(no subject)
So. It's been a while. I've been hanging out with Drew almost every night. We talk and laugh and snuggle until nearly dawn. And I've had an absolutely wonderful time.
However, something has been eating at me for a few weeks now. Yes, Rob. I'm worried about our friendship. I value you more then you can possibly imagine. You helped me through a VERY difficult time; you saw me through that when nothing else could have, and I'll be forever grateful for it.
I also realize that you had feelings for me, although I'm not completely certain of what they were or the extent of them. I also want you to understand that I TRIED. I really really did. I wanted to be able to return those feelings, because I felt you DESERVED that. You're such a wonderful man; you deserve, after everything you've gone through in your life, to be happy. And it is pure egotism on my part to think, if I had just been able to... fuck I don't know, SOMETHING, that I could have helped somehow.
But I wasn't able to, and I haven't helped at all, for which I sincerely apoligise. I have perhaps given you a few small things that help to keep your mind off things; or at least I'd like to hope so. I suppose what I want you to know more then anything is that I love you very much, even if it's not in a romantic way. Matt and I had a talk after Ye Olde Sake Incident about that, and I think I know very clearly what he meant now. In fact, I love both of you completely, in exactly the same way. You're both very dear to me.
I also want you to know that ANYTIME, if it is physically in my power to do so, if you need to be away from the house, call me, message me, email me, whatever, and I will come and remove you from it for as long as any given day or situation allows. Anytime you need me, I will be there for you. That is my solemn promise to you. It's all I can give you. These are not meant to be pretty words. There is blood and tears mixed in as well. I hope to speak to you at length very soon.
The other chosen few who can see this: I love you guys too. Scott: I'd promise to come over this wednesday, but I'm loathe to make promises I can't keep. But soon. Definately the day after I get back from NYC. Dusty: I'll see you on Monday! I can't wait. I haven't seen you in months and I miss you terribly. Tiffany: I really don't know you very well yet, but I trust you COMPLETELY, which is why you can see this. I'm certain that in time I'll love you as dearly as I love Matt, Rob, Scott and Dusty. Matt: I really miss our incredibly random late night chats. There were often brilliant ideas spawned in those sessions. Rob: I just plain miss you.
On that note: It's 3 AM. My antihystamine has kicked in. I am going to sleep.
However, something has been eating at me for a few weeks now. Yes, Rob. I'm worried about our friendship. I value you more then you can possibly imagine. You helped me through a VERY difficult time; you saw me through that when nothing else could have, and I'll be forever grateful for it.
I also realize that you had feelings for me, although I'm not completely certain of what they were or the extent of them. I also want you to understand that I TRIED. I really really did. I wanted to be able to return those feelings, because I felt you DESERVED that. You're such a wonderful man; you deserve, after everything you've gone through in your life, to be happy. And it is pure egotism on my part to think, if I had just been able to... fuck I don't know, SOMETHING, that I could have helped somehow.
But I wasn't able to, and I haven't helped at all, for which I sincerely apoligise. I have perhaps given you a few small things that help to keep your mind off things; or at least I'd like to hope so. I suppose what I want you to know more then anything is that I love you very much, even if it's not in a romantic way. Matt and I had a talk after Ye Olde Sake Incident about that, and I think I know very clearly what he meant now. In fact, I love both of you completely, in exactly the same way. You're both very dear to me.
I also want you to know that ANYTIME, if it is physically in my power to do so, if you need to be away from the house, call me, message me, email me, whatever, and I will come and remove you from it for as long as any given day or situation allows. Anytime you need me, I will be there for you. That is my solemn promise to you. It's all I can give you. These are not meant to be pretty words. There is blood and tears mixed in as well. I hope to speak to you at length very soon.
The other chosen few who can see this: I love you guys too. Scott: I'd promise to come over this wednesday, but I'm loathe to make promises I can't keep. But soon. Definately the day after I get back from NYC. Dusty: I'll see you on Monday! I can't wait. I haven't seen you in months and I miss you terribly. Tiffany: I really don't know you very well yet, but I trust you COMPLETELY, which is why you can see this. I'm certain that in time I'll love you as dearly as I love Matt, Rob, Scott and Dusty. Matt: I really miss our incredibly random late night chats. There were often brilliant ideas spawned in those sessions. Rob: I just plain miss you.
On that note: It's 3 AM. My antihystamine has kicked in. I am going to sleep.