You guessed it... another Friends Only online journal
You know, normally this journal is very full of many of my innermost thoughts. It's a highly personal and open environment -- well, open more to a particular inner circle than to just anyone -- and I like to think that it's part of why people continue to read
Sometimes I still need to vent & sometimes I still find myself sitting down at the keyboard w/o any real idea of what I'm going to type until I'm done. This is how I communicate with myself (sorta like automatic writing, except that I'm only channeling myself rather than anything more interesting), and doing it online has the added bonus of getting feedback of all sorts from everyone from close friends to random strangers, as well as keeping friends apprised of some of the crap that's going on in my life.
I try to make myself understood to the people I care about. I really do. Unfortunately, we're all people, and we're all wrapped up in our personal experiences, feelings, & modes of expression. I'm often extremely vague about whether or not I'm talking to myself or anybody else, whether people should pay close attention or just smile & nod until I'm done. So far, the robio seems to be the only one who's ever been able to roll with these punches on a somewhat regular basis, & it took him some getting used to. He still is.
Even though I'm sane-er than I was a few years ago, I'm still far from "normal", & sometimes I still need to talk to myself...
And this is the best way I've found to do it.
Yeah, so anyway... I think that's the main reason I keep this LiveJournal, rather than a more traditional private-on-paper diary. I'm so wretched at communicating with people face to face; I need someplace to get all of this crap out of my head. Here, I've got a place to be as self-indulgent & whiny as I like, without forcing it on anyone. If my friends (or my acquaintances, or my complete strangers who just happen to pass through) care to read this crap, great. If they're tired of my bitching, they can just go somewhere else.
My whole point of this entry, though, is this: this is a place I go to exorcise whatever demons happen to be plaguing me at the time. I am sometimes overwrought & irrational. Everything is exclusively from my point of view, often filtered through rather alarming mood swings & hormones. In other words, take whatever is written here with a pretty big grain of salt. Objects in mirror are less angsty than they appear. I do mean every bit of everything I say, here, when I say it... that doesn't mean it's particularly applicable later on once I gain some perspective or I stop PMSing. But then again, sometimes it is. Never let it be said that I didn't hold true to my convictions, whatever they may be at the time.
This is a LiveJournal. It's not about you, it's about me. It's not a record of the truth; it's a record of the way I feel.
Because this is a LiveJournal, it's not written for an audience. Yes, I know people read it, & I always keep that in the back of my mind. However, when you get right down to it, this is an exercise in self-indulgence. I write this shit because I have to, because it helps me to get it out of my head where I can see it. It's not pre-meditated or polished or saccharin-coated for ease of consumption. Contrary to popular belief I don't write this a convenient way for friends & acquaintances to keep tabs on what's going on in my life &/or what I think of them without actually talking to me. Yes, you can get a pretty good idea what's going on in my life/head at any given time by reading my LiveJournal, but it's going to be an incomplete, impressionistic idea that might not resemble anyone else's version of the described events, & may or may not be relevant 5 minutes after it was written.
Welcome to online journaling.
Go ahead & read my LiveJournal if you want, just remember that just because you've read my LiveJournal doesn't mean that you know me, or that you know what's happening to me. If you know me in real life, you may not want to read this LiveJournal at all. Apparently not everyone wants to hear what I think about them. I assure you, though, that this isn't my little passive-aggressive backstabbity land... anything I write here I'd say to your face, if you ask me (or better yet, in personal email... I'm much more articulate in writing).
So by all means, read it. But please remember that this is my personal LiveJournal that you're digging around in. Just because I'm sharing it with you people doesn't mean it's really fit for public consumption, or that it's not raw & completely egocentric.
Remember that reading anybody's LiveJournal is a privilege, not a right, & take some responsibility for your curiosity. No one's making you read this.
A reminder... This is my LiveJournal. It is about me. It's about other people, too, but only in the way that they affect me, & I react to them. People IRL may bear absolutely no resemblance to the way they're portrayed in my LiveJournal. Strange things happen to people when they're filtered through my perceptions.
This is my LiveJournal. I use it to sort out my thoughts. None of this is pre-meditated. I usually don't have the first clue what I'm going to say when I start typing. Often, I mean to say one thing & end up ranting about something completely different.
This is my LiveJournal. This is my therapy. I need it. I need to not feel I have to go out of my way to censor myself. Yes, I write some pretty fucked-up, angry shit in here. Yes, some of it would probably be best off just being said to the person I'm ranting about. Some of it doesn't need to be said, though. I don't think people need to be bludgeoned w/ my particular version of the truth every single time something is bugging me.
This is my LiveJournal. These are my thoughts. These are my feelings. It's not always pretty, but it's not an attack. I'm not screaming at anyone, I'm just screaming. I don't say anything in here that I wouldn't say to anyone who knows me well enough to know this is my LiveJournal, & I honestly couldn't be bothered about what people I don't know think about my life.
Girl I know says all women do this. It’s a woman/man thing. Men want to deal with the person the feelings are related to. Women want to tell their girlfriends, or sister, or mom, or the internet.
So, see... at least we're all crazy together. I keep thinking it's just me.
It's a strange age we're living in. Age of information & all that. An age where a couple can communicate pretty damn effectively through online diaries, role-playing, email, & AIM.
A little odd, yes, but pretty damn effective thus far. I'm still kind of disbelieving my luck in starting a relationship with someone who will actually tell me what they're thinking/feeling, & seems pretty darn able to deal with my occasional wonkiness as well.
I separate what is written from what is real if I can. I know or at least think that my LiveJournal is a way to log the inner dialogue that runs through my head. Nothing in it is expressly meant to be construed as the absolute truth of the matter concerning other people. It's just a way for me to express and then examine what and how my mind filters events, people, reactions etc. Not that it's reduced to just that but I think that's a good start in explaining it....maybe?
