not about 9/11
I decided that I am not going to post about sept 11th. I post about it every year and it just makes me upset. There are a lot of reasons why, and I am sorry to say that they are selfish. I remember where I was when it happened and I feel sad because I will never be there again or with that person. I miss the person, I miss the time, and I miss being the person I was--full of the potential energy of idiotic youth, not yet fitted onto a track, with all of my dreams ahead of be.
That being said, I think that right now is one of the best times of my life. I enjoy my job and have enough money to be stable (though not extravagent). I live alone, and have all the alone time that I could want, yet I always have the option of going out if I feel the urge. My writing is finally taking a shape that I can be proud of, and can sell without feeling sheepish. And although I'm not the Craig of youth, with dreams of fame and changing the world, I think that I''ve turned out alright. I'm not changing the world, but I do make a difference.
But who am I? I feel that there are so many version of me "the artist-teacher-clown-philosopher-sports junkie-geek - introvert-extrovert-new ager-skeptic-hippie-brute" that I don't know who I am on the inside. The easy answer would be that I am all of them, but like I said, that's an easy answer.
Every life is a microcasm for the universe, and I think that once we get past our own perceptions, there is a universal truth to all of reality. I think that truth is the closest we have to a god. i also think that there is a "true craig" that all of these other craigs are just facets of. Then the 'true craig' would be my own god.
Does this make sense? I don't know if its coming out right. i don't know why I should care. I spend too much time trying to think great thoughts and not enough time trying to do great things.
I think I was able to stay away from Sept 11th pretty well today. I have the next two days off for rosh hashanna but i could not afford tickets to temple, nor do I really want to go. But last year i did not take off and my mom got kvetchy. I feel that i should be more religious, but my beliefs dont match up with judaism enough for me to feel comfortable going on a regular basis.
I think that I will just worship Truth
That being said, I think that right now is one of the best times of my life. I enjoy my job and have enough money to be stable (though not extravagent). I live alone, and have all the alone time that I could want, yet I always have the option of going out if I feel the urge. My writing is finally taking a shape that I can be proud of, and can sell without feeling sheepish. And although I'm not the Craig of youth, with dreams of fame and changing the world, I think that I''ve turned out alright. I'm not changing the world, but I do make a difference.
But who am I? I feel that there are so many version of me "the artist-teacher-clown-philosopher-sports junkie-geek - introvert-extrovert-new ager-skeptic-hippie-brute" that I don't know who I am on the inside. The easy answer would be that I am all of them, but like I said, that's an easy answer.
Every life is a microcasm for the universe, and I think that once we get past our own perceptions, there is a universal truth to all of reality. I think that truth is the closest we have to a god. i also think that there is a "true craig" that all of these other craigs are just facets of. Then the 'true craig' would be my own god.
Does this make sense? I don't know if its coming out right. i don't know why I should care. I spend too much time trying to think great thoughts and not enough time trying to do great things.
I think I was able to stay away from Sept 11th pretty well today. I have the next two days off for rosh hashanna but i could not afford tickets to temple, nor do I really want to go. But last year i did not take off and my mom got kvetchy. I feel that i should be more religious, but my beliefs dont match up with judaism enough for me to feel comfortable going on a regular basis.
I think that I will just worship Truth