Take A Fall ; KameDa
Take A Fall ; KameDa
PG-13 | 5279 words
It was a stumble that brought them together. It was a fall that brought him back.
Warnings: slight angst, AU
▶written for marlenem during this year's je_otherworlds. ♥
▶as always, big thanks to kyjr,alternatejess and alienashi for their invaluable help. You girls are simply amazing, thank you so much ♥
▶wrote this fic while listening to After The Fall by the Cary Brothers.
I. (Shined your light. It's burning out)
Ueda remembered the first time he met Kamenashi. All coiffed black hair and dark eyeliner rimming his eyes. The man walked through the bar with a confidence that Ueda admired and a smile that was as cocky as it was appealing.
One could not help gravitating to such a presence. It was as if Kamenashi was gravity itself, sucking Ueda in with every step towards the bar counter. Ueda kept to his seat, even though he could feel his feet slowly moving closer with every second he knew Kamenashi was in the room. He was just a simple singer in a bar full of people whose very voices drowned his out every night, singing on a little stage by the side of the bar.
No one ever noticed him singing and he suspected no one even knew that he was there.
Ueda, after all, was still a nobody, just a singer singing in a bar. While Kamenashi had women and men alike trying to strike up a conversation with him every night.
A nobody does not simply talk to a somebody. That’s just not how things work.
II. (I'll give you a head start)
Ueda remembered the night he found out about what Kamenashi does for a living. Which was also the same night he found out Kamenashi’s name.
It was a complete accident that Ueda stumbled into the dressing room, trying to look for a spare microphone since the one he was supposed to be using was faulty.
He caught Nakamaru, the bartender, leaning over a man who looked just a few years younger than him. They both jumped a little when he crashed open the door and there was a brief moment of awkward silence before Ueda bowed and without a word, promptly backtracked his way out of the room.
He soon found another microphone in the room next door and went back up to perform. None of the guests even looked up when he started singing again. He figured none of them even knew he left. He did not mind though, he was happy as long as he could sing.
It was not always this way, he remembered the first week of his performance and how disheartened he was at the turnout for his debut. Looking back, he did not really do much publicity for it, so no wonder.
At that time, it was Nakamaru that kept him back, pushed a bottle of beer into his hands and said that he needed this, that it was on the house. Ueda accepted it without a word. Beside him, he could hear Nakamaru going on and on about how great Ueda’s performance was and he recalled snorting at that comment.
“No seriously! You are really good!” Nakamaru had said earnestly. “Please do stay and perform more. I’m sure the crowd will notice you sooner or later with your talent.”
Ueda did not know whether it was the alcohol in his stomach or just the need to have someone verify his worth but he accepted Nakamaru’s request, turning up every Friday to perform one or two of his self-composed songs. There were moments where he would receive claps after his performance and that was probably what made Ueda come again the very next week.
*
Nakamaru had cornered him that particular Friday night after he had finished singing a song titled ‘Love in snow’.
“It’s not what it looks like.” Nakamaru looked pretty worried Ueda noticed, even though he had said nothing, busying himself instead with putting his guitar back into its case. “Really!”
“I didn’t say anything, in case you haven’t noticed,” Ueda pointed out as he hung the guitar over a shoulder and moved to walk past Nakamaru, only to have the guy block his path yet again.
“Serious! It’s just that Kame was injured, I was just helping him put gauze on his wounds.”
“Kame?” Ueda repeated. So that was his name?
“Yeah, Kame. Kamenashi Kazuya, actually, but we all call him Kame around here.” Kamenashi Kazuya, there was a nice ring to it and Ueda silently muttered it under his breath, trying to get a feel of saying it on his tongue.
It took a moment for Ueda to realize that he was not moving at all and Nakamaru had long dropped his hand. Looking around, he grabbed a seat and sat on it, placing his guitar by his feet.
“You said he was injured. How?” Ueda’s interest was piqued now. Kamenashi. Kame. Kazuya. The words kept circling around his head and he mentally swatted them away whilst trying to keep a poker face on the outside.
Nakamaru hesitated, “Well, I don’t know if I should be saying this-”
“Spill.”
“Well, Kame’s something of a modern day Robin Hood. You know the guy who robs the rich to give the poor?” Nakamaru explained, all the while still looking a little hesitant about telling Ueda all this.
“So you’re saying he steals stuff?” Wow, who knew?
“He only does it to help others! He keeps only a small morsel for himself, everything else he gives to random charities and sometimes the homeless on the street.” Nakamaru frantically replied, waving a hand to Taguchi who was helping out at the bar today to help serve the customers who were wating for their order. “We all have nothing to fear because we know Kame won’t come for us. Only the rich who flaunt their wealth have something to fear. His reasons are noble, that’s why we all help him whenever we can.”
“Oh, I see.” Ueda pursed his lips as he thought about what he had just learnt about Kamenashi. A thief with a noble cause, somehow that just made Ueda respect for the guy grow. He tried to stifle a laugh at the absurdity of it and only succeeded in making Nakamaru throw him weird looks over his shoulder as he made his way back to the counter.
“So you’re okay with that? What I just told you about Kame?” Nakamaru asked once again, when Ueda was bidding them all goodnight and just about to head out of the door.
“Yeah. I’m so poor; moths are planning on taking up permanent residence in my wallet. I’ve no reason to fear him and what he does is of no concern to me.” Ueda could see Nakamaru’s shoulders sagging in relief and he bid them goodnight once again before heading out to the cold and frigid night.
Nakamaru seemed to care a lot for Kamenashi, Ueda mused. He briefly wondered what it would be like, having a friend that cared for you so deeply, and shook his head to chase that thought away. The night was cold enough; there was no need for his negativity to bring the temperature down any lower than it already is.
III. (No regrets. Just circumstance)
Ueda remembered the first time he talked to Kamenashi. It was all thanks to a stumble and a flight of stairs.
It was another usual night. Ueda had performed to an audience more interested in their dinner than in what he was singing. Halfway through the second stanza, he noticed Kamenashi coming in and heading straight to where Nakamaru was.
Looking around as he sang he noticed that the people here were not exactly what you would call high society people, and he wondered just how many had Kamenashi helped. They may not even know it themselves, since Nakamaru said that Kamenashi donates his loot to charity.