Because it's all about perceptions, ennit?
See the manager for more details.
Sometimes I still need to vent & sometimes I still find myself sitting down at the keyboard w/o any real idea of what I'm going to type until I'm done. This is how I communicate with myself (sorta like automatic writing, except that I'm only channeling myself rather than anything more interesting), and doing it online has the added bonus of getting feedback of all sorts from everyone from close friends to random strangers, as well as keeping friends apprised of some of the crap that's going on in my life.
I try to make myself understood to the people I care about. I really do. Unfortunately, we're all people, and we're all wrapped up in our personal experiences, feelings, & modes of expression. I'm often extremely vague about whether or not I'm talking to myself or anybody else, whether people should pay close attention or just smile & nod until I'm done. So far, the robio seems to be the only one who's ever been able to roll with these punches on a somewhat regular basis, & it took him some getting used to. He still is.
Even though I'm sane-er than I was a few years ago, I'm still far from "normal", & sometimes I still need to talk to myself...
And this is the best way I've found to do it.
Yeah, so anyway... I think that's the main reason I keep this LiveJournal, rather than a more traditional private-on-paper diary. I'm so wretched at communicating with people face to face; I need someplace to get all of this crap out of my head. Here, I've got a place to be as self-indulgent & whiny as I like, without forcing it on anyone. If my friends (or my acquaintances, or my complete strangers who just happen to pass through) care to read this crap, great. If they're tired of my bitching, they can just go somewhere else.
My whole point of this entry, though, is this: this is a place I go to exorcise whatever demons happen to be plaguing me at the time. I am sometimes overwrought & irrational. Everything is exclusively from my point of view, often filtered through rather alarming mood swings & hormones. In other words, take whatever is written here with a pretty big grain of salt. Objects in mirror are less angsty than they appear. I do mean every bit of everything I say, here, when I say it... that doesn't mean it's particularly applicable later on once I gain some perspective or I stop PMSing. But then again, sometimes it is. Never let it be said that I didn't hold true to my convictions, whatever they may be at the time.
This is a LiveJournal. It's not about you, it's about me. It's not a record of the truth; it's a record of the way I feel.
Because this is a LiveJournal, it's not written for an audience. Yes, I know people read it, & I always keep that in the back of my mind. However, when you get right down to it, this is an exercise in self-indulgence. I write this shit because I have to, because it helps me to get it out of my head where I can see it. It's not pre-meditated or polished or saccharin-coated for ease of consumption. Contrary to popular belief I don't write this a convenient way for friends & acquaintances to keep tabs on what's going on in my life &/or what I think of them without actually talking to me. Yes, you can get a pretty good idea what's going on in my life/head at any given time by reading my LiveJournal, but it's going to be an incomplete, impressionistic idea that might not resemble anyone else's version of the described events, & may or may not be relevant 5 minutes after it was written.
Welcome to online journaling.
Go ahead & read my LiveJournal if you want, just remember that just because you've read my LiveJournal doesn't mean that you know me, or that you know what's happening to me. If you know me in real life, you may not want to read this LiveJournal at all. Apparently not everyone wants to hear what I think about them. I assure you, though, that this isn't my little passive-aggressive backstabbity land... anything I write here I'd say to your face, if you ask me (or better yet, in personal email... I'm much more articulate in writing).
So by all means, read it. But please remember that this is my personal LiveJournal that you're digging around in. Just because I'm sharing it with you people doesn't mean it's really fit for public consumption, or that it's not raw & completely egocentric.
Remember that reading anybody's LiveJournal is a privilege, not a right, & take some responsibility for your curiosity. No one's making you read this.
A reminder... This is my LiveJournal. It is about me. It's about other people, too, but only in the way that they affect me, & I react to them. People IRL may bear absolutely no resemblance to the way they're portrayed in my LiveJournal. Strange things happen to people when they're filtered through my perceptions.
This is my LiveJournal. I use it to sort out my thoughts. None of this is pre-meditated. I usually don't have the first clue what I'm going to say when I start typing. Often, I mean to say one thing & end up ranting about something completely different.
This is my LiveJournal. This is my therapy. I need it. I need to not feel I have to go out of my way to censor myself. Yes, I write some pretty fucked-up, angry shit in here. Yes, some of it would probably be best off just being said to the person I'm ranting about. Some of it doesn't need to be said, though. I don't think people need to be bludgeoned w/ my particular version of the truth every single time something is bugging me.
This is my LiveJournal. These are my thoughts. These are my feelings. It's not always pretty, but it's not an attack. I'm not screaming at anyone, I'm just screaming. I don't say anything in here that I wouldn't say to anyone who knows me well enough to know this is my LiveJournal, & I honestly couldn't be bothered about what people I don't know think about my life.
Girl I know says all women do this. It’s a woman/man thing. Men want to deal with the person the feelings are related to. Women want to tell their girlfriends, or sister, or mom, or the internet.
So, see... at least we're all crazy together. I keep thinking it's just me.
It's a strange age we're living in. Age of information & all that. An age where a couple can communicate pretty damn effectively through online diaries, role-playing, email, & AIM.
A little odd, yes, but pretty damn effective thus far. I'm still kind of disbelieving my luck in starting a relationship with someone who will actually tell me what they're thinking/feeling, & seems pretty darn able to deal with my occasional wonkiness as well.
I separate what is written from what is real if I can. I know or at least think that my LiveJournal is a way to log the inner dialogue that runs through my head. Nothing in it is expressly meant to be construed as the absolute truth of the matter concerning other people. It's just a way for me to express and then examine what and how my mind filters events, people, reactions etc. Not that it's reduced to just that but I think that's a good start in explaining it....maybe?
Because it's all about perceptions, ennit?
See the manager for more details.