there. What was Okita thinking, jumping into the dangerous situation like that?
Very soon the embassy turned into a battle field. Despite being outnumbered, the Joui people managed to hold Shinsegumi at bay with their guns. Hijikata was worried that these people might bring bombs and resort to exploding the embassy along with everyone in it. He had to risk it, though, as there was no longer turning back. He heard Kondou ordering to fire cannons at the Joui and ducked just in time as dust and debris flew to every direction. As soon as the dust settled, Shinsengumi used the chance to push forward and thankfully this time succeeding to take down armed terrorists.
In the midst of this chaos, Hijikata searched for Sougo. He had seen glimpses of the boy but didn’t have the chance to pull him back. Now he was missing again and he feared the worst. His heart pounded heavily as he ran through unfamiliar corridors and checked empty rooms. He heard shouts from other side of the embassy, announcing that they have found some of the hostages. Hijikata refused to let his guard down before he swept the entire place free of Joui.
“Vice-commander, they’re here!”
He saw huge double doors in the distance and Okita coming out of one room. Before he could call out to the youth, Okita had already approached the door and forcefully opened it. As soon as the pieces of wood fell, they heard shots. Hijikata just had enough time to drop to his knees before a bullet hit the wall right beside where his head had been. Several of his comrades had fallen to the ground, blood flowing from their wounds. Okita was nowhere in sight.
“Sougo!” He shouted but his voice was drowned by more firing of guns. He growled and pushed himself to his feet and ran into the room, unmindful of the danger waiting for him inside.
Sougo. He must find Sougo.
*
Hijikata staggered from the meeting room where he had listened to Yamazaki’s report about the failure of his mission. He had made a miscalculated move and was discovered by of the Joui who began shooting him just as he was about to find the room where they kept the hostages. Thankfully he managed to escape the dangerous situation alive but he had alerted Joui about Shinsengumi’s unwillingness to give into their demands. Yamazaki did his best to distract them from killing the hostages while his friends outside made their move. He knew that their priority was saving the amanto ambassador at any cost. He also knew that his comrades had heard the gunshots and were doubtlessly planning an attack very soon. Yamazaki apologized profusely for failing his mission and putting the lives of many Shinsengumi in danger, but Hijikata had no interest in listening to it. He left Yamazaki’s fate to Kondou’s hands and left.
Hijikata smoked in the garden to calm his mind, but nothing would ease his mind. He felt angry, worried, frustrated, confused and there seemed to be only one person who could make him feel better. Okita still wouldn’t talk to him, though. Although Hijikata had practically challenged death for him and dragged him out of the bloody place, Okita still wouldn’t talk to him. What did the boy wanted this time? Hadn’t that been apologetic enough? Hadn’t his previous actions showed how much he cared and regretted any wrong he had done?
Hijikata dropped his cigarette and crush it with his shoe. Okita wasn’t the only one who could end things when he felt like it. Hijikata could do it, too. Right now he was done with Okita’s sulking and suicidal moves. He was tired of dealing with this brat.
As he stomped toward Okita’s room, he felt his anger grew. The boy hadn’t attended the meeting because he was still nursing his injury, but Hijikata wouldn’t allow that to fool him. Okita had suffered various injuries in the past, some of them worse than what he had today, and he still lived. Hijikata would resolve their situation tonight. He didn’t care if he would make things worse but he didn’t want this weird tension anymore.
Hijikata opened the door to Okita’s room without announcing his presence. Okita didn’t seem surprised to see him, though. He was sitting on the floor, polishing his sword calmly. The parts where a bullet had grazed his side while another had hit his left arm had been dressed, the bandages were visible as Okita was shirtless. The wounds were only recently treated if the presence of the medicine kit was any indication. Okita’s movement was almost as smooth as usual though Hijikata could see that he tried not to burden his healing arm too much. These were the only details that registered to the vice-commander’s mind before he shut the door behind him angrily.
“What did you think you’re doing?” He demanded.
Okita seemed calm as he continued to polish his sword. “I’m polishing my sword.”
Hijikata fumed but didn’t dare to come too close while Okita was carrying a deadly weapon. “Were you suicidal or what? Why did you just charge into the embassy without Kondou-san’s order?”
“I couldn’t let the opportunity slide.” Okita replied without looking at Hijikata.
“You could get yourself killed!”
“I could.” Okita nodded to concede to his point. His voice was strained as he continued, still without looking at Hijikata. “It’s not going to be any of your concern, is it, though?”
“What is wrong with you?”
This time Okita didn’t answer. He sheathed his sword and put it away. “Hijikata-san, I’m tired and I need to recover. Can you leave?”
Seeing as the sword was no longer in Okita’s hold, Hijikata took a step forward. “I’m not leaving until I get an answer!”
Maybe it’s the light but Hijikata thought he saw the boy’s eyes glint dangerously. He noticed that the sword was still within Okita’s reach so he didn’t move further into the room. “What kind of answer do you want?”
“I want you to tell me why you made that stupid move today and risk your lives as well as others’!”
“Why would you care?”
