life at the moment ... ...
ok i really regret getting andrew to ring me last night, yes i was really, really upset but it is time that i started sorting out my own problems, i love him so so much and don't want to upset him with me been upset all the time, he really does mean the world to me and i would never want to do anything that would hurt or upset him.
so ill start from the beginning of this week, on monday i really wasn't very well and spent all morning in bed, untill about 2 wen i got up because i was feeling a bit better. andrew came around and stayed the night to make me feel a bit better, then i felt guilty though because he was missing going out with leo n that lot, and i don't want him to have to choose like i did it's not fair on him, but we did have a really nice night and i got butterflies wen he sed that i was going to be cassie marie june willis. then that morning me and my mum had an argument and i got anoyed and sed that my birthday would be just as shit as anyother day, i didn't meanbecause of andrew i meant because of college and my parents and that lot but andrew took it the wrong way and ended up upset and now i feel really guilty for hurting his feelings he sed that he forgave me but i still feel guilty for it, i knew that i'd mess up sooner or later.
he walked me to college on tuesday afternoon, and then we sed goodbye and he went of to westwood, i was worried about college so i was really snappy with him when he was trying to help. it turns out when i got to english millie wasn't actually sat in my place anyway, and english turned out to be ok. but after history keith had a right go at me for not turning up to psychology, i tried to explain but he sed no excuses so i went home all upset. when i got home i told my parents i wanted to quit collge and get a full time job they both got really angry with me and started saying how i'll never make anything of my life and how its only since i met andrew ive changed and become this monster and what's he going to do when hes left college? and how hes not welcome in the house anymore. i went to my room and cried for ages after that. in the end i just went to sleep i heard my mom come in and she kissed me goodnight and sed that she does love me and didn't mean what she sed about andrew but that really hurt me, i'll never be able to forgive them for that.
i have decided to forget about kayleigh, tim, amelia, katherine, john and simon. they are no longer my friends or part of my life. i'm me, my own person and do not need decisions made for me. i know what i am doing with my life and am prepared for how difficult it will be, but then i have always liked a challenge. i am going to get a full time job and drop out of college, then with the money i will be earning get myself a one bedroomed flat, i'm going to be more independant. i don't need people telling me how to live my life. i will try and earn enough so that next year i can go and study art and design at westwood next september.i am going to make somethng of myself and be somebody but on my own back. i amalso despite what people say going t marry the most perfect, amazing guy i have ever met; andrew robert willis. so now i have things under control i am going to go job hunting this afternoon and hopefully have a job in the next few weeks.
i love you andrew, always have and always will my squidgy teddy bear and i am so so grateful you are such a big part of my life. love you always.
xxx-cassie-xxx
so ill start from the beginning of this week, on monday i really wasn't very well and spent all morning in bed, untill about 2 wen i got up because i was feeling a bit better. andrew came around and stayed the night to make me feel a bit better, then i felt guilty though because he was missing going out with leo n that lot, and i don't want him to have to choose like i did it's not fair on him, but we did have a really nice night and i got butterflies wen he sed that i was going to be cassie marie june willis. then that morning me and my mum had an argument and i got anoyed and sed that my birthday would be just as shit as anyother day, i didn't meanbecause of andrew i meant because of college and my parents and that lot but andrew took it the wrong way and ended up upset and now i feel really guilty for hurting his feelings he sed that he forgave me but i still feel guilty for it, i knew that i'd mess up sooner or later.
he walked me to college on tuesday afternoon, and then we sed goodbye and he went of to westwood, i was worried about college so i was really snappy with him when he was trying to help. it turns out when i got to english millie wasn't actually sat in my place anyway, and english turned out to be ok. but after history keith had a right go at me for not turning up to psychology, i tried to explain but he sed no excuses so i went home all upset. when i got home i told my parents i wanted to quit collge and get a full time job they both got really angry with me and started saying how i'll never make anything of my life and how its only since i met andrew ive changed and become this monster and what's he going to do when hes left college? and how hes not welcome in the house anymore. i went to my room and cried for ages after that. in the end i just went to sleep i heard my mom come in and she kissed me goodnight and sed that she does love me and didn't mean what she sed about andrew but that really hurt me, i'll never be able to forgive them for that.
i have decided to forget about kayleigh, tim, amelia, katherine, john and simon. they are no longer my friends or part of my life. i'm me, my own person and do not need decisions made for me. i know what i am doing with my life and am prepared for how difficult it will be, but then i have always liked a challenge. i am going to get a full time job and drop out of college, then with the money i will be earning get myself a one bedroomed flat, i'm going to be more independant. i don't need people telling me how to live my life. i will try and earn enough so that next year i can go and study art and design at westwood next september.i am going to make somethng of myself and be somebody but on my own back. i amalso despite what people say going t marry the most perfect, amazing guy i have ever met; andrew robert willis. so now i have things under control i am going to go job hunting this afternoon and hopefully have a job in the next few weeks.
i love you andrew, always have and always will my squidgy teddy bear and i am so so grateful you are such a big part of my life. love you always.
xxx-cassie-xxx