Questions of Life!!!
It has been a really long time since I wrote in this. Not because I didn’t want to but because life has been really trying these last couple of months. So much has gone on that I am not really even sure where to start.
Well, mom has moved out and I once again have the apartment to myself. Most of you already know this so I won’t expand. But ever since she moved out, life has thrown some interesting challenges and questions before me. Many of them I am still struggling to find answers to.
Many of these questions are tied to one very simple fact. I can’t stay in the job that I currently have. I LOVE what I do, but I do not make enough money. I have also recently received a sign that I need to move on as well. This I will touch on in a moment. I keep asking myself why I procrastinate on finding a second job and/or applying for other opportunities that have come up in Ann Arbor. I think it is because I know deep in my heart that I want to move on. I want to move away from Ann Arbor and away from Michigan. But why? I have not found a sense of Family in Ann Arbor. I have not set a base of friends that I can just randomly hang out with or people that I can call and ask a favor of. I am not happy in Ann Arbor. My work with WRAP has masked some of this, but when push came to shove what else is keeping me here but WRAP? Nothing! But to where would I go? I have narrowed down the search to three areas: Chicago, Atlanta, Orlando/Tampa area. I have friends and family in all of those locations and have been to them as well. But, I have also recently met people in two of the three locations with whom I could potentially start a relationship with which has me torn even more. Gosh am I confused. But, I know I must follow my professional destiny and a loving relationship will come either with me or develop once I am there…
I have been asking myself what is FAMILY? I still do not have a definition but I know that my immediate family is very supportive of whatever I do. But family expands beyond your immediate family and relatives. Friends are family and many of you still support me to this day but you to have moved on with life. Most of you are partnered either heterosexually or homosexually. You are building a life for yourself and I am feeling an emptiness inside. Something is not quite complete. Maybe it never will be! I honestly do not know.
Then my medical issues have recently thrown me for a loop as well. I found out that my spinal cord is tethered AGAIN at L5. This means more surgery with very high risks. I mean, potential wheelchair. The rehab is about a month off of work and all when I am mentally ready to move on. Do I wait and not look for a job until after surgery to see if I end up wheelchair bound? Do I move somewhere warmer automatically because the weather in Michigan and Chicago is not condusive to wheelchairs? I can’t do my current job in a wheelchair either.
This is where all of you come in. I need some guidance. I will take all opinions you have even if you are playing the devils advocate. I am lost right now and need really to be set on a path. I am wondering aimlessly in a field of wild flowers and I’m not sure how much longer I can continue. This is poorly written, but at least most of my issues are outlined.. Comment away.. LOL
Well, mom has moved out and I once again have the apartment to myself. Most of you already know this so I won’t expand. But ever since she moved out, life has thrown some interesting challenges and questions before me. Many of them I am still struggling to find answers to.
Many of these questions are tied to one very simple fact. I can’t stay in the job that I currently have. I LOVE what I do, but I do not make enough money. I have also recently received a sign that I need to move on as well. This I will touch on in a moment. I keep asking myself why I procrastinate on finding a second job and/or applying for other opportunities that have come up in Ann Arbor. I think it is because I know deep in my heart that I want to move on. I want to move away from Ann Arbor and away from Michigan. But why? I have not found a sense of Family in Ann Arbor. I have not set a base of friends that I can just randomly hang out with or people that I can call and ask a favor of. I am not happy in Ann Arbor. My work with WRAP has masked some of this, but when push came to shove what else is keeping me here but WRAP? Nothing! But to where would I go? I have narrowed down the search to three areas: Chicago, Atlanta, Orlando/Tampa area. I have friends and family in all of those locations and have been to them as well. But, I have also recently met people in two of the three locations with whom I could potentially start a relationship with which has me torn even more. Gosh am I confused. But, I know I must follow my professional destiny and a loving relationship will come either with me or develop once I am there…
I have been asking myself what is FAMILY? I still do not have a definition but I know that my immediate family is very supportive of whatever I do. But family expands beyond your immediate family and relatives. Friends are family and many of you still support me to this day but you to have moved on with life. Most of you are partnered either heterosexually or homosexually. You are building a life for yourself and I am feeling an emptiness inside. Something is not quite complete. Maybe it never will be! I honestly do not know.
Then my medical issues have recently thrown me for a loop as well. I found out that my spinal cord is tethered AGAIN at L5. This means more surgery with very high risks. I mean, potential wheelchair. The rehab is about a month off of work and all when I am mentally ready to move on. Do I wait and not look for a job until after surgery to see if I end up wheelchair bound? Do I move somewhere warmer automatically because the weather in Michigan and Chicago is not condusive to wheelchairs? I can’t do my current job in a wheelchair either.
This is where all of you come in. I need some guidance. I will take all opinions you have even if you are playing the devils advocate. I am lost right now and need really to be set on a path. I am wondering aimlessly in a field of wild flowers and I’m not sure how much longer I can continue. This is poorly written, but at least most of my issues are outlined.. Comment away.. LOL