A little better..
I went back to my house today. I knew my parents wouldn't let me go, and I knew that I HAD to do it alone, so I waited until my dad went to church and then I told mom I needed to borrow the car to go to Kohl's. I managed to find where my dad put my housekeys, and off I went. It really wasn't that bad. I sat there and talked to him for about half an hour, sat right there on the floor where I found him and tried not to look at the stains. I truly believe he was sitting right there on the couch as usual, listening to me. And I think he laughed when I walked in and said "Babe, my dad would KILL me if he knew I was here." I gathered some stuff I wanted, and some stuff that I need to give people at the funeral. Gary wanted a few of his Zippos, and I'm going to give The Other Madeline (his ex) the poem she wrote for him this summer. I opened a few windows to air the place out. I really do think that I'll be OK living there again eventually. All I wanted was to crawl into our bed and sleep, but I didn't because I knew my family would worry. So then I went to Kohls so that I wasn't lying. :)