Fandom pain
Yesterday, I read a fic that threatened to put my off fanfiction for life. I was prepared to throw my whole livejournal life away, except for those few unfinished fics I cling on to, because I hate leaving things half-finished.
There was nothing particularly out of the ordinary about it. It's a very new fandom for me - I had only started reading it the previous day - and I found this fic which seemed exactly like my thing. It was long and in parts, angst-heavy and with promise of hurt/comfort.
I read it all yesterday afternoon and evening. And it started off in the vein of torture and sexual assault (and doesn't it say something that I'm largely desensitised to that now?) and then people started dying and it went on and on, with injury and pain and jealousy and anger.
Then it ended with everyone changed for the worse, retiring and leaving and downtrodden, and our "happy couple" riding off into the sunset with the ghost of a man loved by one and the knowledge that he'd probably die in two to six months.
All this breaking and hurting and distress, and nothing to fix it or make it better, just more pain. It was just so horrible. And I'd sat through all this angst just waiting for something to give, something to become right, and nothing had come.
Then, I logged on this morning, not wanting to read angst or even fic again. And I find that skitty_kat has drawn some preliminary sketches for one of my fic and that my dear coppercowries has also volunteered to offer something. Suddenly, I'm feeling better and my faith in fandom is restored.
Still, I won't be reading anything angsty for a while.
There was nothing particularly out of the ordinary about it. It's a very new fandom for me - I had only started reading it the previous day - and I found this fic which seemed exactly like my thing. It was long and in parts, angst-heavy and with promise of hurt/comfort.
I read it all yesterday afternoon and evening. And it started off in the vein of torture and sexual assault (and doesn't it say something that I'm largely desensitised to that now?) and then people started dying and it went on and on, with injury and pain and jealousy and anger.
Then it ended with everyone changed for the worse, retiring and leaving and downtrodden, and our "happy couple" riding off into the sunset with the ghost of a man loved by one and the knowledge that he'd probably die in two to six months.
All this breaking and hurting and distress, and nothing to fix it or make it better, just more pain. It was just so horrible. And I'd sat through all this angst just waiting for something to give, something to become right, and nothing had come.
Then, I logged on this morning, not wanting to read angst or even fic again. And I find that skitty_kat has drawn some preliminary sketches for one of my fic and that my dear coppercowries has also volunteered to offer something. Suddenly, I'm feeling better and my faith in fandom is restored.
Still, I won't be reading anything angsty for a while.