I REALLY Hate Depression,
Especially when it's depression for no reason whatsoever; I guess it has a lot to do with a lot of things; things I really don't feel like going into detail about right now; I don't want some people, those that actually read this, thinking the wrong thing or getting the wrong impression and all; I dunno, what it really boils down to is, I need a best friend.
Believe it or not, i have NEVER had a best friend in all my life; i've had close friends, and even a friend that i considered closer that most anyone else, but, alas, I rarely even speak to him anymore, due to distance and such; when it comes down to it, though, i can't name even ONE person who could be considered my best friend; I dunno why this is; am I THAT boring and uninteresting? Am I that crazy and weird and scary? Basically, am I THAT unlikable? I mean, I know that it can be sometimes hard to really get to know me, to get me to "open" up and all that crap, but I guess I keep hoping someone out there will put forth the effort, and find out all about me; I guess what I really need, what I want, is that sort of companion; of course, don't misconstrue that wording there; a romantic companion would be nice, sure, but that's not what I need; I just need someone that will put up with me, listen to me, be there for me, ect. I'm like a fucking dog, I need attention; THAT is part of the root of my depression right there; and I don't mean that in a selfish way either; I LOVE giving it my all and being as great a companion/friend as I can be, but so far, that's just never been enough; it's funny really, but when I was 20, I had TONS of friends; people were actually drawn to me and even occasionally clamored for my attention; and it wasn't anything to do with my looks or whatever, but because I was a genuinely nice and interesting person; now, getting social interaction is like pulling teeth; oh, and no one can use the damn job excuse either; i've got a job, too, AND I run errands for my family members constantly.
I'm sure that this might all make me seem even more pathetic than usual, but I don't care; it's the truth; I would do ANYTHING for me friends, those few I have, and yet I continuously find myself alone, always alone, alone and very, very sad.
There are times, they're fewer and further between than you might think, that I honestly hate myself and my life and wish, nay, pray to God Almighty for a way out; I fear dying and despise death, but sometimes, I think that might be the best way for me to go; at least in Hell it'll be crowded. That's all I've got to mope about for now.
Believe it or not, i have NEVER had a best friend in all my life; i've had close friends, and even a friend that i considered closer that most anyone else, but, alas, I rarely even speak to him anymore, due to distance and such; when it comes down to it, though, i can't name even ONE person who could be considered my best friend; I dunno why this is; am I THAT boring and uninteresting? Am I that crazy and weird and scary? Basically, am I THAT unlikable? I mean, I know that it can be sometimes hard to really get to know me, to get me to "open" up and all that crap, but I guess I keep hoping someone out there will put forth the effort, and find out all about me; I guess what I really need, what I want, is that sort of companion; of course, don't misconstrue that wording there; a romantic companion would be nice, sure, but that's not what I need; I just need someone that will put up with me, listen to me, be there for me, ect. I'm like a fucking dog, I need attention; THAT is part of the root of my depression right there; and I don't mean that in a selfish way either; I LOVE giving it my all and being as great a companion/friend as I can be, but so far, that's just never been enough; it's funny really, but when I was 20, I had TONS of friends; people were actually drawn to me and even occasionally clamored for my attention; and it wasn't anything to do with my looks or whatever, but because I was a genuinely nice and interesting person; now, getting social interaction is like pulling teeth; oh, and no one can use the damn job excuse either; i've got a job, too, AND I run errands for my family members constantly.
I'm sure that this might all make me seem even more pathetic than usual, but I don't care; it's the truth; I would do ANYTHING for me friends, those few I have, and yet I continuously find myself alone, always alone, alone and very, very sad.
There are times, they're fewer and further between than you might think, that I honestly hate myself and my life and wish, nay, pray to God Almighty for a way out; I fear dying and despise death, but sometimes, I think that might be the best way for me to go; at least in Hell it'll be crowded. That's all I've got to mope about for now.