(no subject)
A beautiful weekend has continued into a beautiful week :)
Friday was an odd one.
Went to Frankston at 3, appointment went well, and then the search for a half decent birthday present began. When satisfied that I had a trinket that might not be thrown at me I went to the usual cafe to see friends and kill time. Lo and behold the lovely Dorian for whom my heart beats and the teenager who he in turn loves. Well I could not turn away, I came to talk to my friends and I have my pride. Wasn't so bad, we were headed to the same party so I was bound to run into them sooner or later.
The bus ride was a task... I sat as far away from them as I could; to give them privacy and to spare my own feelings. The walk to the house, the quiet start of the party, having their love and affection rubbed in my face when I have no place there was a torture I could never have imagined. I had witnessed his love, and reselved to back off quietle like a side character. Eventually there was enough alcohol in my veins and friends around me, that I was able to almost forget they were there and not care.
The party itself was pretty damn fun when it got some momentum. A Hanna Montannah themed party... Yeah you read correctly. Explosive confetti guns, cynical humorous remarks, wigs and the Hannah Montanna pinata xD
I do believe at one point candy was poured over the birthday girl who then proceded to make "candy angels" on the floor x)
I was picked up by a wonderful friend who took me back to her's. We played with corsets & cat ears, made tea, roamed the internet and talked for hours. Snuggled to sleep at some point and continued through Saturday morning. Clever, caring friends; I am lucky to have them.
Saw the "Dispicable Me" movie with Drew saturday afternoon. He is being wonderful about staying friends. The movie was morally sickly sweet at times, but the slapstick etc kept it fun.
I am still a kids movie fan x)
That night my stomach was tight as I prepared for DV8. I knew Dorian would be there and I didn't want to face him. However I had promised others that I would attend, I love piratey dress and he said the right words, "I want to see you, I want you there". Gah, I sicken myself sometimes xP
The train ride was hilarious. Some cyber goths sat near us until the hilarity became too much for them and they moved downt he carriage xD
I want to say it, the words I took for granted before; so badly. "I love you". But I don't want to see that look on his face, that pained expression because he cant say it back anymore.
I am happy when I am with him. That kinda works for me right now. Being able to feel love without getting lost in it or being tied down; having that optimism while learning how to be single and self sufficient again; it's , warming, for lack of a better word.
My love life is so "Days of our lives" I want to scream :P
Friday was an odd one.
Went to Frankston at 3, appointment went well, and then the search for a half decent birthday present began. When satisfied that I had a trinket that might not be thrown at me I went to the usual cafe to see friends and kill time. Lo and behold the lovely Dorian for whom my heart beats and the teenager who he in turn loves. Well I could not turn away, I came to talk to my friends and I have my pride. Wasn't so bad, we were headed to the same party so I was bound to run into them sooner or later.
The bus ride was a task... I sat as far away from them as I could; to give them privacy and to spare my own feelings. The walk to the house, the quiet start of the party, having their love and affection rubbed in my face when I have no place there was a torture I could never have imagined. I had witnessed his love, and reselved to back off quietle like a side character. Eventually there was enough alcohol in my veins and friends around me, that I was able to almost forget they were there and not care.
The party itself was pretty damn fun when it got some momentum. A Hanna Montannah themed party... Yeah you read correctly. Explosive confetti guns, cynical humorous remarks, wigs and the Hannah Montanna pinata xD
I do believe at one point candy was poured over the birthday girl who then proceded to make "candy angels" on the floor x)
I was picked up by a wonderful friend who took me back to her's. We played with corsets & cat ears, made tea, roamed the internet and talked for hours. Snuggled to sleep at some point and continued through Saturday morning. Clever, caring friends; I am lucky to have them.
Saw the "Dispicable Me" movie with Drew saturday afternoon. He is being wonderful about staying friends. The movie was morally sickly sweet at times, but the slapstick etc kept it fun.
I am still a kids movie fan x)
That night my stomach was tight as I prepared for DV8. I knew Dorian would be there and I didn't want to face him. However I had promised others that I would attend, I love piratey dress and he said the right words, "I want to see you, I want you there". Gah, I sicken myself sometimes xP
The train ride was hilarious. Some cyber goths sat near us until the hilarity became too much for them and they moved downt he carriage xD
I want to say it, the words I took for granted before; so badly. "I love you". But I don't want to see that look on his face, that pained expression because he cant say it back anymore.
I am happy when I am with him. That kinda works for me right now. Being able to feel love without getting lost in it or being tied down; having that optimism while learning how to be single and self sufficient again; it's , warming, for lack of a better word.
My love life is so "Days of our lives" I want to scream :P