(no subject)
Well, Friday was my last day at PHCC.
It was weird, because that didn't even hit me until after creative writing. I think the reason for that is a combination of me getting my AA 5 months ago and me being busy with life.
This is what I need, though. I need to not have a responsibility crutch that keeps me from doing what I REALLY need to be doing (mainly, following the Lord and doing research on my next school.)
But I will. Because I have to.
God has really been revealing things to me these past couple of days. I think this is because of a decision I made a couple of weeks ago that began with me deleting a good story I was working on.
*Flashback thingy*
The story was about a post-apocolyptic world. I had planned to make it into a serial, and it was, admittedly, probably one of the best pieces of literature I've ever written.
That's what made it all the harder to delete. But I knew, even as God was poking at me to delete it, telling me that it was best--even as I tried to rationalize a reason NOT to listen--that it was the right thing to do. I felt very released after I deleted it. I was not sad at all that I lost it; I simply felt at peace.
That didn't last long, though.
After that I felt depressed. My flesh was saying to me, "You did what God asked, and now look! You still feel depressed! (I had been feeling a bit 'under the weather,' spiritually.)" But I knew that God works in His perfect ways, and trusted that He would do with me what He needed to do in His perfect time. So I trusted God to fill me with joy.
And then the motor mount on my car broke. And my car needed new rear brakes. Which cost me $400.
Then my battery died when I was at school.
It was during the car ride to Wal Mart with my dad when I told him that God was calling me to Africa. This led to the cliche' response (seriously, everyone says this) of "Well, it's good that you want to help people. But, there are a lot of people in America who need help, too. Why don't you do some work in America." I always give the person the benefit of the doubt, but I don't blame them for not understanding. Trying to explain what it's like to have a personal relationship with God to someone who doesn't have a personal relationship with God is like trying to tell someone about a word in Spanish that can only be understood if you really know Spanish; I cannot translate what it is like to know God through words or any other means to anyone else. It is not possible.
But the point of that is that God has not called me to help people in America (meaning, my ministry.) At this point in my life, all I know is that God has called me to Uganda.
To think of it, I can't remember when God said "build schools in Uganda for children." I remember when God called me to ministry after I got saved. I remember when God put the concern on my heart for oppressed peoples. I remember when God solidified His desire through Pastors Tony and Mike at my baptism. And I remember when God called me to Uganda through Pastor Scott's open words. But I don't remember when He told me to build schools in Uganda.
A couple of days later, I had to give my dad $120. My bank account was going, "Weeeeeeyooooooooo..." But even though I was feeling depressed, I trusted that God would take care of me like He always had. I said, "Lord, I trust you and I will praise you on the mountain and in the valley."
I have always tithed 10% of my money to God, and God has never allowed me to be so financially burdened that I was flat-out "screwed." Now, you may be thinking, "Well, of course not. He's only 20; what sort of financial garbage could he go through? He lives at home." Well, the answer to that would have to be the fact that I've put over $2000 into my car since I got it, and that it has broken down over 12 times since I've gotten it. Yet not once did it happen when I could not afford to fix it; such was the same with this instance.
So this was all going on and I was feeling really depressed still. I finally asked God what was up, and He said that I needed to drop the apologetics for a while.
I study Christian Apologetics--the defense of Christianity. It is a very difficult field of study, because it requires work with science, social issues, religion and many other fields of study (both generalized and specific.) The reason God told me to drop the apologetics is because I was putting my studying before my God time; it had been a while since I'd REALLY prayed to God. I'd been so busy with school and work and CHURCH SERVICES, MIND YOU, that I wasn't making one-on-one time for Jesus. God basically told me that I needed to get back to the reason why apologetics even matter to me--Jesus.
So since then, I've put down the books, stopped worrying about answering everyone's million-and-one objections, and just gotten back to the heart of worship.
And let me tell you, THAT is when the joy came back into my heart. When I got back to simply fellowshipping with the Lord and worshipping him and stopped worrying about what this guy had to say about the Passion of the Christ or what THIS guy had to say about the "Gospel" of Judas.
Very soon after, God really put on my heart that I needed to call up the family of one of the brothers at church. Part of me was afrraid/didn't want to do so (y'know, it's always weird to call someone's house when you don't konw their family.) It was something I had to do, though, and I'm glad I did.
I found out that he has been going through some rough times recently, and because of it, I have been able to really pray earnestly for him and for his family. I'm feeling that God specifically has something for he and I in the future.
Everything written so far has been since this interesting time in my life started. Finally, a very key day happened, which was on Thursday evening (the day before my last day at PHCC.)
I felt particularly full of the spirit of the Lord on Thursday. Normally, I have to make sure there aren't kids causing trouble and whatnot. But that Thursday, I was able to really get into the worship and not have to worry about anything.
