Weighty thought
I have been thinking...dwelling lately on the word "human". What is it about this word that carries such an implied weight with it. The accumulated weight of centuries that tells us we cannot live or be worthwhile unless we seek. To be ABOVE the rest, to carry our heady weight at the TOP of the evolutionary ladder. It is not enough to simply be the human creature, we must compete with everything to be the elite Human. To know everything, or to earn the most, affect the world, etcetera... Those that take the path of least resistance, especially if they have "potential", in my experience, are scorned or pitied.
I was "fortunate" enough to be born with a talent and a thinking able mind, which have, pushed me behind a wall calling itself the weight of earning the title Human, accompanied by the pressure to do something with it. I can hear the echoes of words, "waste", "if only", "do", "could have done"... An echo is harmless, so why does it stab?
I live without any desire, for status, wealth, company or any associated human goals. Maybe there is one desire, one that does nothing but add to cripling pressure...to live up to being human. I live without desires or goals to seek and it keeps me from knowing how to be human. I'm getting further and further away from relating to or being one of the people I am surrounded by. I do not explore or learn. There is a ball of guilt building too... The relationship ties that I have selfishly gleaned so far, stop people from building stronger relationships with the better person.
My baser human needs are already met so there isn't even the search for food to motivate me. I want to survive with minimal impact, at my own pace. A passive life. I just want to live without getting in anybody's way...
...Is that such a bad thing
I have felt happy for the last 10 months at least. That is a selfish thing...but has been fulfilling.
I was "fortunate" enough to be born with a talent and a thinking able mind, which have, pushed me behind a wall calling itself the weight of earning the title Human, accompanied by the pressure to do something with it. I can hear the echoes of words, "waste", "if only", "do", "could have done"... An echo is harmless, so why does it stab?
I live without any desire, for status, wealth, company or any associated human goals. Maybe there is one desire, one that does nothing but add to cripling pressure...to live up to being human. I live without desires or goals to seek and it keeps me from knowing how to be human. I'm getting further and further away from relating to or being one of the people I am surrounded by. I do not explore or learn. There is a ball of guilt building too... The relationship ties that I have selfishly gleaned so far, stop people from building stronger relationships with the better person.
My baser human needs are already met so there isn't even the search for food to motivate me. I want to survive with minimal impact, at my own pace. A passive life. I just want to live without getting in anybody's way...
...Is that such a bad thing
I have felt happy for the last 10 months at least. That is a selfish thing...but has been fulfilling.