He was soon finished with his song and after packing up, made his way down the stage. Only, somehow, he missed the last step and was just about to high-five the floor with his face when he felt somebody steadying him.
“Whoa. Careful!” Ueda looked up into a pair of brown eyes outlined by black eyeliner. He was momentarily dazed and it took him a few heartbeats to realize just whose arms he was in. His eyes widened and he frantically tried to push himself away which only succeeded in him toppling over to the other side. A pair of arms encircled him and steadied him as he tried to fight off the vertigo.
“I said careful,” Kamenashi chuckled. Ueda averted his gaze, instead concentrating on the floor as he pushed himself away - slowly this time - and went to pick up his guitar which had fallen down together with him. After checking to make sure that there were no scratches on it, he turned to Kamenashi, bowed slightly to say thank you and hurriedly walked away to save himself from more embarrassment than was necessary.
“Hey, wait!” Oh no, now what? “Wait up!”
Ueda stopped and turned around to see Kamenashi hurriedly walking over to where he was with a bright smile on his face. He could see how the guy had so many people around him charmed already.
“You’re the singer right?” Ueda nodded and his grip on his guitar strap tightened. What was Kamenashi trying to do? “Cool! I’ve always loved the songs you sing, especially the one about a love that’s like the snow. They’re all really good.”
Ueda blinked, trying to digest what Kamenashi had just said. Someone actually really listened to his songs?
“Uh…” He opened his mouth and tried to think of something to say but the only words that came out were “thank you I guess?”
Kamenashi stared at him for a little while before he burst out laughing. Taguchi and Nakamaru turned from where they were working and smiled.
“Told you he was cute,” Ueda huffed at Nakamaru’s comment. Cute? Since when did Nakamaru think he was cute?
Kamenashi raised a hand, his smile still in place and if it were possible, even brighter than before. “The name’s Kame.”
“Yeah I-” Ueda coughed a little before he could complete his sentence and tell Kamenashi - Kame - that he already knew what his name was before they had even met. Raising his own hand to accept Kame’s for a handshake, he answered. “Ueda Tatsuya.”
“You’ll be coming here every Friday right?” Another nod, another step closer to the door. “Great! I’ll be looking forward to it.”
Ueda’s hand stopped on the door handle mid-push. That’s the first time anybody, besides Nakamaru because that time does not count, told him that they like to hear him sing. Ueda turned back once more, this time looking Kame in the eyes and answered with a smile he could finally feel.
“Thank you. Thank you very much.”
*
A week passed and Ueda found himself looking forward to Friday more so than ever before. For the first time, Ueda actually felt so much anticipation to perform that there was a dull ache in his chest, silently pleading for Friday to come along quicker.
On Friday, Ueda walked into the bar as he always would at a quarter past six and as per usual there would only be the few odd customers here and there. He could see Taguchi talking to the few customers there and with a brief scan around the bar, he could see that Nakamaru was not here yet which was not surprising either. The guy always seemed to be late but then again, he was the boss of this bar so he could be as late as he wanted.
Heaving his guitar higher on his shoulder, he walked straight to the spare room they offered to him as a practice room. He said hi to Taguchi as he walked past and Ueda could see his eyes widen before he replied with a huge grin.
“Hi to you too, Uepi!” Ueda bit back a smile at the nickname Taguchi had given him the first time they had ever met. In return, Taguchi once told Ueda that he could call him Junno but Ueda still called him Taguchi and he did not seem to mind.
In the practice room, with his guitar in hand, the hands of the clock seemed to move in a double quick pace and before he knew it an hour had already passed.
As he fine-tuned his guitar one last time before he was due up on stage, he remembered Kame’s words to him,
“Great! I’ll be looking forward to it.” This time, Ueda could not fight down the smile that kept fighting its way out.
He actually listens to me sing, the sentence repeated itself continuously in his head. Maybe the audience are actually listening to me. Maybe I’m not that bad a singer after all.
With each step to the stage Ueda could feel the dull ache in his chest erupt into butterflies, and it was weird because even during his debut he was not as nervous as he was now. Now that he knew someone actually noticed him.
His eyes travelled across the room that night, scanning the ground and in particular, looking for a certain someone. By the bar counter, he could see that Nakamaru had finally came for work, he could see Taguchi serving a young couple by the side too. Ueda frowned, there had to be a mistake. He looked another time and another before he finally gave up.
Kame was not here tonight. So much for waiting for him.
He left the stage that night to barely-there applause and a dull ache in his chest that was totally different from the one he had before.
He learned that night, anticipation only leads to further heartache.
*
“Ueda! Hey, Ueda!” Ignoring Nakamaru’s calls for him, Ueda stalked past the bar counter to the practise room and shut the door. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath to calm himself down.
Turning around, he walked towards to couch and sat down on it. As the couch was facing the door, he noticed a pink piece of paper stuck onto the wall - a post-it. Peeling it off from the wall, Ueda read the note,
I’m sorry I couldn’t make it. Had a prior appointment to meet. I’ll be here next week, wait for me.
Ueda stood by the door, reading and re-reading the little pink post-it which had a messily drawn turtle underneath the note and a date that said that it was written last Friday. He noted that the note was a little dusty. So the note had been behind his door the whole time and Ueda had overlooked the note in his excitement last Friday.
Suddenly, Ueda’s anger felt petty even to him. He was being irrationally angry at Kame even though the guy had already written a note apologising.
“Ueda,” Nakamaru’s voice rang from the other side of the door. “Kame’s here and he’s looking for you.”
*
Ueda found Kame talking to another man by the bar counter. Turning around, Kame spotted him and immediately stood up and with the biggest smile on his face, waved him over.
“Ueda, this is an old friend of mine, Nishikido.” The man named Nishikido stood up and Ueda was slightly glad to realise that the guy was slightly shorter than him. How rare. “Nishikido, this is Ueda.”
They exchanged formalities and they exchanged small talk for a little while. Ueda found out that Nishikido stayed just a few blocks away from this bar and was actually a pretty frequent customer. Ueda also found out that Nishikido had been listening to him sing all this time.
