I'd rather commit suicide than do that again!

[dementia_22]

What do you do when you realize you made the biggest mistake of your life & it'll probably never be fixed? There's an answer I'd love to know. But I won't. It's funny cause I've always said I would never regret a damn thing in my life... but hitting you is the first & only thing I will regret. If I could take it back, I would. If I could go back in time & hit myself instead of you, I would. Believe me, I'd do anything to get you to forgive me, but I know that you never will. I will never be a part of your life again. I know that & it tears me up inside. I don't eat anymore, I don't sleep much, hell, I don't even smoke that much anymore. I don't feel like doing anything but laying around waiting to die.... I'm nothing without you, at least that's how I feel right now.... seriously, you were my support & now you're gone. Because of me. Because of my stupidity. I'm a selfish, stupid fucking bitch that doesn't deserve you anymore. As much as I don't want you to go, I know it will be better for you to not have me in your life. You're so much better than that, you're worth more than that. I treat you like shit everytime life gets hard for me, & you deserve better than that. I'm sorry I made your life a living hell for the past year & a half... but now you've gotten rid of me. I hope you enjoy your life & find someone that will truly appreciate you & treat you better than I ever did. You learn from your mistakes & we both made really big ones. Yours was dating me & mine was hitting you. I never knew I could do that to someone I loved, it makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about it. It's going to haunt me for the rest of my life. I don't even feel like ever dating again. Because for two reasons, number one: it's not going to be you & number two: I don't EVER want to hit someone like that again.

I'm a fuck-up, I know it, you don't have to tell me. I'm sorry, but sorry will never be enough in this case. I just really hope that you can forget about me, I'm not worth remembering... especially not after that. I love you! & I will never forget you.

~Amber