Tales of a Lifetime Wanderer
Chapter 1: November 15, 1975 San Bernardino, Ca.
Now those of you who know my birthday are surely wondering just how I can have a story from before I was actually born. In this instance, I even have photographic proof! The tale goes that my Mother was determined not to be pregnant with me any longer, 9 full months was quite long enough, thank you, so she determined to do something about it. Walking wasn’t cutting it, she still hadn’t gone into labor and well, enough was enough! Time for some action.
The story goes that she decided that since she wanted me out so bad, some relatives decided to help her out a little. One took her out riding in a dune buggy and another took her to the firing range. Now I can’t confirm the dune buggy story, however there is a really nice picture of my Mom, fully gone with me, in a classic 2 handed shooters position as she is firing off a few clips.
I apparently decided that I wanted in on the fun because the next morning at around 9 am she started labor and had to wake up the neighbor who then let the cat out when he was rushing to get Mom to the hospital. There is another really good picture of Mom just after she has managed to catch the cat where you can see the luggage for the hospital stay in the background. Anyways, Mom gets to the hospital, gets checked in and as the nurse is leading her to the room where she is supposed to be prepped for delivery, the nurses station gets a call. Now imagine this, my Mom, heavily pregnant, in labor, walking in tiny little circles, and doing that ‘he, he, ho’ breathing exercise as her body contracts. The nurse is watching this as she is listening to a panicking husband describing how he thinks his wife is in labor, to which the nurse finally responds, “Sir, if you think you wife is in labor than bring her to the hospital, I have a lady that’s going to give birth in the hallway if you don’t let me get of the phone right now!” and hangs up. She gets my Mom into the room and gets the doctor to check my Mom out. The doctor indicates that everything is going well but Mom isn’t dilated enough to have me, she’s only at 5 cm. Now my Mom has been through this before and has this really nasty habit of delivering quick! So of course she gives him the ‘you must be an idiot’ look when he hands her a bell and tells her to ring it every time she has a contraction and then walks out of the room. Now, Mom knows her own body and almost right after the doctor leaves she gets hit with a massive contraction and I fully drop into position ready to come out. Basically from 5 to 10 cm in less than 30 seconds. Mom calls the nurse and tells her that she needs the doctor, and of course the nurse is thinking that Mom doesn’t know what she’s talking about so they go back and forth until my Mom throws that bell out the door and down the hall and tells the nurse that, “If I am not fully dilated then I will sit back and ring the bell but I am telling you that my baby is coming NOW!” This spurs the nurse into getting the doctor back in there, he looks again and I am crowning. I have been told that the doctor took one look, and yelled, “Delivery room STAT!”
Well, they get Mom into the delivery room, and scarily enough the doctor even has time to glove up, he finally is ready to catch me and tells my Mom to push. Mom starts to push and of course I move, now you wouldn’t think that me moving would be a bad thing but apparently I started out with the ability to tickle my Mom and make her giggle cause she stopped pushing and started giggling instead. This naturally annoyed the doctor, who decides to scowl at my Mom and insist, “Would you please get serious and push!” To which my Mom replied, “But it moved!”
“It’s going to move, now PUSH!”
“All right already!” and so she pushed, and with that one push, I came out. I was small, I was plump, and I was the ugliest baby born that day. I also already had my cord clamped off and as my Mom reached to me used the other hand to grab her finger. Then, according to my Mother, I looked at the doctor as if to say, “I have my Mom, you can cut this stupid cord now.” I was also a very quiet baby, I have been told on numerous occasions that my Mom looked at the doctor and asked if I was alright because she couldn’t hear me crying, apparently, the doctor responded, “Do you want me to make her cry?” The response was a resounding, “NO! She’ll cry when she’s ready to.” From all the stories I have heard of my earliest days, I didn’t cry for three days. In other words, yes, my Mother took VERY good care of me.