“You’re pretty good for a newbie.” Ueda tried not to bristle at the last part of Nishikido’s comment and instead smiled, thanking him for the compliment.
Before long, it was time for him to go back and get ready to perform but just as he was about to head back to his room, he felt a hand on his shoulders stopping him.
“Wait, I’ve something to tell you.” Ueda found himself dragged to a secluded corner of the bar and with Kame right beside him, suddenly more self-conscious of everything.
Leaning in to Ueda’s ear, Kame whispered. “This Sunday, one o’clock. I’ll meet you by Shibuya’s train station.”
Somehow Ueda felt the need to whisper back although there was nobody in close proximity to them, “What for?”
“You’ll see.” And with a wink and a smirk, Kame walked off leaving a dazed Ueda blinking behind him.
*
“We’re recording a demo?!” Ueda whipped around to stare at Kame wide-eyed after he had told Ueda his plans for the day. Never in his wildest dreams had he dreamt of this happening.
They had both met outside the station and right away, Kame had led him by the hand to a quiet corner of town. The sign read ‘Short & Shorter’ which looked a little dubious to Ueda but Kame seemed quite certain that this was the right place.
“…but why?”
“I meant it when I said that I thought that you were good at singing and I want others to know that too.”
“But how?” Questions seemed to be the only thing Ueda could say for now. Kame only took Ueda by the shoulders and led him into the studio.
“I have my ways,” he sang, but when coughed a little when Ueda turned to pin him with a glare. “Erm, actually I just asked Nishikido to lend me his studio for a day.”
“And he agreed?”
“He owes me many favours; he’s just repaying one of them by letting me use this.” Kame explained as Ueda traced his fingers over the many buttons on the studio, a part of him still not quite believing that this was happening.
“Alright, let’s get started shall we?” Kame beamed as he gently pushed Ueda into the recording room. Ueda chuckled a little at Kame’s eagerness to get things going and let himself be pushed into the room.
After they were finished recording Ueda’s demo, they both sat on the chairs outside the recording room and listened to Ueda’s song. It was a slow soothing song told from the perspective of a girl and Ueda could see Kame smiling as he listened to the song.
There was a certain faraway look in his eyes. It was as if his spirit was not here, though his body obviously was and Ueda wondered just what Kame was thinking about.
“What were you thinking about?” Ueda leaned towards Kame and asked.
Yes, and Tactful was his middle name.
Kame jolted a little and turned to Ueda, shaking his head slightly. “No, it’s nothing. I was just thinking about a senior of mine.” He said nothing after that and Ueda did not pursue the question.
They fell into another one of those moments of silence that somehow felt comfortable to Ueda; he did not feel the need to fill it with mindless blabber and chatter. So he just sat by Kame, quietly watching him as they both listened to the song Ueda had just recorded.
*
Kame volunteered to treat Ueda to a cup of coffee after they were done recording, ’To celebrate the recording of your very first demo.’ he had said with a bright smile as he pulled Ueda into a café not far from the studio.
They talked over coffee and bagel, the smell of coffee finally waking Ueda up after a tiring afternoon. That was also probably why he suddenly felt so chatty.
“I was thinking,” Ueda asked as he took a small sip of his coffee. ““about your senior on the way here. He was a good senior?”
Ueda had to admit that he was curious, just what kind of a man could make Kame look so wistful just now in the studio.
“He was a kind person, always looking out for others. After I graduated and found myself struggling to get a job, he was the only one who helped me.” Ueda noticed that Kame used ‘was’. What exactly happened to that senior of Kame’s?
“So he taught you everything he knew?” Kame nodded.
“And you took over him once he finished teaching you?”
“I was duty bound to take over him when he ‘retired’.” There was a pause before the word ‘retire’ that led Ueda to believe that his senior did not leave the job so easily.
“Retired?”
“He was gunned down during a shoot-out. Seven to one, he stood no chance and the worse thing was, I was there but I did nothing to help him.” A tip of Kame’s lips turned up in mirth. Underneath the hair covering his eyes, Ueda thought that he saw Kame’s eyes shining and without conscious thought - even though they were still in the café - leaned forward to pulled Kame into a hug. “All I did was hide behind the dumpster.”
“You were barely an adult then, it’s not your fault.”
Kame did not fight him, instead leaning in and clutching onto Ueda’s sleeve as his shoulders shook to his silent sobs.
To be very honest, it was a little frightening. That a man like Kame could also be so human.
“I get so angry at myself sometimes,” Ueda could hear Kame whisper against his shoulder after he managed to catch his breath. “I’ll ask myself at night, ‘Why didn’t I do anything? Why?’”
“I’m sure your senior would not have wanted you to intervene.” Ueda reassured Kame, rubbing a hand down his back. He could hear Kame’s breathing slowly go back to normal.
“And what if he had? What if he was waiting for me to help him? He could have survived, Ueda.”
“Yes he could have, but that was years ago, and I don’t think he would be happy seeing you like this.” Kame said nothing after that, only continued to rest his head against Ueda’s shoulder.
After a while, Kame took a deep breath and slowly pushed himself out of Ueda’s arms. His eyes were still red but at least he had stopped crying.
“You okay?”
“Yeah,” Kame mumbled, pressing the bottom of his palm against his eye. “Yeah, I’m good.”
“You sure?”
Kame nodded his head, a smile already back on his face and Ueda noticed that it did not - could not - reach his eyes. “Come on, let’s go home.”
*
Kame had called him for the first time that night, it was close to midnight and Ueda was already in bed. He was just about to fall asleep when his phone rang and he jumped out of bed just to answer it.
“…Hello?”
“Ueda?” The voice on the phone was unfamiliar to him and yet he felt like he should have been able to recognise it. “It’s me, Kame.”
Ah, yes.
“Is there anything you called me for?”
“I couldn’t fall asleep. Talk to me?” Ueda could hear the silent ‘please’ at the end and at that moment, maybe it was the signal acting up but Kame sounded close to tears again. Ueda remembered what Kame said about him thinking too much at night.