“Why would I… What do you mean? Of course I care! I can’t let one stupid move get the entire Shinsengumi killed!”
“Ah, so you’re worried about others’ safety. Well, rest assured, Hijikata-san, next time I will make sure not to involve anyone when I feel like taking a suicide mission.” Okita replied sarcastically.
Hijikata had no doubt that Okita was referring to the mission he took on his own when Mitsuba was sick for that very last time. He realized that he had also been careless then but it wasn’t the point now. He had made a mistake by assuming that he could handle everything on his own and by taking it personally without thinking that the entire Shinsengumi was also connected to his lone action and mission. It was a mistake he didn’t want to repeat and he wasn’t about to let anyone else commit the same mistake, especially Okita.
“That’s not what I mean!”
“Then what do you mean? You wouldn’t care even if I die, anyway.” Okita said coldly.
Had Okita been wearing a shirt, Hijikata would’ve grabbed his collar and shook him until he regained his sensibility. As Okita was shirtless, Hijikata could only scowl menacingly. “What are you thinking, Sougo?”
Okita stood up and gave Hijikata the coldest glare he had ever given anyone. “Isn’t it obvious, Hijikata-san?” He said. “Stop pretending like you care and leave me alone. I’ll make sure not to get anyone in trouble again next time.”
When Okita turned away from him and crossed the room to leave since Hijikata refused to leave him alone, Hijikata lost his temper. He grabbed the boy by his uninjured arm and pulled him back. “Don’t be stupid, Sougo! I don’t want you to die!”
“And if I want to die?” Okita challenged.
Hijikata couldn’t tell whether he was serious or not but he couldn’t bear the thought of losing Okita after Mitsuba’s death. “I won’t let you!”
Okita chuckled darkly. “How very selfish of you. Wouldn’t you just let me get what I want for once?”
“When what you want is death? I don’t care what you call me, Sougo, but I won’t let you do that again!”
“Why would you care anyway? You only ever care about my sister! You’re just guilty about her death! You regret being stupid enough to not try to be with her! You never care about me!”
Okita’s words struck something in Hijikata’s heart. He had wanted to keep this argumentation as peaceful as it could be but he couldn’t contain his anger anymore. He pushed Okita down until the boy was lying on his back. One of his hands rested threateningly on the wound on Okita’s arm while he used the other to lightly choke Okita. He settled between Okita’s legs and pressed his body as close as possible to Okita, not wanting to be kicked by the boy.
“Listen to me! Listen to me! Sougo!” He shouted when Okita continued to struggle beneath him. He wanted to tell Okita that he cared. He wanted to tell Okita that the silence and tension frustrated him. He wanted to tell Okita many things but he wasn’t and wouldn’t be listened. Frustration mounting to a breaking point, he let go of his final shred of control and bent down to kiss Okita.
He hadn’t learnt how to kiss properly. His memory from the night he spent with Karin was vague and he’d very much rather forget about it. He wasn’t sure whether he was doing it right but he didn’t care. He deepened the kiss, only partially aware that Okita had ceased his struggling now. He tightened his grip on Okita’s wound marginally then pulled away.
“Dammit, Sougo, I care.” He whispered. Okita’s eyes widened slightly in shock. He wasn’t the only one surprised by the admission. “I care.” Hijikata repeated again before leaning down to kiss Okita as best as he could. Tongue running over teeth and gums and soft palate, he felt desperation to make Okita understand grew.
Convinced that Okita wouldn’t move, he let go of the boy’s throat and ran his hand over scarred chest and abdomen. The boy’s skin was softer than he had imagined and his body toned despite appearing rather on the thin side. The lack of curves still managed to surprise Hijikata. This wasn’t the body of a woman, this was a male, this was his teammate, this was Okita Sougo beneath him. Hijikata felt muscles flex under his hand as his finger brushed against a nipple and he moaned softly into Okita’s mouth. Lust began to course his veins, his body grew oversensitive to any point of contact with Okita. Experimentally, Hijikata rocked his hips. Jolts of pleasure ran through his system and he did it again and again and again, barely noticing the answering hardness trapped between their bodies.
He broke the kiss to lick, nip, and kiss Okita’s jaw and neck, delighting in the soft gasps the boy released. Okita’s free hand now moved to grip his arm as Hijikata continued to move above him. The friction eased the discomfort a little but ultimately only made his desire grow. Hijikata looked up to Okita in search of direction. The captain didn’t pay much attention to this, though, as his eyes were half-closed as he panted for breath. Then the pink tip of tongue peeked to lick dry lips erotically and Hijikata quickly fumbled with his belt, undoing it and then unzipping the trousers to delve his hand inside.
Okita gasped sharply and bucked his hips as Hijikata closed his hand over the smooth flesh. Wetness quickly flowed and covered Hijikata’s fingers, easing the friction when he moved his hand up and down. Okita hunched his back, trying to control his body but failed when Hijikata bit his nipple. He cried out, wounded arm fighting against Hijikata’s grip uselessly. He writhed on the floor and began to move his hips, frantically searching for more pleasure from Hijikata’s hand.
