Saris and Head Colds (updated)

[demon_rum]

(update: I have just noticed, not that my brain is more functional, that this post is approx 11,000 words long. I am hiding most of it beneath the jump, because otherwise I have just spammed everyone with bitching about my sinuses. Sorry, everyone...)

I had a wonderful post all planned out, really I did. It was going to be about Divali and how I

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[demon_rum]

I KNOW I FELT SO BAD. I am a disgrace to tea-drinkers everywhere. Fun fact: that is the ONLY way The Captain knew how to drink tea, until I met him and mostly sorted him out. He comes from a, shall we say, *less sophisticated* background than me.

Aw, you would even consider missing Merlin for me? *blushes*

Aren't you supposed to all have Divali up in your grill, yo? *chortles* Ugh, anything is better than Christmas at this point. Speaking of which, Xmas candy should be showing up in store approx. tomorrow, once Halloween is over with. And yes, cultural issues... I have hesitations about wearing a sari, mostly because I am disturbingly white (as one kind person on the internet somewhere put it, "I'm so white, I'm a black hole of whiteness"), and I don't want to be like Madonna ("today I've got a bindi on! Tomorrow, I'm calling myself Esther and going to Kaballah! By Friday, I'll be a Quaker!"). But I'm so sick of tight black clothes that look bad on me... and isn't the beauty of being an American cultural appropriation? :D

My goal for today is to A) not pass out in the shower and B) figure out where in Seattle I could buy Indian-looking clothes. RIGHT.

[demon_rum]

We only wait until after Halloween because it's such a goram big holiday here that the makers of Halloween candy in the US actually convinced Congress to move Daylight Savings until after Halloween (it used to be the 2nd week of October) so that there would be light later in the evening, so people would do more trick or treating, and the candy companies would sell more mini-Snickers.

America! We have your corporate interests in mind!

I read a biography once of a woman whose parents were secular jews. Jews = no Xmas, but secular = no Hannukah either. So they just spent Decembers in their home by themselves, cold and alone, while everyone else in the neighborhood had cheerful festivities. I felt sad for her. As I feel sad for you! You should take yourself out to Dim Sum or something.

[demon_rum]

YOU SHOULD DO THAT.

Hogmany is the best holiday of all. Chaos, anger, drinking, roasted things, drunken fornication with total strangers, and there will probably be bottles thrown around at some point, because it is Scotland.

UGH. I need you to spam me more or something. This paper on How I Taught Hand Washing To Third Graders is not exactly thrilling me to the marrow. But I guess it's better than proteins that hump... what is the point of your proteins, anyways?

[demon_rum]

I CANNOT BELIEVE IT TOOK THAT LONG TO GET YOUR INTERNET FIXED. WTF, ENGLAND.

(you are on twitter? hrm. I am not. Mostly because I have nothing to say. Case in point: see silent LJ homepage. Still, the though of twitters about Centurion Duckie...)

Nevertheless, internet is fixed! (I'm sure The Wife came up with a perfectly reasonable explanation for the screen-saver, yes? Also, I heart Marcus knitting SFM you do not even know. It almost makes me want to knit you something, and I have a very strict NO KNITTING FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT ME OR MARRIED TO ME policy.) Um, yay kittens and apples! That video just proves, of course, that cats are indeed as dumb as I suspected.

I have found, as I fumble my way through the basics of science needed for nursing school, that whenever Science gets really stuck on a problem they wave their hands around in the air and say things about the Blood-Brain Barrier. This is a standard, catch-all We Have No Idea fall-back, which works so well! It's like this: "we have no idea how the abscess developed in his brain, because bacteria can't pass the blood-brain barrier, but we guess it did anyways. So sorry about your husband." See? Voila! (yes, those words were actually spoken to a family friend. HA.)

Also, glow-in-the-dark cats are TOTALLY CURING CANCER. Probably right now. See, it is very dark inside our bodies. If you are curious about this, you should open up a leg or something, and look inside at how dark it is. Furthermore, cancer can only grow in the dark. Everyone knows that. So there's no point in humans trying to cure cancer, because we have to have lights to see, and cancer gets all sneaky in light and just hangs around in petri dishes like it's on a smoke break. BUT the cats are glow-in-the-dark! They don't need light! They are probably, as we speak/fuck around, right now sitting in a dark lab, lit only by the calm, blue glow of their hairless skin, pouring things back and forth from one smoking testtube to another, because that is what Scientists do.

THERE. CURED THAT FOR YA.

[demon_rum]

I actually had to look it up, to see if you were making that up about a Nobel Prize in Medicine. Apparently, it is a real thing! Who knew!

If Cell does not take it, and we get frustrated and put little bows on the cats, maybe a cat magazine will publish! It can still go on your CV. ("It was published in Cat Fancy. Oh, did I spell it N-A-T-U-R-E? My bad. Typos!") Also we could make up a whole bunch of numbers. I will leave that part to you, as you have machines and things that go *whirr*. Then all we need is a sexy blonde spokeswoman and BAM we'll be the that-autism-dude of the cancer world. GENIUS.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/squidpickles/2477720564/

Do you see the cabling up the side? That will make it look, uh, more substantial. Yes. AND A BOW!