“Okay, what’d you want to talk about?” They ended up talking about nothing in particular. They talked about Nakamaru’s bar, about the patrons who frequent it and speculated about whether Nakamaru was dating his fellow bartender. They talked about Ueda’s demo and how Kame was so sure that it’ll sell millions and Ueda just told him to shut up. They talked about everything except Kame’s job. At the end of their conversation, when it was about three in the morning and Ueda’s phone battery was about to die, Kame asked him one last question.
“Ueda, what’d you think about what I do for a living?” Ueda paused and hummed. He thought about all the answers he could give but in the end, he thought that honesty was probably what Kame wanted right now.
“Honestly, I think that it is dangerous and risky. You could get yourself killed if you keep this up. But I respect your choices if you want to continue doing whatever you are doing right now.”
“So you’re worried about me.” Ueda could just about hear the smirk on Kame’s face and he rolled his eyes in reply even though he knew Kame would not be able to see it.
There was silence again and Ueda was just about to wish the other good night when Kame suddenly said, “Thank you, now I’m sure of what to do.”
“…and what exactly is that?”
“The right thing, of course. Now, good night!” Ueda briefly wondered just what was Kame talking about but it was already three in the morning and he could feel the gravity of his bed increasing all of a sudden. He wished the other goodnight as well and stumbled his way to bed.
He’d think more on what Kame had told him later, after the sun came up.
*
Kame did not visit the bar for three weeks after that and the many emails Ueda sent him were unanswered.
“The right thing, of course.” Ueda wondered if he should have clarified with Kame just what he meant by that. Maybe he would have an idea on just what he is doing right now.
For the first time, Ueda found himself unable to sing in front of the audience and for once, he was glad that none of them noticed him leaving the stage after three attempts at trying to sing through his tears.
IV. (Talk to you after the fall)
Ueda remembered the first time he paid a visit to Kame’s house and everything that came after.
It had been weeks since Ueda had seen him. Ever since Nakamaru had passed him the message that Kame had gotten shot in a shoot-out. He recalled how everything seemed to be this distant haze with only the words 'shot' ringing in his ears.
“Kame…shot?” Ueda asked, not believing what his ears have just heard. It’s not true, it's not true, he whispered to himself, trying to make himself believe.
“He’s fine though, he slipped on a puddle and they missed his heart. It went into his left arm instead.” Ueda noticed that Nakamaru had left out how Kame had managed to escape the shoot-out but he still released a deep long breath at the reassuring news. He felt like he could finally breath normally again. “He’s recuperating at home now and if he asks you how you knew about it, just don’t tell him I was the one who told you.”
Ueda thanked Nakamaru and as he left the bar that night, he felt a hand patting him on the shoulder.
"Take care of him for us." Nakamaru requested and Ueda did not know what to say in return. In the end, the only thing he did was to nod and be on his way.
On the way over to Kame's apartment, he thought over what to say. He considered scolding Kame for worrying him so much but that would be selfish of him. In the end he thought of nothing and figured that he'll think of something after he saw Kame in the flesh.
*
Ueda had used the spare keys he had found to open the doors and he made his way to Kame's bedroom only to find him sound asleep.
Ueda moved from the door and sat down by the side of the bed, taking care not to jostle Kame too much for fear of opening his wounds again. Kame was still sleeping, his features serene and Ueda is once again left wonderstruck at how much Kame had gone through and yet here he was.
Taking out his phone, he texted a brief thank you message to Nakamaru for telling him where Kame stayed and where he hid his spare keys - underneath the rug. Predictable, he mouthed as he opened the door with a soft ‘click’.
Lifting a limp hand, Ueda closed his eyes and brought it to his cheek. Rubbing it against his face, he breathed in the scent that was uniquely Kame.
"Mrmph...?" Ueda opened his eyes when he heard Kame murmuring and immediately placed the hand down, gently of course.
"You okay?" Ueda asked as soon as Kame opened his eyes.
Kame tried to laugh at his eagerness but winced when it must have pulled on his wounds. "Not exactly fantastic right now but I'll live."
Propping a hand behind Kame’s back, Ueda gently pushed him up. Pouring a cup of water, he brought it to Kame’s lips and watched as the man drank it slowly.
“How did you know?” Kame asked once he had drunk enough. Ueda shrugged and busied himself with unpacking the fruits he had bought along the way. “It was Nakamaru wasn’t it?”
Ueda shrugged again and beside him, he heard Kame give a sigh as he leaned back against the wall behind him. Neither of them said anything to relieve the silence that was growing with every passing second. Picking up an apple to peel, Ueda looked up and caught Kame staring at him. He quickly averted his eyes, looking down at his apple.
“You’ve nothing to ask me?” Kame finally asked, breaking the silence.
Ueda shook his head. No.
“No? None at all?” Kame asked again and Ueda nodded his head, still not saying anything. He did not really trust himself to say what was right at that very moment. It took him awhile to realise how badly his hands were shaking, the apples were coming off in chunks instead of just the skin.
“I was…” Ueda took a deep breath, steadying himself. “so afraid that something bad had happened to you and then Nakamaru came and told me you got shot and you ask me if I have anything in particular that I want to ask you?”
“Yes, because I know you have questions. So ask, I’ll answer them.”
Ueda stopped peeling the apple - it was looking pretty mutilated already - and passed what was left of it to Kame who accepted it with his good hand. Turning back, he was about to open his mouth to ask a question when Kame interrupted him, “Just so you know, I got a job at a supermarket already. Got it last week.”
Ueda whipped around, stunned. “Then what about….”
“I’ve retired from it. Did so last week as well.” It turned out Kame had already given up on robbing people by the time the police caught up to him. Kame laughed at that and Ueda could not help but join in even though it was not particularly funny; at least Kame was better now.
“Wait, I do have a question,” Ueda asked after Kame had finished his apple. He tilted his head, silently waiting for Ueda to go on. “I’m not one of the rich so why did you come for me?”
Kame stared; Ueda could tell that he was utterly confused at his question. “Huh, what do you mean? I took nothing from you.”
“My heart. You took my heart.” He could see Kame’s eyes darken at his answer and the man sat up again, slowly raising a hand and gently placing it over Ueda’s chest where his heart would be.
“And do you want it back?” Kame asked while staring at Ueda and this time, Ueda stared back.