Groaning in impatience, Hijikata moved away just enough to remove Okita’s trouser. He reached out to the medical kit to find the tube of lubricant he knew was there. Hijikata had no time to either feel embarrassed or victorious as he found the lube, unable to feel anything but how good Okita felt beneath him and how he would like to feel more. He quickly coated his fingers with the lube, pinned down Okita’s injured arm to his side, and began to tease Okita’s entrance. He smiled slightly when Okita’s eyes fluttered closed when he pressed a finger lightly against the pucker. He wanted to taunt the boy with his inexperience in giving pleasure, but he was already throbbing with need.
“Sougo.” He groaned to gain the captain’s attention. Just as the boy opened his eyes, he pushed the finger in, wringing a gasp and a dramatic arch of his back. Hijikata sighed quietly when he felt tightness around his finger. Okita clutched around him eagerly, as the rest of his body trembled while attempting to adjust to the sudden intrusion.
Okita tossed his head from one side to another as Hijikata moved his lone finger in and out. He gasped and moaned, hips jerking as if he was unable to decide whether to push back or pull away. The older man knew there was pain as the boy had deflated slightly. Not wanting to risk removing his hand from Okita’s arm, Hijikata slid his hand down to the boy’s wrist and shifted down to capture the tip of his erection in his mouth.
“Hijikata-san!” Okita gasped, free arm shooting to Hijikata’s head not to push him away, but to make him stay. He groaned loudly and moved his hips into the warm cavern surrounding him. He threw his head back as he rode Hijikata’s teasing finger, pre-cum spilling steadily from the tip of his erection in Hijikata’s eager mouth. He winced slightly when Hijikata inserted another finger but the pleasure distracted him. He moaned Hijikata’s name alluringly as his grip on Hijikata’s hair tightened, ignoring how Hijikata gagged a little.
Groaning over the erection in his mouth, Hijikata decided that he couldn’t wait anymore. Except for his hand on Okita’s wrist, he removed himself from Okita completely to undo his trousers. He sighed in relief when his throbbing manhood was released from its confine. He grabbed the discarded tube of lube again and covered his erection with the substance before settling once more between Okita’s legs.
The boy was panting for breath, perhaps not fully aware of what was going to take place. Hijikata moved Okita’s injured hand so that his palm was right beside his head and pinned it there. “Sougo.” He whispered, looming over Okita with his erection pressing against the boys’ thigh just long enough to let his intention known. Then he aligned himself and pushed in.
Beneath him, Okita gasped and arched his back, muttering Hijikata’s name over and over again as he was entered. Hijikata didn’t hear him, concentrating on not coming right away when he felt how tight Okita was around him as he continued to push in steadily. He gripped Okita’s hip to make him stay still long enough so that he could enter him fully. Hijikata grunted in satisfaction when he could go no further and took a moment to enjoy the tight warmth around his most sensitive part. When he looked up, the sight of Okita blind with lust and panting for breath fueled his desire. He knew he wouldn’t last very long.
Hijikata gripped Okita’s right knee and lifted it so it was almost pressed against Okita’s chest as he pulled out and pushed back in, wringing delicious cries and moans from the boy beneath him. Drunk with lust, Hijikata desperately sought fulfillment in Okita’s body. Sounds of flesh slapping against flesh filled the room along with gasps, moans, grunts, and groans. Hijikata watched Okita from under half-closed lids, seeing the boy’s mouth hung open as he pushed in deep, deeper, deepest into him. He felt Okita’s hand wandered over his body fleetingly, running over his chest and side before sliding down between their bodies. Hijikata groaned when he felt fingertips touching the point where they connected, and quickened his pace.
Feeling his orgasm neared, Hijikata leaned down for a final kiss from Okita. Their tongues dueled clumsily but neither cared even as saliva ran down the corner of Okita’s lips. The boy gasped into his mouth, turned his head away, and grasped himself to find release. Hijikata didn’t mind, if anything, that aroused him even further. With one final hard thrust he spilled himself inside Okita with a muffled groan. He continued to move, letting Okita’s clenching hole milked him dry. Distantly, he felt wetness on his belly as Okita arched beneath him.
Hijikata slowed down, panting for breath. Beneath him, Okita was still facing away from him, eyes closed as he tried to regulate his breathing. His fair skin was still flushed and covered with perspiration. His short brown hair was wet and in disarray. The sight was a little familiar as Hijikata had often seen it in his dream. But this time, something was different. Something was not right.
Suddenly Hijikata realized what he had done. Dread began to fill him. He tried to read Okita’s expression but the boy’s face was kept carefully blank except for obvious hints of exhaustion. Hijikata wanted to apologize but he knew he wouldn’t be heard. Why was he so stupid? Why did he lose control like that? He knew he would never gain Okita’s forgiveness now.
Slowly, Hijikata pulled out from Okita. He dressed quietly and still Okita wouldn’t move from his spot on the floor. He contemplated on asking forgiveness again or dressing Okita but he didn’t think Okita wanted to be touched by him again. There was nothing he could do but leave and wait until Okita could forgive him -whenever that might be. Hijikata slid the door open slightly and threw one last glance at the boy lying sprawled on the floor -a perfect picture of debauched innocence. Guilt and dread suffocated him but he wasn’t wanted here.
