I should be an actor
So i went to the bon fire with everyone, and only the peple that read this, ewell i guess you guys, were there and onyl they know how i am feeling inside. i still don't know why i am feeling this way, and although many people argued with me, especialy erin, i got her to swear at me, and i wasn't even trying to. but i still feel that way. but i am so good at putting on a happy face when i have to. no one but those of your who read this had any idea i was unhappy. the facade continues. however i still feel shitty as all hell, but so goes life, i'll live on.
on a lighter side, i saw "starsky and hutch" with matt today, fuckin hilarious, i loved it. it was just great. then the two of us went and met everyone else at avila, had a goo time there, especially with erin, we had like a 2 hour long conversation about everything, then she told me that she loved the stupid gopher that wason the hill next to her car more than me, i was hurt, it was stupid, like erin nudged it with her foot, and it just stood there with this blank look on it's face, i think it was a retarded gopher, but whatever. she said she loved it more than me, it was upsetting. well not really, cause we both knew it wasn't true, but i still had a great time with her, erin is totally my favorite. she's just great. except for the gopher thing. i kinda feel bad though, cause in talking to her i totally ditched matt and i was his ride, he got sick of waiting and got a ride with some other people, but i still feel kinda bad.
tech week(s) continues tomorrow, for a show that could open tomorrow and be perfect. it's totally done, except that Z will change everyhting about her light design eight hundred times, and end up right where she started. she just likes to change things so she feels important or something, or just to stay busy, it really stupid. but that's Z we all know it. it just kinda annoying.
to any and all people who responded ot my last journal, i thank you for the kind words, and please don't take this the wrong way, but they had no real effect, cause they were just in fact that very thing, just words, and although i realise that they were all heartfelt and truthful, it's just hard to accept that when i believe so strongly what i said before. it's just how i am, always have bee and prolly always will be. those that say they love me, they fell in love witht that person. this is not a new thing, i am just usually not so open about it. it's always been there. sorry to dissapoint you, the big man is not invincible.
so off to bed i go, back into my big(well it's kinda small) bed alone. always alone. and yet life goes on.
on a lighter side, i saw "starsky and hutch" with matt today, fuckin hilarious, i loved it. it was just great. then the two of us went and met everyone else at avila, had a goo time there, especially with erin, we had like a 2 hour long conversation about everything, then she told me that she loved the stupid gopher that wason the hill next to her car more than me, i was hurt, it was stupid, like erin nudged it with her foot, and it just stood there with this blank look on it's face, i think it was a retarded gopher, but whatever. she said she loved it more than me, it was upsetting. well not really, cause we both knew it wasn't true, but i still had a great time with her, erin is totally my favorite. she's just great. except for the gopher thing. i kinda feel bad though, cause in talking to her i totally ditched matt and i was his ride, he got sick of waiting and got a ride with some other people, but i still feel kinda bad.
tech week(s) continues tomorrow, for a show that could open tomorrow and be perfect. it's totally done, except that Z will change everyhting about her light design eight hundred times, and end up right where she started. she just likes to change things so she feels important or something, or just to stay busy, it really stupid. but that's Z we all know it. it just kinda annoying.
to any and all people who responded ot my last journal, i thank you for the kind words, and please don't take this the wrong way, but they had no real effect, cause they were just in fact that very thing, just words, and although i realise that they were all heartfelt and truthful, it's just hard to accept that when i believe so strongly what i said before. it's just how i am, always have bee and prolly always will be. those that say they love me, they fell in love witht that person. this is not a new thing, i am just usually not so open about it. it's always been there. sorry to dissapoint you, the big man is not invincible.
so off to bed i go, back into my big(well it's kinda small) bed alone. always alone. and yet life goes on.