To Whom I Surrender My Soul (1/?) (Nc-17)
Title: To whom I surrender my soul (1/?)
Pairing: Dean/Sam, Dean/arch angel Gabriel
Rating: Nc-17
Warnings: angst, incest, graphic M/M, dubious-con -- I really don't see it but you might so yeah -- better to be warned that Dean is being manipulated by an Angel.
I dunno how to even voice this one -- Drug like angel presence -- ??? Wdf...Okay..we'll move on.
Angel!fic, blasphemy, language, bottom Dean, Spoilers up to season 4
Disclaimer: I do not own the boys, I just took them out to play.
Word Count:2640
Summary: After finding out that Sam is still using his demonic powers and working together with Ruby, Dean feels desperate and makes another deal to save his brother from turning evil.
Author's Note: X-posted to slashingdean.com archive and in various LJ coms. I want to thank ischa for the great beta work which meant putting up with my terrible grammar and weird ideas. :)
Story art by apieceofcake
Chapter II here
There were tears streaking down his cheeks. Dark eyeliner mixing in them, leaving behind black lines. He looked so young; so sad and alone. This was no fallen angel; he was just a young man. A confused one at that.
“I will protect you,” Sam promised and reached his hand out, not stepping closer, but just letting him know that he was right there.
„Will you?” Dean asked and his words weren’t more than a mere whisper in the darkness of the night.
„Always Dean. Always. You know that.” Sam reassured him, holding Dean’s gaze for long moments.
„I’m broken now. Tainted. You know that,” Dean sobbed, and Sam could make out clearly the desperation in his voice. Dean thought Sam wouldn’t want him the way he was. That he wouldn’t love him.
„Whatever you have done - you did it for me. I won’t leave you because of it. Please Dean… Just please, okay?” Sam begged now, still holding out his hand and hoping, praying that Dean would come back to him.
Finally his older brother let out a small gasp as if a weight had been lifted of his chest and grabbed Sam’s hand. Then he stepped closer, and Sam was finally able to pull him into a strong hug.
God it felt so good to hold Dean in his arms again. He may have been skinnier than Sam remembered, but he was still Dean. Still the one person Sam would do anything for. The one person who had given up all he had to protect Sam. Sam knew they would have to deal with the consequences of Dean’s deals later but right now it was just the two of them together again and that was enough.
Dean was holding onto the soft fabric of Sam’s shirt like it was a lifeline while he pushed his damp cheek against the smooth curve of Sam’s neck. He took in the sweet scent of his brother’s skin. The tight veins running under it. Hot blood pumping… Dean closed his eyes and tried to fight it. He really did. But you can’t fight what you are and the creature that had once been a hunter called Dean Winchester damn well knew it.
***
Six months earlier…
Dean felt the pit in his stomach grow with every step he took. He had to struggle to keep it together, because on the inside he was boiling mad.
First of all he was mad at that arrogant bastard Castiel who called himself „the angel of the lord”, and of course he was mad at that yellow-eyed son of a bitch who had forced their mom to make the deal to save John’s life. Finally knowing the truth about his parents had hurt so bad that he couldn’t help, but wonder if maybe he had been better off if he had never found out what really happened.
Dean relaxed his shoulders and tried to clear his mind - that little trip to the past had gotten to him a bit more than he would have liked. Seeing his parents so young and hopeful, ignorant to the dim future that lay ahead. God - he had tried everything to stop things and give his parents the happy life they deserved, but it had all went down that horrible path again. He hadn’t been able to change a damn thing!
And he was still mad at Sammy for not letting him in on things anymore. It wasn’t like Sam to keep secrets from him. It wasn’t like his younger brother at all.
But even more than that, he was mad at himself for letting things go this far. For failing Sam and getting dragged into hell. It was his fuck-up. His mistake to leave Sam alone.
And now the fucking Apocalypse is on the way and I have no idea where Sammy is or what he has gotten himself into, he bitterly thought. This hotel was his last place to check, and then he would have to admit that he couldn’t find Sam.
He had finally reached the right room and crouched under the window to catch as much of the conversation inside as he could.
“He’s not a fucking problem. I’ll take care of it Ruby. Trust me.”