‘I’m sorry’, he wanted to say. ‘I didn’t mean it to be like this’, ‘I didn’t want to hurt you’, ‘I only want you to know that I care’ were what he meant to say but he only turned away wordlessly, leaving Okita to search a sanctuary from the chaos that was his mind.
TBC
A/N: Action isn’t my strength and I apologize that it’s not exciting enough. Review, please? ^^
Rating: NC-17
Genre: drama/romance/angst/humor
Pairing: HijiOki
Warning: yaoi, possible dub-con
Chapter: 6/?
Summary: In order to gain forgiveness and erase his own guilt Hijikata made an agreement with Okita who was still blaming him for Mitsuba's death. He expected pain, humiliation, even death. But Hijikata never expected love.
chapter 1 ~ chapter 2 ~ chapter 3 ~ chapter 4 ~ chapter 5
A/N: Sorry for the long wait. Real life is keeping me stressed and occupied so I couldn’t update. I hope this long and smutty chapter could make up for it. I hope you enjoy this :)
Disclaimer: Gintama doesn’t belong to me.
Love’s Redemption
Okita was bored of their little game. He was bored of Hijikata submitting to whatever he demanded. He was bored of Hijikata not fighting back. He was bored of Hijikata doing exactly as he planned he would do. It’s too easy, not challenging enough. Okita didn’t want to waste more time with Hijikata. It was time to move on.
It was easier said than done, obviously. Mitsuba was the only family he had had. She was irreplaceable. Hijikata might be able to find someone else, there would be another girl he’d fall for, but Okita wouldn’t be able to get another sister, another family, another caretaker to replace Mitsuba. Forgetting wasn’t an option, either. He would never forget Mitsuba, she was far too important for him. The thought anger Okita as he realized that Hijikata could easily move on with his life while Okita would forever be condemned to a lonely life.
“Sougo, why are you still sleeping? It’s time to work.”
Okita took a deep, calming breath and lift his sleeping mask a little to peek at Kondou who was standing at the entrance to the room he was in. “There isn’t much to do.” He answered as he sat up and take off his sleeping mask.
“You could go patrol the city. Just because Joui has been quiet lately, it doesn’t mean that everything is perfectly safe.” Kondou said, crossing his arms on his chest and looking serious for once.
Okita actually rather hoped that there would attacks from the amanto or joui soon. He needed to relieve his distress. His body was aching for action he couldn’t get from practicing with other Shinsengumi members. He wanted that adrenaline rush, something to make him forget about his troubles even if just for a while. He wanted to live for the moment, the time where all that mattered was preserving his life at any cost. He couldn’t get it with peaceful days like this.
“Sougo,” Kondou began, letting his serious façade drop to be replaced by a friendly expression that Okita thought fit him better. “are you having a fight with Toshi?”
Okita tried not to flinch when he heard the name of the person he was currently trying to avoid. He shrugged instead, trying to look as nonchalant as possible. How many days had it been since they talked? A week had already gone and Okita had gotten tired of expecting an apology. He realized that Hijikata didn’t even try to strike up a conversation with him or even look at him anymore. Obviously he was pleased that their deal was over. He was happy that he could now move on with his life. Okita loathed him for it and this time he didn’t think he could ever forgive the older man. “I don’t know. Why don’t you ask him?”
Kondou sat down heavily next to him, staring the patch of blue sky that could be seen from the top of the tall fence. “I have. He said he doesn’t know.”
Of course he didn’t know. He was too busy moving on from Mitsuba. He was probably too preoccupied with looking for a girlfriend to try to understand why Okita suddenly decided to end their arrangement. He bet the man didn’t find much difficulty there; girls had always flocked to him and now that he didn’t have Mitsuba to save himself for, he only had to pick one of his eager fans to warm his bed at night as Karin had done. “Well, I don’t know either.”
Kondou sighed heavily. “Just when I thought you two have become friends, you fight again.”
Friends? Okita tried not to laugh out loud at the irony. “I don’t think we’ll ever be friends.” Okita replied.
“Why? I think you have a lot in common.”
The only thing they had in common was their loves for Mitsuba, but Okita bit his tongue before he said it. “Really?”
Kondou laughed loudly then stood up and pat Okita on the head like an older brother, or perhaps a father, would. It reminded Okita of his childhood, when he was still a student at the dojo and Mitsuba still took care of him and Hijikata never existed in his life. Those were good days, those were happy days, those days didn’t bring him as much pain as it did nowadays. “Of course you do. You’re just too busy fighting with him to notice.”
Okita thought of this. No matter how he looked at Hijikata he found no similarity between them at all. They had different personalities and interests. The only things that they had in similar were Shinsengumi, love of sword fighting, and Mitsuba. In other words, the only things they had in common were the very things that brought them apart. Friendship had no place in their lives. The only times they could tolerate each other were in the battle field, when Okita knew he could count on Hijikata to help him gain victory. And Okita wasn’t even sure of that now. He didn’t think he wanted to be anywhere near Hijikata where he would continually be reminded to his sister’s unfulfilled wishes and her grief.
