Psychobilly Freakout?
I accepted it almost the second I heard it, so why am I going crazy now? Now that I've had four or five months to sit on it, and there are only slightly more than three weeks to go, I'm terrified of this new baby thing. And it's not even my kid. I may or may not be completely insane. Maybe it's regret that I haven't spent enough time with Britt since this happened, or before this happened. I know there's definitely anger at myself for not being more supportive. I supported it, but I didn't make an active effort to visit her more often. Once or twice a month isn't nearly enough for sisters who used to do everything together. Why did I do that? It's really bothering me. A fifteen minute drive isn't that far.
I guess a couple of things set this off. The big thing was yesterday, when Britt had to go to the hospital with high blood pressure, which is really no big deal at all and nothing is wrong at all. However, it made me realize how close this baby is. The smaller thing was the realization about two months ago that even though Britt and I were the closest of friends and sisters up until two or three years ago, there was no way I was going to be asked to be godmother. This was confirmed the other day when she told me she had asked Ashley. And that sounds horribly selfish, I understand, but that's not the point. Britt can choose whoever she wants. It's her baby, I respect whatever decision she makes, because it is her life.
The point is that I let our relationship fall apart so much. Not that it was just me, I guess we had equal parts in this, but I should have made an effort. I guess now is the time to work on that, isn't it? Not much else I can do other than make it better from here on out.
I guess that's all then.
I guess a couple of things set this off. The big thing was yesterday, when Britt had to go to the hospital with high blood pressure, which is really no big deal at all and nothing is wrong at all. However, it made me realize how close this baby is. The smaller thing was the realization about two months ago that even though Britt and I were the closest of friends and sisters up until two or three years ago, there was no way I was going to be asked to be godmother. This was confirmed the other day when she told me she had asked Ashley. And that sounds horribly selfish, I understand, but that's not the point. Britt can choose whoever she wants. It's her baby, I respect whatever decision she makes, because it is her life.
The point is that I let our relationship fall apart so much. Not that it was just me, I guess we had equal parts in this, but I should have made an effort. I guess now is the time to work on that, isn't it? Not much else I can do other than make it better from here on out.
I guess that's all then.