Ruby?! Dean almost yelped as he heard Sam address someone with that name. Could it be that the bitch was still alive?
“Okay so you can handle your brother, but it still leaves us with that angel. You said he has spoken to Dean?”
“So my brother claims,“ Sam sounded a bit tired, and it seemed like he really didn’t want to have that conversation right now.
“You shouldn’t underestimate angels like that. They’re very dangerous Sam. Very, very dangerous, “ Ruby said, emphasizing her last words.
Dean was pissed at the demon for manipulating his brother like that and he sure as hell didn’t like the general direction the conversation in the room was taking. The next words from Sam did nothing to take away his unease.
“So am I.” The words were fallowed by a short laughter that sounded so much like Sam’s usual one and jet much colder and crueler.
There was a moment of silence before Ruby spoke again and there was definitely a change in her voice. Her tone was more restricted now, even more humble maybe. “Let’s go - we’ve still got work to do before this night is over. We don’t want Lillith’s troops beating us there, do we?”
“No.” Sam simply answered and then there was the sound of footsteps on the floor and a door slamming shut behind Dean’s brother and the evil she demon as they left.
Dean let out a breath he had been holding and rose up from his hiding place. He felt a bit dizzy and definitely concerned. It seemed that this night held nothing but bad revelations for him.
Keep it together man, he told to himself, you can’t just fucking fall apart. You need to figure out how to fix this, to fix Sammy.
He slowly walked back to the Impala parked half a block away not to attract Sam’s attention. His eyes were fixed on the ground while he was thinking, but now that he reached his car, he looked up to take in his surroundings. It wasn’t the nicest district in the town and it was already getting dark so the hunter decided it would be wise to quickly take his baby and head back to their motel.
He already had the car keys in his hand when the large building standing across the street from him caught his eye. He mistook it first for some kind of warehouse, but now as the lights were lit inside he saw the colorful glasses and heard the bells. It was a church.
Dean stilled in his movements and leaned against the driver side of the Impala for a moment, keeping an eye on the church, thinking. It seemed as someone was lighting the candles one by one inside, maybe preparing for an evening service.
Dean frowned and bit his lip. He had never been much of a church going type, but there always was a first time, right? And being as it was he really felt he could use some help or council from the up high guys, cause right now it seemed like the fellows from downstairs were handling their asses to them in this fight for earth.
Before he could even understand it, Dean had already crossed the street and was walking through the giant wooden doors into the church.
***
It was dim inside as the candles burning on the altar were the only source of light in the room. Dean was a bit surprised to see that no one else had seem to gather for the service - he was standing all alone in the space between the two empty bench rows. Sighing he looked around to make sure he really was alone and sat down on the first bench.
This is just stupid; he silently told himself, this praying shit never helps anyone.
But maybe now that I know that there are angels out there and that there is someone in charge of them…Another small voice inside of him argued.
“Why do you punish me like that?” He whispered staring at the altar. “What have I done to deserve this? You’ve taken everyone I’ve ever loved and now I’m losing Sammy too.”
Dean swallowed hard and fought back tears welling in his eyes, his voice rising a tone or two. “You’re supposed to help us, you know! So where the fuck are you now?”
He drew in a breath and lowered his head to rest it on his hands. “I just need a little help - that’s all. You know I would do anything for Sam. Anything. Whatever you want, I’ll give it to you if you just… If you just fix things with Sam. Please.”
“Our Lord is always listening to your prayers my son,“ a voice suddenly said from right beside him, and Dean involuntarily jumped, startled that someone had crept up on him like that. He quickly studied the young man sitting beside him, taking in his priest collar, wavy black hair and kind brown eyes. Dean realized that the guy reminded him of Sam for some reason but he quickly recovered, putting on neutral face and coughing to clear his voice.
“Who are you?” Dean asked as his hand involuntarily moved closer to the gun hidden in the back of his jacket. It was not normal for someone to just creep up to an on duty hunter like that.
“A friend. “ The other man casually answered, but as he spoke a wind rose out of nowhere and suddenly there was a shadow of two wings behind him.
Dean gasped: “You’re one of them! You’re an angel.”