Pastor Scott's sermon was about "dreaming big dreams." The sermon was about Martin Luther King, Jr. (whom I love.) He was talking about how Dr. King had to face harsh adversity in answering God's call for his life. He received over 50 death threats every day, and was even discouraged by the people who were close to him.
Dr. King held strong to his dream--the dream the Lord had given to him--though. He held on so strongly that he died for it.
So the sermon was on God's purpose for your life.
Pastor Scott then talked about how God had put on his heart that God was going to double the size of the youth ministry at church every year for the next five years. It is interesting because when he first told the youth leadership about it a few weeks ago, a young man stood up in church during the alter call and called for people to boldly come up and accept Christ. And unheard of 20+ kids answered the alter call that night. Youth ministry usually has 1 or 2 salvations, if that.
Additionally, it was also interesting that about 8-10 people came up after the Dr. King sermon.
I think God is showing us at church that He's going to do what He said He'd do.
But anyway, back to ME personally.
After service, a brother named Ty, who is moving to England in a few weeks to be a youth minister (it was his last night serving in youth) and I went up to the ice cream social; he paid for me, since I had no cash on me.
We got to talking, and the topic of Uganda came up. He told me that he had gone to Uganda a few years earlier on a mission trip. He said that every 3-or-so years, a church that he's associated with takes a mission trip to Uganda. Also, his wife's brother-in-law (or something -_- ) knows a man who works in full time ministry in Uganda.
So now I know someone who knows someone; Ty will be keeping in touch, and I trust the Lord to let His will be done with the relationship.
A few minutes later, Ty left. Then, I went and sat with a few other people. We got to talking, and a girl named Jessi, who is a missionary and is called to Africa, mentioned something about a sit-in in Tampa. She said it was for an organization called "invisible children" (invisiblechildren.com) and that they were doing a sit-in to bring attention to the situation in UGANDA to President Bush.
I was like, "ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME?! WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT THAT!"
She was like, "What? About invisible children?"
I said, "Yeah! I mean no--Uganda!"
Then we started talking about my calling to go over there, which was generally interesting.
So TODAY I went to invisiblechildren.com (BTW, I totally missed the sit in; had to work >:| ) and read some stuff. Apparently, it's run by 3 college students who went to Uganda and saw the terrible conditions there. They were so shocked that they decided to found the organization to help Uganda and its many, MANY AIDS orphans. A very interesting point on the site, that stuck out to me, was that for Uganda to get up off of its feet, it really needs SCHOOLS FOR ITS PEOPLE.
=D
God is so awesome.
It was weird, because that didn't even hit me until after creative writing. I think the reason for that is a combination of me getting my AA 5 months ago and me being busy with life.
This is what I need, though. I need to not have a responsibility crutch that keeps me from doing what I REALLY need to be doing (mainly, following the Lord and doing research on my next school.)
But I will. Because I have to.
God has really been revealing things to me these past couple of days. I think this is because of a decision I made a couple of weeks ago that began with me deleting a good story I was working on.
*Flashback thingy*
The story was about a post-apocolyptic world. I had planned to make it into a serial, and it was, admittedly, probably one of the best pieces of literature I've ever written.
That's what made it all the harder to delete. But I knew, even as God was poking at me to delete it, telling me that it was best--even as I tried to rationalize a reason NOT to listen--that it was the right thing to do. I felt very released after I deleted it. I was not sad at all that I lost it; I simply felt at peace.
That didn't last long, though.
After that I felt depressed. My flesh was saying to me, "You did what God asked, and now look! You still feel depressed! (I had been feeling a bit 'under the weather,' spiritually.)" But I knew that God works in His perfect ways, and trusted that He would do with me what He needed to do in His perfect time. So I trusted God to fill me with joy.
And then the motor mount on my car broke. And my car needed new rear brakes. Which cost me $400.
Then my battery died when I was at school.
It was during the car ride to Wal Mart with my dad when I told him that God was calling me to Africa. This led to the cliche' response (seriously, everyone says this) of "Well, it's good that you want to help people. But, there are a lot of people in America who need help, too. Why don't you do some work in America." I always give the person the benefit of the doubt, but I don't blame them for not understanding. Trying to explain what it's like to have a personal relationship with God to someone who doesn't have a personal relationship with God is like trying to tell someone about a word in Spanish that can only be understood if you really know Spanish; I cannot translate what it is like to know God through words or any other means to anyone else. It is not possible.
But the point of that is that God has not called me to help people in America (meaning, my ministry.) At this point in my life, all I know is that God has called me to Uganda.
To think of it, I can't remember when God said "build schools in Uganda for children." I remember when God called me to ministry after I got saved. I remember when God put the concern on my heart for oppressed peoples. I remember when God solidified His desire through Pastors Tony and Mike at my baptism. And I remember when God called me to Uganda through Pastor Scott's open words. But I don't remember when He told me to build schools in Uganda.