Okita stood up and put his sleeping mask in his pocket. “You might be right, Kondou-san. But I really don’t think we could be friends.”
Kondou sighed in exasperation and shook his head. “The two of you are too stubborn. Do you know that…”
Kondou’s speech was interrupted by Yamazaki’s yell. He was running toward them, face red from exertion and panic. “Commander! Captain Okita!”
“What is it, Yamazaki?” Kondou asked, looking a little worried.
“A group of people has seized an amanto embassy! They’re heavily armed and have threatened to kill everyone in the building if we go near!”
“Is it that Katsura again?”
Yamazaki shook his head. “We don’t think so.”
“All right. What are we waiting for? Let’s go!” Kondou shouted and began to lead the way.
Okita followed him quietly, touching his sword in longing. His heart had begun to pound in excitement. The thought of Hijikata and Mitsuba were distant now as he turned his focus on the task at hand. He would finally find his relief.
*
The car made a sudden stop dangerously close to several Shinsengumi members. Hijikata quickly got out off the car, making a quick assessment to the situation. They had done a good job at keeping the crowd as far away from the scene as possible. From what he had heard from the radio, the terrorists were carrying various types of weapons with them, endangering people’s lives. The big western-style building was quiet though Hijikata guessed the situation inside was chaotic to say the least.
“Are they still inside?” Hijikata asked a nearby officer.
“Yes, Sir. They held the ambassador hostage until they are given a vehicle to leave the premises.”
“They’ll still probably kill him if we give them what they want anyway.” Hijikata growled.
“Commander also said so. He’s over there with Captain Okita.” The officer said, pointing to a direction where both Kondou and Okita could be seen standing in front of a car, giving orders and watching for any movement from inside the embassy.
Hijikata froze for a moment, eyes quickly searching for the sandy-haired youth. For a moment he didn’t know what to do; whether to approach him or pretend that he didn’t realize his presence. He still didn’t know how to act around Okita after the night at the festival. He only knew he had somehow made the boy upset but he didn’t know how. The end of their deal was relieving in a way, but Okita’s silence and ignorance made him feel guilty.
“There you are, Toshi!”
Red eyes turned to him briefly before turning back to the mansion. Hijikata inhaled the comforting smoke of his cigarette and approached his comrades. Unlike before, Kondou was now too focused on the job to ask them about the strain in their messed up relationship. Hijikata was secretly grateful for that but at the same time he was disappointed because he knew Okita wouldn’t talk to him without Kondo’s initiation.
“I heard they refused to let the hostages leave until they’re given escape vehicle.”
Kondou nodded. “The old man would kill me if I ever so much as asked for a vehicle for them.” He said, referring to Matsudaira.
“Or he’ll come to deliver a battle fleet and destroy the entire city himself.” Okita commented.
Hijikata glanced at Okita, wondering if the comment was even slightly directed to him, but Okita seemed aloof. He sighed, feeling annoyed by the ignorance. Why wouldn’t Okita just let him know what he had done wrong so they could get over this quickly? Didn’t this tension bother the boy, too?
“I guess that only left one option. We should try to infiltrate the embassy and free the hostages.” Hijikata said, hiding his aggravation behind a scowl. “Where’s Yamazaki?”
“He’s already…”
Loud sounds of gunshot suddenly filled the air. From the embassy they could hear sounds of glass breaking followed by more gunshots. Everyone ducked for cover but none of the shots seemed to be directed to them. This could only mean one thing: Yamazaki had been discovered.
Hijikata could tell that Kondou was surprised. It was extremely rare for Yamazaki to fail his undercover mission. Hijikata didn’t know whether Yamazaki had people backing him up or not but he was now worried about the safety of his comrade and the hostages. Beside him, Kondou stood ready to give order when suddenly Okita ran into the mansion, using Yamazaki’s failure as a distraction.
“Sougo!” Hijikata cried out but Okita wasn’t listening. Not having much choice, Kondou yelled a battle cry and ran after the youth, followed by his loyal friends. Hijikata quickly ran after them, trying to keep up with Okita’s pace to no avail. The boy was the first to arrive at the door and cut it down with his sword. He didn’t even wait for his comrades before entering the dangerous place.
Hijikata cursed loudly. Did he have a death wish or something? Didn’t he hear the gunshots? They didn’t even know what else they got inside or how many of them are there. What was Okita thinking, jumping into the dangerous situation like that?
Very soon the embassy turned into a battle field. Despite being outnumbered, the Joui people managed to hold Shinsegumi at bay with their guns. Hijikata was worried that these people might bring bombs and resort to exploding the embassy along with everyone in it. He had to risk it, though, as there was no longer turning back. He heard Kondou ordering to fire cannons at the Joui and ducked just in time as dust and debris flew to every direction. As soon as the dust settled, Shinsengumi used the chance to push forward and thankfully this time succeeding to take down armed terrorists.