The priest nodded: “That’s right Dean. And I’m here to propose a deal to you - it will give you the means to save Sam, but in return it will cost you something.”
Dean swallowed and nodded. “Anything. Just. I’ll give you whatever you want, if you can save him.”
The angel smiled. “Eager, aren’t we? Don’t you think you should at least listen to the offering before accepting it?”
Dean was almost trembling with excitement and hope - two feelings he hadn’t felt for a long time. He still managed to restrain himself as he considered the angel’s words. He had had enough experience with bad deals to know better than to rush head on into one.
Dean studied the man sitting next to him and asked: “So what do you propose?”
The angel paused for a moment before he smiled and calmly explained: “Our Lord wants you to surrender yourself to him. He wants to give you, Dean Winchester, the greatest gift of all - he wants to make you one of his angels.”
Dean was opening and closing his mouth for a few times, but no sound came out. Was this guy joking or did he really? Had he?! Dean’s thoughts were one big mess, but the guy was still staring at him with those warm brown eyes.
“You’re serious?” Dean finally managed to get out.
“God is,“ the guy reassured him.
“This can’t be happening,“ Dean murmured and sent the angel a quick glance.
“It is. Just surrender yourself to him and you’ll have the power you need to save Sam from turning evil,” the angel said and moved a bit closer to Dean.
Dean was still incredulously staring at him, but a dominant part of him - the one called “Sammy always first” was already in action despite that, using his lips to form the word: “Deal.”
The angel smiled and nodded: “Very well - then let’s seal it.”
Dean frowned. “I know how Demon’s close their deals, but how do you guys…?”
His question trailed off as the man leaned even closer and whispered mere inches away from his face. “We both use the same methods; it’s just the purpose that defines us.”
Dean was too surprised from that answer to even properly register when the angel’s hot and wet lips were suddenly pressed to his own but after a moment of shock he realized it was the closing of the deal and that he needed to kiss back to confirm his willingness. So he returned the kiss and tried really hart not to dwell on the fact that he was making out with another guy. Not that it was so much different from a girl, or unpleasant, or the first sin he had ever committed, just… Finding out that he may be interested in guys was a bit more than Dean thought his brain could handle right then.
Finally the angel pulled back a bit - his hand still gripping Dean’s neck and his eyes fixed on the hunters face.
“We have to perform a ritual also to alter your presence from human to us,“ he softly explained while his fingers lightly caressed Dean’s skin.
Dean swallowed, hard - there was no backing away from this now, and he could still taste the angel on his lips. This was so wrong. Making a deal to save Sam’s life once again - it didn’t matter that he had promised himself to a different side now. A deal was still a deal.
Altering my presence? How the hell do things like that exactly work? Dean thought and wondered nervously, if it would hurt badly, when he would be changed into something like an angel.
A freaking angel. Me, Dean Winchester. He tried to recall all the lore he knew about angels and huffed as he finally remembered some.
“I thought you had to be dead to become an angel,“ he said and frowned at the other man.
But the angel only chuckled and shook his head in amusement before answering: “Oh, but you are dead my dear Dean. You are.”
Dean took in a sharp breath: “What exactly do you mean by that?”
“You’re so hot when you’re scared Hunter,“ the angel whispered instead of answering, and brushed his thumb over the corner of Dean’s mouth.
That earned him another sharp intake of breath from the hunter, followed by a confused look. Dean wasn’t sure if the angel was teasing him or being serious, but the other man already continued. ”You see - you were killed and went to hell from were one of us dragged you up. So technically speaking - you’re actually a dead man walking amongst the living which makes you more suitable for the transformation.” He smiled. “And yes - there are ways to change living humans also, but we really wouldn’t like to go that far unless it’s absolutely necessary. So are you ready?”
Dean briefly licked his lips before nodding and following after the angel who was now heading towards the altar.
Dean had always trusted his instincts and right now they were screaming for him to turn around and go find another way. Maybe even try talking to Sammy - something, anything. But at the same time he knew there was just no other way left to fix the damage that had been done over the last six months. If the damn Apocalypse really was going to go down in the near future Dean was at least going to make sure he had the power to bring Sammy through it unharmed and on the right side.
