False Hope and Self Doubt
Well since I cant really express my self in normal conversation, I have started to write, how I feel. Here are a few of the most recent things I've written:
Moving backwards isn’t always such a bad thing. You can go back and right the things that were wronged, or even begin a whole new chapter of you life. But living in the past can become a problem if that was what you always talked about, or did. Coping with items or fears you may have had is good, its better than years of high priced therapy. Looking back my life hasn’t been all that bad, but there have been a few things that I did want to change or done things I wanted to do but didn’t, or say things I should have, but didn’t. If someone continues to live in the reverse, then they can never move forward and experience life as it moves and evolves around them. Is moving forward a bad thing? Looking forward I don’t see my self happy, I see myself alone and depressed, but if I was willing to go back to just ONE person that at the time hurt me then the most I would be considered as living in the past. Holding on to something that just wasn’t meant to be.
As a cold glimmer shined across the young woman's face she thought back to a happier time in her life. When she didn’t know the pains of love. The heartache and undying love for another. She wondered if going back was such a good thing. For if she did would she be the same person; would she be the strong independent woman she was that very moment. Dropping the cold razor to the floor, it made a clang and she dropped to her knees. As the darkness surrounded her, she worried about what she had become. A shell of her former self. A shell of her person she wanted so desperately wanted to be. Becoming a shell had taken its tool on her; wanting to break free of what society had placed upon her shoulders. Her eyes shifted over to the razor she wanted to pick it up and end it all this pain. To put a sudden end to all this pain and heartache, but something or someone was stopping her. Curling up on the floor letting the cold dark feeling embrace her, she fell asleep, to live another day of : regret, pain, and depression.
The term “ Beauty is skin deep” was it created to make the less attractive girls have something to hope for? Or was it just a small ray of false hope. False hope is the worse; it stares back at you like a pimple that no matter what you do, you just cant get it to go away. False hope is when you’re so close to your dream; after long months of being told you can do this; and then your shot down. As you are falling closer to the ground; as you see the small blades of grass, you beg for something or someone to save you. But out of no where you fell the smack of the cold hard ground. That is when you realize all your hopes and dreams had been smashed along with you when you fell to the cold hard ground. That same feeling will always be there even long after you pick yourself up off the ground. Even long after the wounds heal. That same cold feeling will always follow you be that small voice in the back of your mind telling you that “ No matter what you do you’ll never be good enough.” So I say again what the false hope? Why the boost of something that was never there to being with? Why does that wonderful feeling of self doubt rear its ugly little head just when things were going so well? Does it know when to strike; or are we just to open when we feel good that we let our guard down, and self doubt creeps back into our lives.
Moving backwards isn’t always such a bad thing. You can go back and right the things that were wronged, or even begin a whole new chapter of you life. But living in the past can become a problem if that was what you always talked about, or did. Coping with items or fears you may have had is good, its better than years of high priced therapy. Looking back my life hasn’t been all that bad, but there have been a few things that I did want to change or done things I wanted to do but didn’t, or say things I should have, but didn’t. If someone continues to live in the reverse, then they can never move forward and experience life as it moves and evolves around them. Is moving forward a bad thing? Looking forward I don’t see my self happy, I see myself alone and depressed, but if I was willing to go back to just ONE person that at the time hurt me then the most I would be considered as living in the past. Holding on to something that just wasn’t meant to be.
As a cold glimmer shined across the young woman's face she thought back to a happier time in her life. When she didn’t know the pains of love. The heartache and undying love for another. She wondered if going back was such a good thing. For if she did would she be the same person; would she be the strong independent woman she was that very moment. Dropping the cold razor to the floor, it made a clang and she dropped to her knees. As the darkness surrounded her, she worried about what she had become. A shell of her former self. A shell of her person she wanted so desperately wanted to be. Becoming a shell had taken its tool on her; wanting to break free of what society had placed upon her shoulders. Her eyes shifted over to the razor she wanted to pick it up and end it all this pain. To put a sudden end to all this pain and heartache, but something or someone was stopping her. Curling up on the floor letting the cold dark feeling embrace her, she fell asleep, to live another day of : regret, pain, and depression.
The term “ Beauty is skin deep” was it created to make the less attractive girls have something to hope for? Or was it just a small ray of false hope. False hope is the worse; it stares back at you like a pimple that no matter what you do, you just cant get it to go away. False hope is when you’re so close to your dream; after long months of being told you can do this; and then your shot down. As you are falling closer to the ground; as you see the small blades of grass, you beg for something or someone to save you. But out of no where you fell the smack of the cold hard ground. That is when you realize all your hopes and dreams had been smashed along with you when you fell to the cold hard ground. That same feeling will always be there even long after you pick yourself up off the ground. Even long after the wounds heal. That same cold feeling will always follow you be that small voice in the back of your mind telling you that “ No matter what you do you’ll never be good enough.” So I say again what the false hope? Why the boost of something that was never there to being with? Why does that wonderful feeling of self doubt rear its ugly little head just when things were going so well? Does it know when to strike; or are we just to open when we feel good that we let our guard down, and self doubt creeps back into our lives.