“No. Keep it, it’s all yours.”
PG-13 | 5279 words
It was a stumble that brought them together. It was a fall that brought him back.
Warnings: slight angst, AU
▶written for marlenem during this year's je_otherworlds. ♥
▶as always, big thanks to kyjr,alternatejess and alienashi for their invaluable help. You girls are simply amazing, thank you so much ♥
▶wrote this fic while listening to After The Fall by the Cary Brothers.
I. (Shined your light. It's burning out)
Ueda remembered the first time he met Kamenashi. All coiffed black hair and dark eyeliner rimming his eyes. The man walked through the bar with a confidence that Ueda admired and a smile that was as cocky as it was appealing.
One could not help gravitating to such a presence. It was as if Kamenashi was gravity itself, sucking Ueda in with every step towards the bar counter. Ueda kept to his seat, even though he could feel his feet slowly moving closer with every second he knew Kamenashi was in the room. He was just a simple singer in a bar full of people whose very voices drowned his out every night, singing on a little stage by the side of the bar.
No one ever noticed him singing and he suspected no one even knew that he was there.
Ueda, after all, was still a nobody, just a singer singing in a bar. While Kamenashi had women and men alike trying to strike up a conversation with him every night.
A nobody does not simply talk to a somebody. That’s just not how things work.
II. (I'll give you a head start)
Ueda remembered the night he found out about what Kamenashi does for a living. Which was also the same night he found out Kamenashi’s name.
It was a complete accident that Ueda stumbled into the dressing room, trying to look for a spare microphone since the one he was supposed to be using was faulty.
He caught Nakamaru, the bartender, leaning over a man who looked just a few years younger than him. They both jumped a little when he crashed open the door and there was a brief moment of awkward silence before Ueda bowed and without a word, promptly backtracked his way out of the room.
He soon found another microphone in the room next door and went back up to perform. None of the guests even looked up when he started singing again. He figured none of them even knew he left. He did not mind though, he was happy as long as he could sing.
It was not always this way, he remembered the first week of his performance and how disheartened he was at the turnout for his debut. Looking back, he did not really do much publicity for it, so no wonder.
At that time, it was Nakamaru that kept him back, pushed a bottle of beer into his hands and said that he needed this, that it was on the house. Ueda accepted it without a word. Beside him, he could hear Nakamaru going on and on about how great Ueda’s performance was and he recalled snorting at that comment.
“No seriously! You are really good!” Nakamaru had said earnestly. “Please do stay and perform more. I’m sure the crowd will notice you sooner or later with your talent.”
Ueda did not know whether it was the alcohol in his stomach or just the need to have someone verify his worth but he accepted Nakamaru’s request, turning up every Friday to perform one or two of his self-composed songs. There were moments where he would receive claps after his performance and that was probably what made Ueda come again the very next week.
*
Nakamaru had cornered him that particular Friday night after he had finished singing a song titled ‘Love in snow’.
“It’s not what it looks like.” Nakamaru looked pretty worried Ueda noticed, even though he had said nothing, busying himself instead with putting his guitar back into its case. “Really!”
“I didn’t say anything, in case you haven’t noticed,” Ueda pointed out as he hung the guitar over a shoulder and moved to walk past Nakamaru, only to have the guy block his path yet again.
“Serious! It’s just that Kame was injured, I was just helping him put gauze on his wounds.”
“Kame?” Ueda repeated. So that was his name?
“Yeah, Kame. Kamenashi Kazuya, actually, but we all call him Kame around here.” Kamenashi Kazuya, there was a nice ring to it and Ueda silently muttered it under his breath, trying to get a feel of saying it on his tongue.
It took a moment for Ueda to realize that he was not moving at all and Nakamaru had long dropped his hand. Looking around, he grabbed a seat and sat on it, placing his guitar by his feet.
“You said he was injured. How?” Ueda’s interest was piqued now. Kamenashi. Kame. Kazuya. The words kept circling around his head and he mentally swatted them away whilst trying to keep a poker face on the outside.
Nakamaru hesitated, “Well, I don’t know if I should be saying this-”
“Spill.”
“Well, Kame’s something of a modern day Robin Hood. You know the guy who robs the rich to give the poor?” Nakamaru explained, all the while still looking a little hesitant about telling Ueda all this.
“So you’re saying he steals stuff?” Wow, who knew?
“He only does it to help others! He keeps only a small morsel for himself, everything else he gives to random charities and sometimes the homeless on the street.” Nakamaru frantically replied, waving a hand to Taguchi who was helping out at the bar today to help serve the customers who were wating for their order. “We all have nothing to fear because we know Kame won’t come for us. Only the rich who flaunt their wealth have something to fear. His reasons are noble, that’s why we all help him whenever we can.”
“Oh, I see.” Ueda pursed his lips as he thought about what he had just learnt about Kamenashi. A thief with a noble cause, somehow that just made Ueda respect for the guy grow. He tried to stifle a laugh at the absurdity of it and only succeeded in making Nakamaru throw him weird looks over his shoulder as he made his way back to the counter.
“So you’re okay with that? What I just told you about Kame?” Nakamaru asked once again, when Ueda was bidding them all goodnight and just about to head out of the door.
“Yeah. I’m so poor; moths are planning on taking up permanent residence in my wallet. I’ve no reason to fear him and what he does is of no concern to me.” Ueda could see Nakamaru’s shoulders sagging in relief and he bid them goodnight once again before heading out to the cold and frigid night.
Nakamaru seemed to care a lot for Kamenashi, Ueda mused. He briefly wondered what it would be like, having a friend that cared for you so deeply, and shook his head to chase that thought away. The night was cold enough; there was no need for his negativity to bring the temperature down any lower than it already is.
III. (No regrets. Just circumstance)
Ueda remembered the first time he talked to Kamenashi. It was all thanks to a stumble and a flight of stairs.
It was another usual night. Ueda had performed to an audience more interested in their dinner than in what he was singing. Halfway through the second stanza, he noticed Kamenashi coming in and heading straight to where Nakamaru was.
Looking around as he sang he noticed that the people here were not exactly what you would call high society people, and he wondered just how many had Kamenashi helped. They may not even know it themselves, since Nakamaru said that Kamenashi donates his loot to charity.
