RiBadge fic and thoughts.
Hi! So this post is mostly to post my RiBadge fic (THAT'S RIGHT RUTH). It's unfinished but what I have is good and it kinda works as a standalone. Plus I can't remember how I was going to continue :P In any case the fic is for a rec for my RIVER TAM DAY OF AWESOME!!! It's a massive manifesto post - a picspam of my favourite moments, and explanation of why, gifs and recs! :D
But first, thoughts!
- I had a drama social last night which was epic. I did a reading of My Last Duchess and my own poem Daughterhood from Goneril's POV (King Lear). It went down well :D The whole evening was hilarious.
- I really ship Penny and Amy from Big Bang Theory. Really, really ship. :D:D
- Farscape is cracky but good. And the ship is explosive. Can't wait for more!
- Mad Men bores me but I still watch it. If there were more Joan and Peggy and Pete I'd like it more, but no. Sigh.
And now, fic!
Fandom: Firefly.
Title: Fast As You Can
Prompt: Fast As You Can by Fiona Apple, as given by softly_me
Pairing: River/Badger
Synopsis: Since their first meeting, River cannot get Badger out of her head. Scared that he was killed by the Operative, River seeks him out but their liason doesn't go exactly as she plans...
Notes: I spent ages trying to get into River's head and I think I suceeded. Badger was a bit harder though!
Link:
Don’t make no sense. Scrappy man full of secrets and pride and bad things that make my head spin hide them under the rug. He gets inside, into my brain bands, right through my eyes. And he’s always there, waiting coiled sneaky catlike, behind my eyelids until I want to scratch, scratch, scratch get him out but I want more, more of his badness...
Can’t sleep. Lie down, quiet mind. Close my eyes and he’s there. Waiting.
Been this way since I first wandered into his world, dark and shiny, pointy with shame and guilt. He comes into my ship, my home, my serenity. Felt it from miles and miles away, alarm bells clanging warnings through my ears into my head. Had to see, find out what invasion stopped my quiet. Felt him in the corner of my eye, Simon rushing with his rules and constrictions, logic that can’t be quantified, can’t be assimilated. Turned to protect me. Gave me space to listen. Tried to hold back, hold on, but I fell harum scarum into his mind screaming and laughing and crying. Felt his life, his tiny soul under the hat, his deep deep longing under the greed, his wounds under the ego.
And it made me sick.
Pathetic little boyman, come in and prance around, doing a peacock dance. No threat. Just annoyance.
But when I pulled out back into myself some of him stayed. Became part of my mind. Little itch (scratch it), piece of dust but took me over...
Turn to look at him. Show him who he’s dealing with. Rush of courage, touch him, rush of heat. Know him, hurt him, see through all the peacock dance. Just a little boyman.
“Call me f’anyone interesting shows up.”
Wander back to bed, lie down, don’t talk, don’t run, sssshh it’s ok it’s ok. Blood pounding in my head too loud to hear the music, strange feelings coursing through my veins, want to go back, pounce, crush, have, feel him, want him...
Fever doesn’t stop. Just push it down so no-one can see. Gets lost in all the confusion so can’t tell one thought from t’other, I’m sick, I’m bad but I’m getting better. It’s ok until I sleep then he’s waiting and I can’t resist, naughty bad feelings, bad thoughts, bad dreams. I let the beast in too soon now I don’t know how to live without my hand on his throat. We do things, I’m weak can’t resist, then I rule and tower over him and he’s mine for me to play with, then he plays and I’m weak with it again...
Months pass. Near to a year, if I know it. Losses are gained, the rhythm changes, dance moves, dancers leave. I am strong again, less crazy more well. More sense inside my cupboard head. Fly the ship like a dancer, like a leaf, spinning through the atom clouds, make the captain sick.
Then I remember. The Bad One, the one that wanted me, burned out our friends. Anyone who had shown us shelter, kindness... Not that he ever did but we knew. And suddenly my dreams stop. I search for him, scream through the corridors of infinity but I can’t feel him not now not anymore...
