I am a jerk
I just got home less than an hour ago from having been out with michael, charlie, and liz. We had a nice time. I think everything went fairly well.
THen I got home.
My mom is a fucking bitch who should die. She never has anything positive to say about me. She will look at me and tell me that I have put on weight or that my face has more blemishes than usual. SHe likes to point out when I have bags under my eyes or if I look like I am retaining water before my period. She seems to relish in my every imperfection.
I stopped taking it...I dish it back. I dont know what's worse. The feeling of having been torn down by your own mother and just simply having let her, or fighting back with her....
She makes me feel so insecure and I never handle it right. Sometimes io cut myself, sometimes I wont eat for a few days, sometimes I will force myself to throw up. I just feel like there is always something really wrong with me. I just want her to think I am something more than nothing. She wants me to be beautiful, but I guess I just wasnt born to be. I know she loves me... but sometimes I just know that there is a part of her that hates me too.
I feel bad now...I hate it.
There is no winning in this situation.
(I actually told her I hope she dies from clogged arteries due to her atkins diet...)
I feel like such a jerk.
THen I got home.
My mom is a fucking bitch who should die. She never has anything positive to say about me. She will look at me and tell me that I have put on weight or that my face has more blemishes than usual. SHe likes to point out when I have bags under my eyes or if I look like I am retaining water before my period. She seems to relish in my every imperfection.
I stopped taking it...I dish it back. I dont know what's worse. The feeling of having been torn down by your own mother and just simply having let her, or fighting back with her....
She makes me feel so insecure and I never handle it right. Sometimes io cut myself, sometimes I wont eat for a few days, sometimes I will force myself to throw up. I just feel like there is always something really wrong with me. I just want her to think I am something more than nothing. She wants me to be beautiful, but I guess I just wasnt born to be. I know she loves me... but sometimes I just know that there is a part of her that hates me too.
I feel bad now...I hate it.
There is no winning in this situation.
(I actually told her I hope she dies from clogged arteries due to her atkins diet...)
I feel like such a jerk.