He was soon finished with his song and after packing up, made his way down the stage. Only, somehow, he missed the last step and was just about to high-five the floor with his face when he felt somebody steadying him.
“Whoa. Careful!” Ueda looked up into a pair of brown eyes outlined by black eyeliner. He was momentarily dazed and it took him a few heartbeats to realize just whose arms he was in. His eyes widened and he frantically tried to push himself away which only succeeded in him toppling over to the other side. A pair of arms encircled him and steadied him as he tried to fight off the vertigo.
“I said careful,” Kamenashi chuckled. Ueda averted his gaze, instead concentrating on the floor as he pushed himself away - slowly this time - and went to pick up his guitar which had fallen down together with him. After checking to make sure that there were no scratches on it, he turned to Kamenashi, bowed slightly to say thank you and hurriedly walked away to save himself from more embarrassment than was necessary.
“Hey, wait!” Oh no, now what? “Wait up!”
Ueda stopped and turned around to see Kamenashi hurriedly walking over to where he was with a bright smile on his face. He could see how the guy had so many people around him charmed already.
“You’re the singer right?” Ueda nodded and his grip on his guitar strap tightened. What was Kamenashi trying to do? “Cool! I’ve always loved the songs you sing, especially the one about a love that’s like the snow. They’re all really good.”
Ueda blinked, trying to digest what Kamenashi had just said. Someone actually really listened to his songs?
“Uh…” He opened his mouth and tried to think of something to say but the only words that came out were “thank you I guess?”
Kamenashi stared at him for a little while before he burst out laughing. Taguchi and Nakamaru turned from where they were working and smiled.
“Told you he was cute,” Ueda huffed at Nakamaru’s comment. Cute? Since when did Nakamaru think he was cute?
Kamenashi raised a hand, his smile still in place and if it were possible, even brighter than before. “The name’s Kame.”
“Yeah I-” Ueda coughed a little before he could complete his sentence and tell Kamenashi - Kame - that he already knew what his name was before they had even met. Raising his own hand to accept Kame’s for a handshake, he answered. “Ueda Tatsuya.”
“You’ll be coming here every Friday right?” Another nod, another step closer to the door. “Great! I’ll be looking forward to it.”
Ueda’s hand stopped on the door handle mid-push. That’s the first time anybody, besides Nakamaru because that time does not count, told him that they like to hear him sing. Ueda turned back once more, this time looking Kame in the eyes and answered with a smile he could finally feel.
“Thank you. Thank you very much.”
*
A week passed and Ueda found himself looking forward to Friday more so than ever before. For the first time, Ueda actually felt so much anticipation to perform that there was a dull ache in his chest, silently pleading for Friday to come along quicker.
On Friday, Ueda walked into the bar as he always would at a quarter past six and as per usual there would only be the few odd customers here and there. He could see Taguchi talking to the few customers there and with a brief scan around the bar, he could see that Nakamaru was not here yet which was not surprising either. The guy always seemed to be late but then again, he was the boss of this bar so he could be as late as he wanted.
Heaving his guitar higher on his shoulder, he walked straight to the spare room they offered to him as a practice room. He said hi to Taguchi as he walked past and Ueda could see his eyes widen before he replied with a huge grin.
“Hi to you too, Uepi!” Ueda bit back a smile at the nickname Taguchi had given him the first time they had ever met. In return, Taguchi once told Ueda that he could call him Junno but Ueda still called him Taguchi and he did not seem to mind.
In the practice room, with his guitar in hand, the hands of the clock seemed to move in a double quick pace and before he knew it an hour had already passed.
As he fine-tuned his guitar one last time before he was due up on stage, he remembered Kame’s words to him,
“Great! I’ll be looking forward to it.” This time, Ueda could not fight down the smile that kept fighting its way out.
He actually listens to me sing, the sentence repeated itself continuously in his head. Maybe the audience are actually listening to me. Maybe I’m not that bad a singer after all.
With each step to the stage Ueda could feel the dull ache in his chest erupt into butterflies, and it was weird because even during his debut he was not as nervous as he was now. Now that he knew someone actually noticed him.
His eyes travelled across the room that night, scanning the ground and in particular, looking for a certain someone. By the bar counter, he could see that Nakamaru had finally came for work, he could see Taguchi serving a young couple by the side too. Ueda frowned, there had to be a mistake. He looked another time and another before he finally gave up.
Kame was not here tonight. So much for waiting for him.
He left the stage that night to barely-there applause and a dull ache in his chest that was totally different from the one he had before.
He learned that night, anticipation only leads to further heartache.
*
“Ueda! Hey, Ueda!” Ignoring Nakamaru’s calls for him, Ueda stalked past the bar counter to the practise room and shut the door. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath to calm himself down.
Turning around, he walked towards to couch and sat down on it. As the couch was facing the door, he noticed a pink piece of paper stuck onto the wall - a post-it. Peeling it off from the wall, Ueda read the note,
I’m sorry I couldn’t make it. Had a prior appointment to meet. I’ll be here next week, wait for me.
Ueda stood by the door, reading and re-reading the little pink post-it which had a messily drawn turtle underneath the note and a date that said that it was written last Friday. He noted that the note was a little dusty. So the note had been behind his door the whole time and Ueda had overlooked the note in his excitement last Friday.
Suddenly, Ueda’s anger felt petty even to him. He was being irrationally angry at Kame even though the guy had already written a note apologising.
“Ueda,” Nakamaru’s voice rang from the other side of the door. “Kame’s here and he’s looking for you.”
*
Ueda found Kame talking to another man by the bar counter. Turning around, Kame spotted him and immediately stood up and with the biggest smile on his face, waved him over.
“Ueda, this is an old friend of mine, Nishikido.” The man named Nishikido stood up and Ueda was slightly glad to realise that the guy was slightly shorter than him. How rare. “Nishikido, this is Ueda.”
They exchanged formalities and they exchanged small talk for a little while. Ueda found out that Nishikido stayed just a few blocks away from this bar and was actually a pretty frequent customer. Ueda also found out that Nishikido had been listening to him sing all this time.