In the midst of this chaos, Hijikata searched for Sougo. He had seen glimpses of the boy but didn’t have the chance to pull him back. Now he was missing again and he feared the worst. His heart pounded heavily as he ran through unfamiliar corridors and checked empty rooms. He heard shouts from other side of the embassy, announcing that they have found some of the hostages. Hijikata refused to let his guard down before he swept the entire place free of Joui.
“Vice-commander, they’re here!”
He saw huge double doors in the distance and Okita coming out of one room. Before he could call out to the youth, Okita had already approached the door and forcefully opened it. As soon as the pieces of wood fell, they heard shots. Hijikata just had enough time to drop to his knees before a bullet hit the wall right beside where his head had been. Several of his comrades had fallen to the ground, blood flowing from their wounds. Okita was nowhere in sight.
“Sougo!” He shouted but his voice was drowned by more firing of guns. He growled and pushed himself to his feet and ran into the room, unmindful of the danger waiting for him inside.
Sougo. He must find Sougo.
*
Hijikata staggered from the meeting room where he had listened to Yamazaki’s report about the failure of his mission. He had made a miscalculated move and was discovered by of the Joui who began shooting him just as he was about to find the room where they kept the hostages. Thankfully he managed to escape the dangerous situation alive but he had alerted Joui about Shinsengumi’s unwillingness to give into their demands. Yamazaki did his best to distract them from killing the hostages while his friends outside made their move. He knew that their priority was saving the amanto ambassador at any cost. He also knew that his comrades had heard the gunshots and were doubtlessly planning an attack very soon. Yamazaki apologized profusely for failing his mission and putting the lives of many Shinsengumi in danger, but Hijikata had no interest in listening to it. He left Yamazaki’s fate to Kondou’s hands and left.
Hijikata smoked in the garden to calm his mind, but nothing would ease his mind. He felt angry, worried, frustrated, confused and there seemed to be only one person who could make him feel better. Okita still wouldn’t talk to him, though. Although Hijikata had practically challenged death for him and dragged him out of the bloody place, Okita still wouldn’t talk to him. What did the boy wanted this time? Hadn’t that been apologetic enough? Hadn’t his previous actions showed how much he cared and regretted any wrong he had done?
Hijikata dropped his cigarette and crush it with his shoe. Okita wasn’t the only one who could end things when he felt like it. Hijikata could do it, too. Right now he was done with Okita’s sulking and suicidal moves. He was tired of dealing with this brat.
As he stomped toward Okita’s room, he felt his anger grew. The boy hadn’t attended the meeting because he was still nursing his injury, but Hijikata wouldn’t allow that to fool him. Okita had suffered various injuries in the past, some of them worse than what he had today, and he still lived. Hijikata would resolve their situation tonight. He didn’t care if he would make things worse but he didn’t want this weird tension anymore.
Hijikata opened the door to Okita’s room without announcing his presence. Okita didn’t seem surprised to see him, though. He was sitting on the floor, polishing his sword calmly. The parts where a bullet had grazed his side while another had hit his left arm had been dressed, the bandages were visible as Okita was shirtless. The wounds were only recently treated if the presence of the medicine kit was any indication. Okita’s movement was almost as smooth as usual though Hijikata could see that he tried not to burden his healing arm too much. These were the only details that registered to the vice-commander’s mind before he shut the door behind him angrily.
“What did you think you’re doing?” He demanded.
Okita seemed calm as he continued to polish his sword. “I’m polishing my sword.”
Hijikata fumed but didn’t dare to come too close while Okita was carrying a deadly weapon. “Were you suicidal or what? Why did you just charge into the embassy without Kondou-san’s order?”
“I couldn’t let the opportunity slide.” Okita replied without looking at Hijikata.
“You could get yourself killed!”
“I could.” Okita nodded to concede to his point. His voice was strained as he continued, still without looking at Hijikata. “It’s not going to be any of your concern, is it, though?”
“What is wrong with you?”
This time Okita didn’t answer. He sheathed his sword and put it away. “Hijikata-san, I’m tired and I need to recover. Can you leave?”
Seeing as the sword was no longer in Okita’s hold, Hijikata took a step forward. “I’m not leaving until I get an answer!”
Maybe it’s the light but Hijikata thought he saw the boy’s eyes glint dangerously. He noticed that the sword was still within Okita’s reach so he didn’t move further into the room. “What kind of answer do you want?”
“I want you to tell me why you made that stupid move today and risk your lives as well as others’!”
“Why would you care?”
“Why would I… What do you mean? Of course I care! I can’t let one stupid move get the entire Shinsengumi killed!”
“Ah, so you’re worried about others’ safety. Well, rest assured, Hijikata-san, next time I will make sure not to involve anyone when I feel like taking a suicide mission.” Okita replied sarcastically.
Hijikata had no doubt that Okita was referring to the mission he took on his own when Mitsuba was sick for that very last time. He realized that he had also been careless then but it wasn’t the point now. He had made a mistake by assuming that he could handle everything on his own and by taking it personally without thinking that the entire Shinsengumi was also connected to his lone action and mission. It was a mistake he didn’t want to repeat and he wasn’t about to let anyone else commit the same mistake, especially Okita.