TBC.
Chapter II here
Pairing: Dean/Sam, Dean/arch angel Gabriel
Rating: Nc-17
Warnings: angst, incest, graphic M/M, dubious-con -- I really don't see it but you might so yeah -- better to be warned that Dean is being manipulated by an Angel.
I dunno how to even voice this one -- Drug like angel presence -- ??? Wdf...Okay..we'll move on.
Angel!fic, blasphemy, language, bottom Dean, Spoilers up to season 4
Disclaimer: I do not own the boys, I just took them out to play.
Word Count:2640
Summary: After finding out that Sam is still using his demonic powers and working together with Ruby, Dean feels desperate and makes another deal to save his brother from turning evil.
Author's Note: X-posted to slashingdean.com archive and in various LJ coms. I want to thank ischa for the great beta work which meant putting up with my terrible grammar and weird ideas. :)
Story art by apieceofcake
Chapter II here
There were tears streaking down his cheeks. Dark eyeliner mixing in them, leaving behind black lines. He looked so young; so sad and alone. This was no fallen angel; he was just a young man. A confused one at that.
“I will protect you,” Sam promised and reached his hand out, not stepping closer, but just letting him know that he was right there.
„Will you?” Dean asked and his words weren’t more than a mere whisper in the darkness of the night.
„Always Dean. Always. You know that.” Sam reassured him, holding Dean’s gaze for long moments.
„I’m broken now. Tainted. You know that,” Dean sobbed, and Sam could make out clearly the desperation in his voice. Dean thought Sam wouldn’t want him the way he was. That he wouldn’t love him.
„Whatever you have done - you did it for me. I won’t leave you because of it. Please Dean… Just please, okay?” Sam begged now, still holding out his hand and hoping, praying that Dean would come back to him.
Finally his older brother let out a small gasp as if a weight had been lifted of his chest and grabbed Sam’s hand. Then he stepped closer, and Sam was finally able to pull him into a strong hug.
God it felt so good to hold Dean in his arms again. He may have been skinnier than Sam remembered, but he was still Dean. Still the one person Sam would do anything for. The one person who had given up all he had to protect Sam. Sam knew they would have to deal with the consequences of Dean’s deals later but right now it was just the two of them together again and that was enough.
Dean was holding onto the soft fabric of Sam’s shirt like it was a lifeline while he pushed his damp cheek against the smooth curve of Sam’s neck. He took in the sweet scent of his brother’s skin. The tight veins running under it. Hot blood pumping… Dean closed his eyes and tried to fight it. He really did. But you can’t fight what you are and the creature that had once been a hunter called Dean Winchester damn well knew it.
***
Six months earlier…
Dean felt the pit in his stomach grow with every step he took. He had to struggle to keep it together, because on the inside he was boiling mad.
First of all he was mad at that arrogant bastard Castiel who called himself „the angel of the lord”, and of course he was mad at that yellow-eyed son of a bitch who had forced their mom to make the deal to save John’s life. Finally knowing the truth about his parents had hurt so bad that he couldn’t help, but wonder if maybe he had been better off if he had never found out what really happened.
Dean relaxed his shoulders and tried to clear his mind - that little trip to the past had gotten to him a bit more than he would have liked. Seeing his parents so young and hopeful, ignorant to the dim future that lay ahead. God - he had tried everything to stop things and give his parents the happy life they deserved, but it had all went down that horrible path again. He hadn’t been able to change a damn thing!
And he was still mad at Sammy for not letting him in on things anymore. It wasn’t like Sam to keep secrets from him. It wasn’t like his younger brother at all.
But even more than that, he was mad at himself for letting things go this far. For failing Sam and getting dragged into hell. It was his fuck-up. His mistake to leave Sam alone.
And now the fucking Apocalypse is on the way and I have no idea where Sammy is or what he has gotten himself into, he bitterly thought. This hotel was his last place to check, and then he would have to admit that he couldn’t find Sam.
He had finally reached the right room and crouched under the window to catch as much of the conversation inside as he could.
“He’s not a fucking problem. I’ll take care of it Ruby. Trust me.”