“You’re pretty good for a newbie.” Ueda tried not to bristle at the last part of Nishikido’s comment and instead smiled, thanking him for the compliment.
Before long, it was time for him to go back and get ready to perform but just as he was about to head back to his room, he felt a hand on his shoulders stopping him.
“Wait, I’ve something to tell you.” Ueda found himself dragged to a secluded corner of the bar and with Kame right beside him, suddenly more self-conscious of everything.
Leaning in to Ueda’s ear, Kame whispered. “This Sunday, one o’clock. I’ll meet you by Shibuya’s train station.”
Somehow Ueda felt the need to whisper back although there was nobody in close proximity to them, “What for?”
“You’ll see.” And with a wink and a smirk, Kame walked off leaving a dazed Ueda blinking behind him.
*
“We’re recording a demo?!” Ueda whipped around to stare at Kame wide-eyed after he had told Ueda his plans for the day. Never in his wildest dreams had he dreamt of this happening.
They had both met outside the station and right away, Kame had led him by the hand to a quiet corner of town. The sign read ‘Short & Shorter’ which looked a little dubious to Ueda but Kame seemed quite certain that this was the right place.
“…but why?”
“I meant it when I said that I thought that you were good at singing and I want others to know that too.”
“But how?” Questions seemed to be the only thing Ueda could say for now. Kame only took Ueda by the shoulders and led him into the studio.
“I have my ways,” he sang, but when coughed a little when Ueda turned to pin him with a glare. “Erm, actually I just asked Nishikido to lend me his studio for a day.”
“And he agreed?”
“He owes me many favours; he’s just repaying one of them by letting me use this.” Kame explained as Ueda traced his fingers over the many buttons on the studio, a part of him still not quite believing that this was happening.
“Alright, let’s get started shall we?” Kame beamed as he gently pushed Ueda into the recording room. Ueda chuckled a little at Kame’s eagerness to get things going and let himself be pushed into the room.
After they were finished recording Ueda’s demo, they both sat on the chairs outside the recording room and listened to Ueda’s song. It was a slow soothing song told from the perspective of a girl and Ueda could see Kame smiling as he listened to the song.
There was a certain faraway look in his eyes. It was as if his spirit was not here, though his body obviously was and Ueda wondered just what Kame was thinking about.
“What were you thinking about?” Ueda leaned towards Kame and asked.
Yes, and Tactful was his middle name.
Kame jolted a little and turned to Ueda, shaking his head slightly. “No, it’s nothing. I was just thinking about a senior of mine.” He said nothing after that and Ueda did not pursue the question.
They fell into another one of those moments of silence that somehow felt comfortable to Ueda; he did not feel the need to fill it with mindless blabber and chatter. So he just sat by Kame, quietly watching him as they both listened to the song Ueda had just recorded.
*
Kame volunteered to treat Ueda to a cup of coffee after they were done recording, ’To celebrate the recording of your very first demo.’ he had said with a bright smile as he pulled Ueda into a café not far from the studio.
They talked over coffee and bagel, the smell of coffee finally waking Ueda up after a tiring afternoon. That was also probably why he suddenly felt so chatty.
“I was thinking,” Ueda asked as he took a small sip of his coffee. ““about your senior on the way here. He was a good senior?”
Ueda had to admit that he was curious, just what kind of a man could make Kame look so wistful just now in the studio.
“He was a kind person, always looking out for others. After I graduated and found myself struggling to get a job, he was the only one who helped me.” Ueda noticed that Kame used ‘was’. What exactly happened to that senior of Kame’s?
“So he taught you everything he knew?” Kame nodded.
“And you took over him once he finished teaching you?”
“I was duty bound to take over him when he ‘retired’.” There was a pause before the word ‘retire’ that led Ueda to believe that his senior did not leave the job so easily.
“Retired?”
“He was gunned down during a shoot-out. Seven to one, he stood no chance and the worse thing was, I was there but I did nothing to help him.” A tip of Kame’s lips turned up in mirth. Underneath the hair covering his eyes, Ueda thought that he saw Kame’s eyes shining and without conscious thought - even though they were still in the café - leaned forward to pulled Kame into a hug. “All I did was hide behind the dumpster.”
“You were barely an adult then, it’s not your fault.”
Kame did not fight him, instead leaning in and clutching onto Ueda’s sleeve as his shoulders shook to his silent sobs.
To be very honest, it was a little frightening. That a man like Kame could also be so human.
“I get so angry at myself sometimes,” Ueda could hear Kame whisper against his shoulder after he managed to catch his breath. “I’ll ask myself at night, ‘Why didn’t I do anything? Why?’”
“I’m sure your senior would not have wanted you to intervene.” Ueda reassured Kame, rubbing a hand down his back. He could hear Kame’s breathing slowly go back to normal.
“And what if he had? What if he was waiting for me to help him? He could have survived, Ueda.”
“Yes he could have, but that was years ago, and I don’t think he would be happy seeing you like this.” Kame said nothing after that, only continued to rest his head against Ueda’s shoulder.
After a while, Kame took a deep breath and slowly pushed himself out of Ueda’s arms. His eyes were still red but at least he had stopped crying.
“You okay?”
“Yeah,” Kame mumbled, pressing the bottom of his palm against his eye. “Yeah, I’m good.”
“You sure?”
Kame nodded his head, a smile already back on his face and Ueda noticed that it did not - could not - reach his eyes. “Come on, let’s go home.”
*
Kame had called him for the first time that night, it was close to midnight and Ueda was already in bed. He was just about to fall asleep when his phone rang and he jumped out of bed just to answer it.
“…Hello?”
“Ueda?” The voice on the phone was unfamiliar to him and yet he felt like he should have been able to recognise it. “It’s me, Kame.”
Ah, yes.
“Is there anything you called me for?”
“I couldn’t fall asleep. Talk to me?” Ueda could hear the silent ‘please’ at the end and at that moment, maybe it was the signal acting up but Kame sounded close to tears again. Ueda remembered what Kame said about him thinking too much at night.
