even more sadness........
so, not only did i lose my baby 2 weeks ago, but on 8/28/07 i lost my dad too. I got a call on sunday saying that he wasn't doing so well and that if i wanted to see him, that i should come down now because he was looking pretty bad. so i went to work on monday, left at lunch and drove down to terre haute, IN. on the way there my car broke downand i had to get it fixed. so what should have taken me only about 4 hours to go took me more like 8 hours to drive down there. I was tired and scared. I was told that he had lost a lot of wieght and he hasn't been eating or drinking. Now, the thing about my dad is that he was an alcoholic since he was about 10 years old. he had a very difficult life. his dad died in an accident of some sort when he was 8 years old, his mom died a few years later because she became an alcoholic and let him start drinking. then his brother died when he was 15 in a motorcycle crash when he shouldn't have even been on the bike. so when i was told he hasn't been drinking, i knew that there was something wrong. i was very scared. i got to his house and his friend/roommate met me at the door. i went into dad's room and i imediately started to lose it. i didn't recognize him anymore. he lost a TON of weight. I went to his bed side and tried to talk to him and i couldn't understand him at all. he had no strength left. I ran out of the room and called 911. the emt's got there and started working on him. He was bad. His BP was almost nonexsitent. it wouldn't register. they put an oxygen mask on him and he first started to fight then realized that it was helping him to breath better, so he didn't want the to take it off. we got him loaded into the ambulance and off to the hospital. so i got to the house at about 8 30 pm. when we left for the hospital it was maybe 9. they finally let me into the room to see him and it was terrible. he had that smell to him. I knew that he wasn't going to make it out of here. i spoke to the dr in the er and here is a list of what was wrong at that point:
both kidney failure, liver failure, anemic, bleeding ulcer, dehydrated beyond belief, lost a ton of blood somewhere, and hip was infected for the past 4 years, so that didn't help anything (he had both hips replaced about 5 years ago, one got infected and he didn't get it taken care of).
so, find this out, i ask the dr what his chances were and he had given me a 20% chance of survival. they had put him on many IVs. dopamine for the BP and averything else to re-hydrate him. so, i'm trying to talk to dad at this point to make sure he knows that i'm there with him and that i love him. he was delusional. at points i know he was there and he knew it was me, at others, not so much. he kept thinking he had a cigarette in his hand and kept asking me for an ashtray. i kept telling him that he didn't have a smoke in his hand and he didn't need an ashtray. at one point he thought that someone was passing a joint to him and tried to smoke it. I think that maybe his brother was there trying to get him to relax and not be afriad.
so they admit him to ICU. at this point it's like midnight or so. get him set up and when they finally let me in to see him it's like 2 am. i knew that he didn't have long, but i could hope that he would be okay. I went to him and started talking to him and told him that i had pix of alex with me if he wanted to see them. It was the clearest response that I heard from him the whole time i was there. "YES I want to see" so i got the pix and tried to show them to him. I don't know if he actually seen them or not. it was hard to tell. they kicked me out of there at 3 am so i went to the waiting room and tried to go to sleep. not very good. at 8 am the dr wanted to talk to me. he was a kidney specalist. he wanted me to decide to put dad on dialisis or not. and to start thinking about if i wanted him on life support. shortly after that the lung dr had come to see him. apparently his lungs were shot too. he took me into another room to talk to me without my dad hearing. it was time to decide about intebating and life support, or DNR's and comfort care. I ask the dr about survival rate. He said almost 0 % at this point. so i called mom and told her everything and had her talk to the dr. we decided on comfort care and i had to sign the DNR. it was one of the hardest things i had to decide. so, we went through the day trying to get him comfy and just talking to him and holding his hand when he would let me. at about 3 pm he started to try to take of the oxygen that was helping him. it was a bi pap mask. it forced air out of a machine by pressure and it was helping him to breath better. so, i looked at him and asked him "do you want this mask off?" "yes" "you understand that taking it off will make it harder for you to breath and it won't help anymore?" "yes" ok, so i told the nurse to get it off him. the put a regular O2 mask on him and he was fighting tooth and nail trying to get it off. about 5 his stats started to drop. the nurse said he wouldn't make it through the night. I went into the room and started to talk to him telling him that the dr's are saying he's not gonna make it much longer and for him to not be afraid because i was here with him and i wasn't going anywhere and that i love him. at 615 he started to go into shock. the nurse's where there with me the whole time. i told them to take out the iv's and they gave him morphine so that he would not hurt anymore. i told him that if he wanted to let go, it was alright. i told him that i love him again and was praying the whole time i was there. I had the nurse get a priest to give the last rites. he held on long enough for that. at 641 pm 8/28/07 Tony Rendak passed away at 47 years old. I had to sit there and watch my father die.