Ruby?! Dean almost yelped as he heard Sam address someone with that name. Could it be that the bitch was still alive?
“Okay so you can handle your brother, but it still leaves us with that angel. You said he has spoken to Dean?”
“So my brother claims,“ Sam sounded a bit tired, and it seemed like he really didn’t want to have that conversation right now.
“You shouldn’t underestimate angels like that. They’re very dangerous Sam. Very, very dangerous, “ Ruby said, emphasizing her last words.
Dean was pissed at the demon for manipulating his brother like that and he sure as hell didn’t like the general direction the conversation in the room was taking. The next words from Sam did nothing to take away his unease.
“So am I.” The words were fallowed by a short laughter that sounded so much like Sam’s usual one and jet much colder and crueler.
There was a moment of silence before Ruby spoke again and there was definitely a change in her voice. Her tone was more restricted now, even more humble maybe. “Let’s go - we’ve still got work to do before this night is over. We don’t want Lillith’s troops beating us there, do we?”
“No.” Sam simply answered and then there was the sound of footsteps on the floor and a door slamming shut behind Dean’s brother and the evil she demon as they left.
Dean let out a breath he had been holding and rose up from his hiding place. He felt a bit dizzy and definitely concerned. It seemed that this night held nothing but bad revelations for him.
Keep it together man, he told to himself, you can’t just fucking fall apart. You need to figure out how to fix this, to fix Sammy.
He slowly walked back to the Impala parked half a block away not to attract Sam’s attention. His eyes were fixed on the ground while he was thinking, but now that he reached his car, he looked up to take in his surroundings. It wasn’t the nicest district in the town and it was already getting dark so the hunter decided it would be wise to quickly take his baby and head back to their motel.
He already had the car keys in his hand when the large building standing across the street from him caught his eye. He mistook it first for some kind of warehouse, but now as the lights were lit inside he saw the colorful glasses and heard the bells. It was a church.
Dean stilled in his movements and leaned against the driver side of the Impala for a moment, keeping an eye on the church, thinking. It seemed as someone was lighting the candles one by one inside, maybe preparing for an evening service.
Dean frowned and bit his lip. He had never been much of a church going type, but there always was a first time, right? And being as it was he really felt he could use some help or council from the up high guys, cause right now it seemed like the fellows from downstairs were handling their asses to them in this fight for earth.
Before he could even understand it, Dean had already crossed the street and was walking through the giant wooden doors into the church.
***
It was dim inside as the candles burning on the altar were the only source of light in the room. Dean was a bit surprised to see that no one else had seem to gather for the service - he was standing all alone in the space between the two empty bench rows. Sighing he looked around to make sure he really was alone and sat down on the first bench.
This is just stupid; he silently told himself, this praying shit never helps anyone.
But maybe now that I know that there are angels out there and that there is someone in charge of them…Another small voice inside of him argued.
“Why do you punish me like that?” He whispered staring at the altar. “What have I done to deserve this? You’ve taken everyone I’ve ever loved and now I’m losing Sammy too.”
Dean swallowed hard and fought back tears welling in his eyes, his voice rising a tone or two. “You’re supposed to help us, you know! So where the fuck are you now?”
He drew in a breath and lowered his head to rest it on his hands. “I just need a little help - that’s all. You know I would do anything for Sam. Anything. Whatever you want, I’ll give it to you if you just… If you just fix things with Sam. Please.”
“Our Lord is always listening to your prayers my son,“ a voice suddenly said from right beside him, and Dean involuntarily jumped, startled that someone had crept up on him like that. He quickly studied the young man sitting beside him, taking in his priest collar, wavy black hair and kind brown eyes. Dean realized that the guy reminded him of Sam for some reason but he quickly recovered, putting on neutral face and coughing to clear his voice.
“Who are you?” Dean asked as his hand involuntarily moved closer to the gun hidden in the back of his jacket. It was not normal for someone to just creep up to an on duty hunter like that.
“A friend. “ The other man casually answered, but as he spoke a wind rose out of nowhere and suddenly there was a shadow of two wings behind him.
Dean gasped: “You’re one of them! You’re an angel.”