“That’s not what I mean!”
“Then what do you mean? You wouldn’t care even if I die, anyway.” Okita said coldly.
Had Okita been wearing a shirt, Hijikata would’ve grabbed his collar and shook him until he regained his sensibility. As Okita was shirtless, Hijikata could only scowl menacingly. “What are you thinking, Sougo?”
Okita stood up and gave Hijikata the coldest glare he had ever given anyone. “Isn’t it obvious, Hijikata-san?” He said. “Stop pretending like you care and leave me alone. I’ll make sure not to get anyone in trouble again next time.”
When Okita turned away from him and crossed the room to leave since Hijikata refused to leave him alone, Hijikata lost his temper. He grabbed the boy by his uninjured arm and pulled him back. “Don’t be stupid, Sougo! I don’t want you to die!”
“And if I want to die?” Okita challenged.
Hijikata couldn’t tell whether he was serious or not but he couldn’t bear the thought of losing Okita after Mitsuba’s death. “I won’t let you!”
Okita chuckled darkly. “How very selfish of you. Wouldn’t you just let me get what I want for once?”
“When what you want is death? I don’t care what you call me, Sougo, but I won’t let you do that again!”
“Why would you care anyway? You only ever care about my sister! You’re just guilty about her death! You regret being stupid enough to not try to be with her! You never care about me!”
Okita’s words struck something in Hijikata’s heart. He had wanted to keep this argumentation as peaceful as it could be but he couldn’t contain his anger anymore. He pushed Okita down until the boy was lying on his back. One of his hands rested threateningly on the wound on Okita’s arm while he used the other to lightly choke Okita. He settled between Okita’s legs and pressed his body as close as possible to Okita, not wanting to be kicked by the boy.
“Listen to me! Listen to me! Sougo!” He shouted when Okita continued to struggle beneath him. He wanted to tell Okita that he cared. He wanted to tell Okita that the silence and tension frustrated him. He wanted to tell Okita many things but he wasn’t and wouldn’t be listened. Frustration mounting to a breaking point, he let go of his final shred of control and bent down to kiss Okita.
He hadn’t learnt how to kiss properly. His memory from the night he spent with Karin was vague and he’d very much rather forget about it. He wasn’t sure whether he was doing it right but he didn’t care. He deepened the kiss, only partially aware that Okita had ceased his struggling now. He tightened his grip on Okita’s wound marginally then pulled away.
“Dammit, Sougo, I care.” He whispered. Okita’s eyes widened slightly in shock. He wasn’t the only one surprised by the admission. “I care.” Hijikata repeated again before leaning down to kiss Okita as best as he could. Tongue running over teeth and gums and soft palate, he felt desperation to make Okita understand grew.
Convinced that Okita wouldn’t move, he let go of the boy’s throat and ran his hand over scarred chest and abdomen. The boy’s skin was softer than he had imagined and his body toned despite appearing rather on the thin side. The lack of curves still managed to surprise Hijikata. This wasn’t the body of a woman, this was a male, this was his teammate, this was Okita Sougo beneath him. Hijikata felt muscles flex under his hand as his finger brushed against a nipple and he moaned softly into Okita’s mouth. Lust began to course his veins, his body grew oversensitive to any point of contact with Okita. Experimentally, Hijikata rocked his hips. Jolts of pleasure ran through his system and he did it again and again and again, barely noticing the answering hardness trapped between their bodies.
He broke the kiss to lick, nip, and kiss Okita’s jaw and neck, delighting in the soft gasps the boy released. Okita’s free hand now moved to grip his arm as Hijikata continued to move above him. The friction eased the discomfort a little but ultimately only made his desire grow. Hijikata looked up to Okita in search of direction. The captain didn’t pay much attention to this, though, as his eyes were half-closed as he panted for breath. Then the pink tip of tongue peeked to lick dry lips erotically and Hijikata quickly fumbled with his belt, undoing it and then unzipping the trousers to delve his hand inside.
Okita gasped sharply and bucked his hips as Hijikata closed his hand over the smooth flesh. Wetness quickly flowed and covered Hijikata’s fingers, easing the friction when he moved his hand up and down. Okita hunched his back, trying to control his body but failed when Hijikata bit his nipple. He cried out, wounded arm fighting against Hijikata’s grip uselessly. He writhed on the floor and began to move his hips, frantically searching for more pleasure from Hijikata’s hand.
Groaning in impatience, Hijikata moved away just enough to remove Okita’s trouser. He reached out to the medical kit to find the tube of lubricant he knew was there. Hijikata had no time to either feel embarrassed or victorious as he found the lube, unable to feel anything but how good Okita felt beneath him and how he would like to feel more. He quickly coated his fingers with the lube, pinned down Okita’s injured arm to his side, and began to tease Okita’s entrance. He smiled slightly when Okita’s eyes fluttered closed when he pressed a finger lightly against the pucker. He wanted to taunt the boy with his inexperience in giving pleasure, but he was already throbbing with need.
