Apr 11, 2009 09:28
Tell Me - Josh Wilson
Tell me again, tell me again, tell me
Tell me again, our redemption story
Tell me again, tell me again, would you please
I never get tired, never tire of hearing
The way that you care for the worn and weary
I never get tired, hearing how you set us free
So would you please, oh please
Tell me how that you love me like a Father
Tell me that You call us sons and daughters
Tell me how you make a broken world redeemed
Oh please, tell me
Doesn't make sense, doesn't make sense to me
You give me all your love when I shouldn't get any
Doesn't make sense, doesn't make any sense to me
I'm the worst one, I'm the one who's wondering
Why have I been, have I been forgiven
I'm the worst one, wondering why you set us free
But if you say we're free
Then we are free
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Yeah, I think the redemption story doesn't make sense to me. I watched The Passion of Christ at FOCUS last night and the whole time I just kept asking myself, WHY in the world would God do something like that? To send His beloved and most precious Son to die on the cross? WHY in the world would JESUS choose to embrace the cross? To allow Himself to be flogged, spat at, mocked and scorned at, to carry that heavy cross, to be nailed to it? I mean, in my head I know the answer but my heart is just screaming, no, that's impossible, I don't have a God that big. I don't have a God that loves that much. I DON'T deserve this, not at all. The physical and mental battle against evil, manifested in pain, fatigue, wounds, weakness, Jesus didn't have to go through it at all, not for me, not for anyone on Earth, because we ALL don't deserve it.
But that's when we TRULY understand the meaning of grace. Free and unmerited favour of God.
I think there's just this deep-rooted sense of condemnation in me, how I don't love myself and think I'm so undeserving and unworthy to the point where I want to reject any goodness that is bestowed upon me, if I can. I've felt undeserving all this time with Daniel; ask him how many times I asked him to move on without me, to look for another girl who is way better than I am. And during my reflection of the movie, I realized that for me there are 3 possible responses:
1. Think the message in the movie is just fiction and untrue; doesn't affect me, doesn't change my life.
2. Receive God's message of love and grace and let His love and the cross change me.
3. Reject God's message of love and grace because I don't deserve it.
But Option 3 is really an irony, because it's precisely because I don't deserve it that it's called grace.
I guess in this season, of all the things I'm learning, is to really learn to receive God's love with my heart, not just the head, but more so the heart, and let His love transform me from inside out. Honestly, after watching the movie, I just wondered to myself, how can I even go on with life like that, now having visually seen the suffering and shame Jesus endured for mankind? How can I take this gift of salvation for granted, and/or keep this gift to myself? How can anyone, really?
Everyone's got to hear of this great story of love.
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