(no subject)
So I just woke up, it's 551 AM and I'm writing the first things that come into my head while I'm typing with my eyes closed, seriously. They're closed. Anywho, last night I had a very interesting conversation with an old friend that I haven't really had a long talk with and it was......depressing. She kept hinting at that the fact that I might be gay, BUT I'M NOT! How could I be gay if I want to kiss you so long ago! I stood with you in the grass and my mind flew. I imagined, I wanted, Here... Let me show you.
I had biked forever just to see her there standing in the park where we could only escape to because I'm a loser. She looked beautiful as ever, although the failing sun shone off her hair and made it shine with the golden-red hues that you can only find in the very early morning or just before nightfall. It pissed me off that I could only spend a little time with her after having traveled so far to see her but it was worth it, well... to me it was. Lying in the cool grass, cuddling with each other... I wouldn't have traded it for the world. But here's the part that really sucks....... Everytime...EVERY-damn-time she left to go home I just wanted to stand before her as she looked back, raise my hand to rest beneath her chin and slowly turn her head towards mine. Moving forward, slowly, cautiously because I wanted to respect her boundaries... her eyes closing as we got closer, anticipation welling within me as time it self seemed to slow down, the setting sun standing still with your pursing lips waiting for what only I could give you.... A Kiss, one so sweet you'd dream of me that night--- BUT NO! I had to respect your boundaries. So I went home and cursed myself for not having what it took for YOU to want to kiss ME. I made a huge mistake letting her pass out of my life, but then again I didn't. She found someone she's really happy with..... something I don't really think I could have ever given her. So I'm happy for her, and I'll walk down the cold night street illuminated by the only working street light within half a mile and I'll watch everyone's happiness from outside, the rain drizzling slowly over me as I peer into the homes of couples that I had a chance of being once... and I'll walk on by, pulling my jacket up to my face...shielding my body from the rain, knowing that it's better like this.
~You get used to the rain after a while, it's the dark that never seems to go away.
I know now that I'll probably never talk to this person again out of pure embaressement, but oh well. It's not the biggest screw up I've ever made, yet...
I had biked forever just to see her there standing in the park where we could only escape to because I'm a loser. She looked beautiful as ever, although the failing sun shone off her hair and made it shine with the golden-red hues that you can only find in the very early morning or just before nightfall. It pissed me off that I could only spend a little time with her after having traveled so far to see her but it was worth it, well... to me it was. Lying in the cool grass, cuddling with each other... I wouldn't have traded it for the world. But here's the part that really sucks....... Everytime...EVERY-damn-time she left to go home I just wanted to stand before her as she looked back, raise my hand to rest beneath her chin and slowly turn her head towards mine. Moving forward, slowly, cautiously because I wanted to respect her boundaries... her eyes closing as we got closer, anticipation welling within me as time it self seemed to slow down, the setting sun standing still with your pursing lips waiting for what only I could give you.... A Kiss, one so sweet you'd dream of me that night--- BUT NO! I had to respect your boundaries. So I went home and cursed myself for not having what it took for YOU to want to kiss ME. I made a huge mistake letting her pass out of my life, but then again I didn't. She found someone she's really happy with..... something I don't really think I could have ever given her. So I'm happy for her, and I'll walk down the cold night street illuminated by the only working street light within half a mile and I'll watch everyone's happiness from outside, the rain drizzling slowly over me as I peer into the homes of couples that I had a chance of being once... and I'll walk on by, pulling my jacket up to my face...shielding my body from the rain, knowing that it's better like this.
~You get used to the rain after a while, it's the dark that never seems to go away.
I know now that I'll probably never talk to this person again out of pure embaressement, but oh well. It's not the biggest screw up I've ever made, yet...