A couple of days later, I had to give my dad $120. My bank account was going, "Weeeeeeyooooooooo..." But even though I was feeling depressed, I trusted that God would take care of me like He always had. I said, "Lord, I trust you and I will praise you on the mountain and in the valley."
I have always tithed 10% of my money to God, and God has never allowed me to be so financially burdened that I was flat-out "screwed." Now, you may be thinking, "Well, of course not. He's only 20; what sort of financial garbage could he go through? He lives at home." Well, the answer to that would have to be the fact that I've put over $2000 into my car since I got it, and that it has broken down over 12 times since I've gotten it. Yet not once did it happen when I could not afford to fix it; such was the same with this instance.
So this was all going on and I was feeling really depressed still. I finally asked God what was up, and He said that I needed to drop the apologetics for a while.
I study Christian Apologetics--the defense of Christianity. It is a very difficult field of study, because it requires work with science, social issues, religion and many other fields of study (both generalized and specific.) The reason God told me to drop the apologetics is because I was putting my studying before my God time; it had been a while since I'd REALLY prayed to God. I'd been so busy with school and work and CHURCH SERVICES, MIND YOU, that I wasn't making one-on-one time for Jesus. God basically told me that I needed to get back to the reason why apologetics even matter to me--Jesus.
So since then, I've put down the books, stopped worrying about answering everyone's million-and-one objections, and just gotten back to the heart of worship.
And let me tell you, THAT is when the joy came back into my heart. When I got back to simply fellowshipping with the Lord and worshipping him and stopped worrying about what this guy had to say about the Passion of the Christ or what THIS guy had to say about the "Gospel" of Judas.
Very soon after, God really put on my heart that I needed to call up the family of one of the brothers at church. Part of me was afrraid/didn't want to do so (y'know, it's always weird to call someone's house when you don't konw their family.) It was something I had to do, though, and I'm glad I did.
I found out that he has been going through some rough times recently, and because of it, I have been able to really pray earnestly for him and for his family. I'm feeling that God specifically has something for he and I in the future.
Everything written so far has been since this interesting time in my life started. Finally, a very key day happened, which was on Thursday evening (the day before my last day at PHCC.)
I felt particularly full of the spirit of the Lord on Thursday. Normally, I have to make sure there aren't kids causing trouble and whatnot. But that Thursday, I was able to really get into the worship and not have to worry about anything.
Pastor Scott's sermon was about "dreaming big dreams." The sermon was about Martin Luther King, Jr. (whom I love.) He was talking about how Dr. King had to face harsh adversity in answering God's call for his life. He received over 50 death threats every day, and was even discouraged by the people who were close to him.
Dr. King held strong to his dream--the dream the Lord had given to him--though. He held on so strongly that he died for it.
So the sermon was on God's purpose for your life.
Pastor Scott then talked about how God had put on his heart that God was going to double the size of the youth ministry at church every year for the next five years. It is interesting because when he first told the youth leadership about it a few weeks ago, a young man stood up in church during the alter call and called for people to boldly come up and accept Christ. And unheard of 20+ kids answered the alter call that night. Youth ministry usually has 1 or 2 salvations, if that.
Additionally, it was also interesting that about 8-10 people came up after the Dr. King sermon.
I think God is showing us at church that He's going to do what He said He'd do.
But anyway, back to ME personally.
After service, a brother named Ty, who is moving to England in a few weeks to be a youth minister (it was his last night serving in youth) and I went up to the ice cream social; he paid for me, since I had no cash on me.
We got to talking, and the topic of Uganda came up. He told me that he had gone to Uganda a few years earlier on a mission trip. He said that every 3-or-so years, a church that he's associated with takes a mission trip to Uganda. Also, his wife's brother-in-law (or something -_- ) knows a man who works in full time ministry in Uganda.
So now I know someone who knows someone; Ty will be keeping in touch, and I trust the Lord to let His will be done with the relationship.
A few minutes later, Ty left. Then, I went and sat with a few other people. We got to talking, and a girl named Jessi, who is a missionary and is called to Africa, mentioned something about a sit-in in Tampa. She said it was for an organization called "invisible children" (invisiblechildren.com) and that they were doing a sit-in to bring attention to the situation in UGANDA to President Bush.
I was like, "ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME?! WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT THAT!"
She was like, "What? About invisible children?"
I said, "Yeah! I mean no--Uganda!"
Then we started talking about my calling to go over there, which was generally interesting.
So TODAY I went to invisiblechildren.com (BTW, I totally missed the sit in; had to work >:| ) and read some stuff. Apparently, it's run by 3 college students who went to Uganda and saw the terrible conditions there. They were so shocked that they decided to found the organization to help Uganda and its many, MANY AIDS orphans. A very interesting point on the site, that stuck out to me, was that for Uganda to get up off of its feet, it really needs SCHOOLS FOR ITS PEOPLE.
=D
God is so awesome.