Stop Givin' Kink a Bad Name
An angel's smile is what you sell
You promise me heaven
And put me through hell.
Chains of love got a hold of me
When passion's a prison, you can't break free...
"You Give Love a Bad Name" -- Bon Jovi, Songwriters: BON JOVI, JON / CHILD, DESMOND / SAMBORA, RICHARD
I love my co-author, H.J. Raine, for many reasons, but one of the biggest one is Raine's mind. To say nothing of how said mind can make surprising twists and turns and leaps that leave me with my lips flapping in the breeze.
Earlier today, however, we were discussing our latest series and plot intricacies thereof, and Raine tells me of something in Codes of the Underworld, one of the host of books Raine's reading to write the character Kris Fawkes, who is involved in our New Amsterdam Series and who will, eventually and publisher's willing, have his own book.
In "Codes," the researcher writes about the Singapore Triad gangs and the formation/education thereof. Now, as you might imagine, little boys who long to be a part of this underground gang have no easy "in." The gangs are highly illegal, extremely secretive, and, in Singapore, if one is caught being involved in said gang, the penalty is akin to reeds under the fingernails and bamboo through the eyelids.
The book says, in a fascinating relay of events and circumstance, that often the members of the gangs and those aspiring to BE members of the gangs, learn the ins and outs from books and movies.
That's right, kids. FICTION is leading the way.
In fact, in Russia, it's common for gangs to model themselves after the famous American movie, The Godfather, to the point that they lift vocabulary and structure straight from the fiction in which it was created.
Now, some of these books and movies are based on other gangs and other histories, hence the reason why the mob is the mob and we all have this idea of how that life works. There is, indeed, a consistency to it because they're all getting recycled and derived from the same sources:
Research discovers information to regurgitate in movies and books which are read by wanna-be members who get inducted and perpetuate what they read and saw which supports the histories that the future researchers will find to put into their books and movies which will be read by...
Yeah, you get the picture of snake eating tail action, there, I believe. Now, this was fascinating to me on many levels and endlessly so for what dear Raine said next:
"So it occurs to me," says Raine, "that the S&M scene is the same way. There is no, as you say, easy apprentice program or class to attend. Most places don't have those. And it's hard as hell to go watch scene often for the same reasons: small towns, difficult finding clubs, it's sometimes illegal to participate in Scene in public in many states or counties, [(and illegal in private, too, but that's another soapbox)], not to mention scary as hell to seek out these strange people and observe them in their environment. So, what do people do who have an interest?"
They. Read. Books.
Now, that'd be fucking fantastic if there were a slew of great examples out there, but really? There just aren't. The Sleeping Beauty series by Anne Rice is terrible. There's no nod to anatomy, there's no research, there's very little to do with actual life involved. The Story of O is much the same way. Exit to Eden is another popular one, also by Anne Rice, and that one's slightly better, as at least there's plenty of notice of consent.
And don't get me started on motherfucking (pardon my terribly non-creative use of diction, there) Fifty Shades of Grey. I'm just gonna direct you to THIS AMAZING POST that takes a kink perspective on "Fifty Things Wrong with Fifty Shades..."
"But... But DEE!" you ask, "What's wrong with writing or reading for the fantasy? That's why we're all here, isn't it? To escape. To experience lives and people and things in fiction that we cannot find or access in our daily lives. Nobody really goes out into the world only armed with fiction and tries things, do they?"
I can tell you because there have been numerous people brave enough to tell me that my writing has encouraged them to seek out kink and clubs and mentors and Doms and subs that the answer to that question is: YES. YES THEY DO.
And the bad can be a self-fulling prophecy. Remember that cycle? Someone is interested in Scene... they do research that involves anything and everything they can lay their hands on. If they're lucky, it's good research or hands-on experience from somebody who's been in the Lifestyle for years and years, or some combination thereof. They take what they know, they head out into the fray, they practice what they've learned. Other people make what the first person is doing into research for books and movies. Those materials become the fodder for the next person interested in Scene. The reader and watcher goes out and makes what they know into reality. Then more people come along, see what's happening and...
The cycle starts again. And it's easy to see, dear readers, that if the ideas perpetuated by the practioners are based on fiction or movies or the experience of OTHERS, which was created by books or movies or sources that hold humiliation or belittling or rule breaking masked as "limit stretching" as gods to which submissive sacrifices must be made...
My long-winded point is this, dear readers and writers and members of fandom and kinkdom and every person in between:
Use your power wisely.
