Nothing Really
being home has been weird. i had fun in florida with chelsea and seeing my family i really missed, but i really missed being home in california too. but it is weird because when i was there, i had something to do everyday, and someone to see and i clung to chelsea a lot since we are close. now that i am home i am board a lot, i try to see the guys a lot and chelsea and i, well, ye we still cling to each other. lol. the rave on saturday was fun but i dont like how a lot of my friends to drugs when they are there. amber chelsea jenni and me never do taht because a rave is so fun and so crazy that you dont need drugs to experience it. it is a trip all on its own!
i cant handle living with my mom anymore! i can handle my sisters and my dad but not her. if i can handle whore sisters and an alcoholic dad, you would think i can handle a bitch! but i cant do it anymore! i am the good one but she takes everything out on me when it is them i dont do anything and i get yelled at and we get into fights and i get grounded! all because they mess up and i dont but i am the one to pay for it! its not fair. i want to move out now that i am out of school and have a job but 1 i am not financially ready to and 2 i probably cant deal with being on my own. i know i cant stand her and i want to grow up but i am still not at all ready to be on my own. it is really scary to be called an adult. i had this conversation with a friend when she ralized what it is to be an adult, too. it seems scary to have a police officer say that to you, when it scares me to think it in my head. we are all realizing what it means to grow up and be these people we have been shaped to be. but it is hard to be that person.
sometimes i really wish i was either a whore like my sisters or an alcoholic like my dad. even a bitch like mom because than i would have a reason for messing up. i dont mess up a lot but sometimes i think i am a disappointment because i am not ready to be on my own. i wish i was. i see my friends who are making it through this transition with no problem and i am jealous because it looks so easy for them but it seems so hard for me. well i hope when i do go trough it, i go through it well (and soon!)
i cant handle living with my mom anymore! i can handle my sisters and my dad but not her. if i can handle whore sisters and an alcoholic dad, you would think i can handle a bitch! but i cant do it anymore! i am the good one but she takes everything out on me when it is them i dont do anything and i get yelled at and we get into fights and i get grounded! all because they mess up and i dont but i am the one to pay for it! its not fair. i want to move out now that i am out of school and have a job but 1 i am not financially ready to and 2 i probably cant deal with being on my own. i know i cant stand her and i want to grow up but i am still not at all ready to be on my own. it is really scary to be called an adult. i had this conversation with a friend when she ralized what it is to be an adult, too. it seems scary to have a police officer say that to you, when it scares me to think it in my head. we are all realizing what it means to grow up and be these people we have been shaped to be. but it is hard to be that person.
sometimes i really wish i was either a whore like my sisters or an alcoholic like my dad. even a bitch like mom because than i would have a reason for messing up. i dont mess up a lot but sometimes i think i am a disappointment because i am not ready to be on my own. i wish i was. i see my friends who are making it through this transition with no problem and i am jealous because it looks so easy for them but it seems so hard for me. well i hope when i do go trough it, i go through it well (and soon!)