Wrote this on MySpace
and figured I'd share
Ahh here we are again. Pretty lit and set in a mood of disquiet by my surroundings. Just for the record (and because it's what's all people that have been drinking do) I'll let you know that I've had 2 pitchures of beer and a bit of this stuff that claims to be whiskey and scotch at the same time. I'm listening to a friend of mine's music and it has set me in a melancholic mood. It is a wonderful peice that builds upon itself called "Dark At Six". There is a mood here that is difficult to explain. A pervading sense of despondency yet of childlike hopefulness. It's feeling is like sitting by yourself in your room while watching a bleak rainy day pass by while thinking about what you have done, what you have regretted not doing, and what you are going to do in the future. That song leads me to this.
I'm pretty afraid of going overseas. We are totally unprepared. Almost everyone of the junior enlisted are unexperienced and we are barely operating at 50%...medics included. Pretty soon we will be going to a training exercise where we will be judged on our battle readiness. It's called JRTC (I have no idea what it stands for) and it's pretty much where we will be stuck out in a mock desert for a month acting like we would in Iraq. Yup, a whole month of suck. During that time we won't be getting new people (I don't think). We leave in November. So, this means that we will be getting over a hundred people in our squadron for the next month. We only have 2 months till we deploy. One month in JRTC and one month of prep. Still don't know if we are leaving for JRTC in Sept or Oct. That is not enough time to be prepared for what we are going to have to do over there. That is not enough time to be a unit. The guys in my medical platoon are pretty close now because there was on 7 of us for the longest time. That relationship took 2 months to happen. What are we going to do with 13 more guys? There is also a problem with the leadership. Everyone I talked to about leaving just nodded and said, "Yeah, we're all going to die."
I'm worried because I agree with them. I was watching this movie (The Weatherman) where his father was dieing and they had a pre-funeral funeral. So all of his friend could say what they wanted to say to him before he kicked the bucket. I'll do the opposite. I want those near me to know what I think of them. So I'll start composing a "letter" to my friends that I'll put out before I ship out. Just in case.
(pee break)
I'm not really ready to step into the deep abyss of the afterlife. While not afraid of dieing to save others I'm afraid of the times I'll miss. My brother's marriage, becoming an uncle, being there for my mother/father when one of them goes away. I'm afraid of not being able to help those that I love. It bothers me that I'll be unable to support them no matter what. I know I'm not the strongest person in the world but, my shoulders help carry the burdens of so many people. I don't want to fail them. I can't fail them. To do so would betray everything that I am.
Do this:
http://kevan.org/johari?name=demi-goth
Ahh here we are again. Pretty lit and set in a mood of disquiet by my surroundings. Just for the record (and because it's what's all people that have been drinking do) I'll let you know that I've had 2 pitchures of beer and a bit of this stuff that claims to be whiskey and scotch at the same time. I'm listening to a friend of mine's music and it has set me in a melancholic mood. It is a wonderful peice that builds upon itself called "Dark At Six". There is a mood here that is difficult to explain. A pervading sense of despondency yet of childlike hopefulness. It's feeling is like sitting by yourself in your room while watching a bleak rainy day pass by while thinking about what you have done, what you have regretted not doing, and what you are going to do in the future. That song leads me to this.
I'm pretty afraid of going overseas. We are totally unprepared. Almost everyone of the junior enlisted are unexperienced and we are barely operating at 50%...medics included. Pretty soon we will be going to a training exercise where we will be judged on our battle readiness. It's called JRTC (I have no idea what it stands for) and it's pretty much where we will be stuck out in a mock desert for a month acting like we would in Iraq. Yup, a whole month of suck. During that time we won't be getting new people (I don't think). We leave in November. So, this means that we will be getting over a hundred people in our squadron for the next month. We only have 2 months till we deploy. One month in JRTC and one month of prep. Still don't know if we are leaving for JRTC in Sept or Oct. That is not enough time to be prepared for what we are going to have to do over there. That is not enough time to be a unit. The guys in my medical platoon are pretty close now because there was on 7 of us for the longest time. That relationship took 2 months to happen. What are we going to do with 13 more guys? There is also a problem with the leadership. Everyone I talked to about leaving just nodded and said, "Yeah, we're all going to die."
I'm worried because I agree with them. I was watching this movie (The Weatherman) where his father was dieing and they had a pre-funeral funeral. So all of his friend could say what they wanted to say to him before he kicked the bucket. I'll do the opposite. I want those near me to know what I think of them. So I'll start composing a "letter" to my friends that I'll put out before I ship out. Just in case.
(pee break)
I'm not really ready to step into the deep abyss of the afterlife. While not afraid of dieing to save others I'm afraid of the times I'll miss. My brother's marriage, becoming an uncle, being there for my mother/father when one of them goes away. I'm afraid of not being able to help those that I love. It bothers me that I'll be unable to support them no matter what. I know I'm not the strongest person in the world but, my shoulders help carry the burdens of so many people. I don't want to fail them. I can't fail them. To do so would betray everything that I am.
Do this:
http://kevan.org/johari?name=demi-goth