Not every story written about kinky anything has to be for any other purpose than pure entertainment, but remember what you're doing when you set pen to paper, fingers to keyboard:You are making something that is going to go out there and possibly be read by someone who is scared, lonely, worried, and even afraid of a gaping, aching need within himself or herself who may very well look upon your work as the magical key that fits into the lock of their new, highly-desired life. Your work has the potential to be the catalyst for change -- momentous, life-altering change that will leave a forever mark in a person's experience.
Do not, my fellow writers, take this caution as a burden or even as responsibility for the choices that are beyond your control. We absolutely cannot dictate how our works will be received, or if they will even be received at all. We write for as many reasons and in as many genres as there are molecules in an ocean. Horror is horror. Fantasy is fantasy. Anyone getting these things confused is not our personal responsibility.
I do not believe that a madman who shoots into a room full of movie watchers can blame the movie or any of its creators for the crime. That is akin to a virus blaming its host for an inability to thrive, and God or Creation does not enter into it.
But what we should understand is that what we put into the world at large matters. Research and care matter. Taking the time to understand the people we make, their motivations in their lives, their experiences... that matters.
Not just so we can do the impossible and make slices of reality make sense, but also because if words can change lives, if books can be the basis upon which entire societies are formed, if what we do can make a difference...
..then let's try, when we can and when the story is ripe for it, to make that difference positive. Show Scene as a way to love, not a way to break. Show kink as a way to find release, not a pall behind which to hide who you are. Show pain as an intrinsic and valuable tool for learning and growth, not as a demon in the night who comes to make you small, weak, or vulnerable. Show the affection any good Dom will have for a sub in confidence, in commitment to do as was promised, in tenderness in aftercare, not as sneers, jeers, and projections of personal anguish unleashed upon the trusting. Show the strength of any submissive in their ability to speak of their wants and needs, in their bravery for handing those pieces of their hearts and bodies and minds over to another, and in their bliss for finding a kind of happiness that many people, in Scene or otherwise, do not have the capacity or the courage to find.
I often say... relationships take faith, but Scene takes an entire religion. If you choose to add to the rhetoric, learn enough about it to understand what is good, what is bad, what is fantasy, what is reality, and to make educated choices about what you want to show. Spread rumors about good books and movies. Be the author or director of said good books or movies. You don't have to write with moral gold in mind every time or even most of the time...
Just remember your power when you weave the words.
You may be the ripple that changes the kinky world.
♥Dee
You promise me heaven
And put me through hell.
Chains of love got a hold of me
When passion's a prison, you can't break free...
"You Give Love a Bad Name" -- Bon Jovi, Songwriters: BON JOVI, JON / CHILD, DESMOND / SAMBORA, RICHARD
I love my co-author, H.J. Raine, for many reasons, but one of the biggest one is Raine's mind. To say nothing of how said mind can make surprising twists and turns and leaps that leave me with my lips flapping in the breeze.
Earlier today, however, we were discussing our latest series and plot intricacies thereof, and Raine tells me of something in Codes of the Underworld, one of the host of books Raine's reading to write the character Kris Fawkes, who is involved in our New Amsterdam Series and who will, eventually and publisher's willing, have his own book.
In "Codes," the researcher writes about the Singapore Triad gangs and the formation/education thereof. Now, as you might imagine, little boys who long to be a part of this underground gang have no easy "in." The gangs are highly illegal, extremely secretive, and, in Singapore, if one is caught being involved in said gang, the penalty is akin to reeds under the fingernails and bamboo through the eyelids.
The book says, in a fascinating relay of events and circumstance, that often the members of the gangs and those aspiring to BE members of the gangs, learn the ins and outs from books and movies.
That's right, kids. FICTION is leading the way.
In fact, in Russia, it's common for gangs to model themselves after the famous American movie, The Godfather, to the point that they lift vocabulary and structure straight from the fiction in which it was created.
Now, some of these books and movies are based on other gangs and other histories, hence the reason why the mob is the mob and we all have this idea of how that life works. There is, indeed, a consistency to it because they're all getting recycled and derived from the same sources:
Research discovers information to regurgitate in movies and books which are read by wanna-be members who get inducted and perpetuate what they read and saw which supports the histories that the future researchers will find to put into their books and movies which will be read by...
Yeah, you get the picture of snake eating tail action, there, I believe. Now, this was fascinating to me on many levels and endlessly so for what dear Raine said next:
"So it occurs to me," says Raine, "that the S&M scene is the same way. There is no, as you say, easy apprentice program or class to attend. Most places don't have those. And it's hard as hell to go watch scene often for the same reasons: small towns, difficult finding clubs, it's sometimes illegal to participate in Scene in public in many states or counties, [(and illegal in private, too, but that's another soapbox)], not to mention scary as hell to seek out these strange people and observe them in their environment. So, what do people do who have an interest?"
