(no subject)
I am in great need of a ranting vent session... So read on if you dare but I warn you in advance of the waste of your time.
Some joyful hours interrupted the mediocre doldrums in the last couple of weeks.
A beautiful mindless Tuesday with drew, just like the ones we had when we first fell in love. Downside of that being, my insides were broken again damnit x). Friday Kareoke was a bit quiet, just James, Cari-an and a couple of their friends. I did not get to sing, but I had fun and was very thoughtfully dropped off in Cranbourne. I did not sleep that night but I was able to hold Dorian all night, his lovely shoulders now burned into my minds eye. *sigh* Unfortunately Kayla (his 17yo) turned up at the door at 10am, hoping to surprise him. SO I do the nice thing and leave considering she came all the way from Mentone...
...My happiness, I do not value it.
Besides, I thought I would be seeing him on sunday... instead of spending the day in bed recovering from severe blood loss and exhaustion xP.
The rest of the week escapes me, I think it was decent. Dont know where the memory went.
Last Thursday is where my hours turned to pure bliss. I was going about my usual dolebludger morning of books and music when I get a message from Dorian asking me if I would like to see him when he finished work at 1. Of course I jumped at the chance being the pathetic obsessed lovesick pup that I am. The movie "Green Zone" was surprisingly decent for blatant leftist propaganda. I was a giggling idiot all afternoon, having him to myself being such a treat. He is so beautiful and so frustrating, sometimes (all to often) I am torn between the choice to stare at him or kiss him. x)
In the absence of a great passion or focus in my life; love has become the only pastime I give any thought to.
So basically, I am in love with 2 dudes (yeah really... MALES, go figure) one that I see so rarely lately that he feels like a stranger to me; and another who cannot stand my intensity and freaks out if I seem to become serious. My love is SO fatally misdirected, I find it irksome if anyone else tries to touch me sexually lately.
I am sick of this pathetic jealous creature I have become.
Some joyful hours interrupted the mediocre doldrums in the last couple of weeks.
A beautiful mindless Tuesday with drew, just like the ones we had when we first fell in love. Downside of that being, my insides were broken again damnit x). Friday Kareoke was a bit quiet, just James, Cari-an and a couple of their friends. I did not get to sing, but I had fun and was very thoughtfully dropped off in Cranbourne. I did not sleep that night but I was able to hold Dorian all night, his lovely shoulders now burned into my minds eye. *sigh* Unfortunately Kayla (his 17yo) turned up at the door at 10am, hoping to surprise him. SO I do the nice thing and leave considering she came all the way from Mentone...
...My happiness, I do not value it.
Besides, I thought I would be seeing him on sunday... instead of spending the day in bed recovering from severe blood loss and exhaustion xP.
The rest of the week escapes me, I think it was decent. Dont know where the memory went.
Last Thursday is where my hours turned to pure bliss. I was going about my usual dolebludger morning of books and music when I get a message from Dorian asking me if I would like to see him when he finished work at 1. Of course I jumped at the chance being the pathetic obsessed lovesick pup that I am. The movie "Green Zone" was surprisingly decent for blatant leftist propaganda. I was a giggling idiot all afternoon, having him to myself being such a treat. He is so beautiful and so frustrating, sometimes (all to often) I am torn between the choice to stare at him or kiss him. x)
In the absence of a great passion or focus in my life; love has become the only pastime I give any thought to.
So basically, I am in love with 2 dudes (yeah really... MALES, go figure) one that I see so rarely lately that he feels like a stranger to me; and another who cannot stand my intensity and freaks out if I seem to become serious. My love is SO fatally misdirected, I find it irksome if anyone else tries to touch me sexually lately.
I am sick of this pathetic jealous creature I have become.