Moments Before Death: Jo Harvelle
Ok, so I have decided to finally do some of the fic I've been planning! (And no, it's not just to escape revision...)
I've wanted to do this one for a long time, because Jo is awesome and although I sorely miss her, her ending was one of the best written in Supernatural.
Title: Self Respect
Series: Moments Before Death
Type: Poem
Words: 515
Pairings: Jo/Dean
Description: Jo defends her choice not to have sex with Dean, and tells her story.
Disclaimer: If I wrote for Supernatural, you'd know about it!
Self Respect
In heaven, they ask me why.
Why, after all those years of
Longing, loving,
Did I say no? Did I chose
Myself
Over him?
And I tell them, the visitors,
The heavenly wanderers
The occasional angel,
My story.
My decision.
We met at a bar, classic
Boy meets girl
(with a rifle)
A moment of charged
Perfection.
His face, that legend,
And I couldn’t care less.
At first.
We talked for a moment,
Shared stories, shared passions
A moment of affinity.
I fell. Too hard.
Played hard to get.
Played easy to get.
But no, wrong
Place, wrong time.
He said.
I smiled that little, twisted
Smile
Pretended to accept his words.
Decided to wait,
To show him who I could be.
In the end it was me
Who wouldn’t let Us happen.
I had run away, tried to
Play
At being Hunter.
Did a damn good job too.
He saw me,
Understood me,
We were so close.
Then I found out our past.
His father’s legacy.
I forced him away,
Unable to deal with the thought
Of what Papa Winchester
Had done.
Stupid.
Drowning my sorrows in a
Bucket of bourbon,
I knew my mistake.
I let him slip away.
Waited, and found him again
In a bar.
“I’ll call you.”
“No you won’t.”
In that moment I knew.
Knew he’d never see me
How I wanted him to.
Never respect me
Like I needed.
I loved him, yes,
But I refused to have
My love
Thrown back in my face.
By him, by Meg,
By anyone.
So I returned, sheepish
To my mother.
We rebuilt our lives after the
Inferno
Named Winchester.
Spent years working out my anger
Frustration
On demons, ghosts
Supernatural pieces of
Shit.
Got over him.
Then, years passed,
And he was there.
Hey Jo.
Like nothing had happened.
Like I was
Nothing
To him.
At first my heart jumped.
I determined to make him mine.
To love him, to make him
Love me.
And he ignored me.
Sure, we chatted.
Then I got that text, months later:
Need you. It’s important.
It started to feel
So convenient for him.
To have me on speed dial.
Of course I helped them
A worthy cause,
One more chance to take down
The Devil.
Last night on Earth.
And finally he comes around.
Or at least, wants to come
Around.
It’s not like I’m painting him
For a sleazeball.
I still loved him.
I still wanted him.
But would it have been fair
To myself
To say yes just because now
He wanted it too?
So I said no.
And now here I am.
Without a girl’s chance in
Heaven
To get a piece of that ass.
And did I regret my choice,
In The End,
Knowing that it was truly nigh?
Sure!
Who wouldn’t?
I would have kicked myself if I could.
But then I saw that look
In his eyes,
As he held me.
And I knew,
Finally
That he respected me.
And it turned out
That kiss,
Our first
(and last)
Was enough.
I died happy.
I died,
With respect.
Hope you enjoy! :)
PS: the music for this series will always go with the character in question, and I think this song really fits Jo and her relationship with Dean.