“Okay, what’d you want to talk about?” They ended up talking about nothing in particular. They talked about Nakamaru’s bar, about the patrons who frequent it and speculated about whether Nakamaru was dating his fellow bartender. They talked about Ueda’s demo and how Kame was so sure that it’ll sell millions and Ueda just told him to shut up. They talked about everything except Kame’s job. At the end of their conversation, when it was about three in the morning and Ueda’s phone battery was about to die, Kame asked him one last question.
“Ueda, what’d you think about what I do for a living?” Ueda paused and hummed. He thought about all the answers he could give but in the end, he thought that honesty was probably what Kame wanted right now.
“Honestly, I think that it is dangerous and risky. You could get yourself killed if you keep this up. But I respect your choices if you want to continue doing whatever you are doing right now.”
“So you’re worried about me.” Ueda could just about hear the smirk on Kame’s face and he rolled his eyes in reply even though he knew Kame would not be able to see it.
There was silence again and Ueda was just about to wish the other good night when Kame suddenly said, “Thank you, now I’m sure of what to do.”
“…and what exactly is that?”
“The right thing, of course. Now, good night!” Ueda briefly wondered just what was Kame talking about but it was already three in the morning and he could feel the gravity of his bed increasing all of a sudden. He wished the other goodnight as well and stumbled his way to bed.
He’d think more on what Kame had told him later, after the sun came up.
*
Kame did not visit the bar for three weeks after that and the many emails Ueda sent him were unanswered.
“The right thing, of course.” Ueda wondered if he should have clarified with Kame just what he meant by that. Maybe he would have an idea on just what he is doing right now.
For the first time, Ueda found himself unable to sing in front of the audience and for once, he was glad that none of them noticed him leaving the stage after three attempts at trying to sing through his tears.
IV. (Talk to you after the fall)
Ueda remembered the first time he paid a visit to Kame’s house and everything that came after.
It had been weeks since Ueda had seen him. Ever since Nakamaru had passed him the message that Kame had gotten shot in a shoot-out. He recalled how everything seemed to be this distant haze with only the words 'shot' ringing in his ears.
“Kame…shot?” Ueda asked, not believing what his ears have just heard. It’s not true, it's not true, he whispered to himself, trying to make himself believe.
“He’s fine though, he slipped on a puddle and they missed his heart. It went into his left arm instead.” Ueda noticed that Nakamaru had left out how Kame had managed to escape the shoot-out but he still released a deep long breath at the reassuring news. He felt like he could finally breath normally again. “He’s recuperating at home now and if he asks you how you knew about it, just don’t tell him I was the one who told you.”
Ueda thanked Nakamaru and as he left the bar that night, he felt a hand patting him on the shoulder.
"Take care of him for us." Nakamaru requested and Ueda did not know what to say in return. In the end, the only thing he did was to nod and be on his way.
On the way over to Kame's apartment, he thought over what to say. He considered scolding Kame for worrying him so much but that would be selfish of him. In the end he thought of nothing and figured that he'll think of something after he saw Kame in the flesh.
*
Ueda had used the spare keys he had found to open the doors and he made his way to Kame's bedroom only to find him sound asleep.
Ueda moved from the door and sat down by the side of the bed, taking care not to jostle Kame too much for fear of opening his wounds again. Kame was still sleeping, his features serene and Ueda is once again left wonderstruck at how much Kame had gone through and yet here he was.
Taking out his phone, he texted a brief thank you message to Nakamaru for telling him where Kame stayed and where he hid his spare keys - underneath the rug. Predictable, he mouthed as he opened the door with a soft ‘click’.
Lifting a limp hand, Ueda closed his eyes and brought it to his cheek. Rubbing it against his face, he breathed in the scent that was uniquely Kame.
"Mrmph...?" Ueda opened his eyes when he heard Kame murmuring and immediately placed the hand down, gently of course.
"You okay?" Ueda asked as soon as Kame opened his eyes.
Kame tried to laugh at his eagerness but winced when it must have pulled on his wounds. "Not exactly fantastic right now but I'll live."
Propping a hand behind Kame’s back, Ueda gently pushed him up. Pouring a cup of water, he brought it to Kame’s lips and watched as the man drank it slowly.
“How did you know?” Kame asked once he had drunk enough. Ueda shrugged and busied himself with unpacking the fruits he had bought along the way. “It was Nakamaru wasn’t it?”
Ueda shrugged again and beside him, he heard Kame give a sigh as he leaned back against the wall behind him. Neither of them said anything to relieve the silence that was growing with every passing second. Picking up an apple to peel, Ueda looked up and caught Kame staring at him. He quickly averted his eyes, looking down at his apple.
“You’ve nothing to ask me?” Kame finally asked, breaking the silence.
Ueda shook his head. No.
“No? None at all?” Kame asked again and Ueda nodded his head, still not saying anything. He did not really trust himself to say what was right at that very moment. It took him awhile to realise how badly his hands were shaking, the apples were coming off in chunks instead of just the skin.
“I was…” Ueda took a deep breath, steadying himself. “so afraid that something bad had happened to you and then Nakamaru came and told me you got shot and you ask me if I have anything in particular that I want to ask you?”
“Yes, because I know you have questions. So ask, I’ll answer them.”
Ueda stopped peeling the apple - it was looking pretty mutilated already - and passed what was left of it to Kame who accepted it with his good hand. Turning back, he was about to open his mouth to ask a question when Kame interrupted him, “Just so you know, I got a job at a supermarket already. Got it last week.”
Ueda whipped around, stunned. “Then what about….”
“I’ve retired from it. Did so last week as well.” It turned out Kame had already given up on robbing people by the time the police caught up to him. Kame laughed at that and Ueda could not help but join in even though it was not particularly funny; at least Kame was better now.
“Wait, I do have a question,” Ueda asked after Kame had finished his apple. He tilted his head, silently waiting for Ueda to go on. “I’m not one of the rich so why did you come for me?”
Kame stared; Ueda could tell that he was utterly confused at his question. “Huh, what do you mean? I took nothing from you.”
“My heart. You took my heart.” He could see Kame’s eyes darken at his answer and the man sat up again, slowly raising a hand and gently placing it over Ueda’s chest where his heart would be.
“And do you want it back?” Kame asked while staring at Ueda and this time, Ueda stared back.
“No. Keep it, it’s all yours.”