They. Read. Books.
Now, that'd be fucking fantastic if there were a slew of great examples out there, but really? There just aren't. The Sleeping Beauty series by Anne Rice is terrible. There's no nod to anatomy, there's no research, there's very little to do with actual life involved. The Story of O is much the same way. Exit to Eden is another popular one, also by Anne Rice, and that one's slightly better, as at least there's plenty of notice of consent.
And don't get me started on motherfucking (pardon my terribly non-creative use of diction, there) Fifty Shades of Grey. I'm just gonna direct you to THIS AMAZING POST that takes a kink perspective on "Fifty Things Wrong with Fifty Shades..."
"But... But DEE!" you ask, "What's wrong with writing or reading for the fantasy? That's why we're all here, isn't it? To escape. To experience lives and people and things in fiction that we cannot find or access in our daily lives. Nobody really goes out into the world only armed with fiction and tries things, do they?"
I can tell you because there have been numerous people brave enough to tell me that my writing has encouraged them to seek out kink and clubs and mentors and Doms and subs that the answer to that question is: YES. YES THEY DO.
And the bad can be a self-fulling prophecy. Remember that cycle? Someone is interested in Scene... they do research that involves anything and everything they can lay their hands on. If they're lucky, it's good research or hands-on experience from somebody who's been in the Lifestyle for years and years, or some combination thereof. They take what they know, they head out into the fray, they practice what they've learned. Other people make what the first person is doing into research for books and movies. Those materials become the fodder for the next person interested in Scene. The reader and watcher goes out and makes what they know into reality. Then more people come along, see what's happening and...
The cycle starts again. And it's easy to see, dear readers, that if the ideas perpetuated by the practioners are based on fiction or movies or the experience of OTHERS, which was created by books or movies or sources that hold humiliation or belittling or rule breaking masked as "limit stretching" as gods to which submissive sacrifices must be made...
My long-winded point is this, dear readers and writers and members of fandom and kinkdom and every person in between:
Use your power wisely.
Not every story written about kinky anything has to be for any other purpose than pure entertainment, but remember what you're doing when you set pen to paper, fingers to keyboard:You are making something that is going to go out there and possibly be read by someone who is scared, lonely, worried, and even afraid of a gaping, aching need within himself or herself who may very well look upon your work as the magical key that fits into the lock of their new, highly-desired life. Your work has the potential to be the catalyst for change -- momentous, life-altering change that will leave a forever mark in a person's experience.
Do not, my fellow writers, take this caution as a burden or even as responsibility for the choices that are beyond your control. We absolutely cannot dictate how our works will be received, or if they will even be received at all. We write for as many reasons and in as many genres as there are molecules in an ocean. Horror is horror. Fantasy is fantasy. Anyone getting these things confused is not our personal responsibility.
I do not believe that a madman who shoots into a room full of movie watchers can blame the movie or any of its creators for the crime. That is akin to a virus blaming its host for an inability to thrive, and God or Creation does not enter into it.
But what we should understand is that what we put into the world at large matters. Research and care matter. Taking the time to understand the people we make, their motivations in their lives, their experiences... that matters.
Not just so we can do the impossible and make slices of reality make sense, but also because if words can change lives, if books can be the basis upon which entire societies are formed, if what we do can make a difference...
..then let's try, when we can and when the story is ripe for it, to make that difference positive. Show Scene as a way to love, not a way to break. Show kink as a way to find release, not a pall behind which to hide who you are. Show pain as an intrinsic and valuable tool for learning and growth, not as a demon in the night who comes to make you small, weak, or vulnerable. Show the affection any good Dom will have for a sub in confidence, in commitment to do as was promised, in tenderness in aftercare, not as sneers, jeers, and projections of personal anguish unleashed upon the trusting. Show the strength of any submissive in their ability to speak of their wants and needs, in their bravery for handing those pieces of their hearts and bodies and minds over to another, and in their bliss for finding a kind of happiness that many people, in Scene or otherwise, do not have the capacity or the courage to find.
I often say... relationships take faith, but Scene takes an entire religion. If you choose to add to the rhetoric, learn enough about it to understand what is good, what is bad, what is fantasy, what is reality, and to make educated choices about what you want to show. Spread rumors about good books and movies. Be the author or director of said good books or movies. You don't have to write with moral gold in mind every time or even most of the time...
Just remember your power when you weave the words.
You may be the ripple that changes the kinky world.
♥Dee