Waiting, waiting.
Midnight passes in a blank stirring of starlight and the faint moon. The street lamps seem to light the clouds with a dull reddish glow. My usual exercises dont satisfy me, as though I could pull weights for an eternity in robotic blind bliss. Seirath was eager for a run. In the paradox my run downhill was 3:12 - the uphill back was 2:57. And still restless.
It won't come. Its now a month since the grip slackened, and its still pending. Where is that lovesick sorrow? Where is that hurt, the release of all that pent up anger? Its gone. Its supposed to be there. I loved her. I cared so much for her, I wanted to hold her and close my eyes and forever sleep. Such gentle thoughts seem like a surreal disjointed bridge. Its not there anymore. If I felt so much, where is that sorrow that comes with letting go?
I fear as if all the frustration, the unfairness, the way she closed herself off to me as I could never do to her its like it has burnt up everything inside. I don't want to be inconsistent, I dont want to become one of those pathetic teenage cliches that utters, "Oh, I never really loved you, I said I did, but I didn't really know what I was saying..." Objectivity dies. Am I only an acolyte in the temple I thought I had mastered?
It won't come. Its now a month since the grip slackened, and its still pending. Where is that lovesick sorrow? Where is that hurt, the release of all that pent up anger? Its gone. Its supposed to be there. I loved her. I cared so much for her, I wanted to hold her and close my eyes and forever sleep. Such gentle thoughts seem like a surreal disjointed bridge. Its not there anymore. If I felt so much, where is that sorrow that comes with letting go?
I fear as if all the frustration, the unfairness, the way she closed herself off to me as I could never do to her its like it has burnt up everything inside. I don't want to be inconsistent, I dont want to become one of those pathetic teenage cliches that utters, "Oh, I never really loved you, I said I did, but I didn't really know what I was saying..." Objectivity dies. Am I only an acolyte in the temple I thought I had mastered?