We touch down on Persephone and I’m gone. Captain’s talking peacock dance business with the tall fat one. Money’s hard, gotta do harder jobs. I’m not needed, won’t be missed. Kaylee and Simon are doing the love dance in the engine AGAIN. Inara’s heart is aching for Captain, but she stays silent AGAIN. Jayne’s thoughts make me giggle but he’s in his bunk AGAIN. Zoe... Zoe howls, sobs, silent, stands tall next to Captain AGAIN. Wash and PreacherMan are a hole in the world but they watch and I see and smile AGAIN. The beat of the music is normal and fitting but I don’t fit I never do so I run off and no-one sees. My woman’s legs pound beneath me and I grin for their strength. Not a girl anymore. Want someone to see that, to know me as more than the crazy little one, the tiny albatross. Want someone to see ME.
And he will.
Feel him now, pulsing nearer, be alive, please be alive...
Crash into his den and everything is messy and normal, scent of apples invading my head and he’s there he’s THERE all wholesome and healthy and he’s glaring at me and I can feel his blood and WANT HIM...
* * *
Well look at that. Pretty little lady thinks she’s something. Running in like a madwoman seen a ghost.
“Hold up there, luv, don’t wanna slip and smash that pre’y face of yorn...”
But she just stands there, swaying slightly in the light filtering down from the street above.
“What’s your story, sweethear’?”
Something about her fascinates him. Badger jolts back as she reaches out to touch his face. Her fingers are frozen, delicate, and as she caresses his cheek fire shoots from her touch.
“Anyone knows better’n to talk to strangers...” Her voice is a whisper, a laugh. And as she giggles a memory jolts through Badger’s mind.
“Hey, I know you. You’re that creepy girl hangs with Reynolds. Wot chu doin’ all the way out here in the world? Shouldn’t be out here, missy. There’re things might bite.”
He grins his nastiest grin, but inside his heart beats rapidly. Something about her intense yet fragmented gaze unsettles him, don’t sit right in his head. And he don’t like that his dream girl is right here in the real world. Ain’t right. She were just an illusion for years, a scrap from his homeworld, a fantasy woven from a snatch of history.
“Talk real loud, don’cha?” Her accent is flawed, harsh. But she grins at him and he doesn’t care. As she talks, she wanders round his office, touching some things, pushing some things over. He tenses, wanting to tell her off, stop her, but somehow he’s frozen to the spot, mesmerised watching her. “Little man hiding down here from the world, playing Kingpin. A touch of local colour with a fine hat. And that makes you special. Lording it over everyone don’t see through your mask.” Swiftly she turns, is at his side, leaning in to tickle his neck with her breath. “But I do. See right down to the secrets behind your eyes. But they crowd...” Suddenly her voice breaks, her accent falls, she stumbles back looking frantically at the floor. “They crowd into my head and I want them OUT but you won’t get out WILL YOU?!” Her head snaps up to glare at him and she pushes him back. She’s far stronger than she looks.
“Hey, now, don’t wanna rough and tumble, something might get broke...”
“Your words!!” She pushes him again and he falls back onto the desk, afraid now but still entranced. “Your words they crowd into my brain until you’re there always and always and I can’t escape.” Her hand closes around his throat and Badger’s breath catches. He feels excitement coursing through him. He doesn’t care if she kills him, wants her to hurt him, wants her to make him feel. But she gasps, realising what she’s doing, and steps back appalled. “Please get out...” She collapses to the floor. Badger is lost for words.
“Easy now, miss.” He crouches beside her, hand on her shoulder, wanting her better. “Ain’t nought for to cry about. I ain’t in your head, luv. Just calm down.”
“Can’t.”
“Well...”
She looks at him, her eyes frantic. “Scratch me out. Free yourself.” She grabs his hand and presses it to her forehead, hot and clammy. He tries to stay calm.