both kidney failure, liver failure, anemic, bleeding ulcer, dehydrated beyond belief, lost a ton of blood somewhere, and hip was infected for the past 4 years, so that didn't help anything (he had both hips replaced about 5 years ago, one got infected and he didn't get it taken care of).
so, find this out, i ask the dr what his chances were and he had given me a 20% chance of survival. they had put him on many IVs. dopamine for the BP and averything else to re-hydrate him. so, i'm trying to talk to dad at this point to make sure he knows that i'm there with him and that i love him. he was delusional. at points i know he was there and he knew it was me, at others, not so much. he kept thinking he had a cigarette in his hand and kept asking me for an ashtray. i kept telling him that he didn't have a smoke in his hand and he didn't need an ashtray. at one point he thought that someone was passing a joint to him and tried to smoke it. I think that maybe his brother was there trying to get him to relax and not be afriad.
so they admit him to ICU. at this point it's like midnight or so. get him set up and when they finally let me in to see him it's like 2 am. i knew that he didn't have long, but i could hope that he would be okay. I went to him and started talking to him and told him that i had pix of alex with me if he wanted to see them. It was the clearest response that I heard from him the whole time i was there. "YES I want to see" so i got the pix and tried to show them to him. I don't know if he actually seen them or not. it was hard to tell. they kicked me out of there at 3 am so i went to the waiting room and tried to go to sleep. not very good. at 8 am the dr wanted to talk to me. he was a kidney specalist. he wanted me to decide to put dad on dialisis or not. and to start thinking about if i wanted him on life support. shortly after that the lung dr had come to see him. apparently his lungs were shot too. he took me into another room to talk to me without my dad hearing. it was time to decide about intebating and life support, or DNR's and comfort care. I ask the dr about survival rate. He said almost 0 % at this point. so i called mom and told her everything and had her talk to the dr. we decided on comfort care and i had to sign the DNR. it was one of the hardest things i had to decide. so, we went through the day trying to get him comfy and just talking to him and holding his hand when he would let me. at about 3 pm he started to try to take of the oxygen that was helping him. it was a bi pap mask. it forced air out of a machine by pressure and it was helping him to breath better. so, i looked at him and asked him "do you want this mask off?" "yes" "you understand that taking it off will make it harder for you to breath and it won't help anymore?" "yes" ok, so i told the nurse to get it off him. the put a regular O2 mask on him and he was fighting tooth and nail trying to get it off. about 5 his stats started to drop. the nurse said he wouldn't make it through the night. I went into the room and started to talk to him telling him that the dr's are saying he's not gonna make it much longer and for him to not be afraid because i was here with him and i wasn't going anywhere and that i love him. at 615 he started to go into shock. the nurse's where there with me the whole time. i told them to take out the iv's and they gave him morphine so that he would not hurt anymore. i told him that if he wanted to let go, it was alright. i told him that i love him again and was praying the whole time i was there. I had the nurse get a priest to give the last rites. he held on long enough for that. at 641 pm 8/28/07 Tony Rendak passed away at 47 years old. I had to sit there and watch my father die.