Edge
It's confirmed she has multiple Myeloma, started steroids and 4x a week dialysis and chemo.
She'll be in hospital for a good while, don't know the stage of cancer yet. Nor her prognosis.
I'm finding it harder to deal with than Gina's cancer, Gina had 10 years build up, this is so sudden, so severe, and out of nowhere. It's shocking.
I feel on the edge of tears and panic, keeping busy to take my mind off it, there's little I can do, struggling with major survivors guilt.
So glad my therapy has finally started, this is going to be a real kicker.
Part of what I need to address is my role in my family, I don't want to reconnect with muvver, but this is going to be tricky.
I want to be a support to my niece, but how she will respond or react to that, I dont know.
I've always had the role of the black sheep, the "problem" in my so called family. I can't change how they need to have me labelled as such, I learnt that through the last 2 years of Gina's dying, I couldn't have done more, bar taking her place in the box, yet they still think I'm a bad person. Doubtless, this wont change now, I just have to do what I feel is the right thing, how I would hope to be treated in her place.
I've already noticed some patterns repeating, just as I did with Gina, I'm trying to be helpful, going online for her benefits info, buying her stuff, a loose fitting bamboo nightshirt (she only has pyjamas and with catheters and adult diapers and whatnot, a nightdress is easier and hot weather is coming)
When I was ill, all those thoughtful gestures and gifts from friends really kept me going, I got none from my family though as I recall.