“Ain’t no scratching. Here, sit.” He guides her to a threadbare chair, sits her down, leans on his desk to gaze at her, baffled. Who was this girl? And why was she here?
---
Hope you enjoyed! And stay tuned for the manifesto :D
~Lili
But first, thoughts!
- I had a drama social last night which was epic. I did a reading of My Last Duchess and my own poem Daughterhood from Goneril's POV (King Lear). It went down well :D The whole evening was hilarious.
- I really ship Penny and Amy from Big Bang Theory. Really, really ship. :D:D
- Farscape is cracky but good. And the ship is explosive. Can't wait for more!
- Mad Men bores me but I still watch it. If there were more Joan and Peggy and Pete I'd like it more, but no. Sigh.
And now, fic!
Fandom: Firefly.
Title: Fast As You Can
Prompt: Fast As You Can by Fiona Apple, as given by softly_me
Pairing: River/Badger
Synopsis: Since their first meeting, River cannot get Badger out of her head. Scared that he was killed by the Operative, River seeks him out but their liason doesn't go exactly as she plans...
Notes: I spent ages trying to get into River's head and I think I suceeded. Badger was a bit harder though!
Link:
Don’t make no sense. Scrappy man full of secrets and pride and bad things that make my head spin hide them under the rug. He gets inside, into my brain bands, right through my eyes. And he’s always there, waiting coiled sneaky catlike, behind my eyelids until I want to scratch, scratch, scratch get him out but I want more, more of his badness...
Can’t sleep. Lie down, quiet mind. Close my eyes and he’s there. Waiting.
Been this way since I first wandered into his world, dark and shiny, pointy with shame and guilt. He comes into my ship, my home, my serenity. Felt it from miles and miles away, alarm bells clanging warnings through my ears into my head. Had to see, find out what invasion stopped my quiet. Felt him in the corner of my eye, Simon rushing with his rules and constrictions, logic that can’t be quantified, can’t be assimilated. Turned to protect me. Gave me space to listen. Tried to hold back, hold on, but I fell harum scarum into his mind screaming and laughing and crying. Felt his life, his tiny soul under the hat, his deep deep longing under the greed, his wounds under the ego.
And it made me sick.
Pathetic little boyman, come in and prance around, doing a peacock dance. No threat. Just annoyance.
But when I pulled out back into myself some of him stayed. Became part of my mind. Little itch (scratch it), piece of dust but took me over...
Turn to look at him. Show him who he’s dealing with. Rush of courage, touch him, rush of heat. Know him, hurt him, see through all the peacock dance. Just a little boyman.
“Call me f’anyone interesting shows up.”
Wander back to bed, lie down, don’t talk, don’t run, sssshh it’s ok it’s ok. Blood pounding in my head too loud to hear the music, strange feelings coursing through my veins, want to go back, pounce, crush, have, feel him, want him...
Fever doesn’t stop. Just push it down so no-one can see. Gets lost in all the confusion so can’t tell one thought from t’other, I’m sick, I’m bad but I’m getting better. It’s ok until I sleep then he’s waiting and I can’t resist, naughty bad feelings, bad thoughts, bad dreams. I let the beast in too soon now I don’t know how to live without my hand on his throat. We do things, I’m weak can’t resist, then I rule and tower over him and he’s mine for me to play with, then he plays and I’m weak with it again...
Months pass. Near to a year, if I know it. Losses are gained, the rhythm changes, dance moves, dancers leave. I am strong again, less crazy more well. More sense inside my cupboard head. Fly the ship like a dancer, like a leaf, spinning through the atom clouds, make the captain sick.
Then I remember. The Bad One, the one that wanted me, burned out our friends. Anyone who had shown us shelter, kindness... Not that he ever did but we knew. And suddenly my dreams stop. I search for him, scream through the corridors of infinity but I can’t feel him not now not anymore...