The priest nodded: “That’s right Dean. And I’m here to propose a deal to you - it will give you the means to save Sam, but in return it will cost you something.”
Dean swallowed and nodded. “Anything. Just. I’ll give you whatever you want, if you can save him.”
The angel smiled. “Eager, aren’t we? Don’t you think you should at least listen to the offering before accepting it?”
Dean was almost trembling with excitement and hope - two feelings he hadn’t felt for a long time. He still managed to restrain himself as he considered the angel’s words. He had had enough experience with bad deals to know better than to rush head on into one.
Dean studied the man sitting next to him and asked: “So what do you propose?”
The angel paused for a moment before he smiled and calmly explained: “Our Lord wants you to surrender yourself to him. He wants to give you, Dean Winchester, the greatest gift of all - he wants to make you one of his angels.”
Dean was opening and closing his mouth for a few times, but no sound came out. Was this guy joking or did he really? Had he?! Dean’s thoughts were one big mess, but the guy was still staring at him with those warm brown eyes.
“You’re serious?” Dean finally managed to get out.
“God is,“ the guy reassured him.
“This can’t be happening,“ Dean murmured and sent the angel a quick glance.
“It is. Just surrender yourself to him and you’ll have the power you need to save Sam from turning evil,” the angel said and moved a bit closer to Dean.
Dean was still incredulously staring at him, but a dominant part of him - the one called “Sammy always first” was already in action despite that, using his lips to form the word: “Deal.”
The angel smiled and nodded: “Very well - then let’s seal it.”
Dean frowned. “I know how Demon’s close their deals, but how do you guys…?”
His question trailed off as the man leaned even closer and whispered mere inches away from his face. “We both use the same methods; it’s just the purpose that defines us.”
Dean was too surprised from that answer to even properly register when the angel’s hot and wet lips were suddenly pressed to his own but after a moment of shock he realized it was the closing of the deal and that he needed to kiss back to confirm his willingness. So he returned the kiss and tried really hart not to dwell on the fact that he was making out with another guy. Not that it was so much different from a girl, or unpleasant, or the first sin he had ever committed, just… Finding out that he may be interested in guys was a bit more than Dean thought his brain could handle right then.
Finally the angel pulled back a bit - his hand still gripping Dean’s neck and his eyes fixed on the hunters face.
“We have to perform a ritual also to alter your presence from human to us,“ he softly explained while his fingers lightly caressed Dean’s skin.
Dean swallowed, hard - there was no backing away from this now, and he could still taste the angel on his lips. This was so wrong. Making a deal to save Sam’s life once again - it didn’t matter that he had promised himself to a different side now. A deal was still a deal.
Altering my presence? How the hell do things like that exactly work? Dean thought and wondered nervously, if it would hurt badly, when he would be changed into something like an angel.
A freaking angel. Me, Dean Winchester. He tried to recall all the lore he knew about angels and huffed as he finally remembered some.
“I thought you had to be dead to become an angel,“ he said and frowned at the other man.
But the angel only chuckled and shook his head in amusement before answering: “Oh, but you are dead my dear Dean. You are.”
Dean took in a sharp breath: “What exactly do you mean by that?”
“You’re so hot when you’re scared Hunter,“ the angel whispered instead of answering, and brushed his thumb over the corner of Dean’s mouth.
That earned him another sharp intake of breath from the hunter, followed by a confused look. Dean wasn’t sure if the angel was teasing him or being serious, but the other man already continued. ”You see - you were killed and went to hell from were one of us dragged you up. So technically speaking - you’re actually a dead man walking amongst the living which makes you more suitable for the transformation.” He smiled. “And yes - there are ways to change living humans also, but we really wouldn’t like to go that far unless it’s absolutely necessary. So are you ready?”
Dean briefly licked his lips before nodding and following after the angel who was now heading towards the altar.
Dean had always trusted his instincts and right now they were screaming for him to turn around and go find another way. Maybe even try talking to Sammy - something, anything. But at the same time he knew there was just no other way left to fix the damage that had been done over the last six months. If the damn Apocalypse really was going to go down in the near future Dean was at least going to make sure he had the power to bring Sammy through it unharmed and on the right side.
TBC.
Chapter II here