“Sougo.” He groaned to gain the captain’s attention. Just as the boy opened his eyes, he pushed the finger in, wringing a gasp and a dramatic arch of his back. Hijikata sighed quietly when he felt tightness around his finger. Okita clutched around him eagerly, as the rest of his body trembled while attempting to adjust to the sudden intrusion.
Okita tossed his head from one side to another as Hijikata moved his lone finger in and out. He gasped and moaned, hips jerking as if he was unable to decide whether to push back or pull away. The older man knew there was pain as the boy had deflated slightly. Not wanting to risk removing his hand from Okita’s arm, Hijikata slid his hand down to the boy’s wrist and shifted down to capture the tip of his erection in his mouth.
“Hijikata-san!” Okita gasped, free arm shooting to Hijikata’s head not to push him away, but to make him stay. He groaned loudly and moved his hips into the warm cavern surrounding him. He threw his head back as he rode Hijikata’s teasing finger, pre-cum spilling steadily from the tip of his erection in Hijikata’s eager mouth. He winced slightly when Hijikata inserted another finger but the pleasure distracted him. He moaned Hijikata’s name alluringly as his grip on Hijikata’s hair tightened, ignoring how Hijikata gagged a little.
Groaning over the erection in his mouth, Hijikata decided that he couldn’t wait anymore. Except for his hand on Okita’s wrist, he removed himself from Okita completely to undo his trousers. He sighed in relief when his throbbing manhood was released from its confine. He grabbed the discarded tube of lube again and covered his erection with the substance before settling once more between Okita’s legs.
The boy was panting for breath, perhaps not fully aware of what was going to take place. Hijikata moved Okita’s injured hand so that his palm was right beside his head and pinned it there. “Sougo.” He whispered, looming over Okita with his erection pressing against the boys’ thigh just long enough to let his intention known. Then he aligned himself and pushed in.
Beneath him, Okita gasped and arched his back, muttering Hijikata’s name over and over again as he was entered. Hijikata didn’t hear him, concentrating on not coming right away when he felt how tight Okita was around him as he continued to push in steadily. He gripped Okita’s hip to make him stay still long enough so that he could enter him fully. Hijikata grunted in satisfaction when he could go no further and took a moment to enjoy the tight warmth around his most sensitive part. When he looked up, the sight of Okita blind with lust and panting for breath fueled his desire. He knew he wouldn’t last very long.
Hijikata gripped Okita’s right knee and lifted it so it was almost pressed against Okita’s chest as he pulled out and pushed back in, wringing delicious cries and moans from the boy beneath him. Drunk with lust, Hijikata desperately sought fulfillment in Okita’s body. Sounds of flesh slapping against flesh filled the room along with gasps, moans, grunts, and groans. Hijikata watched Okita from under half-closed lids, seeing the boy’s mouth hung open as he pushed in deep, deeper, deepest into him. He felt Okita’s hand wandered over his body fleetingly, running over his chest and side before sliding down between their bodies. Hijikata groaned when he felt fingertips touching the point where they connected, and quickened his pace.
Feeling his orgasm neared, Hijikata leaned down for a final kiss from Okita. Their tongues dueled clumsily but neither cared even as saliva ran down the corner of Okita’s lips. The boy gasped into his mouth, turned his head away, and grasped himself to find release. Hijikata didn’t mind, if anything, that aroused him even further. With one final hard thrust he spilled himself inside Okita with a muffled groan. He continued to move, letting Okita’s clenching hole milked him dry. Distantly, he felt wetness on his belly as Okita arched beneath him.
Hijikata slowed down, panting for breath. Beneath him, Okita was still facing away from him, eyes closed as he tried to regulate his breathing. His fair skin was still flushed and covered with perspiration. His short brown hair was wet and in disarray. The sight was a little familiar as Hijikata had often seen it in his dream. But this time, something was different. Something was not right.
Suddenly Hijikata realized what he had done. Dread began to fill him. He tried to read Okita’s expression but the boy’s face was kept carefully blank except for obvious hints of exhaustion. Hijikata wanted to apologize but he knew he wouldn’t be heard. Why was he so stupid? Why did he lose control like that? He knew he would never gain Okita’s forgiveness now.
Slowly, Hijikata pulled out from Okita. He dressed quietly and still Okita wouldn’t move from his spot on the floor. He contemplated on asking forgiveness again or dressing Okita but he didn’t think Okita wanted to be touched by him again. There was nothing he could do but leave and wait until Okita could forgive him -whenever that might be. Hijikata slid the door open slightly and threw one last glance at the boy lying sprawled on the floor -a perfect picture of debauched innocence. Guilt and dread suffocated him but he wasn’t wanted here.
‘I’m sorry’, he wanted to say. ‘I didn’t mean it to be like this’, ‘I didn’t want to hurt you’, ‘I only want you to know that I care’ were what he meant to say but he only turned away wordlessly, leaving Okita to search a sanctuary from the chaos that was his mind.
TBC
A/N: Action isn’t my strength and I apologize that it’s not exciting enough. Review, please? ^^