We touch down on Persephone and I’m gone. Captain’s talking peacock dance business with the tall fat one. Money’s hard, gotta do harder jobs. I’m not needed, won’t be missed. Kaylee and Simon are doing the love dance in the engine AGAIN. Inara’s heart is aching for Captain, but she stays silent AGAIN. Jayne’s thoughts make me giggle but he’s in his bunk AGAIN. Zoe... Zoe howls, sobs, silent, stands tall next to Captain AGAIN. Wash and PreacherMan are a hole in the world but they watch and I see and smile AGAIN. The beat of the music is normal and fitting but I don’t fit I never do so I run off and no-one sees. My woman’s legs pound beneath me and I grin for their strength. Not a girl anymore. Want someone to see that, to know me as more than the crazy little one, the tiny albatross. Want someone to see ME.
And he will.
Feel him now, pulsing nearer, be alive, please be alive...
Crash into his den and everything is messy and normal, scent of apples invading my head and he’s there he’s THERE all wholesome and healthy and he’s glaring at me and I can feel his blood and WANT HIM...
* * *
Well look at that. Pretty little lady thinks she’s something. Running in like a madwoman seen a ghost.
“Hold up there, luv, don’t wanna slip and smash that pre’y face of yorn...”
But she just stands there, swaying slightly in the light filtering down from the street above.
“What’s your story, sweethear’?”
Something about her fascinates him. Badger jolts back as she reaches out to touch his face. Her fingers are frozen, delicate, and as she caresses his cheek fire shoots from her touch.
“Anyone knows better’n to talk to strangers...” Her voice is a whisper, a laugh. And as she giggles a memory jolts through Badger’s mind.
“Hey, I know you. You’re that creepy girl hangs with Reynolds. Wot chu doin’ all the way out here in the world? Shouldn’t be out here, missy. There’re things might bite.”
He grins his nastiest grin, but inside his heart beats rapidly. Something about her intense yet fragmented gaze unsettles him, don’t sit right in his head. And he don’t like that his dream girl is right here in the real world. Ain’t right. She were just an illusion for years, a scrap from his homeworld, a fantasy woven from a snatch of history.
“Talk real loud, don’cha?” Her accent is flawed, harsh. But she grins at him and he doesn’t care. As she talks, she wanders round his office, touching some things, pushing some things over. He tenses, wanting to tell her off, stop her, but somehow he’s frozen to the spot, mesmerised watching her. “Little man hiding down here from the world, playing Kingpin. A touch of local colour with a fine hat. And that makes you special. Lording it over everyone don’t see through your mask.” Swiftly she turns, is at his side, leaning in to tickle his neck with her breath. “But I do. See right down to the secrets behind your eyes. But they crowd...” Suddenly her voice breaks, her accent falls, she stumbles back looking frantically at the floor. “They crowd into my head and I want them OUT but you won’t get out WILL YOU?!” Her head snaps up to glare at him and she pushes him back. She’s far stronger than she looks.
“Hey, now, don’t wanna rough and tumble, something might get broke...”
“Your words!!” She pushes him again and he falls back onto the desk, afraid now but still entranced. “Your words they crowd into my brain until you’re there always and always and I can’t escape.” Her hand closes around his throat and Badger’s breath catches. He feels excitement coursing through him. He doesn’t care if she kills him, wants her to hurt him, wants her to make him feel. But she gasps, realising what she’s doing, and steps back appalled. “Please get out...” She collapses to the floor. Badger is lost for words.
“Easy now, miss.” He crouches beside her, hand on her shoulder, wanting her better. “Ain’t nought for to cry about. I ain’t in your head, luv. Just calm down.”
“Can’t.”
“Well...”
She looks at him, her eyes frantic. “Scratch me out. Free yourself.” She grabs his hand and presses it to her forehead, hot and clammy. He tries to stay calm.
“Ain’t no scratching. Here, sit.” He guides her to a threadbare chair, sits her down, leans on his desk to gaze at her, baffled. Who was this girl? And why was she here?
---
Hope you enjoyed! And stay tuned for the manifesto :D
~Lili